Disclaimer: "Damn..." -Ayumi, when she found out she didn't own anything
Note: Sorry it took so long, this chapter was hard to write. And to tell the truth I'm still not very pleased with it. I hate filler chapters and this is exactly what this is... It might take awhile to understand what's going on, but remember, Tifa and Vincent don't know what's happening either. Be comforted by that...
Chapter V: Deep End
/I built my life like my bike on a rigid frame/So nothing bends it only breaks into pieces and pieces/I waited for hope to arrive but it never came/Leaving me with only pain inside I'm going off the deep end/Holding on is harder than it seems/When you're reaching for so much more/Seems so much easier to just give in/When you're reaching for so much more/Another wasted Saturday so here I stay/Where nothing seems to ever change anyway hey/All this hype about life bein' great/Where's the love for me these days/I'm going off the deep end/-Crossfade
At that moment all she wanted was to just be able to fall asleep. She lay in Vincent's bed once again with nothing to look at but the ceiling. This was the fourth time she had woken up that night and she was getting sick of it. The shadows on the ceiling twirled with her thoughts. She was now in a state of lethargy and the prospect of breathing was becoming hard to understand. She took slow, shallow breaths in and out. She knew she was on the cusp of death right then and it frightened her. She couldn't do anything about it though, she was too tired to do anything. Too tired, but not able to go to sleep.
She blinked a few times and swallowed hard at the lump in her throat. She wondered vaguely what Cloud would say if he saw her now. Would he be content, or would he want more from her? No one could help her and she would die here in Vincent's dark room for nothing. Nothing could come from her death except Cloud's happiness and Vincent's anger that he had to clean up the mess.
She shouldn't have come here. She shouldn't have bothered him. She should be wasting away in her own house where no one would have to worry about her. No one would worry about her. No one would…
She found her thoughts were becoming slurred together and she closed her eyes against the pain of an oncoming headache. She was more than frightened now as she felt her head swim with dizziness and nausea start to creep its way back to her. Turning over on her side slightly she felt a rush of blood to her head and she prayed to keep her balance. Who ever heard of someone getting dizzy while laying down?
Tifa…
She opened her eyes quickly to the sound of her name. It wasn't a man's voice so she knew Vincent wasn't calling her. She flicked her eyes around the room searching for the source of the noise. Then it hit her. She moaned inwardly at her discovery and rolled back over onto her back. She closed her eyes again trying to ignore the voice.
Tifa…
It wasn't going to leave her alone, but she didn't want to answer it. She sighed audibly. Again the voice said her name and this time she finally recognized. Sitting up suddenly, she disregarded her instability.
Aerith?
Tifa… help…
Aerith what, I don't understand…
Help him…
Who?
He needs you…
Aerith who are you talking about?
Hurry, before it's too late…
Please… I don't know what you're talking about…
He's coming for me…
I don't understand… who's coming for you… who needs me?
Lyris…
Lyris? Who is Lyris?
You must help… Only you can do it… Only you can fight it…
Aerith, I'm so confused… What do I need to fight?
Only you… Please Tifa… Stop him before he kills you too…
Aerith?
Aerith? Where did you go? Aerith!
"AERITH!" She screamed to an empty room while falling back onto the bed in near unconsciousness. She was only abstractedly aware of Vincent walking quickly into the room. She felt him sit down beside her and put a hand to her forehead.
He's trying to see how close to death you are. Wishful thinking…
Fresh tears fell from her eyes as the return of the normal voice that plagued her. The sound of Aerith's voice didn't bring any kind of comfort, it just confused her more. She hated being confused, and Aerith acted as if she should know about Lyris. She didn't even know who Lyris was. How was she to fight something that she knew nothing about?
She felt the ghost of a hand on her back and her head lulled as she was lifted into a sitting position. The hand didn't leave her, but kept her from falling back onto the bed. She cracked her eyes open just a little to see a concerned look on Vincent's face.
Maybe I really am dying… Please Vincent don't leave me…
Oh he'll leave you little one… he'll leave you here to die like you were supposed to. I'll drag you under myself if I have to.
"Please… don't leave me…" She said out loud without realizing it. Fighting against the voice she pounded on Vincent's chest. She eventually wore herself out and slumped against the torso she was previously beating.
"I'm not leaving Tifa." She heard the faint voice of her friend say. She wanted to smile but she was quickly losing consciousness again. She welcomed the darkness that would swallow her gratefully. Sleep was a way for her to escape reality, even if it was fitful. It was sleep still the same.
Vincent wasn't talking to her anymore, but she wasn't aware of anything on the outside anyway. She only heard the low drumming of her own heart. She felt the familiar heaviness in her head and tumbled into the dark abyss of her mind letting herself succumb to the darkness.
It was different though; somehow it seemed less empty. She remembered this black chasm to be completely void of feeling of presence. She struggled against her fears that something else was with her this time.
Inside that inky black arroyo she saw a faint white light. She felt herself get pulled toward it and she made no effort to stop. When she was sure she was going to run into whatever it was making the light she was pulled to a stop with a slight tug around her abdomen. She was aware only vaguely that she was floating. Reaching out with one hand she went to touch the light. It was the purest thing she'd seen in a long while. She desired nothing more than to feel that pure.
Pretty little thing isn't it?
What is it? She asked the voice. She didn't even worry about who it was talking to her now. She just wanted to touch the light, but every time her hand would get close it seemed to move further away.
Your thoughts little one. It is your pure thoughts… see how they're shrouded by darkness? Just like everything else in your life. Nothing you own is pure, it is always tainted.
Tainted…
Tainted…
Where did Aerith go?
She couldn't survive long in your thoughts… she was a pure thing in something so completely tainted… you killed her in your thoughts too Tifa…
No! I won't believe it… Aerith! Where are you?
She's not here little one…
Please, bring her back…
I can't…
No one can…
She is dead… and you can join her soon little one… just once more… take the blade once more…
No…
NO! I will not say this anymore Tifa! Do not oppose me! Cloud was right…
No… I need to help Aerith. He wasn't right. I'm the only one who can help her. She said so…
What makes you think she wasn't lying…
Aerith wouldn't lie to me…
And why not little one? She is the one who's dead… The dead always envy the living… she wants your life Tifa… Go Tifa… let her take you… just go through the pure light… She is there waiting for you… you deserve this…
Deserve this…
Cloud would be happy… Vincent wouldn't have to take care of you anymore… you'd lift the burden right off their shoulders…
She nodded her head in agreement to the voice and concentrated harder on reaching the white light in front of her. Pure thoughts in a sea of tainted ones. Aerith would be there, she could help her there. And she wouldn't be a bother to Vincent or Cloud anymore. She needed to do this. For the sake of her friends.
Note: So how was it? I know, I know. More confusion. Don't worry though it'll all make sense in time... I have to find a song for the next chapter and then I'll post it... that could take days though, I don't try to plan these out... well, don't forget to review... I'll see you soon.
Yuums