Author: Fififolle
Disclaimers: I do not own these characters; this is written for fun or something, I make no money etc.
Spoilers: Siege 1,2,3, Intruder, Runner, Duet, Condemned
Beta: Huge thanks to LittleKnux2008 for beta talents!
Summary: Elizabeth addresses Rodney's recent behaviour, but learns something about herself. Spoilers for Season 2 up to Trinity.
A/N Chapter 2 : Don't shoot Vana! Thanks to nebbyJ, and gatermage for advice on how to load this, it worked! Also I had sort of thought the same as you sgafan33, figured maybe it was OK in the rant as facetiousness, but maybe should have listened to my instinct! Appreciate the continued encouragement from Hananian, Fanwoman, szhismine, NeyaVilyaNenya – cheers all! Stayed up too late preparing this, got up very early to upload, because I'm sorry for teasing! Hope it's OK for you!
Chapter 2
Elizabeth had taken some time to compose herself again after Rodney had left. She had thought about Peter, and how she missed him desperately; the man who had always been by her side. She thought about Simon, his understandable betrayal, wanting to forgive but hurting so hard she had to despise his weakness. She thought about Aiden, so young, so desecrated, so lost. She thought about John, her find, her golden one, her champion. And Rodney, her intellectual partner in this adventure, so invaluable, so vulnerable.
She left her office; it was late, and quiet. She received a brief nod from the Canadian sergeant. More memories of Peter flooded in, and she increased her pace so that the officer could not see her tears. She found herself out on a balcony, gripping the rail for dear life, breathing deep, ragged breaths.
It was a moment before she registered the heat. She knew that sensation. She shifted her weight, and her eyes met with those of McKay.
"Sorry, I should have just left when you came in. But I…you look like you need to talk, even if it's not with me, even if you're not ready."
His voice was even, soothing, so like her old Rodney she began to cry silently.
He placed a tentative arm around her shoulders, and found no resistance.
"Do you want to talk about it?" It sounded bizarre from his egocentric lips. But he didn't know what else to do.
She spoke in time, "Who would think that you were better placed than me to figure out how bad I feel? The irony is killing me." She gave a harsh laugh. "I'll tell you what's wrong with me." She paused, as if unsure whether to really continue, "I get back to Earth to find my partner has given up on me. Who could blame him? I disappear for a year, and expect him to come with me? Who was I kidding? If I'd really loved him I'd never have left, isn't that so? Atlantis is my home, but I used to think I had another. Well, it's gone."
McKay was not entirely sure he should respond, but her eyes suggested otherwise. "Well, if he'd really loved you..." he didn't think this was a good track to rush down, "You had to come. It was just too much to expect for a year, I guess." It was lame, but he'd tried his best.
She seemed to be pacified. She rubbed the hand that was gently holding her shoulder. "Do you think the death of Peter has got to me too?"
McKay felt more able to answer that one. "Are you kidding? He never stopped talking about how you handled this crisis, or that disaster. You must miss him a lot. You need to talk to Kate."
She spoke, more softly. "I thought, when the Wraith were gone, that everything would be better. Nothing to fear. But it just seems worse. I can only manage one day at a time right now."
McKay let his arm drop from her shoulder, and grabbed the rail, mirroring her own stance. "I feel the same way, Elizabeth. I just wish things could be…like they were before."
They looked at each other, faces pained and tired.
"We knew this would be a rough ride, " Elizabeth whispered, "But you came with me. We'll make it, somehow."
McKay enveloped her in a brief, deep, brotherly embrace, just as he did once before, back in Antarctica, in the days before they left for the Pegasus galaxy, and repeated the words he had used then. "Together, we can do this."
A/N: And then came Trinity hehe! Want to read about the moment in Antarctica? See Leaving the Ghosts, a previous fic of mine! Sorry if I'm a bit obsessed with Peter. He was a true Brit and his death has given me some great material, bless his fictional soul. I have a post-Trinity fic in the pipe, but it belongs alone, I think.