Chapter 11

"Hey there, Polyester Girl," greeted Paige.

"Hey there, yourself. Where are your parents?"

"In bed already."

Alex smiled and grabbed hold of Paige, kissing her for a short while.

"Easy there, babe," said Paige, pulling back. "I haven't even closed the door. And you have popcorn breath."

"Do you have any idea how long those shifts are when you're not around?"

"'Bout as long as they are when you're not there?"

"Speaking of those shifts, I got Meeri to shorten our sentence to just a week."

"I admire your skills of persuasion. I really do."

"Speaking of that, how about I go brush my teeth and meet you in your room for a little one on one time?"

"Consider me persuaded."

Lying in bed together, Alex reached out and stroked Paige's face. "You know how last night I let you call all the shots?" Paige nodded. "Well, tonight I want a little more leeway. I promise I'll go slow though, ok? And if you want me to go slower or stop completely, just say so."

"Ok," said Paige in a nervous whisper.

Alex didn't really know what she was dealing with. Paige was very tense and she wasn't sure if it was her or something deeper. She hoped it wouldn't get in the way. "I just want you to enjoy this."

She let her fingers trail down to Paige's neck and followed with her lips, seeking out sensitive spots and testing them out with her tongue and teeth. Her hand slid down her side and over to the small of her back. She pulled Paige closer.

As Paige's breathing grew faster, her mouth went lower, following her collarbone, over to the hollow of her throat, and then the other side of her neck, teasing out new spots that caused her breath to get caught in her throat. She pulled her body away and let her hand travel to Paige's stomach, kneading the soft flesh that covered firm abs. But Alex couldn't stay away from her lips for too long. Their tongues eagerly met and she pulled her close again.

Paige was coming into her own finally, and let her hands start to explore Alex's body. It's just like when we were dancing, she told herself in an effort to ease her nerves. One hand rested in the curve of Alex's neck, her thumb gently stroking her earlobe, while the other hand went down, over her shoulder, along her arm, then with more urgency back up against the grain of the soft hairs that tickled Paige's palm. Her hand fell along the slope of her side, into the dip of her waist. She needed to reciprocate what Alex had given her, and so pulled her closer, burying her face into her neck, then nibbling on her ear, and causing her to moan ever so quietly, letting Paige know she was doing everything right.

She wasn't just doing it for Alex's pleasure, though. Her own body was hungry, desirous not only of being touched, but of touching. Her hand slipped under Alex's shirt, desperate for the softness of her skin. She pulled at the taunt muscles in Alex's back, working them with her fingers, her hand opening wide. Alex moaned again.

Paige's own breathing was labored now. She had stopped kissing Alex, instead pressing her forehead against hers. They clutched each other tightly, unsure of exactly what their bodies needed.

But Paige's hand seemed to have a mind of its own. It was understimulated, searching for something, and moved forward to Alex's stomach, cautiously beginning a nervous ascent. By the time she made her first light contact with Alex's breast, her hand was shaking. Paige pulled back and looked at her with uncertainty. She could barely breathe. Alex smiled. "They're all yours," she whispered, slipping her shirt off over her head as gracefully and as quickly as she could, wrapped up in Paige's embrace.

Paige was struck with wonderment. She touched her gently, her fingers sliding over the silky skin. She placed her whole hand over it, amazed at the feel, and squeezed it ever so slightly. Her thumb grazed over Alex's nipple, making them both start. She suddenly felt at a loss and gave up, pulling her hand away from Alex completely.

"That was nice," said Alex, fearing that they were finished for the night.

"No, it wasn't. I don't know what I'm doing." Paige rolled over onto her back in frustration.

Alex propped her head up on her hand. "Don't be so hard on yourself," she said, sliding her own hand under Paige's shirt and up as far as possible without making any contact. "You did fine. I bet I can do better though."

Paige didn't respond.

"If you'll let me?" Alex whispered heavily into her ear.

"I…it's just…" Paige furrowed her brow, clinching her eyes closed. "I've never…only…"

"You're going to have to use a few more words than that for me to understand you."

"Dean," she finally said, with a twinge of hatred in her voice.

"He was the bastard who…?" asked Alex, not wanting to even mention what he'd done to her.

"Yes," whispered Paige.

Alex removed her hand and stroked Paige's hair for a while as she thought. "So, you've never been with anyone else?" Paige looked away. "And Spinner and Matt?"

"Never got this far."

Alex rested her head on Paige's shoulder. "So, I'm not only your first girl, I'm kinda your first lover too?" she asked awestruck.

"We're not going to have sex."

"Not tonight."

"Not ever," said Paige, shrugging off Alex's head and rolling over, turning her back to her.

"Tonight we just kiss and touch," said Alex, kissing the back of Paige's neck, trying to bring her back into the moment. "No one's going to get hurt."

Paige was unresponsive.

"Fine. Turn on the light," said Alex, sitting up.

"What?"

"Turn on the light."

Paige did as instructed.

"Look at me."

"You're not wearing a shirt," replied Paige stubbornly.

Alex threw her head back with bemusement. "Come on, Paige. Don't be like that."

"Like what?"

"Don't start acting like you didn't just have your hand on my breast."

Paige sighed and rolled over, but only managed to throw Alex a quick glance before staring at her fist clutching the pillow.

"I'm not him," declared Alex.

"I know."

"I'm not going to hurt you."

"I know."

She felt that Paige needed to be looking at her when she said this, so she lay back down. "I just…I want you to enjoy this. But I also want you to be happy." Paige's eyes searched her own, but for what Alex wasn't sure. She steeled herself for the words she was about to say, placing her hand over Paige's tight fist.

"And if that means no more touching ever again, then fine," she said, realizing she had guessed correctly, for Paige suddenly looked relieved. "But I swear my sex drive will kill me before too long," she laughed.

"I don't want to think about sex or sex drives or anything even remotely connected to sexual contact."

"You weren't like that just a few minutes ago."

"I know. I obviously have some major issues with intimacy."

"That's understandable."

"I'm sorry, though. For you."

"Why?"

"Because I'm not sure I want to have sex. Not yet."

"Paige, we've been together for all of, what, 48 hours? I'm not exactly ready either. Look, when we do have sex…if we have sex, I want it to be special for you. You know, a night out on the town. Dinner, dancing, a hotel room, candles, flowers, whatever you want."

The look in Paige's eyes struck Alex to the core. "That…that's how I'd always hoped it would be."

"And anyway," said Alex, smiling to lighten the serious turn the conversation was taking, "we can't have sex for a long while because it will take me forever to save up the money for it all."

Paige gave a huff of a laugh, and snuggled contently into Alex, who welcomed her back with open arms. "I'm sorry this is a let-down."

"What do you mean?"

"You want to make out and I'm too busy reliving past traumas to do anything."

"Hey, I'm lying in bed with a hot girl who just a few days ago freaked out because we kissed. I think I'm pretty damn lucky right now."

"You're not mad?"

"I told you that I'd stop if you wanted me to. I realize this is going to take time."

"And if it never happens?"

"Then I've still got a girlfriend in all other ways."

"You're ok if we never do anything but kiss and hold hands?"

"And talk and go to the movies and have dinner together and cuddle in bed…you're forgetting a few things."

Paige smiled bashfully and looked down, but her eyes instantly sprang back to Alex's. "Um, Alex?"

"You want me to put my shirt on again, don't you?"

"Could you?"

Alex smiled and acquiesced, sitting up again, but looking down lovingly at Paige. "So, do you mind if I kiss you again? Like really kiss you? Hands above the shoulders, I swear. I just…I need to kiss you, you know. You do that to me."

"I…I think I can handle that."

Alex laid back down beside Paige, propping herself up on her elbow, one hand under her neck, the other cupping her jaw, her thumb slowly brushing back and forth against the soft hairs of her cheek, waiting for the fear in Paige's eyes to be replaced with desire again. Finally satisfied, she leaned over, her hair falling down, her lips gently making contact, then pulling away, then coming back at another angle, again and again. Her tongue ran along the outside of Paige's lip, until it met another tongue, and she began to kiss her deeper, harder, faster.

She was aware that her own breathing was increasing, dangerously so, and that she would need to pull back soon, before she pushed Paige too far again. But then Paige, whose own breathing had sped up and whose hands had been gripping her neck and shoulder, took the hand that Alex held to her cheek and pulled it down, down to the edge of her shirt, slipping Alex's fingers underneath before leaving her there, placing her own hand back on her shoulder.

Alex took the hint, her fingers slowly crawling upwards, conscious that at any moment Paige would tell her to stop. But she didn't. She did, however, begin to tremble. A lot. But she wasn't telling her to stop, and Alex wanted her to like it, knew that if she could just get to that point, she would like it, and so she continued, finally touching the soft wonder that was Paige's breast.

She'd never touched a girl's breast but was immediately struck by how nice it felt. There was something satisfying about it filling her hand, something better than the flatness of a guy's chest. She gently rubbed the nipple between her finger and thumb. It wasn't enough though. Just a little more, she thought. She moved lower, using her other hand to push up Paige's shirt.

As her lips kissed their way up Paige's abdomen, Alex could no longer ignore the fact that Paige wasn't doing well. She was extremely tense, and shaking, her breathing strangely ragged. But Alex tried to ignore that. She needed this. And as long as Paige didn't say anything, she'd continue. Finally there, she kissed her breast, delighted when Paige shivered instead of trembled. Her tongue made circles around her nipple before she pulled at it with her lips. No longer able to hold out, she took it in her mouth, holding it delicately between her teeth, her tongue flicking against it and over it until Paige gave a stifled cry. She took more of her breast in her mouth before moving over to the other one until she figured Paige had had enough.

Pulling her shirt back down, she came back to Paige, but was disturbed to find fresh tracks of tears leading from the corners of her eyes. She ran her fingers over them, feeling sick to her stomach. "You should have stopped me."

"No, I wanted to know how it would be."

"But if it made you cry…"

"Look, I told you I trusted you. Ok? I do. I just needed to get through that so that the rest of my head understood to trust you too. Does that make sense?" Her voice caught in her throat. She suddenly began to cry; not just silent, overflowing tears, but not quite heaving-chest crying. But most amazing to Alex was that she sought solace in her, pressing her head against her chest.

Alex was at a loss. She petted Paige's hair and did her best to console her.

Paige didn't want Alex to know just how upsetting the experience had been. She didn't want to admit to the nausea that gripped her when Alex slowly pushed up her shirt. And now that it was all over, she couldn't seem to do much more than cry, holding tightly onto Alex's shirt as if that would make everything ok again. And in a minute, she felt calmer, and took a deep breath, wiping away her tears and trying to laugh it off.

"God, I guess I really am a freak."

"You and me both. You ok now?"

Paige grabbed Alex's hand as she rolled over, wrapping it tightly around her. Alex pressed her body alongside Paige's, kissing her shoulder.

"Yeah. And despite the waterworks, I liked it. I really did."

"So did I."