"I can't," Nigel said, shutting the door, "I have to go, I'm sorry."

"Nigel, wait!" Darren called, catching the door. Nigel tensed. "Can we at least talk about this a bit more?"

"We did."

"We attempted to talk about it and you brushed it off! You're being stubborn!" Nigel turned to face him.

"I'm being realistic!" he snapped. His breath hitched, and Nigel looked around, despite his house being in the woods. He chose that place for a reason. His hands clenched into fists. This was the reason he moved out of the castle. He was being smart. He was being safe.

"Nigel," Darren said softly, pushing his brown hair behind his ear. Nigel looked away. Looking in his eyes while doing this to him would be cruel, it was wrong. Nigel was wrong. He had to stop playing this game, but it was never-ending. "We can't leave this in the air anymore."

"I have to go to work." Nigel turned on his heel, keeping his gaze straight down the path. Darren sighed behind him, the door creaking as he shut it. He put a hand on Nigel's shoulder, he jumped.

"When you get back?" He squeezed his shoulder. "Please? This- this isn't conducive for us." Then leave. Nigel's chest hurt at the thought. He could turn around, apologize, and tell him everything. Yet, he'd done that before and backed out at the last second. Doing that to Darren again? Awful.

With a long huff, Nigel hung his head. "We can talk, but I doubt my answer's going to change."

"That's alright," Darren said, his voice tight, pained, "so long as we at least discuss it." Nigel didn't reply, letting Darren pull him into a hug and kiss the top of his hair. "Okay?"

Nigel nodded, squeezing Darren then pulling away. "Okay." Darren smiled, saying a soft goodbye. Nigel gave a shy wave, turned, and started on the path to the castle. Important meetings, important people. He forgot his notes in the office yesterday and had to retrieve them. That conversation with Darren wasn't important right now. He was scared. What more could he say?

It was stupid, his fear was stupid. Nigel's dad knew he was gay. Darren's family knew about Darren. They were fine with it, but he'd been brushing off the idea of telling them they were together for months now.

The idea of someone seeing it for real, not talked about, was terrifying. Darren understood; Nigel didn't talk about uncontrollable situations. This was an uncontrollable situation.

What if one of them slipped up? Darren's sister was a blabbermouth. He couldn't lose his job if that happened, though. Rapunzel being queen and all now, it was their law that nobody's discriminated against. Here he was, still scared of that. They both were.

Darren was okay with telling their families, though. Nigel wasn't. Letting others see one of the few things he couldn't control? He made plans, arrangements; he had everything under control. Their reactions were uncontrollable. The public's reaction was uncontrollable if it got that far.

He was scared. He may be out to them, but he'd never- Nigel sighed, straightening his posture as he got closer to the capitol. Later. They'd talk about it later. He was in the Capitol now; he was a different person here.

He wasn't himself in the Capitol, in the castle Castle, in public. He was an advisor, not Nigel Linettie. With one last sigh, he cleared his throat- the accent couldn't slip again- and opened the castle doors. Notepads were an order.

"Nigel, I need your assistance." Nigel perked up, pausing from the report he was writing. He shut the notepad, pocketed the pen, and walked up to Frederic with a respective bow.

"Yes, sir?"

"James asked if you could hand out the engineer's assignments for next week since they're all busy with the installation today." Nigel nodded.

"Of course, your majesty," he said. Frederic turned, taking several folders off a table and handing them to Nigel.

"Once you're done, you're free until Rapunzel needs you to go over the new construction project."

"Thank you, sir." Nigel bowed, adjusting his grip on the folders- some thicker than others- and left the throne room. He flipped through them, making sure they were all in a cohesive order for the engineer's respective rooms. They were.

Nigel made his way down the hall, making sure his posture didn't falter. A couple of engineers already passed him, some maids. The east wing of the castle was getting heaters installed.

In short, busy, a lot of mishaps to be expected. Some engineers were incompetent and making things go wrong constantly. Surprisingly, Varian wasn't one of them.

Varian. Nigel tensed at the name, he'd become more of a sore subject since he'd come back from his quest or whatever it was. Some speculated it was because people respected him now. Others thought it was because Varian was considered one of the best alchemists ever and Nigel was bitter.

No. No, it was Hugo's fault, and Varian's. They praised the two for how brave they were, what role models they were for everyone else who was like them. People like Nigel who were afraid.

Nigel was bitter about that. This kid was twelve years younger than him. He'd lost everything and gained it back and more. He went through hell- which Nigel knew way too much about- and risked it all again.

He was too scared to tell his accepting dad he was dating his coworker that his father knew for years. He'd already lost his mom because of this. He couldn't lose him too.

"I'll start on the setup," Owen called down the hall. Owen was young, 16, ambitious, and didn't know when to stop.

"Owen, if you touch the wires I will start that petition!" Varian called, following him. Another engineer laughed, trailing behind him. Nigel tensed, quickening his pace.

Varian made brief eye contact with him. He visibly tensed up, tore his eyes away, and sped down the hall. Nigel sucked in a breath, turning a corner and placing the first folder in the plastic container on the wall.

Part of him regretted his past treatment of Varian, despite never getting over his crimes. Nigel was bitter. He doubted he'd ever get over it. But if the constant oppression Nigel put on himself was how Varian felt because of him. He could care less what happened back then, so much had happened to him back then, he deserved a break. Though, that might be the guilt talking.

Nobody would think Nigel was someone that saw Varian's downward spiral five years ago, but he did. He shouldered some of the blame too. He saw what happened; he took the notes- he knew what happened in those cells- Nigel cringed, blocking the thoughts out.

He'd been overseeing the meeting when he publicly passed out for the first time. Rapunzel's desperate attempt to get him to tell her what was wrong, he'd overheard, and he knew what was wrong. He was there when he pulled Eugene aside to finally say something- Nigel sighed. He was at the fourth door now.

Nigel didn't have to forgive Varian, but he couldn't deny how strong he was. He deserved a shred of respect; he deserved a break. So, he found that the passive-aggressive glares stopped. His constant shade, trying to turn the team against him, stopped.

If anyone asked, Varian wasn't worth his energy. They didn't need to know the truth. Nigel didn't like the truth. He couldn't control the truth. But he had to admit it. He respected Varian. He was getting through things Nigel couldn't imagine going through. Being himself in a world that wanted him to do anything but that and gaining from it.

Perhaps he would consider Darren's idea. If someone so hated could overcome this, it was worth a shot. Nigel was admittedly a coward, possibly a worse person than the person he was supposed to hate- used to hate! He'd let the cycle continue and bad things continue to happen to Varian. Then forced to watch him rise and become happier. Happier than he'd thought possible after everything that the world threw at him. Meanwhile, Nigel was here, suffering.

That could be his karma for everything.