Beta: Big thanks to LittleKnux2008
A/N: McWeir fix, anyone?
Summary:
Elizabeth addresses Rodney's recent behaviour, but learns something
about herself. WIP.
Chapter Six: Grace Under Pressure tag
Chapter Six
"Elizabeth?" Carson Beckett laid a hand on Dr Weir's shoulder, and gently gave her a shake.
"Huh? What?" A less than composed leader of Atlantis awoke, startled.
"Easy, lass. You're still in the infirmary." Carson's soothing brogue accompanied his hand squeeze on her shoulder, calming her.
Elizabeth dropped her head into her hands and rubbed her face, groaning. "Sorry, Carson. Sorry, I was miles away. Oh boy. Feel terrible." Her head snapped back up. "Rodney! Is he… Is he OK?" She swung round and reached out to the man lying in the bed next to the chair she was sitting in. He'd been brought straight to the infirmary from the rescue puddlejumper, freezing, soaking wet, and bleeding. He'd been the only survivor of the crashed 'jumper that had sunk to the bottom of the ocean, and the rescue was nothing short of miraculous. Once home, it hadn't taken Carson long to stabilise him, and he'd slept for around nine hours so far, Elizabeth by his side every moment.
Dr Beckett watched her take Rodney's hand. "Aye, Elizabeth, he's doing fine. Nothing's changed, he's still sleeping it all off. I just thought I'd better wake you, that's all. You've been here all night, and, if you don't mind me saying so, you also look pretty terrible. Why don't you go and get a shower, freshen up, and maybe, when he's awake, you'll be in a fit state to talk to him."
Elizabeth looked round at Carson, a tired smile across her lips. With a quirk of her eyebrow, she acknowledged him with a nod. "Yes, all right, Carson. I hear you." Her pale face fell a little. "You'll tell him I was here if he wakes up?"
Carson smiled back. "Of course, Elizabeth. Now, get yourself away. I think you've more than made up for your absence during his last prolonged visit." He winked, as he turned and headed for his office.
Elizabeth frowned, and opened her mouth to protest, but he was gone.
She felt the hand in hers grip gently, and she whipped her head round to see Rodney's eyes flutter open.
"Hey. Rodney. You OK?" she whispered softly.
Blue eyes blinked at her. "Elizabeth?" he mumbled.
"Hey. I'm here. You're in the infirmary."
"Man. My head hurts." He shut his eyes again.
"Carson says you took a nasty blow to the head in the crash. Plus you were near-hypothermic. But he says he's afraid you'll make a full recovery." She gave him an encouraging smile that she knew he wasn't seeing.
"Bloody Scotsman. What does he know?" McKay rolled over onto his side toward Elizabeth, gripping her hand more tightly now.
"I didn't give up on you, Rodney. We pulled out all the stops." She rubbed his hand, her eyes on him.
"About time." He mumbled. "I deserve it."
She smiled. "It must have been bad for you down there, you know, with you being…"
"Claustrophobic? Mmm." His eyes flickered open for a moment, then shut again. "It was… interesting."
For a few minutes she just sat there, holding his hand, as he appeared to have fallen back to sleep. Carson had warned her he might be like this at first. She couldn't leave now.
"Elizabeth?"
She was almost startled by his mumbling; she was convinced he had drifted off. "Yes?"
"Do you ever wear pink?"
She strained to hear him, but she thought she'd caught it right. "Excuse me?"
"Pink." He sighed, eyes closed.
"Oh. Well. Actually. I don't really suit pink. My skin colour, you see. I can almost get away with a very pale shade, I mean, I've got one or two… I suppose generally I avoid it. Definitely not sweetie pink. So… not normally, no." She rambled a little, uncertain of his consciousness, worried about him.
He sighed again. "Shame."
She gripped his hand tighter. Whatever was going on in his concussed head, she was just glad he was alive. She had been given a second chance.
"Rodney? Did you tell Carson about me? About how I felt bad for not staying with you in your enzyme withdrawal?" She swallowed, almost hoping he had fallen back to sleep.
"Uh huh." He licked his lips, and his eyelids blinked a little, "I told him to make sure you didn't run off on me next time."
"Next time…" she echoed quietly. The thought that he had told his friend about her guilt, known he would find himself in the same position again, it reminded her of her conversation with Rodney about the traumatic circumstances they had found themselves in since they arrived in the Pegasus galaxy. Rodney had struggled to deal with it all, even gone to Kate Heightmeyer. She, however, had bottled it all up, and turned her anger towards Simon into criticism and harshness towards her team, towards Rodney.
"Oh, Rodney. What are we doing here? This expedition is madness." She spoke quietly, not even sure if he could hear her. "You face danger every day, and it was me that brought you here. I think I've become immune to it all. Death, destruction, torture. Look what I did to Dr Kavanagh. It's all part of my day-to-day routine, I feel like I'm made of stone… I want to be close to you, like I was before, maybe even… I don't know if I am capable any more. I don't know how to care enough…" Elizabeth found her words spilling out without being able to stop them. She could feel tears threatening the same way.
He focused his blue eyes on her and pushed himself up a little onto one elbow, as she continued to blurt out her tired, confused monologue. He squeezed the hand that he still held tightly.
"Elizabeth." His clear voice stilled her. "'What are we doing here?'" It was his turn to reflect her words. "We came here to learn, to find, to open our eyes. You brought me, because you believed in me. I do what I do because I don't think I'd want to do anything else. You do what you do because you have to keep the whole team ticking." He shook his head a little, as if to clear it. He took a few deep breaths. "Damn it, Elizabeth. You care so much it's breaking you up. Don't fall apart on us now. Why don't you… why don't we… you need some time to evaluate the whole mission. If you like, I could…we could… time off…" His eyes rolled a little in his head, and he slumped back against the pillow.
Elizabeth gasped in worry, and touched his face. She looked around, eyes wide. "Carson!" She was sure Rodney had passed out for real this time.
"What's up, Elizabeth?" Carson appeared, walked across calmly. "I see he's still asleep."
"He was awake! He passed out, Carson! Is he OK?" She was shrill, worried.
"Oh, right. Let me take a look."
Elizabeth noticed Carson raise a hand, and in a second, there was a nurse by his side.
"Elizabeth, he obviously needs a lot of rest right now. Why don't you give him some space? I'll let you know when you can see him. Go on, off you go."
She made to stand, but her hand was still held tightly. What had he been getting at? She needed a break? Well, she wouldn't deny it. She was seriously thinking she needed to speak to Kate Heightmeyer, and soon. Was he offering to help? Well, they had started this mission together; maybe she should have him help her to straighten things out in her mind.
"Elizabeth." Rodney called quietly, gripping her hand.
She leaned down to hear him better. He was so stubborn, refusing to lose consciousness completely, she mused.
"Elizabeth. You can wear any colour you like, as long as you are real." His free hand reached up and pressed against the back of her head, pulling her down gently so he could kiss her cheek.
Shock prevented her from resisting, but as he passed out once more and released his hold on her, she moved her hand to cover her cheek in embarrassment, glancing over at Carson.
The doctor grinned. "I won't ask, Elizabeth. Just away with you. I'll call you, I promise."
She nodded, and blinked, still a little in shock. As she left the infirmary, she looked back, to see the doctor checking on Rodney. Checking on her friend. No, her good friend. Maybe more. She smiled, and sighed. Whatever was wrong with her, he was going to help fix it, and she was going to let him.
A/N: It felt so long waiting for GUP to air in the US, I bet you all feel the same! Not sure yet, but probably update after Coup D'Etat...