Howling at the Moon (Moonlight Misery)
By: SilverCrystalArtemis
Summary: The "newly" wed Mr. and Mrs. Severus Snape are assigned to work on a potion to cure the effects of a werewolf bite. However, one night, something tragic happens. In between fighting for a cure, maintaining his "humanity", and Hermione's own troubles, the final battle of the war is at hand. How will they be able to handle not only the difficult task of finding a cure for an "incurable disease", but also the aftermath of such a terrible thing as a World War III?
Author's Note: This is a story that I've been nesting for quite some time, and as I am having a bit of a writer's block with my other works, I thought I would get it started! Tell me what you think, because if no one likes this story, I don't know if I'll continue it. Publicly, that is…. Anywho, I hope you like it, ignore my unintelligible rambling, and read on! Also, if you review, I will love you forever!
Chapter One
He knew he had heard it this time. He'd heard the howling, only this time much, much closer. He looked around, trying to find the accursed beast, but the noise was untraceable. At first, it seemed to be miles ahead of him, but now it seemed as if it was mere feet behind him. He turned around, as if expecting It to be behind him, but found nothing, only the nighttime hum and monstrous oaks expected in the Forbidden Forest. Hours he had spent here, searching for it, anticipating Its demise at his hands…
A small, strangled cry reached his ears, sounding almost like that of a unicorn in pain. He stopped breathing, already knowing what he feared to be true: It had found the poor innocent beast. However disheartening the poor horse's death was, he was only glad it wasn't anything more. Had it been her…
Frantic, he started running, desperately searching for the demon, somehow knowing, although how he was unsure, that it was after his beloved. He didn't know how long he had run, nor did he care. He heard a tree branch snap behind him, as if falling off of a tree, and pivoted on the spot. The large golden eyes of an owl greeted him, before flying away in search of its dinner. The chirping of crickets calmed his nerves only slightly, reminding him that he was, in some sense of the word, safe for now. As long as there was still the chatter of the nighttime beasts, everything would be alright. As soon as the noise stopped, however, he knew all too well what type of danger would face him.
He heard a piteous moan to his right that froze everything inside him. It sounded so pure, so innocent, so like Her….No! it couldn't be. She was safe, waiting for him back home. He looked down into the innocent eyes of a dying unicorn foal. Silver blood trickled out of its small soft neck as it tried to fight, tried to live.
He looked in circles , trying to determine his whereabouts, when everything stopped. He stood stock still, trying to find something, anything, alive or moving, but even the wind was afraid to be in this place. The gruesome howling met his ears yet again, caused a primal fear in his chest to explode. He spun, faster and faster with each passing moment, terrified of what he would see, but hell-bent on beating this….thing. He felt a hot breath to his side and whirled to face it, seeing a devil that only the Satan himself could create. Bright yellow eyes that bore witness to a hunger deep inside the heartless core of its being that could only be satiated by the blood of a human. The teeth, sharp and shining in the moonlight, appeared ready to destroy anything that came in their way, and tear through anything they pleased. Even though the creature was sitting on its haunches, it was almost twice as tall as him, and he could feel the hungry eyes boring down on him, wanting him, feeding on his very figure, ready for the hunt, the catch, the kill…
He ran, faster than he had ever run before, faster than the wind that had suddenly picked up again. He heard the creature not far behind him letting the most ancient of war cries erupt from its throat in the most beautiful of songs. A song that had haunted him almost all his life. The song of the hunt, of the chase, of the kill…
It was gaining on him, still unleashing its song every few moments, and he knew that, no matter how he tried, he could never make it back to the castle safely. He stopped and turned, waiting to confront that which wanted to destroy all he lived for…his darling, his family, the Order…
The creature caught up to him, panting, a wild look in eyes that reflected the fury of hell. He took a slow step back, trying to put some small distance between them. However, for every step he took, It took a greater one, until they were close to touching. Its putrid breath hung in the air, and a sense of anticipation suffocated him. He pulled out his wand, knowing that in the end, he would not be able to save himself from the cruelty of Fate, but perhaps he could save another. Raising his wand up toward Its eyes, he began to utter an incantation when It unleashed a vehement growl, and attacked him. It threw its head forward, and broke his wand in two, rendering him helpless.
His first instinct was to run far away from the monster- and he tried to- but it had grabbed him by the back, pulling him toward Itself. He thrashed and kicked, but it was useless; It had him feet above ground, dangling by the neck of his robes. It threw him down on the ground, hard on his back. Winded, he looked up to see It straddling him, ready to attack. He closed his eyes as he heard It cry in victory. It had hunted, it had chased, it had caught…..all that was left…
He screamed as he felt the razor-sharp canines beat into his leg, while thick, burly arms held him down. It wasn't going to kill him, it had decided….there was a much worse fate, indeed…
He felt the poison course through his body, turning him into that which he despised most…those horrid creatures who couldn't control even the weakest of emotions…
The creature let him go, howled again, and ran away, leaving him alone in the dark of the night, with nothing but the falling leaves to keep him company. However, he never noticed. All he noticed was the pain that erupted from hell itself to devour him. The leaves, and the pain.
Lying on the moonlight, there was nothing for him to do but wish for an early end. How incredible would it be for the peace of death to wash over him, numb the pain, stop his worst nightmare from coming true…
The moon hit him, making his body itch with a loatheable anticipation. He tried to move out of the light, out of the pain, but he was both too weak and too afraid to move a muscle. It crawled disgustingly over his tired body, and he watched with horror as thick, animalistic fur grew from the areas touched by the moonlight. He felt himself becoming less human, more feral, and hated every bit of himself, for not being strong enough to fight this off. He was now bathed in the moonlight, and as he felt the last vestiges of humanity drain from him, he released an agonized cry. Horrified that the sound escaping his lips was instead the piteous growl of a lone wolf, he tried to muzzle himself with his hands, only to find them to be the claws of a beast. The wind picked up to an unearthly pace, lifting him up to his feet, now appearing more like a dog standing on its hackles, and he cried to the moon, and whatever fates may be-dare not gods- and cursed them for abusing him so.
His cry fell upon the forest as nothing more than that of an alpha wolf, howling its misery to the moon, its mother. He cried out his anger, his misery, his utter despondency, frightening all the animals throughout the forest to shelter, recognizing it to be quickly becoming the cry of the hunt.
He felt his senses becoming sharper, more acute, and felt an age-old hunger radiating from the very depths of the beast's soul. He could hear crackling branches from nearby, a heavy sound, indicating the approach of a large creature. The beast, now having completely taken over him, lowered the body to its haunches, prepared to defend itself, to strike. The creature neared, and the beast, the Monster, bared its fangs, growling low in its throat.
The new creature, whatever it was, entered into the hollow where he now stood, prepared to fight for the death, when She walked in. He lay there, within the body now surrendered to the beast, and prayed It would let her go. He saw her through the creature's eyes, searching for something, most likely him, but then stop suddenly when she heard It growl again, this time a warning to run, more severe than the ones before. She froze, and stared down in horror at It, unknowingly at Him, and stared it in the eyes, while calculating her options. He saw her lift her eyes from It for only a moment, searching for a possible escape, and it was at that time that It lost its patience. It scrunched, ready to pounce, and he fought with all his might to warn her. He fought with the beast, and was strong enough to allow a cry escape their lips, pulling her back to reality, in time for her to run before it attacked her. Oh, please, beloved, he prayed, while watching through Its eyes as it chased Her over fallen debris and under low hanging branches, until they were almost within sight of the school, please get away from Us.
He watched, transfixed with horror, as she fell, her foot having been trapped in a snake hole. It pounced, trapping her shoulders beneath his front feet and her thighs under his hind paws. She looked up, white with fear, but with the dawning realization that she was to die. He fought it with all his might, but the Monster was stronger, and he knew that he had failed her, and that because of his weakness, she was to die at Its, at Their, at His hands, and he sobbed trapped within the beast.
He howled to the moon, a mixture of the two souls now living inside one body. The part of him that was him cried out in agony, wanting to stop whatever he was doing. The new, inhuman part of him, the part that desired the blood of the humans, growled in victory, awaiting the fruit of his efforts. The kill, the feast…
No matter how hard He fought, the Monster Inside fought harder, defying everything He was. All he could do, stuck inside the now bloodstained -oh, Damnable fate! It was Her blood on him! He was…- body of hideousness, watching and crying as It destroyed all he had lived for. He wanted to die himself as he watched it destroy Her. He could hear her scream for him – Merlin, did she not realize it was him?- and no matter how much he screamed back – for her forgiveness, her love, anything- all that came from his mouth, or snout rather, was that cry he had heard so many times in his life. That of the hunt, of the catch, of the kill. He could still see out of his, no -its- eyes, watching as it tore at her, hurting her more than he ever thought possible. Never had he ever imagined anything so horrible could ever happen, not even while being tortured had he… 'oh God, no, please' he thought frantically, watching as It, as he, as They, reached deep into Her chest, pulling out the essence of her life, that thing that held him together, that which only made his heart beat every second it did; her heart.
Suddenly her screaming stopped, her eyes dimmed, although open, and she went limp in the hirsute arm that held her. He watched in horror, but it was as if he were from another place, time, life. He didn't taste the metallic liquid gushing through his sharp incisors as he bit down into it, didn't hear the sickening squish of the most precious and irreplaceable organ in the human body as it was swallowed, never felt the drip, drip, drip of the scarlet velvet that was Her as it fell unceremoniously down his chin and onto his chest. All he saw was the look in her eyes as They reached into her. A look of desperation, understanding, and, unbelievably, love. Love everlasting she had promised to him, and she had given it, even as he killed her. 'She knew It was Me…' the realized, causing the thump, thump, thump of his heart to stop, even if only for a moment. 'She realized it was me, and she still loved me until the end…'
He couldn't help it; he screamed. Inside, he screamed, and wept, and moaned her name, knowing that it wouldn't bring her back, while It was trying to consume Its "prize". He laid her down gently, having gained control of Them, and roared. The full moon, until this time in clear view, was now being covered by clouds that foreshadowed a thunderstorm. He felt It fade away, leaving him alone. He ripped the fur from himself, wanting nothing to do with It, ever again. Creatures all over the Forest, big and small, weak and strong, strayed away from this feared beast. Even the most fearsome of beings refused to put their lives on the line. Everyone and everything in the Forbidden Forest knew what happened when you disrupted a werewolf. Back to Himself, he stopped ripping at his being. Panting, he looked down to where She lay.
Choking himself on a sob that longed to escape, he bent down, and gingerly picked her up in his arms. He cradled her to him, pretending she was still alive, that he hadn't killed her only moments before, and that she would wake up from her slumber any second now, smiling at him as she always did. Yes, any second now, she would stretch languidly in his arms and look up at him, lovingly berating him for worrying so much about her. 'You needn't worry so much, darling, I do know how to take care of myself now and then' he could hear her say. 'Now, let's go back home; I missed you today. I know it's selfish, but I wish you could spend more time with me…' he could see her now, smiling sheepishly as her voice faded with her words. He could also see himself, smiling down at her as if nothing had happened. He could see himself telling her that she was not being selfish, that was what he wanted as well, and promising her that they would have to themselves soon enough. He could see her smiling at the thought as he picked her up and carried her into the castle, into their home, their bedchambers….
Yes, any second now, she would wake up, and he would realize that he was letting his imagination run rampant. Any second…..he could almost feel his heart pick up at the thought of showing his love to her….he could barely wait for her to smile at him…any second…….he loved her so…she would wake soon, and everything would be perfect…..any second now…….
He began to worry when she didn't wake up. It was not like her to keep him waiting. Not that he was selfish or impatient; he would never complain about having her sleep in his arms. However, he needed her right now. She always seemed to have a sense for that, and never tormented him like this before. Why wouldn't she just wake up? Why wouldn't she just move? Was she really that mad at him for whatever he did wrong? If she would just wake up, he could apologize, and find some way to make it up to her. All he needed was for her to open just one eye and smile, so he would know she wasn't mad. He hated upsetting her. He hated causing her pain more than anything in the world. After all, you don't hurt what you love or need, do you?
The winds began to pick up, signaling the coming of something. He looked down excitedly, expecting to see her smiling at him. He was met with the cold, dead eyes of his lover. He shook her, trying to cause it out of sheer will power to be a dream, to be fantasy, even as he fell into her grey depths. So shallow they seemed now, compared to the life they held. He cried her name, shaking her harder, not allowing himself to accept that that much force would have hurt her had she been….
He tried, unsuccessfully, to stifle another sob. He stopped rocking, stopped shaking, but never stopped whispering, praying, pleading. He stared to the sky, trying to find any sign of hope, but the clouds were too thick for any star to shine through. He felt a burning in his hands that spread slowly throughout his arms until it reached his heart. He looked down again to his arms, to her, afraid of what he would see, and terrified of what he did.
He screamed and writhed, trying to fight off the image of her dead in his arms, cold emotionless eyes so unlike her staring up at him. He cried at the guilt eating at him, for he knew she only died trying to help him….that it was all his fault…he wanted her back. He wanted only a moment more, only to tell her how much he loved her needed her, how he would give anything to never cause her any pain…
"Severus" a soft voice whispered, surrounding him in a love he felt so apart from. The voice encompassed him, embracing him with its comfort from all edges, somehow taking away the pain it had caused only moments before with its goodbye. He looked for her, but all he saw was the reflection of the moonlight on everything around him.
"Severus" it whispered, this time more urgent, somehow afraid. She sounded as if she needed him, as if she were afraid. He tried to scream for her, to tell her it was alright, that everything would be okay now, but he couldn't find his voice. More tears escaped his eyes at the thought of failing her yet again.
"Severus, please" although the voice seemed to be trying to grow louder, it was also growing more distant, and it was all he could do to understand her words.
"Hermione, wait!" he screamed, turning to his left, then to his right, then looking up to the vast extremes of the sky, despaired. He would do anything to keep that voice with him, to keep her with him as long as possible…"Hermione, love….don't leave me…"
"Severus, I'm never leaving you, I promise…" he heard the voice faintly, echoing, falling away from him…He frantically reached for the voice, trying to hold it back to him, while the still-logical part of his mind scolded him for trying to hold something as intangible as a sound…Miraculously, his hand caught something- something warm, something soft, something her-, and everything around him faded. He held on tighter to the piece of her, no matter how impossible it was that he had caught her voice, or that it was her, just wanting something familiar with him wherever he was going. Something to remind him of her love…
Severus shot up in bed, sweat dripping down his body and tears coursing down his cheeks. It only dimly registered to him that he was somehow at home, when he realized that something was keeping him from sitting up properly. He recognized the tangible bliss surrounding him as none other than his wife of three years, Hermione. He turned to his side and looked into her face, seeing concern for only him there, along with the undying love that had kept him alive for so long. He reached around her, and immediately pulled her into his lap, cradling her to himself as if she was a baby. He ran his fingers through her soft curls, trying to establish the reality of this to himself, tears still running down his cheeks. He was home. With her. He hadn't hurt her. She was alright. It was just a dream. Nothing more than a blasted nightmare… She had her arms still wrapped gently around his middle, holding him soothingly. She allowed him to hold her for a few minutes before she asked. As she always did, she allowed him at least a few moments of relief before he had to worry again. Although she would never know how much he worried. After all, she didn't believe in that "divination rubbish" as she so kindly referred to it.
"Severus?" she asked, quietly. He looked down to his chest, where her head was rested. She looked up at him, the same concern showing as before, although he could see just as much love in them as he ever had. Soft hazel eyes that could hold so many emotions at once now bore witness to the exhaustion she was feeling, having to do this almost every night. He felt awful, putting her up to such a strenuous schedule, but he was quite thankful that she was here for him when he awoke.
"Severus, tell me," she whispered lovingly, reaching a hand up to stroke his hair.
"Just a dream," he muttered, pulling her with him as he lay back down again. "Just another bloody dream."
(A.N. 2) if this chapter utterly confused you, please send me an email (check homepage) and i'd be more than happy to explain it to you...really; it makes me happy to know you read it. and to quote a dear friend of mine in farewell, "peace, love, and superglue"