Chapter 19 Fruits of Summer
Entering Càrn Gorm Castle rather red-cheeked, Elizabeth begged everyone's pardon for upsetting them with her rambles in the forest. She had a hard time explaining her tracks on the river rocks as she could not flat out tell them she had taken great pains not to leave any footprints in the snow that her husband could follow. She was resigned to her fate as the lady of Càrn Gorm Castle. To admit to her foolish attempt to escape served no purpose but to alienate herself from the people she was to reside with for the unforeseeable future. Instead, she claimed to have seen a fish in the river and had trodden the wet rocks to find more. Paying no attention to her surroundings she had walked farther than she ought. The path she had found had led her further astray rather than back home.
Most of her listeners believed her embarrassment stemmed from getting waylaid but Mr MacGregor still looked sceptical. The laird, however, treated her with much concern and she was huddled under warm blankets in front of the fire before she could voice any protests.
He brought her a warming glass of sherry and saw to her every comfort himself. There was no reason to fuss as she had been fortunate enough not to have taken ill even if she had been frightfully cold.
Soon enough it was back to normal and she addressed her chores, creating this weeks menu and making the list of groceries to be purchased in Rothiemurchus.
When she took a little stroll in the garden to stretch her legs, a footman followed at an unintrusive distance as a token of the distrust that had befallen her. It mattered but little, Elizabeth had no more plans to escape but to settle into her new life with as much acceptance as she could muster.
#
Elizabeth was met by a commotion in the hallway when she re-entered the house. A couple of matrons were bickering over the head of a young girl Elizabeth did not know.
"What is the meaning of this?" Elizabeth approached the ladies to sort out the problem herself.
"This is Agnes," Mrs MacGregor gestured at the young girl in their midst. "She is the accidental daughter of Colonel Gordon who passed two weeks ago, God bless his soul. He has left Agnes one thousand and six and twenty pounds, we are trying to advise her in what might be her wisest course of action. I say she should attend the Elgin finishing school for girls. There she will receive a perfectly adequate education to be hired as a governess to a wealthy family. Mrs Grant believes she should return with them to London and she would teach the girl what she needs."
Mrs MacGregor gave Elizabeth a look that said she doubted she would be given any education beyond minding Mrs Grant's extensive brood of children. Elizabeth thoughts tended in another direction as such a fortune could attract a wealthy farmer here in the north. The ladies continued to bicker about her past herding cows in Peterhead. The girl was pretty and appeared to be healthy but far be it for Elizabeth to force anyone to wed if she was not so inclined.
"She could attend Elgin for a year and practice with Mrs Grant in London while searching for a family she would like to work for, if that is what you want, Agnes?"
The girl was too timid to answer with anything but a nod.
"We might not be back in Highlands next year which would leave the girl with no means for transportation."
"The post coach comes to Elgin, does it not?"
The ladies reluctantly agreed. The post did not come as far as their little outpost in Scotland but Elgin was more easily accessed by the coast between Inverness and Aberdeen.
With this debacle sorted out, Elizabeth left the girl in her housekeeper's capable hands and decided to pay Lady Annabel a visit. The lady had not joined the residents for the last week's mealtimes. Elizabeth mounted the stairs and knocked on lady Annabel's door. No one answered and not a sound could be heard from within. She knocked again with the same result. Tentatively, she tried the handle, it was not locked. Opening the door, she was surprised to discover that the door led to a staircase. It was not so strange the lady had not heard her.
Elizabeth ascended the stairs which led to a single door, Elizabeth knocked and a thin voice bade her enter. Lady Annabel's chamber was light, airy and with an abundance of knickknacks on every available surface.
"I wondered if you were feeling well? We have missed you at breakfast and dinner for the last couple of days..."
Lady Annabel turned towards her and looked at her with a vacant expression.
"You are not supposed to be here, this is my chamber."
"Yes, it is but thought I could pay you a visit."
"I would rather you did not. I can see how he regards you—with admiration in his eyes. I will not have it!"
Elizabeth was confused, the laird was Lady Annabel's son but her proclamations were not the ones made by a doting aunt. She could do nothing but try to ease her concerns.
"Your son is very fond of you, Lady Annabel. Your welfare is of the utmost importance to him."
It was true, she realised. The laird cared for his aunt when many a lesser man would have sent her away, locked up in a facility that attended to individuals who suffered from ailments of the mind. Horrible places where the patients were retained behind bars and bolted doors but were served meals and tended to by physicians, forgotten by their family who could not abide the stench. The laird of Eilein had not resorted to unburden himself by sending his aunt away but had hired a live-in nurse and the housekeeper had a particular way with Lady Annabel. The two mature ladies held some sort of friendship however unequal and held mutual regard for each other, despite the difference in their situation.
The attack was sudden and violent. Lady Annabel launched for Elizabeth with a speed and agility that belied her impediments. Elizabeth hardly knew how to defend herself as she was loath to hurt the deranged lady. She tried to catch the flailing arms and succeeded for a moment before the arm was wrenched out of her grip. The lady was surprisingly strong and harboured none of the inhibitions that held Elizabeth back from using her full force.
She could not help shrieking when Lady Annabel grabbed a fistful of her hair and tugged her head down. "George is mine, keep away from him!" the menacing voice that whispered in her ear sounded nothing like the mellow Lady Annabel. It dawned on Elizabeth that lady suffered from much more than a little whimsicalness in her civilities.
Her head was jerked back up and pulled towards the wall. Elizabeth lifted her arms in defence and braised herself for the impact. It was not so bad, at least she did not feel faint but she needed to get away from the lady or call for help she rationalised quickly. The bell pull was out of reach, she tried to tug free her hair but Lady Annabel snuck a sinewy arm around her midriff and squeezed.
Elizabeth screamed, the chamber was in a remote part of the house but she had no more options left and bellowed like an Irish banshee. She heard running footsteps, thundering up the stairs. What would the crazy lady do when she realised that aid was coming?
Elizabeth hit the floor with a thud. Lady Annabel had simply released her hold and she had not the wherewithal to remain standing.
"George! I knew you would come, will you read to me?" Lady Annabel's voice had returned to her normal tone but the laird did not reply. He hunched down at Elizabeth's crumpled body and pulled her to his chest.
"Are you injured?" he enquired while his hands roamed her person.
"I hardly know... I do not know what I did to upset Lady Annabel so but she attacked me. I am sorry to bring you pain, speaking ill of someone you care deeply about, I only thought I would pay her a visit out of courtesy. I never imagined..."
"George? Come read to me." The laird ignored his aunt's insistence. Mr and Mrs MacGregor entered the room and immediately went to Lady Annabel's side, each grabbed an arm and guide her out of the room.
"It is me who is sorry, Elizabeth. I should have predicted this and warned you about entering her quarters unaccompanied. She is my closest relative and I cannot abandon her to an asylum."
"Of course not, I would never demand that of you. Not that it would be in my right to do so but I had no idea she had this violent streak. The attack came as lighting from a clear blue sky but by something she said, I believe she is possessive about you. I know you care deeply for your aunt and the fact speaks well of your commitment to your family."
"I care about you too, make no mistake about it, Elizabeth. You are as important to me as my aunt or anyone else for that matter. I know I wronged you beyond redemption, carried you away from your friends and family only to force you into a union that must have been your least desired. I cannot change the past nor the circumstances we find ourselves in but you must know that although I regret my actions, I do not regret the outcome. Even if our relationship never surpasses a platonic friendship, you should know that I hold the deepest respect for your fortitude, that I care deeply for your wellbeing and that I love you. I may not wax eloquently on the subject but you have brought much light to my life, my only regret is that it has come at the expense of your happiness."
Elizabeth decided then and there that enough is enough.
"Laird Eilein, I am sorry to interrupt you but I thought you would like to know—Lady Annabel has been given laudanum. I am absolutely certain about it, do you remember when she was last given some? I suspect she has taken more this time, I have never seen her so agitated."
"I do not believe she has taken any voluntarily, it gives her nightmares."
"I can speak for myself and my wife, neither of us have given her laudanum."
"I did not believe so, please, do not think I was accusing any of you. Her nurse knows about her reaction to laudanum, I very much doubt she would risk it nor does she have access to the cabinet it is stored."
It hung in the air that the only ones with access to the cabinet were currently in Lady Annabel's suite of rooms. The laird let his gaze travel around the room, his eyes landed on an ornately decorated box.
"What is this?"
The laird walked over to the table and studied the box before he opened it. It was an item he had not seen in his aunt's quarters previously and since she never left the castle due to her disability, everything must be brought to her.
The box contained a luxurious commodity they did not have at Càrn Gorm Castle, chocolate. Diablotins—flat disks of bitter chocolate sprinkled thickly with nonpareil, in addition, there were some softer conserves. The laird found a small letter knife in the writing desk and sliced one of the conserves in two, a reddish-brown liquid trickled out of the centre of the confection. The laird dipped a finger in the liquid, let his tongue touch the substance and grimaced.
"It is in the chocolate. Who has brought her chocolate?"
"I do not know, sir. Let me confer with my wife, she might know."
Mr MacGregor hurried into the adjoining chamber and a short conversation ensued that revealed that Mrs MacGregor did not know. The laird pulled the bell that would summon Lady Annabel's lady's nurse, Donnachaidh. The nurse came within a few minutes and curtsied to her laird.
"Do you know this box, Donnachaidh?"
The laird held out the box for the nurse to examine but did not reveal the content.
"Yes, sir. It arrived this morning with the post."
"Do you know who it is from?"
"Yes, there was a card, sir. Lady Annabel put it in her writing desk after she had read it. It was a beautiful card, she wished to save it."
The laird rummaged through her desk and found a pretty little card, decorated by a practised hand with roses. He turned it over to read the inscription; To my dear Annabel, enjoy these delights. Yours.
The laird of Eilein crumpled the card in his fist and threw it into the fire.
"From now on, any mail delivered to Lady Annabel or Lady Eilein shall be examined by me," the laird thundered before he stalked out of the room to question the rest of the staff.
#
Elizabeth stood looking out the window at the moonlit sky, she could see the milky way's thousands of stars. She heard her husband's hurried footsteps enter from his adjoining chamber. It took him about a minute to spot her half-hidden behind the drapes. She smiled at her cunning position. She instinctively knew he would come searching for her to see if she was well after the necessary investigations had been completed.
It was a small kind of victory to make him fret a little. The realisation that he had understood more than he let be known of her sojourn into the forest had dawned on her during the day. Instead of resenting her, he had taken upon himself to see to her comfort but also to guard her. He did not know that she no longer harboured any hopes of escaping, she was resigned to her fate in more ways than one. There was no more fight left in her, too many futile attempts had ended with a discouraging result; she was still married to the laird of Eilein, stuck in the Scottish Highland that was as treacherous and as it was beautiful.
Elizabeth longed for words from her loved ones– Jane – her dear Papa... They deserved to know where she was, that despite everything that had happened in the last seven months, she was alive and well but she no longer yearned to go home to Longbourn. The Highland had grown upon her until she was as much part of it as her husband.
Some were much worse off than she. An undesirable marriage was not uncommon, just look at Mary, married willingly to Mr Collins, a fate she deemed even worse than to be wed to the laird of Eilein.
She had to admit that the laird had been much more patient than she would have guessed, waiting for her to become accustomed to him and learn to know him better. She doubted Mr Collins would have afforded her sister the same leniency when she entered Hunsford parsonage as a new bride.
Elizabeth shuddered at the thought. Large, warm hands wrapped around her arms and rubbed warmth back into her limbs.
"You are very quiet."
The laird chuckled. "No words are needed; the gale is speaking for me."
She had not noticed the wind blowing as her eyes had been directed upwards towards the sky. He was right, of course, the wind howled through the glen, the pine trees bowed in reverence of the gust that swept over them. What had he meant though? Did he feel like howling or raging? His arms lowered to embrace her waist and pull her close, resting his chin on the top of her head. Perhaps he needs someone like she needed someone, who listened and cared for her in particular. The isolation of living amongst strangers was worse than being physically alone.
Warm breath wafted over her neck before his lips played over her exposed skin. It would be a blessing to have someone to lean upon... Someone... Anyone...
Elizabeth turned in his arms and gazed at the mad man who had ripped her from her family. The choice she was about to make, most people would question, few would agree but she could carry it – own it even if society at large would not understand.
"Here we are..."
"Yes..."
He wore his hair down, curtaining his cheeks and casting his face in shadows. She brushed it behind his ear and rose on her toes to kiss his cheek. She was tired of fighting – loathing – grieving what was lost when it was not. Her family most likely thrived in their little corner of Hertfordshire.
Hopefully, Jane had married Mr Bingley, Mary might be expecting her first child. She let the hand that was resting on his shoulders travel slowly down his chest and felt him tremble beneath her soft touch. It was exhilarating to elicit such a reaction, she grew bolder and rose to touch her lips to his, faintly at first. He had left it up to her to initiate intimacy, given her months to prepare. The thought no longer repulsed her, she wanted a child and the opportunity to visit her family – she wanted closeness to another human being.
The laird did not respond in kind but let her set the tone and pace. Her courage left her and she let herself down on her heels, almost afraid to look up at him.
The left corner of his mouth tugged his face into a half-smile. Was he laughing at her? A hand snuck around her neck while his thumb grazed her cheekbone before he showed her how she should have been kissing. A playful dance of lips of varying pressure and positions until she grew light-headed and clung to the lapels of his robe. She vaguely noticed his thumbs under the neckline of her robe, peeling the garment off her shoulders but the cold draft from the window created goosebumps on her skin when the robe landed on the floor. He let her go and took a step back and studied her in her white embroider shift.
"I have to ask if this is what you want, Elizabeth? Without any concerns for the agreement I once stupidly forced upon you. Regardless of what you decide to do this night or any other night for that matter, you may invite your family hither at any time. I cannot bear the thought of you submitting yourself to me because of that low point in my life. I was desperate, feeling trapped in a marriage with someone who rightfully despised me. I did not know how to rectify it and threats seemed my only way out of the quagmire I had caused. It backfired on the night of your surrender. I could not do it. I could not force myself upon someone I cared about so deeply. I know I am an inadequate lover, Elizabeth, I never was loquacious but you have me tongue-tied beyond what I usually suffer."
"I thought you found me lacking..."
"What! No, Elizabeth, not a single moment since I first laid my eyes on you have I ever found you lacking in any sense of the word."
"That is an untruth, Laird Eilein, you were not much impressed with my prowess climbing rock walls..."
"You are mistaken, I was utterly impressed you managed to quench your fears and forge on like a Valkyrie despite your obvious discomfort. I barked at you because I was guilt-ridden for demanding what was more than one could expect of a gently bred maiden. Hell, even a few of my gentleman friends would have cowed before the rock climbing.
"I was angry with myself, not you, although I managed to take it out on you in a way you certainly did nothing to deserve. Your merit warranted praise and encouragement but you know all my flaws, I need not direct you towards any more than you already are aware of. I have no excuse for what I have done to you, it is unpardonable but I am more than willing to donate a lifetime to make the amends needed to earn your respect. If I ever behave in any way lacking towards you, you are free to leave me, heir or no heir does not matter. You have a choice, Elizabeth, you will always have a choice to be with me or leave..."
The laird stepped back to accentuate the seriousness behind his words but Elizabeth's mind was set before his speech, she had no more will to fight, no more wish to.
"I am staying," she admitted, taking a step forward.
With heavy eyelids and slightly parted lips, he closed the gap after shedding his robe. His shirt was untied at the neck and his breeches was short, leaving his calves exposed. She had not noticed his feet were bare when he entered. The large appendages became an object of fascination, so different from her own but he would not allow her head to be bent towards the floor. With both hands on her cheeks, he lifted her head to reclaim her lips with a ferocity hitherto unknown to Elizabeth. It ignited a yearning to touch and be touched that seemed unquenchable, a point the coming months would prove. This kind of thirst was not easily slackened, it rather escalated into unmanageable proportions...
#
The first thing Elizabeth did the next morning was writing a third letter to her father. It served no purpose to distress her father unduly, the means she had been taken to Càrn Gorm was water under the bridge. It could not be undone, her fate was irrevocably sealed to the laird of Eilein. Neither did she elaborate on her evening under a fir tree. Instead, she made it a humorous anecdote of her getting waylaid which was a common enough occurrence during her childhood. Her father would laugh heartily at her misfortune in navigating through the thick forest.
She waited for weeks before she received a most discouraging reply. Her father did not believe it was she who had written him but an imposter. He explicitly demanded she should stoop writing to him as it upset his wife. How could her own father not recognise her handwriting?
#
Timber floated down the Spey, destined for the shore of Fochabers where it was sorted and stacked for sale. Elizabeth had been invited to join her husband's excursion on his estate business as he had an appointment with Mr Steenson, the wood agent from Garmouth.
She watched some of the Grants' and Gordons' children who were Greyhound coursing on the fine bold cliffs of Peterhead while the laird of Eilein negotiated the price for his timbre.
When the deed was done he had a surprise for Elizabeth. They were to visit the Roman ruin in Burghead where there was a bath with mosaic pavement surroundings and painted walls. Spear-heads, vases and coins had been dug out and were on display to be admired by visitors. The interest in history was new to Elizabeth who had not spent much time in her husband's company, to discover common interests was promising for their future felicity.
(1 A banshee (Irish Bean Sidhe, Scottish Gaelic Ban Sith) means woman of the fairies. She was a supernatural being in Irish and other Celtic folklore whose mourning "keening", or wailing screaming or lamentation, at night was believed to foretell the death of a family member or the person who heard her.)
(2 According to culinary historian, Barbara Ketcham Wheaton, chocolate was not only drunk as a liquid but used as candy. The recipes is from a 1750s French cookbook I believe is relatable in England as many hired French chefs during the Regency era.)