Chapter 26 The Gentle Wind of Honesty
Elizabeth did not feel at ease until the carriage wheels rolled through the town of Rothiemurchus although four large farms hardly could be described as a town.
First, they passed Inverdruie where old Captain Lewis Grant; the last survivor of the old race, lived. The Croft who was settled on Captain Grant's nephew, Mr James Cameron and the Dell, belonging to the forester, Duncan Macintosh who had permission to take in as many acres of the adjacent moors as suited his husbandry. A proof that not all Highlanders were named Gordon nor MacGregor until they passed the Doune, the Hertfordshire Grants prosperous estate. Mr Grant was the ninth laird of Rothiemurchus, an ancestor of the laird of Muckerach who had once replaced the Shaws who had replaced the Coymuns.
A quantity of smaller farms; from a mere patch to a decent steading, were scattered here and there among the beautiful birch woods, near swiftly running streams and farther along; the gloom of the fir tree forest. Every so often, an opening among the trees afforded enough light to allow a strip of verdure to brighten the general carpet of cranberries and heather.
The carpenter, the smithy, the fox-hunter, the saw-millers, the wheel-wright, a few Chelsea pensioners, all had their little patch of land. The larger holdings belonged to a sort of yeomanry coeval, apart from the land that was held by the current laird of Eilein.
A good-wife in her high white cap waved them a welcome home, miles away from another spot so tenanted. She was home...
#
The laird and lady of Eilein were afforded a few lazy summer evenings before the early frost reached the Highlands. Frenzied activity followed to secure as much of the harvest as possible from their patches of vegetables in the garden. No one was excepted from the duty, not even the laird himself. Not that it was absolutely necessary but Elizabeth thought it spoke well of him that he showed his employees that he was not afraid of manual labour.
Elizabeth was harvesting herbs while ogling her husband who was dressed in coarse, threadbare garb and not his usual pristine suit. It did funny things to her insides to see him in the attire he had once abducted her in. She might blame it on the babe had it not been too early for the quickening. Her husband was the only one who was aware of her condition. He had gently wrapped her hand around his arm and guided her to the herb garden. Elizabeth had thought the potatoes were more urgent and had started digging them out of the dark soil before her husband's overbearing intervention. One of many solicitous efforts he had made towards her of late, not that he had ever been inconsiderate but the endeavours were more pronounced or perhaps, he had not changed at all while her perception of him had altered dramatically. It felt like adversity had knitted them closer together until they were a unit nothing could tear asunder.
It was particularly pleasurable to sup in the evening after a long day of hard labour who had its additional reward of feeding their household through the harsh winter. Many were not so fortunate as they were in their little corner of the world. News from far and wide spoke of failed harvests and famine wafting through the British Isles. Not that the continent fared any better but it was a tremendous relief to bring in the vegetables although they were not as many nor as large as usual, it would suffice to their needs. Fitzwilliam stood by the window overlooking the new-shorn fields, he took immense pleasure in observing that despite a poor harvest, they were far from destitute.
#
With the herbs and flowers harvested, Elizabeth had much to do in the still room. The herbs must be tied and hung to dry, as must the flowers she was using to make scented oils. She was working alone, humming on a Scottish air when Mrs MacGregor came running down the hallway. In the four years Elizabeth had stayed at Càrn Gorm Castle, she had never seen Eglantine MacGregor run but her heart dropped to her stomach when she entered the still room.
"You must come at once," was all she managed before she needed to draw breath. Elizabeth waited impatiently for her housekeeper to continue.
"We have visitors," she croaked out between heaving for air.
"Who? Is it the Farquharsons?"
Mrs MacGregor shook her head vehemently. "No, I believe it is Mr Darcy!"
"Heaven forfend!"
Elizabeth lunged to her feet and hastened down the hallway to the foyer where a sombre looking laird was greeting his father. Mr Darcy had not come unattended, an elderly gentleman stood a few feet behind him, Elizabeth stepped forward to stand by her husband's side.
"I have come with some news that I know will be of interest to you. May I present doctor Scott who attended your birth."
The laird did not look pleased which Elizabeth surmised might be due to the secrecy they had all agreed upon at Darcy house.
"Follow me," he ordered and started up the stairs to guide the guests to the privacy of his study.
Elizabeth solicited Mrs MacGregor to bring refreshments before she linked arms with her husband. Comfortably seated, she was afforded a moment to study Mr Darcy. He had aged significantly since they had met in London, a few weeks prior. His countenance had a greyish hue and his posture was not the ramrod straight she remembered from her sojourn to Pemberley. He looked ill if she was to assess his appearance.
"Fitzwilliam, if anything has taught me about my shortcomings, it has been this journey. I have erred, grievously, in manners I can never atone. I will let Dr Scott give his rendition of the events first."
The doctor cleared his voice.
"I was the attending physician on the night of your birth, Laird Eilein. I was accompanied by the midwife, the late Mrs Crawford. The birth was arduous but not uncommonly so for a second child. Lady Anne was tired but not exhausted after her ordeal was done while you appeared to be a healthy infant, Laird Eilein. After Lady Anne was settled comfortably, I retired as my services were no longer needed. I was awakened the next morning by a distraught Lady Susan, announcing that both mother and child had passed during the night. I was under the impression that the event had been hours earlier which led me to conclude that there was nothing I could do. A mother can develop a fever fairly quickly and infants first eight and forty hours are precarious, I admit that neither roused my suspicions.
"Lady Anne and her babe were being tended by the vicar, as he was as familiar with death as I, I did not believe I was urgently needed in the mistress chamber. Lady Susan, however, was concerned about the welfare of the grieving widower and urged me to see to his health. I went to see Mr Darcy but I was denied. I thought it was very strange he would not admit me and demand to see him but instead, I was given a missive from the butler that stated I was needed by another patient. I thought I should at least examine Lady Anne and her babe before I left and went to the mistress chamber to assess what could be the cause of them both succumbing on the same night but the corpses, forgive me, the bodies had been removed to the chapel. To my regret, I never saw either Lady Anne or you, sir. I had to hasten to my other patient although not an excuse, I made my decision to tend those I could aid over my curiosity of what might have transpired during the night. I should have raised the issue with more than Lady Susan..."
"Thank you, Dr Scott, I have no grievances with you," the laird expressed and let his eyes wander back to his father who proceeded his tale.
"To my eternal shame, I turned to the bottle that night and for many a night following my wife and sons demise. The amber liquid became my only friend for months while I should have been out of my study to rescue my wife and son. I was well into my cups by morning and Dr Scott's arrival at my study. I refused him entry since I was in no state to be seen. The doctor's request to see me made me wrongly conclude that he had examined my wife and son, I even thought he had been present when they died which is why I have avoided Dr Scott until now. Seeing him, even from afar brought back such images in my mind. I could not stomach the truth about their passing, it felt less real this way. I could allow myself to imagine it was not the case which a confirmation from the good doctor would not permit. I thought he had come to offer his condolences and relate what had happened, I was not in a mood to receive him and took the coward way out by simply denying him access."
"What has been done to establish what happened?"
"It is not easy, it was so long ago and no one was present beside Mrs Darcy who is not cooperating and the undertaker who has since passed. Mrs Reynolds did not see you or your mother before the damage had been done and has not been able to add anything more than she told us at Kimberley Heights. I may not know for certain how and why but there is no doubt in my mind as to whom. It cannot be anyone but Susan, her gain is obvious and she played us like a puppeteer, well me, at least—I was duped by a conniving manipulator. I had noticed her cunning ways but I never imagined. It must be my worst flaw—this blindness to manipulation as I once was fooled by my steward's son...
"I have taken care of Susan, she is no threat to anyone at the moment. I let it be known that her health was declining which is nothing but the truth. She is cared for by a professional nurse and several sturdy footmen, a maid and a cook on a desolate Orkney island. It has only the one cottage that is surrounded by the ocean at all cardinal directions."
"I cannot believe she would volunteer to exile in the Orkney's?" Elizabeth added as an afterthought.
"No, although I abhor deceit, I prevaricated and told Susan she was going on a trip to Italy to recover from the ordeal at Kimberley Heights. She boarded the ship I had hired voluntarily."
"She shines with fatal excellence and fell, to lust a voluntary prey of wealth and fortune." Elizabeth made a valiant effort to cite Homer but had the quotes mixed up and added some of her own for the measure.
"Sounds like a lenient way of dealing with a murderess," the laird remarked.
"Not if you knew Susan—to be deprived of society on a desolate island is her perception of hell. I must admit that the protection of my children mattered more to me than Susan's punishment. Should her transgressions become known, you will all suffer scorn and derision in superior society."
"I appreciate the consideration for our reputations."
"There is another matter we need to address; Pemberley is rightfully yours."
"I do not want it, I have what I need here. On a further note, I do not want to subject my wife nor my children to the gossip that would arise should the events of the past be known."
"I am your father; I have a right to be a part of your life."
"You lost the right when you let your wife be poisoned by a fortune hunter and neglected to ascertain she was even dead. I have managed for two and thirty years without a father, I am content with the family I have."
"What would you do if Maddock came home one day and answered you similarly?"
The silence that followed was uncomfortable until it was broken by a regal-looking lady who forced her way past Mrs MacGregor's valiant efforts to keep her out. She regarded the occupants of the study with airs that rivalled Mrs Caroline Darcy, scrutinizing the interior as well as the laird and his wife who had risen from their chairs to greet the intruder. Elizabeth thought she looked oddly familiar but was not able to attach the similarity to anyone in particular.
"I could not wait a moment longer in that horrible landau. Where is my sister?"
"Lady Catherine, I gave you strict orders to wait until you were summoned," Mr Darcy looked sternly at the newly arrived lady.
"I have waited for two and thirty years, I am not getting any younger, I have not a moment to lose."
Mr Darcy glanced at the laird who nodded.
"Lady Catherine, meet my son, the laird of Eilein and his wife Lady Eilein. Fitzwilliam, this is your aunt and your mother's sister, Lady Catherine de Bourgh. Her daughter, Miss Anne de Bourgh poor health did not allow her to accompany us or she would certainly have wanted to pay her respects."
The laird bowed and Elizabeth curtsied.
"You look familiar, who are your family?" the lady enquired with little tact.
"I am Mrs Collins sister, there is a small family resemblance between us I believe."
"Yes, there is, I always recognise familiar similarities, I have a particular eye for these things."
Elizabeth inclined her head in acquiescence, there was nothing else to do against blatant boasting.
"Should I bring Lady Annabel?" Mrs MacGregor suggested.
The laird sighed and bent his head to the floor in contemplation. It was not what he had planned, not what he wanted but the mention of Maddock had made him think beyond himself. It was not the time to be self-centred and prideful. Could he deprive his children of a grandfather? His brother had been married three years and there was still no sign of progeny. What if he was the only one to sire children?
The laird lifted his eyes from the floor and was arrested by the sight of a blond lady in the doorway. Right behind her stood a silver-streaked mature man, significantly older but he held the protective stance of someone who cared deeply for the lady.
He could not quench the gasp from escaping neither was he aware he gaped with wide eyes as it dawned on him who the lady must be.
"Emma?" his voice sounded foreign and hoarse.
The lady flew into his arms and held him with surprising strength that almost threatened to suffocate him.
"Fitzwilliam," she sobbed, his cheek wetted by her copious tears. She was tall like himself and his parents, she felt very different from embracing Elizabeth as she rested in his arms. In his selfishness he had not considered his sister, she had every right to see her long lost mother...
He hoped his voice was not too choked as he requested his mother to be brought from her suite of rooms. He met Elizabeth's warm eyes over Emma's trembling shoulder, she was as moved as he was. He reached out his hand for her to take. To his immense gratitude, she came and took his hand in hers, lending him her strength. Emma stepped back towards the waiting gentleman who lay a comforting hand on her back.
"Elizabeth, meet my sister, Emma."
"I hate to disappoint you, dear, but I am already acquainted with Mrs Knightley and her husband. It is lovely to see you both again. Welcome to Càrn Gorm, I hope you will be able to stay with us for a while after travelling so far to see us?"
"Yes, we will be delighted, Lady Eilein."
Elizabeth turned to Mr Darcy and Lady Catherine. "I hope you will stay as well, Mr Darcy and Lady Catherine."
Mr Darcy was too emotional to answer beyond a nod while the lady condescended to nothing more. It dawned on Elizabeth that this was the siblings first meeting, after two and thirty years...
Mrs MacGregor entered with Lady Annabel on her arm. Still a beauty with her hair done up for a change but her rigid, jerky movements told their own tale. Lady Catherine flew to her side and grabbed both of her hands.
"Sister dearest, what have they done to you? Who is responsible for your condition?"
Elizabeth thought it was debatable who life had fared the worst of the siblings. She hardly thought two sisters could look more dissimilar. Lady Annabel may be somewhat lame in body but her bearing was tall and proud while her countenance still held some youthfulness that was absent in her sister who was short, grey and worn. Annabel had warmth while Lady Catherine felt like a cold winter day although her shield cracked at the sight of her sister who stared, frozen, over her sister's shoulder.
"Oh my, how you have aged George!" her eyes were trained on Mr Darcy. Her gaze shifted to the laird. "Oh, there you are..." Her eyes flicked between the two, father and son who resembled each other as a young and older version of the same mould.
Mr Darcy sat eerily still and regarded her. Elizabeth thought he looked so high strung he was about to faint dead away. Time stilled, what felt like minutes passing was hardly a few seconds before Mr Darcy leapt to his feet and pulled Lady Annabel into a tight embrace while a litany of, "I am so sorry", flowed from his lips. "Do you not recognise me, my love?"
Lady Annabel stiffened visibly and tried to push the offending man away. "My love? You are lying! Why else would you send me away from you? My glass heart shattered to pieces by your betrayal."
She pulled away, holding Mr Darcy at arm's length but he was not caving.
"Look at me, Anne! Are these the eyes of a man who could betray you? I failed you, miserably, for years on end but I never sent you away, I could never bring you to harm intentionally because, despite the many years that have passed, I still love you. I never wavered, I married another when I thought you were lost to me, only to bring comfort to our daughter but I did not stop loving you nor did I begin to love another. I did what I thought was necessary—please..."
Lady Annabel caved, let herself be pulled into a tight embrace and melded against Mr Darcy. Elizabeth noticed the tell-tale tremble of both, tears swelled in the stoic Mr Darcy's eyes. She thought it prudent to urge the other's out of the study to give them so privacy. Not surprisingly, it was her husband who put up the most resistance.
"Let us not intrude on a private moment, Fitzwilliam..." She had to haul him out of his study but she knew just the thing to avert his mind.
"Will you bring the children to the yellow parlour, Mrs MacGregor?"
Her housekeeper nodded and detoured to the nursery while a nearby footman was sent to the kitchen to order refreshments.
Rachel, their young but sensible nursery maid, brought Maddock and Inghinn, to let them greet their aunt and uncle for the first time. Lady Catherine kept in the background, miffed she had been shooed out of the study and her reunion with her sister. Maddock ran, predictably, to his father while Inghinn wailed and reached for her mother, suddenly shy from all the attention.
#
Who is this beautiful lady?" Lady Annabel's eyes were trained on Emma with no recognition showing when the estranged couple reunited with their relatives in the yellow parlour.
"It is Emma, mother..."
"Am I dreaming?"
"No, although it certainly feels like a dream," the laird admitted with a smile.
Never had he imagined having his mother, father and sister to be with him at Càrn Gorm Castle, in amicable terms no less. A feat that would never have happened if not for Elizabeth's attempt to separate them. He could not regret her defiance and not only because he had his family reunited but the newfound intimacy between them and for the fact that he no longer feared her leaving him ever again. She had shown her mettle and her weaknesses in the attempt. She was her own woman with her own mind but she loved him.
Lady Annabel approached Emma tentatively.
"You have grown into a beautiful woman, Emma."
She cupped her daughter's cheek with one hand and studied her face. "I am so sorry for all the years I have missed of your life. Had I been conscious at our departure, I would never have left you behind but Mrs Reynolds assured me that you were well treated and that you married a deserving man."
Mother and daughter found themselves a corner where they spoke quietly amongst themselves about the years that had gone by while Mr Darcy approached his son.
"May I have a private moment of your time?"
The laird acquiesced and directed his father to the study.
Seated, with a tumbler of brandy in his hand he addressed his lost son with a difficult request. "Are you certain you do not want your rightful inheritance?"
"Yes, I am," the laird replied firmly. He had no wish to leave his home for Derbyshire and London. Superior society did not entice him beyond what his neighbourhood could provide.
"I would like to sign over Pemberley to George and remain here in the Highlands..."
It was a bold move but Mr Darcy had no time for cowardice.
"You are unwell?" It was as much a statement as it was a question.
"Yes..."
"Travelling north could have done you little good then."
"No, but you must see—I had to see her—one last time."
The laird leant forward, steepled his fingers and rested his forehead on the tips. He had noticed the greyish hue on his father's countenance after Elizabeth had made him aware of it, sometimes his lips took on a blueish hue as well. By his uneducated guess, Mr Darcy might not even survive the travel south. It would be on his conscience if he succumbed to his ailing heart on the journey back to Pemberley. Besides, the damage was already done. His mother already knew he was here and would probably throw a fit if he denied him a roof over his head. It was clear to the laird that this would not be a short visit if he caved.
"I will not interfere with Pemberley and you are welcome to stay—as long as you like."
"Thank you," Mr Darcy replied, barely audibly.
#
A perfect marriage is not an unreachable ethereal state. It is everyday life, supporting the one you love through hardships as well as the happy days. There is much love invested in cooking a meal or mending a shirt than any jewels or fine carriages, Elizabeth thought while mending a tear in Fitzwilliam's breeches. The mindless work helped her settle after an eventful day. Her house was filled with guests that she had yet to grow comfortable with. Her husband, on the other hand, she was quite content to spend a quiet moment in the company of but the events had made her ponder upon their relationship or more accurately, how it had begun...
"I have wondered; since we were at Kimberley Heights, about something you mentioned and I have to know—after you so charmingly found yourself drawn to a complete stranger you had only observed from afar... How could you continue once you were forced into my constant company? My beauty you could withstand and my manners were most uncivil from the moment we met until more than six months have passed?"
"To quote Homer; of the many things hidden from the knowledge of man, nothing is more unintelligible than the human heart... I believe it was your liveliness rather than your impertinence that drew me in and possessed my mind with a pleasing frenzy.
"While I was keeping an eye on Pemberley, an ethereal being emanated from the haunted house on a regular basis. Particularly the mornings were an excellent time for observation. Light-footed with a spring in her step, the wood nymph floated down the path with such utter contentment that it drew me in. I do not believe I have met anyone with a more happy disposition than you, Elizabeth, with an occult ability to scamper about with her countenance turned to the sky above more often than the path under her feet. I marvelled at you never tripping..."
"On a well-maintained garden path? I think not..." Elizabeth chuckled.
"Perhaps it was the joy you showed when a bird flew up from the shrubbery and scared you, you shrieked and laughed almost simultaneously. I also observed your encounter with a fawn. You stood stock still while the curious little rascal approached you, a situation that can be quite dangerous, the does are usually rather protective of her young."
"Precisely, you have just acknowledged it was my impertinence. Not a commonly used form of art and allurement, I admit, you must have been sick of all the civility, the deference and attention the ladies of Highland offered you as the laird of their clan. You were disgusted by the women who spoke, preened and sought your approbation. I roused your interest because I did not fawn over you and seek you out, you had to come to me. One might even call it a hunt..."
"It certainly felt like a hunt when you tried to escape those first days, I barely slept the first week. I was terrified you would turn me in to the magistrate, as was well within your right, I admit. I was curt with you because my conscience warred with my responsibility towards those dependent upon me at home. I knew I had committed an unforgivable act, I deserved to be hanged by the noose. My life mission would be to make amends to you, I was arrogant in my assumption that you would be flattered to be the wife of the laird of Eilein once you laid eyes on my castle but you were never impressed by my wealth nor standing in society.
"The reason behind my atrocious act was not a hunt though, I believed I was rescuing a damsel in distress, not the cause of your distress."
"Whatever made you think that?"
"I watched you and the other ladies, strolling the garden and playing games. I noticed that Mr Darcy seemed to prefer one of the other ladies, a tall redhead that is now his wife but for the games, he always preferred you for sport. When you played Pall Mall, he engaged you to pair up with him. I suspected he was toying with you, as my father toyed with my mother and her cousin. My concern escalated at one point when Mr Darcy tried to drag you into the woods. I was prepared to come to your rescue when you shrugged out of his tight grip on your arm. I was livid that he took such liberties with your person while courting another."
Elizabeth remembered the incident well. Mr George Darcy had tried to convince her to fetch his waylaid ball in the woods, claiming she was already such an accomplished walker he was practically offering her a service. She was not of a mind to oblige him and had made her sentiments known. If Fitzwilliam had observed her countenance at that moment, he would not have found contentment.
Careful observation of Mr George Darcy with Miss Bingley had made her believe there was more to their relationship than the one of the sisters of a dear friend. It was nothing improper but more subtle movements like standing a tad closer than necessary and quick clandestine glances that had made her come to the conclusion time had proved to be correct.
"Yes, I thought they may have formed an attachment even then but I am more curious as to how you formed an attachment to me? You must have observed many a lady who found her pleasure in the wilds of nature as you come from an area with the most spectacular views."
"It was so long ago, I can hardly account for it, not a specific time nor a place. It came on so gradually I was in the middle before I knew I had begun. In addition to my own observation of your zest for life and joy the vivre, I had also noticed your compassionate heart. Georgiana was obviously a very shy creature and I watched how you drew her into the conversation or the game, including her in whatever you were currently occupied with. I saw you crunch down and reverently touch my name on the headstone of my grave. It must mean something, you were the first person besides myself I had witnessed there. Aisling, Mrs Reynolds kept me abreast with the happenings at Pemberley after she noticed me there. The Hunting Tower is cleaned regularly and a maid had alerted Mrs Reynolds that she thought someone might be living in the tower. She came upon me one day and I made myself known to her as my trusted ally through the years, I knew I had nothing to fear from her. She expressed some concern for a young lady visiting that Mrs Darcy had invited to stay but spoke disparagingly of when not in her company. She was worried about her motive not being pure and with my experience with the lady, fear gripped my soul and I acted irrationally when the opportunity arose. You must believe me mad as a hatter and I am almost convinced myself that I am not right in the head. I had convinced myself that I was removing you from Pemberley was to your advantage. That I knew better and your protests must be void because you did not know of the dangers lurking inside Pemberley's walls. Is that not rich?
"How can I ever atone for my grievous sin when everything is not enough?"
"I am sure I can conjecture up something, starting with lending me some of that warmth you always seem to be radiating, I am cold..."
Fitzwilliam pulled her closer into his embrace wrapping her in his large frame while he rested his chin on the top of her head. Elizabeth let herself ease into the warmth and sighed in contentment. There was something to be said for being loved so fiercely, beyond reason. She listened to the steady beat of his heart, calm and reliable. It was difficult to picture him beyond reason with worry, headless without thoughts of the repercussions. He had since kept himself under good regulation even when facing adversity which must account for something.
"You were forced into my company by bribe and extortion yet I sensed a change after you were lost in the woods. I am curious as to what made you change your mind."
"It is strange how your mind shifts at the brink of death. My thoughts wandered towards the morose at first, I was positive I was about to freeze to death."
Elizabeth could feel a shudder running through him.
"Then why did you leave me at Càrn Gorm to travel home with your father?"
"It is silly really... I wanted to have a choice and I wanted you to make a decision as well. I guess I wanted you to chase after me and beg me to stay, in that way it would be my choice, not something that had been forced upon me."
"What made you decide to come home with me?"
"I have been allotted this short spell on this earth—my life. Longing brought me to you, yearning for what I had lost and for what had been bestowed upon me. As to the path I chose; my trust is not reliant upon the words that have been spoken but the endeavours that showed me a little piece of heaven; love. I was certain by then that you loved me, quite patiently and from a respectful distance. I found that I wanted to live my life, the one I have been granted, not the one I hoped and wished for but real life. I needed not pretend, neither had I forgotten who I was although some of my former self is dormant, it is still here, inside me. I may not have had much choice but the will to prevail but I wanted to be happy, loved and needed. Painful vicissitude notwithstanding, my greatest wish as our lives turn from day towards night, is for us to have become; two hearts—one soul, like two raindrops that fall to the earth and emerge into one, my love...