DISCLAIMER: Standard disclaimer applies. We don't own the Thunderbirds. Neither are we making any money off this endeavor.

Chapter 11 – ALAN RETURNS HOME

Virgil stood outside the infirmary. He knew that he had to go in there. He had to do it for John, but he was afraid. He had already broken down once, and he was afraid to do it again. Reluctantly he entered the room. He found his brother reclining in the bed staring at his laptop. "Hi John, what are you doing?" He asked.

"I'm trying to help Brains with some research." John answered.

"Find anything?" Virgil asked.

John closed the laptop. "No. I'm sure that there's an answer out there. I'm just not sure where to look."

Virgil looked around the infirmary. "Where's Gordy?" He asked.

"I sent him to get me something to eat." John replied. "I'm not really hungry though. It was an excuse to get him out of here, and I think he knew it. He looked pretty beat. I just felt that he needed some time to gather himself together. How was the rescue?"

"It went OK. Gordy had the hardest part. He was the one who went down in the rescue platform. There was a pretty strong wind that he had to battle. But how about you? Is there anything that I can do for you?" Virgil inquired.

"Just sit and talk with me for awhile." John told him.

"Yeah, Dad said that you wanted to talk to each of us." Virgil began. He paused a moment and took a deep breath. "I'm just not sure that I can handle it." Virgil turned his head away from his brother. He didn't want John to see the emotional upheaval he was battling.

"Thank you." Was John's reply.

"What?" Virgil said thoroughly confused.

"Thank you." John repeated. "You're the only one so far that didn't try to talk me out of my 'talk' by telling me that everything was going to work out. I appreciate that."

"Yeah, well you know the odds and if you feel like you need to…well you know." Virgil stumbled for the words he wanted.

"I understand Virg." John said as he reached over and took Virgil's hand. "It's part of your nature. That's one of the things I wanted to talk to you about. I need you to be the 'peacemaker' of the family if the worst should happen."

"Huh?" Virgil was confused again.

"You know. When Scott's ready to kill Gordon over a prank, or when dad and Alan are butting heads over the Thunderbirds." John explained. "You're the only one who has the personality for it. Scott's too much like dad. They're too hot-headed to handle tense family situations. Gordon would try to turn everything into a joke which won't solve anything. And Alan, well he's too young and besides he's got the Tracy 'bull-headedness' too. I want you to promise me that you will try to defuse the arguments when they arise and believe me, they will arise."

Virgil gripped John's hand in support. "I won't be as good as you. I don't know how you do it. You always seemed to know the right things to say."

John laughed softly. "It's just practice, Virgil. After all, I've had over twenty years of practice. You can do it, Virg. I know that you can. For me, will you try? Please?"

"Of course, I will John." Virgil Replied. "I'll do my best. I just hope I don't let you down."

"You'll be fine." John told him. "I have every confidence in you. I love you Virg. I want you to know that. It's important to me."

"I know that John." Virgil replied. "I hope you know that I love you too. You are very important to me. I don't know what I or any of us will do if you die." This time he couldn't stop a few tears from escaping. He tried to brush them away before John could see, but he wasn't quick enough.

John reached up and brushed some of the tears away. "Aww Virg, you don't have to hide them from me. I know that this is hard for everybody."

His brother's tender words broke through the emotional wall that Virgil had tried to build. His tears began to fall in earnest. "I'm sorry John. I didn't want to break down in front of you. I didn't want to make things worse for you."

"It's OK Virg." John told him. "Come on tell me what's going on in that head of yours?"

Virgil shook his head. "God John, I don't know how you do it. As sick as you are, you're trying to make me feel better. I should be trying to make you feel better."

"This is making me feel better." John argued. "It takes my mind off of 'other things'. So come on spill it. Tell me how you're feeling."

"Feeling? How am I feeling?" Virgil asked in amazement. "The question should be how am I not feeling. First off, I'm angry. I'm angry at Franklin for doing this. I'm angry at dad for not spotting the trap. I'm angry at Scott and myself for not doing something to stop Franklin. I'm also scared. I'm scared that you're going to die. I'm scared of what will happen to this family if that does happen. I'm frustrated. I see you in all this pain, and I know that there is nothing that I can do to help you. I mean my specialty is technology, not biology. Then I feel guilty." Virgil's voice dropped off at the last statement.

"Guilty?" John questioned. "Why? Because this is happening to me and not you?"

"Partly" Virgil replied.

"Only partly? What else?" John asked.

Virgil sat back and looked away from John. Anguish was written all over his face. "I can't." He whispered.

"Can't what?" John pressed. "Come on. Something is eating you up. Please tell me what it is."

Virgil ran a hand over his face. "Do you really want to know what a sick, selfish bastard your brother is?" He asked.

John gave Virgil a confused look. "What are you talking about Virg?"

Virgil took a deep breath and began to explain. "There's a part of me that's glad that this is happening to you." Taking in John's shocked expression, he continued quickly. "Not you in particular. I just mean that I'm glad that it's happening to someone other than me. I would feel the same way if this was happening to Scott or Gordon. I've watched what you've had to endure these last few days, and I couldn't have done it. I would have gone crazy. What kind of selfish jerk does that make me? My brother is dying and I'm glad it's not me."

John gingerly moved to where he was sitting in an upright position. "Virg, come here and sit next to me." Reluctantly Virgil complied. John carefully wrapped his arms around his brother. "Your feelings do not make you selfish." He quietly told Virgil. "They make you human. I would be feeling the same way if our positions were reversed."

Virgil returned his brother's embrace. He buried his face in John's shoulder and let the tears fall. In a choked voice, he said. "Oh God, John, I am so sorry."

"Ssh Virgil," John responded. "There is nothing for you to be sorry for." He grimaced as Virgil's embrace tightened painfully around him, but he didn't say anything. He just held his brother consciously aware of the fact that this could possibly be the last time that he could hold his brother.

"I love you John." Virgil said in an emotion-filled voice.

"I love you too Virgil." John replied.

AT THE LANDING STRIP

Jeff was waiting as FAB1 landed on the Island. He had talked to Penny for a short time after she had picked Alan up. According to her, Alan had not spoken a word since they left the school. He had asked to speak to Alan, but apparently he ignored Penny when she relayed the request. He hoped that now that Alan was back on the Island, he could convince him to at least speak to John. That was the most important thing right now. Jeff approached his youngest son. "Alan, I'm glad that you're here."

Alan immediately cut him off. "Save it Dad. I know better." He said sarcastically.

"I know this is hard for you, but you watch your tone young man." Jeff said sternly.

"Or what? You'll ground me?" Alan demanded. "Oh I know. You'll send me away to boarding school so I'll be separated from my family. I won't even know when my brothers are on the planet let alone if they're sick or not. Wait a minute, you've already done that. Answer me this Dad. If John hadn't asked to see me, would you have even told me that he was sick, let alone bring me home?"

Penny looked at Fermat. They had assumed that Alan had ignored their conversation, but apparently he had heard every word, from the false rescue call, to the poisoning, to John being allegric to the antidote, to John wanting to talk to all his brothers. Fermat meet Penny's gaze. He shrugged but didn't say anything.

"I had every intention of bringing you home." Jeff replied indignantly. "I was just giving Brains some time to see if he could come up with an antidote. I didn't want to worry you needlessly."

"No Dad, I should have been told immediately." Alan argued. "You should have called me as soon as you were back in the Thunderbirds. As it was, you still weren't the one who told me. A school nurse did. Can you imagine how that made me feel? At first I didn't believe it. I guess that I figured that if things were that bad at home, a family member would call me. Boy, was I wrong on that assumption." Quietly he added. "How could you do that to me?"

"I'm sorry Alan." Jeff said trying to calm his young son down. "You're right. I should have called you myself right away. I'm not handling this whole situation very well. I've been so worried about John that I put aside the needs of the rest of you. Scott even tried to tell me but I ignored him. Can you forgive me?"

Alan stared at his dad. He didn't know what to say. His dad very rarely admitted that he was wrong, and he had never apologized to Alan before. He was still angry, but he was also stunned. "I'm going to see John." He said simply as he headed toward the villa.

Jeff ran a hand over his face and took a deep breath. He felt Penny's hand rest lightly on his forearm. Quietly he said. "I messed up this time. He has every right to be angry with me."

"I don't think that he is really angry." Penny said. "I think that he is scared. It's just easier for him to show it as anger than to admit even to himself how scared he is."

"I don't know Penny.' Jeff replied. "He sounded pretty angry with me."

"Yes he did." Penny countered. "But don't forget that I saw his face when he realized this was all true. He was scared, so scared that he kind of shut down emotionally for a while. I'm sure that eventually he will realize that you were just doing what you thought was best."

Jeff placed an arm around her shoulders and gave her a small hug. Quietly he said. "I hope you're right, Penny. Dear God, I hope you're right."

Alan stepped into the infirmary and found Gordon sitting next to a sleeping John. "Hey Gordon, how is he?"

Gordon jumped slightly at the sound of Alan's voice. "Alan, I didn't know you were home."

"Yeah, I just got here." Alan replied. "I came straight here to check on John, so?"

Gordon sighed. "He's getting worse. His fever continues to rise, even though he's getting the maximum medication to combat it. Brains is even reverting back to some old-fashioned fever reducing techniques. He gave John an alcohol rub-down about twenty minutes ago. It brought his temperature down by a degree or so, but it's working its way back up."

"There's got to be something more that can be done." Alan argued.

Gordon shook his head. "Just pray for a miracle." Standing up, Gordon continued. "Look, I'm going to go. I know that John wanted to talk to you alone."

"You don't have to leave just yet." Alan replied. "John's sleeping and I don't want to disturb him. He can use all the rest he can get."

"Oh no," Gordon countered. "John said that he wanted to be woken up when you got home. It was the only way that we could get him to rest. Please do it. It's what John wanted."

"Ok, if that's what he wants." Alan said as Gordon left the infirmary.

Alan sat in the chair that Gordon had vacated. He looked at his sleeping brother. "This can't be happening." He thought. "This has to be a bad dream. I just wish that I could wake up from it."

Alan was drawn from his thoughts when he heard John shift in the bed and a small groan escaped his lips even in his sleep. Placing a hand on John's shoulder, he could feel the heat radiating from his brother. Alan gently shook his brother to wake him up. "John, can you hear me? Come on, bro, it's time to wake up."

John slowly opened his eyes and it took a few minutes for him to focus in on Alan's face. "Alan, you're home." John said. "I'm glad you've made it."

"Hey, you didn't have to go through all this trouble just to see me. All you had to do was ask." Alan told him trying to lighten the mood.

John smiled at Alan. "Well, you know me. Always doing things the hard way."

Alan laughed slightly. "Yeah sure. You're talking to the 'king of the hard way'. I hope it was OK to wake you. Gordon said that you wanted me to."

"Yeah, I wanted to have a chance to talk to you." John said. "I don't know how much longer I have."

Alan interrupted him. "Don't talk like that. You're not going to die. You have to believe that."

"No, I want to believe that." John told him. "But I also have to be realistic. Wanting something to happen isn't going to make it happen. Brains has been trying to find an antidote, but so far he's come up empty, and time is running out. That's the reality of it."

"John, I…ugh…you…" Alan fumbled for words.

"Alan, just listen to me." John broke in. "Let me have my say, please. First off and most importantly, I want to tell you that I love you."

"John, I…" Alan began.

"Please Alan." John cut him off. "Don't interrupt me. I love you. Please always remember that. I know that this is going to be hard for you. I know that you don't have memories of Mom's death so this is really the first time you've had to face a family member's death. You don't have to do this alone. The rest will be going through it too. Go to them. Lean on them. There is no shame in having feelings. Don't bury them. It isn't healthy."

"John, stop." Alan demanded with anger in his voice. He leaned forward and rested his hands on the bed. He stared into John's face. "Just stop talking like that. I don't want to hear any more about you dying." He pounded the bed for emphasis. "It's not going to happen. Do you hear me?" He went to pound the bed again, but this time he misjudged the downward arc of his arm and he caught John's side just above the hip.

John yelped in pain and rolled away from Alan. His eyes were shut tight and he couldn't stop the whimpers that escaped his lips.

All the anger in Alan dissipated in an instance. "Oh my God, John, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry."

John concentrated on his breathing and brought the pain level back to a bearable level. "Alan…it's OK…"

Alan cut him off. It was killing him to see John in pain, knowing that he was responsible. "No, it's not OK. I wasn't thinking, again. I just reacted. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Please." Alan ran out of the infirmary before John had a chance to respond.

Author's note: Poor Virgil, carrying that guilt around with him. Did you see the fireworks? Alan really let Jeff have it. Poor Alan, he just can't accept what is happening.