Song: Saturn - Sleeping At Last

This song is for later in the chapter when Bakugo and Deku talk about death. This song is personally one of my all time favourites

When I woke, I was on top of the covers still. I sat up slowly and my head felt heavy. I remembered everything that I had said to Deku from my dream and now that I had taken him in to stay in my waking conscious, I wondered what that really meant for me and if it would affect day to day life. As I turned my body to sit on the edge of my bed one of Deku's red shoes tumbled from the bed to the ground to join its other half which was down there already.

My shoes! Called out a voice inside my head and my hand came up so fast I smacked myself in the forehead. I had done it to myself, but I had been so shocked by Deku's sudden voice in my head that my first reflex was to smack whoever was standing so close to me, but of course, he wasn't standing beside me, he was in my head and I had stupidly just hit myself from the sudden confusion. I scowled to no one, but Deku could see it.

Sorry, he said, but I could tell he was trying hard not to smile. And failing at it. My scowl deepened and he filched away from me, but his smile remained.

The exchange was quick, but complex and I felt my mind running behind. I could hear Deku's voice directly in my head. It sounded like he was right beside me when he spoke, his voice even coming across as louder when he called out excitedly from seeing his shoes, to more of a whisper when he apologized. But there were extra layers to it than that. It was more than merely hearing his voice; it was as though I could see him too. Not in the room with me, but in my head. I couldn't see his surroundings clearly, but it was like there was a mental version of me in there beside him that he could talk and interact with while still seeing what I was seeing. It was like I was seeing two overlapping worlds. The physical one in front of me, which I could see perfectly fine, and I could see him at the same time. It made me dizzy, and I wondered if this is what a chameleon felt like when its eyes looked in different directions. I also couldn't help but note that he hadn't reacted to any pain when I had smacked myself because of him.

Kacchan? he asked tentatively.

"You didn't feel that?" I asked out loud just to focus on anything else than my disorientation. I was so relieved that it was the weekend, and I would have time to figure this out, if I could. Maybe I had just royally screwed myself over.

No, he replied with a straight face. He had picked up from my mind exactly what I had been talking about. So, it was confirmed, he couldn't feel my physical pain.
I can tell you're feeling a bit dizzy though, he added with a hint of concern.

"Just shut up and let me figure this out" I growled back at him and closed my eyes tightly. When I closed my eyes, I could see Deku and his surroundings more clearly. He was standing in the sunlight, the gentle breeze making his hair move. Like this, it was like I was physically here with him myself and I reached out to touch him in my mind just to test it out and he watched my hand reach for him silently, already knowing what I was doing. I could feel him fine, as well as the warmth of the sun and the breeze. It was just like stepping into my dreams. When I opened my eyes to focus on my room again, the grassy hill left my mind and there was only Deku in my head. I practiced for a while going back and forth between my dream realm and back to my room. If I only blinked, nothing would happen. I could only come back to the hill when I closed my eyes and wanted to be here. I played around with opening and shutting my eyes for several more minutes till I felt I had a good grasp of the faint sensation of my mind traveling to there and back to the real world. I could even close my eyes and see nothing if I chose too.

Next, I focused on my room and I learnt that I could, in a sense, fade the image of Deku from my mind, like pushing a nagging thought away and then recalling it back. When I did this, it was like the image of Deku in my mind faded out to white and my head would feel lighter and clearer and the opposite when I recalled Deku back. He would become clearer in my mind, but it was harder to focus as part of my mind was elsewhere. I played around with this for almost half an hour before I felt I was starting to adjust a little. I was pleased that Deku had remained silent the entire time, letting me focus on figuring shit out.

After that I asked Deku aloud to talk about anything just to see what effect that had, and it was difficult. He started muttering on about a topic, but I tuned out of his words, hearing only noise. I practiced with the pushing him away like a thought and bringing him back again while he spoke nonstop. When he was speaking, even if I weren't listening to his words, him simply making noise was distracting enough for me to struggle to push him to the back of my mind and in effect I couldn't shut him out nearly as well as I could before when he was silent. Even when he was silent, I could fade him out of my thoughts, but I could still feel his presence, so he was never completely gone.

I could more feel than see that he was starting to grow more self-conscious about talking continuously. After so many years of bullying him for it, I could understand that, and I willed him to keep going so I could figure this out. Inside, he looked to me and nodded, talking the entire time. Had he just heard my thoughts? He nodded again, still talking. That brought on a whole wave of questions mentally, but I told myself to focus. I could only manage one thing at a time.

After about another twenty minutes of that it was good enough for me for the meantime. Constantly pushing Deku back and forth in my mind was exhausting. I laid back down in bed and stared up at the ceiling.

Can you just try moving around without talking? I asked inside my head and Deku got to his feet and started pacing around on the grass, although I couldn't see the grass while my eyes were open. I kept my eyes on the ceiling and focused on his pacing. Even with my full attention on him, if my eyes were open, my sight wasn't affected. The only difference was that I wasn't as focused. I compared it to how you vision adjusts when you don't blink for a long time, even if I continued to blink regardless, that's how it felt to me.

Already, I didn't feel as much as a chameleon as I did when I first woke up. There was a knock at my door, and I called out to whoever it was and sat up on the bed. Shitty Hair opened the door and poked his head in. I figured that this would be a good test to see how well I could focus on him, but in my head, he had caught Deku's attention too and he had paused in his pacing to focus on Shitty Hair too. With us both focusing on him, most of the heaviness lifted from my mind and I could focus on the red head almost as clearly as if Deku weren't in my head at all, or even more so since both of us were watching him.

"Hey man, you coming down for breakfast or what?" he asked with his usual warm toothy smile. I had been so busy with figuring out my new predicament that I hadn't even paid attention to my stomach which now reminded me of how hungry I was. Although everything was going smoothly now because we were both focusing on the same person, being in a room full of people might be tough.

"I'm not hungry" I replied.

Liar, called Deku with a sideways glance and I shot him a scowl back to tell him to shut up. I must have made the face outside too because Hair For Brains suddenly looked like I'd just thrown him off.

"You sure, man?" he asked with a little more concern and I waved away his concern.

"Did you not hear me?" I snapped ,"I'll be down later" I replied and did my best to look uninterested.

"Alright" he replied with a less then believing smile and closed the door gently behind him. I heard him calling out to, who I guessed was Dunce Face, that I would come down later and not to wait on me. It wasn't my words, but I appreciated that way he had put it. With that I laid back down and Deku resumed his pacing.

After another forty-five minutes or so of playing around inside my head I felt I had a good idea and control of most things. Deku had had a turn to play around, and we discovered that if he decided to step away from my conscious, he could, and he would be completely gone from my mind. When he returned, he explained that he kind of leaves to my subconscious and sleeps there, as he puts it, until I need him, or he decides to come back. He described it this time around as being asleep, but having a faint feeling of my emotions so he couldn't pick up on anything unless they were strong or sudden emotions, or so he thought would be the case. So, in a sense, I could still have privacy from him if I wanted, which was a relief. I just hoped with practice things would get easier. I already felt mentally drained and ready for bed, and it was only nine forty-five in the morning

I eventually stepped out to head downstairs for something to eat. My movement felt the same as normal so other than having someone living in my head the only difference was how much harder I needed to work on focusing on things if his mind was elsewhere. No one was left on my floor and it was smooth sailing reaching the elevator and heading down to the shared living space.

Just, try not to get too sidetracked, okay? This is already going to be a challenging enough, I warned him inside my head with a glare.

Deku nodded but I could tell he felt nervous. This was new territory for both of us. Half of the class had moved from the dining area to the lounge after they had had their breakfast. Some still lingered at the tables chatting and there were a couple of late eaters like me. And some were missing entirely, out on work studies.

After getting up and eating here every day, most of the class were up and ready for the day by nine on the weekends with a few exceptions. I was usually up before everyone else to do some exercise and shower before most even rolled out of their beds, so late meals weren't something I did often. Shitty Hair was already at one of the tables and turned to wave me over after I had put together something to eat. He had already eaten and even cleaned his dishes already, while Dunce Face still ate opposite him. I sat down beside him and listened while they talked about some garbage I didn't care to listen to, but whatever it was about, Deku was interested and listening. With him focusing on that I focused my attention on Ears who was sitting on the next table with her back to us, chatting away with Racoon Eyes about a newly released song by a band they both liked. It wasn't a conversation I had any interest in while I ate, but I wanted to see how well I could focus on their conversation while Deku was paying attention to the discussion at our table. If we could be listening to two separate conversations at a time and still be able to remember it, that could be useful.

"What about you Kacchan?" asked Dunce Face, having finally finished his food and I snapped my attention back to the table. He was smirking at me from across the table. I shot a glance to Shitty Hair who looked a little red faced and diverted his eyes. I wondered what I had missed. I was about to play it off that I had been too bored with their conversation to listen when Deku chimed in.

They were talking about girls, he told me, he's asking if there is a girl you like.

And Shitty Hair? I asked, now seeing why he had been blushing.

Deku gave me a disapproving look and from his mind I picked up it was because I called people by their shitty nicknames even in my head.

He wouldn't say, Deku replied.

"Why should I tell you anything" I sneered across the table at Dunce Face and took another mouthful. Deku rolled his eyes at my attitude, but smile betrayed him. I think he was just enjoying being able to see and hear things again.

"Aw come on Kacchan, don't be like that" he whined with a dramatic head droop. He sat back up and leaned across the table to talk. I felt a twinge of something akin to annoyance or irritation from Deku.
"I saw you watching the girls on the table behind me, so which one?" he wiggled an eyebrow and a glare from me made him take his seat again, but he still watched me, waiting for an answer.

There were more girls at the table than just Ears and Racoon Eyes. Pink Cheeks and Ponytail Girl were there too. I felt Deku's attention turn to that table before he gazed away, pink in the face just like Shitty Hair next to me. I rolled my eyes and groaned, getting to my feet to take my dish to the sink to clean. Dunce Face called after me to come back, but I skulked away outside once I was done. I found a shady place to sit among some trees and played around with focusing on different things with Deku. I wanted to see what happens when we both focused all our attention on different things and the whole experience was an odd feeling like a weird tug of war. When Deku focused on something harder than I did, I found my attention drifting to where his was and it was a struggle to focus again on my own thing, although he really had to be pushing to do that and it worked the same my way too. My eyes felt strained from the effort after a while, and I let out a long sigh and again I wondered what I had just done to my life. It would never be as peaceful again. Deku sat down to rest too and closed his eyes with his chin resting on his knees. I take it back. This was peaceful when I didn't feel like I was fighting to look at things. I smirked to myself and stared up at the branches above as they moved in the breeze.

Can you feel the breeze? I asked and Deku opened his eyes to look at me. He took a moment to stop and think about it before he shook his head.

I can feel a breeze in here, but I know its not real. It's not your breeze, he replied, It doesn't happen the same time yours does, he explained.

What about when I ate, could you taste it? I asked and he shook his head again.

So much for letting him live through me. I hadn't expected anything, but only being able to see and hear what I did didn't feel to exciting to me and although I knew he would be enough of a nerd to enjoy just that alone, it still felt like a piss poor arrangement. The only plus I could see so far was being able to talk and see each other when ever we wanted. I fully expected that to get tiring fast too though. I considered myself lucky he hadn't nerded out or gone on a mumbling spree yet. I thought about the way he had reacted when he had looked at the girls, it was obvious that he liked one of them and I was fairly certain I already knew who. We had never had the kind of friendship where we would talk about girls, so I found the idea of the topic not for me and asked something else.

Hey Deku, I spoke up to break the peaceful silence that had grown between us, and he looked to me again, waiting innocently.

What was it like, to die? I asked and he looked a little taken back by the question before looking straight ahead of him again thoughtfully. I felt my question was too broad, so I asked something else to help him along.

Was it terrifying? This time he was able to answer more quickly.

No, he replied, still looking away, a hand coming up to his mouth and he pinched at his lip in thought as he spoke, I don't think so. He lowered his hand and turned to face me again with a smile.

The dying part itself isn't great, he admitted, but its like having a bad dream. It's terrible in the moment, but once it's over, you don't remember it anymore. Well, I mean, I remember it, but I don't remember the bad parts of it anymore. His smile warmed as he spoke to me.

And what's the parts left to remember? I asked sceptically

You, he replied, the warmth from his smile reaching his eyes and I didn't know how I was supposed to react. The fact that he was in my head made things feel more personal.

I remember the relief I felt when I came across you all. I remember how you worried about me and how determined you were to get us out of there, his smile grew.

I remember how peaceful things felt when you finally got us outside and we were lying under that tree.

His eyes closed warmly as he spoke of the day he died like they were such fond memories, and I couldn't bring myself to tell him otherwise. He said he didn't remember the bad parts. The pain and fear of dying and killing others. For me that day was the worst day of my life as I had watched someone that mattered to me die horribly and I had been so helpless.

I was just happy that you were there, that it was you with me in the end, his smile was warm and gentle and made my chest ache in a way that I wasn't used to.

That day must have felt like the opposite for you, he commented, and his smile grew a little more pained. I didn't want to talk about that day anymore. So I got to my feet.

Where are you going?, he asked as I walked on.

"Training" I replied aloud and then frowned at myself. I didn't need to reply aloud for him to hear me. This was going to be a big learning curve.