Disclaimer: Voyager isn't mine. I thought I should start adding that disclaimer to my stories, though a general one exists in my profile just to cover myself. Isn't addressing these technicalities such fun?
A/N: At first, I thought it could be a coda for 'Equinox', but I decided that I didn't particularly like what happened to Janeway in those episodes and so this can be seen as loosely connected to 'Night', or basically, any other time Janeway became depressed about life. It's a pretty random little fic, just an idea that grew out of how accustomed to the dark side she had become.
Night Encounter"Hello, Kathryn," The innocuous greeting coming out of the darkness rattled Janeway for a few moments before she ordered lights, bolting upright in bed, ready to alert Security. When she saw her visitor though, she relaxed.
"It's you," Janeway said flatly. Then added, "No offence."
"None taken"- stated quite dryly- "Your reaction is favourable to most others I've encountered, I must say."
"Free of charge." She stretched her neck from side to side, aching from the sudden wrench as she had searched for the intruder in those first few panicked moments. "You sound troubled. Job taking its toll on you?"
"Sometimes more than others," her visitor agreed.
"Must be tough."
He mused, "I suppose if one were to create a scale that took into account our differences, such as the fact that you are a mere human- no offence-"
"None taken."
"And how much more universal mine is, among other things, then both our jobs have an equal level of stress. For instance, you are responsible for the lives of over a hundred people, and, lacking my ability to see into all realities and possible futures, you can never know when your orders may require a person to pay the ultimate price," he mocked himself with the last two words.
Janeway stiffened. "You're not here to take someone?"
"No. There is no cause for alarm. Your crew are safe for tonight."
She relaxed. "It's automatic to fear for them," she said, half apologizing for leaping to conclusions. She sighed. "Today was rough for me too."
He nodded, silently commiserating. There were a few minutes of reflective silence before he said, "Do you ever think it's odd, for you to be so calm around me?"
"A little, since I'm human. We tend to, for the most part, fear death." Janeway thought on that matter. "You could relate it to the time when Harry and B'Elanna were trapped with the clown, 'Fear', and we tricked him into exchanging the hostages for me- rather, a hologram of me. My hologram told Fear she had a healthy respect for that emotion. I suppose that's similar to what I feel about you."
"Healthy respect? Now that's flattering."
"Tell me, I've heard about cultures who worship you. Do you encounter many?" Janeway was curious.
"You shouldn't give credit to such rumors. Most of these supposedly un-Death-fearing cultures are really cowardly when it comes to the moment of reckoning. You hear about some who sacrifice living creatures to me, supposedly in my honour; why do you imagine they would do that?" he studied her as she considered his question.
Janeway frowned. "They make sacrifices to you…not out of respect, but…"
"Out of fear," he nodded. "Exactly."
"Typical behaviour of most sentient beings where they may exist. Quid pro quo- you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours," Janeway said amused. "I suppose these people you mention, most of them carry out sacrifices hoping you'll accept the lives that they offer to you in place of theirs."
"That was quick of you. Even after centuries of practice, most of these cultures don't realize the reasoning behind their religion themselves," he remarked, praising her perspicacity. "Although if you consider the Klingons…"
"Yes, the Klingons," Janeway had a small grin as she thought about her Chief Engineer- half human, though prone to unleashing a fiery temper all too Klingon in nature- but it was quickly dashed away. She continued, "They've taken things to another level. They've changed the meaning of death to their culture. The more foolhardy and reckless their actions, the more honour, for themselves and their House. Embracing death is seen as honourable to their people."
"Now that is really gratifying. So few have any positive feelings about me. It wounds me, it really does."
Janeway shook her head in amusement.
"You've been worrying about today."
She looked up, shocked. "I didn't know mind-reading came with the job."
"It could be considered a perk." A shrug and sly remark, "But then again, when it comes to reading your thoughts…"
"I think I should be insulted."
"Changing the topic, you're an expert at that"- with humour- "As the Doctor knows all too well…tell me, did you know I am all-seeing?"
"Wait, don't tell me, you have a Q-complex, right?" Janeway said sarcastically.
"Would it change your attitude if I told you I was here to help?"
Janeway titled her head in a contemplative manner, "Oh, you mean in a counselling capacity? Well, thanks, but over my dead body." She paused. "Maybe that wasn't the best way to phrase it. I'll try again. I can live without counsellors."
"Seeing as how life is the cause of all problems and rarely solves them herself, that statement is accurate. But Death seeks to give peace, you realize."
"Talking in the third person, now that can't be healthy," Janeway said sarcastically and was startled by the quiet laughter.
The woman was fascinating. It was no surprise that Q was often around. She faced Death and had quips to spare.
"If I am mentally unbalanced, it is definitely in ways that do not concern you, Kathryn. For the moment, look to your own sanity and think about this. Death transcends all barriers; I see what happened, what is happening, what will be and- being multiversal- all the other possibilities that may have transpired. Now, normally, it would not do you any good to know what could have been, but since you have been doing such an excellent job of fretting about the matter," he said dryly, gently mocking her, "I feel no qualms about telling you that so far, while perhaps this hasn't been the best experience for your crew, you have been the best possible captain to them. You have brought them this far, when no other could, while still retaining your integrity, your principles and morality. Do not ruin your record by abandoning them now."
She looked at him, a sense of hope emerging after days in the darkness. "Perhaps," her voice was a little raspy with emotion, "because of your ability to transcend barriers, that all-seeing talent you were telling me about, you know how much this means to me. I don't know. But- thank you." Tears came to her eyes.
"Free of charge." He left.
Janeway fell back on her bed, a hand over her eyes. The tears fell anyway in a quiet release of the doubt and strain she had been feeling. Then she smiled through them, shaking her head wryly, her voice possessing a wealth of irony:
"Counsellors."