Song: Cinnamon - Jome
By the time I got back to U.A it was past nine-thirty and luckily the teachers were already aware that I had returned home over the weekend or there would have been hell to pay, or at least detention. As it was I only came across Ectoplasm on my way through the school grounds and he was aware of my outing so I only got a brief word for coming back so late which I scoffed a 'yeah' too and rolled my eyes as he went on with his patrol.
Inside the dorm I kicked off my shoes and found a handful of other students still buzzing around the common space and they called to me in greeting. I gave them a curt nod, not wanting to expend the energy on them and my behavior must had been odd because they were silent as I passed and no one called to me again as I reached my room, shrugged off my bag and fell to my bed.
I laid on the bed for a few minutes before I pushed myself up with a groan. I wanted to sleep but I still needed to change and I unpacked my bag while I was up and flicked off the light before falling back into bed but sleep didn't come. I had brought that same egg shaped pebble from home with me and I rolled it in my hand while I stared up at the ceiling, feeling the initials etched into it with my thumb.
Deku had always admired me. I knew that much. He had always looked up to me and followed me with wide green eyes growing up and even after I had pushed him away he was always still there, his green eyes watching me with admiration. I had seen it growing up, yet I had never understood it. It was only after our fight at ground Beta that I first realized that I had been wrong. He had never looked down on me like I thought he had. Instead I had inspired him. I never understood why he would look up to someone who had been a dick to him for so many years.
I tightened my grip on the pebble, feeling it warm from my quirk but it was a comforting warmth. It kept me grounded and stopped me from spiraling as I reined in my Deku related thoughts again. I couldn't keep him locked away inside my sub conscious forever. He would grow sick of it and if he returned to One For All I wouldn't be able to see him, or at least not as freely. Deku had only ever seen the other vestiges on rare dreams and I didn't want that. I wanted Deku in my life. Every damn day. It was selfish but I wanted him to myself. I didn't want him locked away inside the quirk.
But I had to clear my mind first and figure something out. Why had Deku felt called to my sexual fantasy dream. At first I had gotten angry at him for it, but it was me who had called him. I hadn't even realized I had been doing it, so why?
My feelings for Deku had changed and fluctuated so much over the years. We started as friends. The closest of friends, almost inseparable and then once my quirk manifested and his didn't that had faded away to mere acquaintances. Yet, his presence had always nagged at me. No matter how hard I had tried, I always knew he was there. I was always aware of him whether I wanted to or not. Our relationship was at its worst during middle school but even then he stayed in my view. At U.A I had out right hated him, angered that he had been lying to me and that he had a quirk. It wasn't till I started to figure things out and then some of our feelings over our complicated relationship finally became clear at ground beta that I could openly feel things changing between us.
The flow changed, only lightly at first. He still got on my nerves but less and I actually had to put effort in to keep up the appearance of being pissed at him all the time. I didn't want to deal with the looks and questions everyone else would throw my way if I was suddenly being so nice to him. But when it was just the two of us, which was rare, I didn't snap so much and we could actually hold a conversation. My anger had given way to a new type of calmness around him and it had confused me.
As months passed I found myself blinking back at him with a sneer when he beamed at me because I couldn't think of anything else to do when he looked to me so brightly. I was snapping at him more out of concern or to push him than anything else and every time there was an incident he always came to mind. That damn nerd. He infuriated me how he had wormed his way back into my life.
But the truth was, I cared for him. I worried about him and his stupid habit of rushing in head first into danger. How he was too fast to put himself in danger. Always getting injured. Until it had led to his death. Years, no, decades too soon.
As I felt us growing closer, slowly, I had started to envision our future together, competing for the top spot for the number one hero. The playful banter we could have had as we spurred each other on and became the best heroes.
But now I was alone in the world and he was only alive inside of me instead of out here where he belonged.
I had asked him to live through me and I had meant it. I cared for him and I wanted to be with him. Always.
I let the pebble cool in my hand and closed my eyes with an exhausted sigh when I felt it. That nagging feeling of Deku subconsciously pulling me into his dream, only lightly as it lacked the urgency of a nightmare and I let my mind drift, focusing on nothing else other than that feeling from him until I felt my body relax and my mind reach out for his.
No matter how many times I had felt it before, entering Deku's dreams felt weird. Feeling my body wake into another version of myself that his mind had conjured and it always made a shiver run up my spine before my eyes would open to see the dream Deku had created.
While my conscious merged with the body it continued to move until I was in full control and I felt it. Lips pressed together and I pulled away, opening my eyes to blink at Deku before me. I had him pinned between my arms against a wall and he blinked up at me with confusion as to why I had pulled away. He hadn't notice my body shiver as I took control of it.
"So, this is what you dream of?" I asked and couldn't help but cock an eyebrow at him. Deku's eyes opened wide as he realized what had happened.
"K-kacchan!" he sputtered, his face growing red with panic, "I thought you said you didn't want to enter each other's dreams anymore" he was pressing himself back against the wall so hard to create distance I surprised it didn't crack behind him.
"No, I told you to leave me alone" I scoffed back. He changed tactics and tried to duck out from under my arms but I leaned forward, pressing my elbows to the wall on either side of him, trapping him.
"Y-you shouldn't be here Kacchan" he stammered back. His eyes were so wide and his face so red from the embarrassment that I couldn't help but smirk a little at how pathetic it was.
"Why not, you're the one who called me" I replied and brought my face so close to his, our noses almost touched. He whimpered weakly.
"You got mad at me for it just the other day" he retorted, his eyebrows coming together with annoyance as he shoved me away and broke free. I grabbed his wrist and pulled him back to me before he made it too far. He yelped as he crashed into my chest. He pushed himself off again and I grabbed his other wrist while he squirmed.
"So this is what you think of me" I commented instead of going down that path again. I had been wrong to snap at him for it. We hadn't exactly set boundaries or anything and he hadn't known what sort of dream he had walked into just like I hadn't expected this either. Although maybe I should have considering everything I had learnt over the weekend. Learnt about both of us.
Before Deku could reply I pulled him in closer and leaned forward, locking my lips to his and he flinched in my grip. He stopped squirming and I released my grip on him only to have him shove me away again and take a step back. I narrowed my eyes at him as he glared back at me.
"I thought this is what you wanted" I spoke with a hint of a snarl. I had invaded a dream of him kissing me, or more so, me kissing him it seemed. But now that I actually kissed him as me, he was angry about it? The hell.
"No," replied Deku firmly, "not like this" he straightened and his face softened to a frown.
"I don't want you doing this just to mess with me. I don't want you doing it out of pity either" spat Deku and I blinked at him, "Or just because you're curious or – or" he stammered as he choked on an oncoming sob. He looked away, his body betraying him as his shoulders trembled and his eyes grew wet.
"Is it that hard to believe that I like you" I replied and he blinked at me out of the corner of his eye as I stepped forward to close the distance between us.
"It is" he whispered back as I stood before him.
"I like you Deku. Deal with it" I spat back but it lacked its usual venom. When he didn't look to me or speak I reached down to grab his wrist again. He made a noise of complaint but I pushed him back against the wall we had started from and pinned him there with my body flush against his and I held his arms to the wall so he couldn't push me away again. He kept his head low and turned away.
"Deku" I whispered to him but he didn't lift his head.
"I said no Kacchan" he hissed sadly through clenched teeth and I leaned in to touch my nose to his exposed neck. He tensed.
"Give it up Deku. I know you like me" I whispered and touched my lips to his neck. He squeaked.
"You've liked me since we were kids right?" I kissed his neck again and pulled back a little to see his face still hidden by hair.
"Deku" I whispered again, gently. He lifted his teary gaze to me slowly and I just watched until he had raised his head enough for me to lean in again. I pressed my lips to his, holding them there for a few seconds before pulling away to look at him again. His cheeks were flushed, his freckles disappearing behind the redness.
I leaned back in again, slowly, giving him to time to turn away if he wanted but he didn't and I kissed him longer and deeper than before. I felt his lips start to move in response to mine and he relaxed against me. I released his wrists and let them fall till he moved them to wrap around to the middle of my back as his lips moved with more energy and I felt his body press back into mine. Deku melted into me like butter.
It was a moment of bliss. Our lips pushing back and forth and coming back together with more energy before I pulled away to breathe. My breath felt hot and heavy as I remained only inches from Deku's panting, flushed face and the sight only made me want to kiss him more. Tears pricked his eyes and I couldn't help but to lift my thumb to wipe them away, my movements slow and gentle and even surprised me. Deku leaned into my touch and I knew then just how strong his feelings for me were.
Part of me was hungry for more but Deku moved to rest the top of his forehead against my chest and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders loosely. That was enough for now. I was still feeling my heart race from it even if I had been the one to initiate it and I could feel how overwhelmed Deku was. I could feel his emotions drifting into me like waves on the shore. Excitement, fear, shock, pleasure, joy, confusion. He was a mixed bag that I couldn't hope to decipher on my own. We stayed like that for a few minutes.
"Does this mean I can come back?" he asked in a whisper and a smile lifted the corner of my mouth.
"Yeah, sure" I replied and I felt a small wave of joy lap against me again and his fear faded.
We didn't do much else that night. We didn't speak or kiss again but I held his hand in mine as the scenery around shifted and melted away until we were back on that same old familiar hill on a warm summer night and we both laid down on the grass to shut our eyes. The only difference was Deku's hand in mine and his side pressed against me.
"You seem to be in a good mood lately Kacchan?" smirked Spark Plug as he hopped past my desk in the few minutes we had left before our school day started.
What did he just call you?, asked Deku with disdain.
"Huh?" I sneered at him and he stepped back with his idiotic grin
"I'm just saying man," he continued, "did something good happen?" he cocked an eyebrow and my own narrowed in return.
He just called you Kacchan, didn't he? Pushed Deku and turned to me with a disapproving frown.
"Like I'd fucking tell you anything" I spat back with as much venom as I could muster.
"Oh, so something good did happen?" perked up Tape Arms and I turned my lethal stare on him but it did nothing to his intrigued smile.
Kacchan are you even listening to me?
"So, who is it?" asked Dunce Face, waving his finger gun fingers at me, "which girl's got your attention?" he asked smugly.
"Nah," spoke up Soy Sauce Face, "he's been too good of a mood lately," he commented, "makes me think the girl has already gotten to him" he smirked.
Kacchan.
"Shut the hell up all of you!" I screamed and bared my teeth, slamming my hands on the desk as I rose. The two nosey assholes turned to face the front and snickered.
"Bakugo" came Mr. Aizawa's firm voice and I froze. I turned my attention to Aizawa glaring at me from the front of the room and sat back down with a grumble. Deku only rolled his eyes and me and shook his head lightly. His small smile did not escape my attention.
It had been a week since I first kissed Deku and we had spent every night together, sharing dreams, since. We had not kissed since and we hadn't spoken about it but Deku seemed to have reached a new level of comfort around me. He would sleep right beside me on the hill, would intertwine his fingers with mine and rest his head against my shoulder. More importantly, I let him. I didn't complain or resist or pull away. I let him get close, as close as he wanted. There was no use in lying about it when he could feel my emotions just as I could his. Being close to me brought him comfort and happiness and it was the same for me.
In all honesty, I wanted to kiss him again. I wanted to roll on top of him on the hill and pin him under me while I felt his lips with my own. I wanted to take it further. I was interested in trying to slip my tongue in. Of biting him lightly. Of feeling his body flush against mine. Maybe next time I would try to touch him more. I hardly did anything with my hands the first time and the more I thought about it the more I wanted to touch him, to feel all of his muscles and lines.
I hadn't made a move since because I hadn't wanted to push it. I didn't want to go too far or too fast and risk making him uncomfortable. I didn't know how to talk to him about it either. All of this feelings shit was all so alien to me that I didn't know how other people dealt with it.
I shook myself. I was in class god damnit and I had just let my thoughts drift off and not absorbed a single thing Mr. Aizawa had been saying. I looked to Deku for help and then froze.
"Shit" I spoke mostly to myself.
K-Kacchan, Deku's voice was wobbly and he looked to me with trembling legs, a flushed face and wide eyes. He had picked up on everything I had just been thinking.
"Bakugo" shot Mr. Aizawa from the front of the class
You idiot, I spat because I didn't know what else to do in this situation, you were supposed to be paying attention to class.
How can I do that when you're-you're thinking of stuff like that, he retorted shakily.
He wasn't angry or confused, he was just surprised more than anything else and his face had turned red.
Just drop it, I growled back in warning. I had fucked up and that was on me but this was not something to deal with in class. Speaking of.
"Something wrong Bakugo?" came Mr. Aizawa's voice from much closer and my shoulders stiffened as I lifted my gaze to see him towering over my desk with a scowl.
"No" I replied with a grumble.
"Good. Then keep your words to yourself" warned the teacher with a hiss and returned to the front. Across the room I could hear snickering and I didn't have to look to know those same two idiots were having a laugh at my expense and it made my eye twitch with anger. Luckily Deku didn't say any more, turning away from me to hide himself and I pooled all of my attention back into the rest of the school day.
But I knew the nerd well enough that he wouldn't let my slip up go and I would have to face him eventually. It was already a miracle that he hadn't tried to corner me or nag at me about the whole kissing thing already. So much for being careful. Idiot. Deku was quiet for the rest of the day and I did my best not to pay him any attention which seemed to be what he wanted too, keeping quiet and not reacting to the things happening around me so my attention wouldn't be pulled towards him. Even when training there was a clear absence of 'you're amazing Kacchan' and 'awesome' coming from him. His obvious silence to avoid me was irritating but at least he hadn't retreated away into my subconscious.
It wasn't till I had settled into bed for the evening to sleep when I finally faced him again after my blunder. When I came to the hill, he was already there, sitting and plucking at the grass.
"Deku" he flinched at my voice and lifted his head to look to me.
"Y-yes Kacchan?" he asked with a wobbly smile.
"About today," I began.
"It's fine Kacchan" he cut in and stood, letting the blades of grass in his hand drop, "we don't have to talk about it"
"I want to" his eyes opened a little wider and his cheeks reddened, "I like you and I liked kissing you and I want to do it more," I blurted out. There was no point keeping secrets between us. Not here.
I thought of saying more to him. Of telling him that even though it seemed to come out of nowhere, that it wasn't. Deku had always been special to me in his own way and I just hadn't been able to see it until I had lost him. It wasn't till he was gone that I realized how much he meant to me and the more time I spent with him the clearer those feelings became. I didn't want to use my words. I sucked at putting feeling into words but here was different. Here Deku could feel what I felt and his wide green eyes relaxed and a soft smile grew on his face.
There was a warmth shining behind Deku's eyes that made my chest feel lighter and he opened his arms to me in invitation and I closed the distance between us to embrace him. This time he didn't flinch or tense up or make a noise of surprise as he wrapped his arms back around me comfortingly. I buried my face in his hair and I felt his nose against my neck as he nuzzled in closer. I took in deep long breaths, savoring the scent that I had known all my life. Just like how my scent had comforted him when we were children I could understand it now as with each breath I could feel myself relax.
I felt lips graze my neck and my eyes snapped open and my heart raced. Is that how it had felt for Deku? It felt good and it made me want to melt. I turned my head ever so slightly to give him more access and this time when he kissed my neck again lightly I could feel the smile on his lips. His lips trailed their way up my neck one gentle kiss at a time and I tightened my hold on him as he reached my jawline. He moved to pull away and as much as I didn't want him to, I lessened my grip without letting go. He pulled his face away to look into mine with that warm smile and I knew he was asking me for it. I leaned in till out lips met and it only went from there. I pressed my body against his, one of my hands lifting to tangle in his hair as he took my breath away.
I dared to use my tongue to lick at his lower lip while we made out and I was rewarded with a small gasp. He didn't pull away at all and I took my time to reach out and explore his tongue with my own. I let my other hand explore, lifting up his plain tee to touch the smooth skin of his back and he hummed in response. His own hands moved, one cupping the back of my neck strongly as though he was afraid I would escape while the other reached under my own shirt to tickle my side as his fingers glided upwards from my hip. His touch was slow and gentle yet electrifying and I felt I could die happy in that moment.
"Kacchan" breathed Deku with a chuckle as he pulled away and we both took the moment to catch our breath. He had picked up on my last thought but this time I didn't mind at all. His cheeks were flushed and his green eyes heavy with warm emotions and I could feel the heat in my own cheeks.
"You really do like me?" he asked quietly.
"Yes" I replied without hesitation and pulled his body against mine harder for emphasis. Deku's eyes practically shimmered in response before he lowered his face, smiling. His hand started to slowly glide up my side further and I closed my eyes to enjoy it with a sigh. Deku shifted and his lips met mine again and I just couldn't get enough of him.
I had missed my chance while he had been alive. Too prideful and stupid to look into why Deku had always gotten under my skin like no one else. Now that I could see it for what it is, I felt utterly stupid for not realizing it sooner. Just like our broken friendship that we were piecing back together through our new connection, now we could go beyond even that and I could spend time with him like this, like no one else ever had. He was mine and I was more than willing to be his in return.
A/N: Sorry if the romance seemed to come out of nowhere or seem a little forced. Writing a chapter each week is so much harder than doing the entire piece at once since I am working on so many other fics at once (otherwise my brain would explode) I feel like I lose touch with them a little. Apologies.