Chapter Ten

I awoke the next morning to a gentle rapping on my door. It was still pretty early, but I got up and reached for my robe and wrapped it tightly around me.

"Who is it?" I asked before opening it.

"Rose"

I opened the door and sure enough Rose was standing there. She looked very pretty in a yellow and white dress with her hair all done up.

"May I come in?" she asked.

I opened the door, inviting her to come in. When she was in I shut it and joined her on the small couch in my room.

"I wanted to thank you for last night. I knew you knew I wasn't telling the truth, but you didn't say anything, I appreciate that."

"Your Welcome"

"I suppose you want to know what really happened?"

I shook my head. "Your knight in shining armor already told me. We don't have to discuss it if you don't want to, I'm just glad that you're all right."

She smiled a small smile. "We used to talk about everything, remember?"

I nodded. "I miss those days."

"Me too"

She reached for my hand and grasped it tightly. "You were always more of a sister to me. I used to feel like I had to protect you from everything, but now it seems that I'm the one that needs it."

"And I'm here to give it to you." I replied reassuringly.

She shook her head. "Sarah, I'm drowning, you know that. You still have a chance, Grandmother won't let this happen to you. I want to live, really live. I know I can't do that with Cal."

"Do you want to end the engagement?"

She didn't answer. Instead she got up and over to the dresser and rested her hand on it. "I heard Mother talking about you and that officer."

I laughed softly, shaking my head. "I swear she creates situations just so she can have something to be meddlesome with."

Rose nodded. "Is he nice?"

I couldn't help but smile. "Very"

She looked at me and smiled. "Hold onto to it as long as you can"

I wasn't quite sure what she meant by that and she didn't elaborate. Her head fell and she I could see the sadness in her face.

"Rose?"

"I remember life being so simple when I was young. I never had a care in the world, then…he died and even though I loathed him, I wished more than anything that he hadn't."

She looked as if she was about to cry and I tentivley got up and approached her.

"She wants so much from me…" she turned to me. "…I just can't do it." she began to sob and I pulled her over to me and into an embrace. I stood there rocking her like an infant, trying my best to comfort her.

Eventually I sat her back down on the couch and put my arm around her.

"Rose, whatever it is you need just tell me. I can help, really I can."

She shook her head. "I'm not going to ask that of you, besides…" she wiped the tears off of her face. "…You've got your own life to worry about." she got up and looked at herself in my mirror and fixed her hair and face. She then turned back to me and smiled. "I love you, Sarah. You may be the only person that I truly love, and that loves me back...but I'm not going to get you involved with all of this."

"Rose, Please. You just said yourself you thought of me as a sister, I feel the same way. Let me help you."

"You want to help me?"

"Yes" I nodded.

She came over to me and and bent down to my level. "Don't become what I have. Live your life, do whatever you want and don't let anything stand in your way."

Her voice was so serious that I held my breath the whole time afraid I would miss a word. When she finished all I could do was nod.

"I'll see you at dinner." she said quickly and gave me a quick hug and with that she left the room, leaving me in more bewilderment than I had been in before.

Please help her God, do something, anything.

What she really needed was an angel. I could try my best to help her, but in the end Rose needed a miracle. Her wedding was in just a few weeks and there was no way anyone would let her out of it as easily as she needed it.

A miracle was the only thing that could help her.

Hannah came into the room a few moments after Rose had left and helped me get dressed. I picked out a dress that was one of my favorites and was a two piece dress, the first part was a plain white dress with square neck and over that a lavender piece that was somewhat like a long coat. It came together at my waist with beautiful pearl buttons.

She pinned the sides of my hair letting the rest fall down my back and then shooed me out the door and to the dining room where I was supposed to be having breakfast with Polly.

"Good morning" she said as I approached the table. A waiter pulled out a chair for me and I thanked him and sat down.

"Good morning."

She sipped her orange juice. There were only three other people at the table; Charles, and two men I didn't know. They were all involved in their own conversation so that left Polly and I to ourselves.

"What on earth happened last night? I heard Rose nearly went overboard. Is she all right?"

I nodded and told her what had happened…the propeller version.

"Poor thing, thank goodness someone was there to help her."

"Yes."

The waiters came by and set a plate of food in front of each of us.

"All right then, onto the interesting gossip. How's Mr. Lowe?"

"Fine" I replied, I couldn't help but smile though and she beamed back at me.

"I heard that you spent sometime with him…alone…yesterday."

"Who told you that? Somehow my Aunt knew as well."

"Oh Sarah, we're miles out to sea, what else are people supposed to do…read the bible? Now come on tell me what happened."

"He showed me the ship, took me down to second class and steerage."

"And?"

I honestly tried to hide the rest from her, but as she had said before, I was no good at lying.

She saw my face. "Oh you're blushing! Did he…" she came closer towards me. "…kiss you?"

I nodded and she smiled with joy. "Oh darling I'm so excited for you. Your first kiss."

"How do you know it was my first?"

"No girl blushes like that unless it was her first, or she's in love…oh my goodness…You love him!"

Charles and the others looked up and I hushed her.

"Polly!" I hissed.

"Sorry…" she began to whisper. "Have you told him?"

I shook my head. "I'm not ready to yet."

She smiled and patted my hand. "Wait until you're comfortable, that's the best thing to do." She turned back to her food, and then looked at me. "Suddenly I'm not very hungry, are you?"

I shook my head. I usually didn't even eat breakfast, except for the past few days.

"Come on then I'll take you back to my suite so you can meet the children."

"Okay"

"Charles, darling…" she told her husband where we were going and he nodded and went back to his conversation. Polly and I left the dining room and went back to her room which was on A-Deck. Her room was a different style than mine, lighter colors were used along with a lighter wood, but I still preferred mine.

"Estelle…" she called. A older woman opened one of the bedroom doors.

"Yes Ma'am?"

"Could you bring the children out here?"

Estelle nodded and I sat down on the sofa.

"You're just going to love them, Sarah….oh there's my darlings."

Estelle appeared carrying the chubbiest baby I had ever seen, but then I saw the one who was toddling next to Estelle and realized they were two of the chubbiest babies I had ever seen. They were adorable. Dark curls like their mother and big bright blue eyes. Polly took the one in Estelle's arms and the one who had been walking sat down on the carpet and then crawled over towards the fireplace. Estelle caught her and picked her up and offered her to me.

Hesitantly I took her. She sat in my lap and immediately reached for my pearl necklace and began to chew on it. I thought she was the cutest thing I had ever seen.

"What's her name again?"

"Eleanor." she said sitting down with the baby I know knew to be Robert. "She's very independent and likes for things to go her way, so be careful."

"Sounds just like you" I replied as Eleanor began tugging on my hair. She smiled a beautiful little smile and I took her hand away and kissed it. "No, no." I told her.

She giggled. "Na, Na"

Polly laughed. "Looks like you've made a new friend. You always did like children, I'm glad to see that hasn't changed." she replied as Robert began tugging a ribbon on her dress.

I smiled and turned back to Eleanor as she put her hands over my eyes and squealed with delight.

I spent the next few hours with Polly and the children. We had a wonderful time, even when Estelle came and got the two to put them down for a nap, I stayed with Polly and we talked. Mostly about Harry. I told her about the kiss and I thought she would die with pleasure.

"Charles has never done that, maybe I'll have to surprise him, press him up against a few walls."

"Oh Polly!"

"You want to act like one of the big girls, you're going to have to learn our ways." she replied with a devilish grin. "Our wedding night was nothing like I thought it would be, a scream, a few moans and it was over, but if I had been kissed like that, I tell you, there would have been a lot more."

My hand covered my mouth in shock and she laughed at me and reached over and patted me on the head. "Dearest virgin, Sarah."

"You talk worse than a sailor." I remarked, but still visibly amused.

"Don't worry I think Mr. Lowe will know what he's doing. Nothing to worry about there. He won't get lost."

"Lost?"

She laughed. "You'll figure it out, I promise."

I shook my head in disbelief. It was strange to think I used to go to church with this girl. But here she was talking about sex and other things like it was nothing. That must have been what happens after you get married.

I left Polly's room around quarter till eleven and knew I still had a few minutes before I had to be back for lunch, I decided to go for a walk, maybe I would run into Harry. But in order to accidentally run into Harry I had to go up to the boat deck, I didn't know how I would explain being up there if I did see him, yet I really wanted to see him. I missed him.

I made my way up there and walked near the edge, running my hands over the railing. I walked towards the gymnasium passing by the lifeboats, when I felt a pair of arms wrapped around me and snatch me up off the ground. I gasped at the surprise.

"Admit it, you come looking for me don't you?" his voice said as he set me back down.

"Harry!" I turned around quickly, hands on my hips

"Yes?" he was smiling that gorgeous smile that made me go weak in the knees as well as want to throw him off the ship.

"I swear you just took five years off my life."

"Oh…" his face formed into a hilarious pout. "…let me make it better." he dove towards me and began to plant little kisses all over my face. I laughed and pushed him away. People around us were staring. The smile melted away from my face and I pulled him over in between two of the lifeboats, out of the way of their eyes.

"You're going to get us in trouble."

He smiled softly and smoothed the hair away from my face that the wind was moving out of place. "Sorry, I was just happy to see you."

I smiled and let him lean over and kiss me softly.

"You looked beautiful today." he replied.

"Thank you." I said blushing a bit, not from his words, but from the way he looked at me. I could tell he really meant it.

"I like your hair down."

I vowed then and there never to wear my hair up again around him.

I leaned in to kiss him again when I heard a familiar voice, it was Rose. I looked up and saw Rose, along with Jack pass by us. Neither one of them saw me or Harry standing there, but I saw them.

"Wha.." I softly slapped my hand on Harry's mouth and stopped him from talking.

"Shhh"

I leaned out from in between the lifeboats and watched them as they walked down the deck, a good distance apart, but talking.

"I don't believe it."

"Believe what" Harry asked removing my hand.

I told him what had happened the night before, and then my talk with Rose that morning. He then peered out and looked at them. "I heard about that. It was your cousin?"

I nodded. "Please don't say anything, though."

He shook his head. " I won't. I do have to go though, my shift starts at noon."

"Oh" my disappointment was obvious.

"Do you want to meet after dinner again? 8 o'clock."

I nodded quickly "Yes"

He laughed softly and kissed me, cupping my face in his hands. When he pulled away he held me for a moment. "I…" he swallowed back hard. "I'll see you later."

I nodded and watched him go, I didn't let my discontent get to me though. I would be seeing him again soon. I straightened myself before leaving the spot between the two lifeboats and made my way back down to my deck and towards my cabin. I had just reached my door when Cal came out of his cabin and saw me.

"Hello there." he smiled.

"Hello."

"You haven't happened to see my fiancée have you?"

I thought for a second before shaking my head. "Not since this morning, but that was before breakfast."

Please, please don't let him see that I'm lying.

"Well then, if you do see her, let her know I'll be in the smoking room with Col. Gracie."

I sighed with relief. "Of course, would you like me to have her send for you."

He shook his head. "That's not necessary, but thank you."

He started away and I turned the handle on my door when he turned back to me. "Sarah"

I turned around. "Yes?" Oh God, he knows!

"I wanted to tell you that having you on this trip has been…nice. You're a nice girl, and I think you Aunt is a stupid woman for treating you the way she does."

I stood there shocked for a moment. Caledon Hockley was not known for his empathy, in fact I didn't think I had ever heard a compliment like that from him before…ever.

I smiled. "Thank you, Cal. That's very nice of you to say."

He stood there for a moment looking at me, before sighing and clapping his hands together. "Well I suppose I will see you at dinner then."

"Yes. See you then."

With confusion filling my head I watched him walk down the hall before going into my cabin. That was strange. I thought closing the door.

I decided to skip lunch and that until dinner I would get some school work done. I went over to the night table and pulled out my books and papers. I scattered them on the bed and made myself comfortable by propping up some pillows and throwing myself into my school work.

Yeah this chapter was kind of slow but neccessary :) I hate chapters like that but oh well it must be done. Anyway Chapter 11 should be better, at least I hope so :)

Thanks again for your reviews. Ya'll are tooooo sweet!