Sara thank you so much for your review! I read that this morning and felt like crying, I was very touched that you think all of those great things about this story. So you made my day and I love you for that : ) I really hope you like the rest of the story and where its going…oh yeah about that part with Harry saying something about Rose smiling. He does know a bit about what's going…Sarah had mentioned some of it on the boat deck earlier, but I had written something before that that I had erased, but I forgot to change that line, so you have a good eye! That line wasn't supposed to be in there! My bad : ) But they do talk about it later on in this Chapter…

To everyone…I am so sorry I didn't update yesterday, it might be like for the rest of the week though, school is totally kicking my butt, there's no kindness in the world I swear! I am trying my best though, this chapter was written over the course of two days with some interruptions, so I really hope it flows all right. It's really juicy though…I really have to stop watching Passions…lol

Chapter Thirteen

Although I had just been on the bridge the day before, it seemed like a completely different place now. It was dark, and quiet, but it was a peaceful quiet. Harry held tightly to my hand as he led me inside. A man with a stern face, and very strong jaw, stood near the front window, his hands clasped tightly behind his back. He turned around when he saw us enter.

"A little late for visitor isn't?" he asked, focusing on me.

Harry and Jimmy exchanged looks before grinning at him.

"Now Lights be nice to the girl, she could probably buy you or sell you." Jimmy replied.

The man raised his eyebrows and then looked back at me, some slight amusement in his face. "There are plenty of other men on board and you chose Lowe…my sympathies, Miss."

I smiled at his joke as Harry wrapped his arm around me.

"She has good taste, not her fault." he replied with a grin. "Sarah, this is Charles Lightoller, he's first officer."

"Nice to meet you." I said extending my hand. He shook it.

"Are you planning on showing her around?" he asked Harry.

"If that's all right."

He nodded. "Just be quick about it…very nice to meet you, Sarah." he replied before turning back to the window. Harry led me off and Jimmy disappeared inside another room. He led me towards a wall filled with lights and switches and other things that all looked too complicated to understand. He explained what all of it was for and what it did, but I honestly just sat there and nodded through most of it.

"This grid shows us when the water tight doors are secure…"

"Mmm hmmm…"

"…and this one here is a signal to all four headed purple flamingos so we don't accidentally run them over."

"Oh…wait, what?" I shook my head out of the daze I had been in and saw him smiling at me, arms crossed across his chest.

"Have you been paying any attention?"

"Uh…no."

He shook his head, laughing at me. "You never manage to not surprise me."

I smiled at him, a big and hearty grin. "Your Welcome."

He smiled a smile nearly as big as mine and pulled me towards him and kissed me quickly. We both laughed as we parted, our foreheads pressed together so that we were as close as we could be, for the moment anyway.

"Come on, I'll show you the rest."

He took hold of my hand and led to other parts of the bridge, even convincing some other man to let me steer the ship for a moment.

"Watch out for those flamingos." he whispered in my ear. I burst out laughing. Everyone else just looked at us and shook their heads.

After that he took me inside and down a corridor filled with doors. He pulled me into the third or fourth door down, which I realized, as I walked in, was the Wireless Room. He introduced me to the two men who were behind the counter. They were very polite and talked to us for a few moments before we left.

"Is that the end of the tour?" I asked, when stepped out of the room.

"No, there's one more." he wrapped his arm around my waist and led me down the hall, turning onto another and then back up to another, he then stopped at a door and looked around the quiet and empty hallway before opening it. He let me go in first and then came in behind me shutting the door.

"Where are we?"

"This is my room."

"Oh" I looked around and noticed it was much smaller than mine, in fact it seemed nearly a third of the size of mine, but it was nice. A dresser with a mirror beside it, a single bed, night table, and desk. The only light in the room was sitting on the desk and casting our shadows against the walls. "This is nice."

He laughed and took off his coat. "Yes, I guess it is. Sure isn't anything like yours though."

"Elegance isn't everything. This is more personal." I replied, noticing the amount of things strewn across the room; Clothes, books, little things here and there.

He sat down on the bed and removed his hat. "Yes well, that tends to happen when you don't have a port to call your own."

I still stood near the door, a bit apprehensive about my being alone with him in his cabin, and looked at him quizzically. "What do you mean? You don't have a home?"

He shook his head, "She'll do for now though" he said letting his gaze follow a circular path towards the ceiling and then back to me again.

I took a brave step and walked over and sat next to him on the bed. "I don't really have a home either."

"I thought Philadelphia was."

I shook my head. "It's hard to call some place your home when you're only there a few months out of the year. I like to say England is, but it feels more like a place to stay to me, not a home."

He took my hand into his and squeezed it tightly. "What's the old saying, Home is where the heart is?"

I nodded, having heard that once or twice.

"Maybe" he thought aloud. "Home doesn't always have to be a place…" he turned my face towards him. "…maybe it can be a person as well."

"Maybe." I said quietly as he looked into my eyes. We leaned in a kissed one another as if being pulled in by a magnet. It different this time though, it seemed to have more of a purpose. He was still the same and so was I, but I could just feel the unfamiliar lingering in between us. He pulled me closer to him and began to kiss me with intensity and I couldn't help but return it. I felt lightheaded but it was in a wonderful way, I felt as if I was floating on a cloud, a cloud that he gently laid me down on and hovered over me, persisting with his kisses.

My mind was whirling with emotions, pushing out any coherent thought I had left. When he began to kiss my neck, I closed my eyes and fought fiercely as they tried to reenter my mind. If this was what Polly had been talking about, and I had a feeling it was, she was right about him, he really did seem to know what he was doing.

Suddenly my eyes popped open and all those thoughts came rushing back into my mind. If he did know what he was doing, he had obviously done this, or some variations of it, before.

"Harry…no." I pushed him up and sat up myself.

Both our of our breathing patterns were uneven and he looked at me exasperated. "What is it?"

"This isn't right."

"It couldn't be more right, I love you, and you love me…"

"That's not it! We're not married and for heaven's sake I haven't even known you a week, does that seem right to you?"

"I try not to focus on the negative." he replied with his famous smile.

"Harry, please!" I got up from the bed and nervously began to wring my hands together.

He got up and came over towards me, serious this time, and placed his hands on my shoulders. "I'm sorry, I keep forgetting what kind of world you come from."

I felt close to tears. I couldn't bring myself to turn around and face him with the thoughts that were swimming through my head.

"I'm not like the others then?"

"Others?"

"The other girls."

"What are you talking about."

It took a lot out of me but I found the courage to turn around and looked him right in the eye…oh those eyes. I couldn't help but feel myself soften when I did, but then I was reminded of what those eyes could have done to other girls.

"How many have there been?"

"Why are you getting so upset over this all of the sudden?"

I wasn't sure why. Jealously maybe, fear, I didn't know. You hear so many things. Whispers of diseases and strange things happening to people. Ladies who sold themselves for just a few pounds in London, girls my age…

"Just…don't lie to me. Obviously I'm not the first."

"Yes, that's true, but you're the first one that I've ever loved."

"So how many were before me?"

"Sarah, you're testing my patience!"

At those words, those harshly spoken words, I lost my nerve and did let the tears spring from my eyes. He stood there for only a moment before taking me into his arms. "I'm so sorry." I sobbed into his shoulder.

"It's all right."

"No…" I replied, shaking my head, and pulling away from him. "….it's not. I have no right to ask you about things that happened well before we met. You love me and that's what matters." I sighed deeply. "Everything about this seems so obscure to me. I have no idea how I'm going to walk off this ship without you, knowing that I might never see you again, and knowing the life that I'm walking back into. I feel protected from all of that when I'm with you…"

"I keep the rich folk's at bay?" he asked with a tiny grin.

I had to laugh. I slowly nodded. "Yes something like that."

"There's a simple solution to this, you know…just don't get off the ship."

I shook my head. "It doesn't work like that."

"Why not?"

"It's complicated, trust me, if anyone could just walk away…" I began to think about Rose. She wanted to walk away, run away even. But she couldn't. Compared to hers, my life was picture perfect, it wouldn't be fair for me to get a chance to do what she had wanted for years and for her to just stay glued to her unhappy life.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Rose…" I said almost in an afterthought tone.

"Rose?"

I looked at him, deciding if anyone would listen, it would be him. "She's in trouble."

He raised his eyebrows and I continued.

"I told you about what happened last night…"

"Her nearly going overboard."

"It wasn't an accident. She was going to kill herself."

He exhaled heavily, shock covering his face. "I kind of had a feeling when we talked earlier. Why? What would make someone want to do that?"

I explained it all to him, tearing up at certain points, but holding my composure until I had told him every last thing.

"I don't like the sound of this Hockley fellow…he doesn't seem…right."

"A lot of people say that."

He sat me back down on the bed and then brought his desk chair over and sat himself on it. "She didn't look like a suicidal girl tonight though, in fact she looked like she was living life. Not too many rich girls will attend poor folks' gatherings."

"Jack invited her."

"Sounds like she's made a friend."

"Yes maybe."

"Just like you have." he said with an encouraging smile.

I smiled at him and thought about the way Jack and Rose had been looking at one another earlier.

He grinned at me and then reached for my hand. "Come on Ms. Wilkes, it's past your bedtime."

Later…

We came out on the boat deck and were greeted by a more than sound breeze. There wasn't another soul around and we held hands as we walked. I couldn't help but look up into the starry sky. It was as if a thousand diamonds had been sewn into a satin blanket.

I didn't want the night to end. In fact, I found myself wishing I had kept my mouth shut when we were in his room, but something told me it wasn't the right time. I turned to him as we slowly walked down the deck. He was so handsome, so kind, and so perfect. He was perfect because he wasn't…there were times when he didn't say the right thing, or made a joke when he shouldn't have, but that made him all the more alluring to me. Was it possible to feel anything stronger for someone than just love?

I stopped and holding onto his hand, tugged him towards me. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Earlier, I ruined a moment that could have been perfectly wonderful."

"You don't hear me complaining…it wouldn't have been anything wonderful if you hadn't of been ready, though"

"Still, I am…"

He wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me sweetly. "Soon, just not now, all right."

I nodded and he kissed me again.

"Are you sure you want to go back to that world you live in? You could stay here forever, you and me and the Titanic."

"Your way sounds better." I replied, laying my head on his shoulder.

"Then forget about everything, don't even tell anyone. Send a postcard."

I would have liked nothing more, but it wasn't possible. I had too many obligations, most he had no idea about.

"I can't."

"Why, are you already engaged to some rich old man with more money than God and not telling me?"

"No. There's just too much." I said pulling away.

He pushed the hair out of my face and let his fingertips linger against my skin. "I'll get you Sarah Wilkes, you can be sure of that."

I prayed with everything I had that he would. I loved him, truly, and it wasn't something that was going to go away. I really didn't know how I was going to leave without him, but I also had no idea how I could stay either.