Thank you to everyone who has been reading along with this story each week! At this point I's say the story is in it last third (possibly it's last quarter) which is exciting.
I had been pleasantly surprised with how Deku had handled Pink Cheeks. He had avoided giving away our secret, appealed to her enough for her to drop trying to hassle me into spilling my guts and he had created the lie about there being a limit to how much he could be in control of my body. He had done that for my sake, the (lovable) asshole. He had spoken those simple few untrue words purely to help keep Pink Cheeks off my back and although I appreciated that, I would have preferred if she hadn't known the truth at all.
She became even more friendly towards me when she greeted me most mornings in the common space or the classroom, sparking more curious expressions from several annoying classmates. I could only roll my eyes and grumble with annoyance. There was little point telling them they were wrong. They wouldn't believe me. More than once I had felt Pink Cheek's eyes on me during class or in the dorm since that day.
Do you actually intend to talk to her again?, I asked Deku while Present Mic explained something on the board. He had been quietly sitting there listening along with me when he turned his head my way with a questioning look.
I would like too, he admitted with a small smile, but I wouldn't ask you to do it. I don't want to use you like that.
How the fuck would you be using me? I hissed.
I don't want to take up your time and use your body just so I can catch up with a friend, he explained, besides, I'm still dead. Being able to talk is nice but it's not my body.
It is your body, I corrected, It's just as much yours as it is mine. He turned his body, scooting it around on the hill to face me with crossed legs.
Kacchan, he began with a gentle head tilt and soft, small smile. I knew that look. But whatever he was going to say I didn't want to hear it.
I told you to live through me, I reminded him gruffly.
But I can experience that plenty through your other senses. I don't need to be in control, he replied.
Deku, I spoke firmly to stop him before he rambled on, I told you to live through me. This is the best way to do it. You're not using me. I'm sharing my body with you. I explained and he blinked to me for a moment more before lowering his eyes to concede. I let out a sigh.
You can talk to her again if you want, I spoke and he sat a little straighter, BUT you will have to learn to act more like me. I can't have you going around acting so damn nice to everyone or they will know something is up and I don't want more people bugging me with questions. Deku gulped at the challenge ahead of him and nodded firmly. I smiled and reached a hand up to ruffle his hair. He closed his eyes and leaned into my hand, letting it slip from his hair to gently cup his cheek before I leaned forward and he met me part way for a kiss. When I looked into his eyes I could see the trust, love and affection shining back at me and it made my chest warm. I playfully pushed him away with a smirk and we both turned our attention back to the class.
It wasn't easy for Deku, acting like me. Even with me pooling all of my attention towards him while he tromped around in my skin and coaching him in what to do and not do, his fucken sunshine personality still shined through. And people noticed. Even Mr. Aizawa noticed me (Deku) sitting straighter in class and I had to nudge him in the back of the knees to remind him to slouch more. He got startled more easily than me, didn't bite back when someone made a remark, his sparring style was different (that was amusing to begin with watching Kirishima struggle to keep up), he smiled too often, didn't snarl or grumble enough and he ate totally different food to what I usually would. While everyone else had brief moments of narrowing their eyes or asking if I was feeling well, which was getting old real fast, Pink Cheeks always seemed to notice the change, though oddly enough, she never approached us. Deku mused that it was probably because we were around other people and she didn't want to bring attention to us by coming over and striking up a conversation. As far as the rest of the class was concerned, that would be weird. Pink Cheeks and I had very little interaction and considering the unwanted attention I had already been receiving thanks to her just being more friendly towards me, I was glad she was wise enough to stay away. Deku also never seeked her out. In fact, he did his best to ignore her presence altogether and keep out of everyone's way when he was in the driver's seat.
Don't eat that shit, I groaned while Deku made breakfast.
What's wrong with toast?, Deku shot back defensively, all the while his hands never stopped buttering the crisped slices.
The toast isn't what's the problem, I hissed as I sat of from where I had been lying on the hill to glare at him, it's the shit you put on it. Deku's eyes flickered to the apricot jam beside his plate with a frown.
But it's tasty, he argued as he reached for it and started to spread it on his toast.
The rest of the class buzzed through the kitchen and dining area around us. A few remarks had been made about my apparent good mood this morning, how I was "changing it up" for breakfast and of how I was even down here having breakfast the same time as everyone else rather than before most of them had even crawled out of bed. I could only grumble at Deku for his lack of expressing my own usual attitude. Arguably, I could take back control if I wanted but without practice Deku would never get the hang of being me. So far Deku had been doing his best to be me by avoiding conversation with anyone.
Don't eat that, I told Deku when he had finished preparing his breakfast, do you even know how much sugar is in that? I hissed.
You said I could lead for the morning, Deku pouted back, holding the slice of toast in his hand, that means I get to eat what I want. His pout vanished and he stuck his tongue out at me before raising the toast towards his mouth.
Why you little, I growled and lunged for him, grabbing his wrist and fighting for control of my body. Deku pushed back against me, stubbornly pushing to take a bite of the sweetened toast.
You little shit! Give me back my body, I hissed over our struggle that was quickly turning to a wrestling match. I didn't bother trying to hide the smirk on my face. As fun as it was to wrestle with Deku and preferably finish with him pinned under me, I was just as determined to not let him fill me with so much sugar. I put too much effort in my body to let his sweet tooth blow it for me.
Kacchan, he whined as we rolled, his smile clear on his face, Just this once.
Never! I announced with a wicked grin. Outside my body had frozen in place, the slice of toast halfway to Deku's mouth.
I'm not giving up, Deku hissed back at the challenge.
I'll show you, I smirked back dangerously. We rolled and rolled, trying to pin limbs down. Deku was on top and the toast crept closer to my mouth. I gritted my teeth and made one final push. On the outside only seconds had passed, long enough to be weird, though luckily no one had noticed yet.
"You bastard!" I yelled. Deku had dropped away and given me full control back before I thought he would and the words had just slipped out and my body was already moving before I could think. I had wanted to swat the damn toast away and my arm was already moving in reality before I could pull it back. With a swing the toast went flying across the kitchen, everyone's eyes following its path as it curved across the air till it landed jam side down on Denki's face. I froze, the room fell silent, all eyes on Spark Plug as he pried the toast from his face.
"What did I do?" he wailed dramatically. The class erupted into laughter. Iida chastised me from across the room with an arm chopping the air for throwing food but my focus was elsewhere. Deku had watched the entire thing unfold and he still lay on the hill, his shoulders shaking with his laughter. His cheeks were slightly flushed and his eyes closed as he laughed and the sight warmed me deeply. I felt I could watch him like that forever. Pink Cheeks was the only one in the room who's eyes were still on me. The only one to see the soft expression and small smile that crossed my face.
I let him eat the remaining slice.
"Hey Bakugo!" came a too cheerful voice from behind me and with a groan I stopped and waited for her to catch up. The school day was over and our class had scattered to the wind, a small cluster of us heading back to the dorm. I had no extra training planned for the night, choosing to focus on an essay instead. Pink Cheeks jogged to my side and once she was there I set off walking again with her beside me. I glared ahead while she walked along beside me silently. My annoyance was starting to boil over by the time she finally opening her mouth to speak. I was not friendly enough with her to be walking from point A to point B with. I did not need the rest of the class overthinking this kind of shit anymore than they already did.
"I wanted to ask if it was alright for me to speak to Deku again?" she asked and I rolled my eyes internally. Of course it was about Deku. When wasn't it with her? Deku only watched on with a concerned frown. I could feel excitement flicker inside his chest but I could also feel how hesitant he was.
"Fine. Whatever" I grumbled back, "when?" I finally looked to her out of the corner of my eye. I had taken a page from Deku's book. If I didn't agree, she would only hassle me more.
"Oh, um" she clearly hadn't expected me to give in without a fight. I didn't know whether to be amused at her shock or irritated that I had given in too easily. Deku leaned in against my back. I could feel his warmth and kindness seeping into me and didn't have to see his face to know the warm, loving smile he wore. It was his way of telling me that I shouldn't be annoyed and that he was proud of me.
"Is tonight alright?" she asked having finally found her words again, "after dinner?"
"Yeah, sure" I grumbled back. She skipped ahead of me, turning back to shoot me a thankful smile before she headed on down the path while I stopped, watching her go. Deku's eyes followed mine up the path before he turned his attention back to me and part of me glowed at it. He pressed his cheek to mine and I took in a long deep breath before continuing on.
Part of me had hoped she would forget about it or that she would get distracted long enough for me to slink away to bed but I hadn't gotten to be so lucky. Deku had given a look when I thought of being able to avoid Pink Cheeks but his eyes had still shone with a sense of amusement and he didn't say anything about it.
What the hell are you smirking at? I hissed at him as I finished my last few bites of dinner.
I'm not smirking, he retort….but the corner of his lips turned up in a smirk as he said it. I only glared back.
I just find it amusing is all, he tried to defend himself when my glaring became too much.
What is? I stood to take my bowl to the sink to wash and hopefully leave everyone else behind.
You really don't want me talking to Uraraka, do you? He asked with a scratch to his cheek though he didn't look shy about it and looked back at me with a small curious smile.
I already told you that you could, I shot back.
Are you jealous? He asked gently and I may or may not have slammed my bowl in the sink hard enough to grab people's attention. They quickly turned away when I scowled at them.
What the fuck would I have to be jealous of? I hissed at him with burning eyes but instead of flinching away or looking apologetic, he simply tilted his head and stare at me with a tight smile and drawn, concerned eyebrows. There was little point to this conversation. He already knew what I felt. I turned away to breathe for a moment. I opened my mouth to say something back when I was interrupted.
"Bakugo" came an all too cheery voice and I closed my eyes to seethe in silence before turning back to face her after placing my dish down to dry. She stood a few feet from me and I thanked her silently for not getting in my space. I was not in the mood. She smiled to me softly with expectancy and I knew I had missed my chance to get away.
"Yeah fine" I huffed in response and with my still damp hands in my pockets, I skulked past her and towards the front door. She followed me out and we walked a little way around the building so no one could spy on us through the windows. I had no doubt some dumb extra in class had seen us leave and would ask annoying questions later, but I had agreed to this so I would do it.
Are you sure about this? Asked Deku cautiously. He had felt the wave of emotions coming from me before I had the chance to continue our discussion. He was being cautious and caring. He didn't want to talk to her if it meant upsetting me at all.
Fuck off, I told him in regard to his concerns, just get this over with. I offered him the reins to my body and after a long hard look, he hesitantly took them.
"Uraraka," Deku greeted with a small smile, "what did you want to talk about?" Pink cheeks had practically flinched when he had spoken her name. Now that she had the chance to speak to Deku like she had asked, she seemed tense and fidgety. That was not a thing about her that I would have paid any kind of attention to in the past unless we were in a battle together but Deku could tell.
"Oh, uh, nothing in particular," she replied, down casting her eyes, "I just wanted to be able to talk to you again"
"Oh" Deku's small smile seemed to fade a bit. I could feel Deku's concern for me building. He knew how I felt about this whole thing and finding out that she had nothing important to tell him, he was concerned that I would get angry of her wasting my time and giving our classmates more reason to question how close we were(n't). He wasn't wrong. I was irritated as hell though I did my best to reign in my feelings.
"It's nice to be able to talk to you again," she spoke up with a smile and lifting her eyes to Deku, "you've been in Bakugo's body more often lately haven't you?" she asked, "I can tell. You make him look softer" she had meant it as a compliment, I knew that much, but no one got away with calling me soft! Deku leaned in closer to me till his shoulder rested against mine, reassuring me that it hadn't been an insult. Deku must have winced on the outside at the remark because suddenly Pink Cheek's arms were waving in the air as she tried to correct herself.
"What I mean is, you look calmer and more caring a-and more approachable. I didn't mean it in a bad way" Deku's smile grew and he chuckled lightly causing her to relax some.
Is she saying I don't care about anyone? I hissed. Because I did. I just showed it in my own way.
Kacchan, Deku breathed back and pressed closer. He leaned his head on my shoulder so his hair touched my cheek and I could feel his warmth flooding into me again. It felt good and calming to know that despite Pink Cheeks standing right in front of him, his attention was still on me.
"I'm still not very good at pretending to be Kacchan," he breathed with a wide smile, "I should consider myself lucky he even lets me try after all the mistakes I make"
"I prefer you the way you are" Pink Cheeks commented with a blush? I narrowed my eyes at her while Deku smiled on.
"Well I can't be too nice or people are going to start thinking something is off" laughed Deku. If he noticed Pink Cheeks step closer, he didn't react to it.
"T-there's something I've been wanted to get off my chest for a while," she spoke up and Deku grew more serious and gave her his attention, "I said it at your funeral when I could say a few words privately but I guess since you were with Bakugo, you didn't hear them" she went on, her brown eyes darting away like she was embarrassed. She took another step closer till Deku had to tilt his head down to still look at her.
"What is it?" Deku asked and I could feel my own chest tightening. The idiot.
"I should have told you a long time ago" she went on, lifting her chin to look to Deku, to my face. Her eyes searched mine for a moment as though she was trying to see Deku's old self in them, his green hair, bright green eyes and freckles. She looked to open her mouth again to speak when she hesitated a moment then changed direction. She shot up onto her toes till her lips locked to Deku's – mine – before she dropped away again a second later, her cheeks even pinker than before. Deku was stunned and a confusion of emotions swirled inside him while all I could feel was rage erupt in me. How dare she kiss me and my boyfriend. I was enraged on two fronts.
You bitch, I seethed.
"I like you Deku. Izuku. I always have," she looked up into Deku's wide red eyes while tears formed in her own, "I wish I had told you the truth sooner. I'm sorry" her tears seemed to overflow and she lowered her head as he shoulders shook.
Let me at her! I barked. In the shock of her sudden kiss and confession, Deku had shot up straight with his back as stiff as a board, his mouth a frown while his eyes were wide. His eyes flicked to me for a moment and then away again. I could see sadness glistening in them but I could feel him holding on, not letting me take back control just yet. I could feel him wanting me to wait, to hold onto my explosive emotions while he tried to right things. I seethed at him but stopped pushing. He had handled things well with her before and I had to have faith that he would again.
"I should have confessed sooner," she sobbed on, "then maybe we could have been together, even if it was just for a while" Deku lifted an arm and I gritted my teeth at the thought of him hugging her right now. Instead he placed a hand on her shoulder and her head snapped up to face him. He spread his lips in an awkward grin.
"You know you just kissed Kacchan right?" he asked almost light heartedly. Her eyes grew wide with realization. She sprung back and held her hands up between us.
"Oh my god," she gasped, her tears forgotten, "I just kissed Bakugo" she rose a hand to cover her mouth before dropping it away again.
"Oh my god, I am so, so sorry. God, he probably wants to kill me right now. I-" she didn't finish her words. She looked to Deku who only wore the same smile at her before she covered her mouth again, turned on her heel and left. Deku watched her go but the moment she was out of sight his legs threatened to fail beneath him and he leaned back against the wall for support and let out a heavy sigh.
Sorry, he breathed to me, I just ruined your first kiss. He smirked at me apologetically.
You idiot, I hissed back, you were my first kiss.
I wasn't thrilled about the whole experience and Deku had a lot of feelings to unpack over it yet he stayed in control as we hiked up the stairs to our room because he knew if he relinquished control to me I would have thrown a fit.
While Deku laid us on my bed till I calmed, I tired to unpack his feelings and put a name to everything I felt from strongest to weakest. Concern, confusion, anxiety and fear, followed by surprise, joy, affection and a sense of peace. It was such a concoction of emotions that it was hard to keep track of and very few I could fully understand. His concern, fear and anxiety were over me and how he worried I would feel and react to what had happened. He could already feel me displeasure over it all and that's probably what made him feel worse. Although, I thought he was beyond fearing me these days and that stung. The joy and affection I could tell stemmed from his feelings he sheltered for her and that only made me feel even angrier.
Finally he made a move to break the silence that hung between us when he realized my anger wasn't dying down.
Kacchan, he began.
Shut it, I spat back, I don't want to hear your damn apologies.
I don't really see why I should be apologizing for anything, he shot back with a frown. He had tried to start this off gently and I had already irritated him.
I didn't do anything wrong. He remarked.
You could have not let her get so close, I snapped back accusingly, you could have given me back control so I could have pushed her away.
I wasn't the one who kissed her! Deku shot back with a snarl, why are you getting so mad at me for it? I turned on him with burning red eyes.
Because you still have damn feelings for her, I hissed. He narrowed his eyes at me and I had only pissed him off more. He glared back at me with hard green eyes.
Yes, I liked her before, alright! He threw up his arms at me, but I can't just turn my feelings off like a damn light switch! I liked YOU Kacchan, I always did. Until high school I never even thought of anyone else other than you! He pointed a finger into my chest.
Never in my life did I think you would ever like me back so I figured it was time to move on. I tried opening myself to others. So yes, I liked Uraraka. She was nice and sweet and supportive, everything you weren't. I tried to like someone else and it worked but it never replaced how I felt for you. His voice had died down and I felt the twinge of pain in my chest from him. His words stung and it made me feel guilty for not realizing my own feelings sooner. I was just as bad as Pink Cheeks. As Uraraka. I never had it in me to admit my feelings until Deku – Izuku – was already gone.
I turned away, my eyes stinging with the wave of guilt that washed over me. I had taken so much from Izuku over the years. I had bullied and isolated him. Made it impossible for him to have any friends to rely on. Without meaning to, I had kept his feelings for me burning by being the only person he had the opportunity to interact with, even when I turned each of those interactions sour with my cruelty. Come high school he had finally made friends and meaningful connections with others but it hadn't been enough. Even in high school I had taken from him. If I had realized my feelings sooner I could have apologized to him. I could have tried to mend our childhood friendship. I could have been there for him. And I had taken his chance of love too. If I had just realized sooner, then maybe I could have loved him in the real world too. I could have brought him home over the holidays to introduce as my boyfriend. I could have shown off our relationship to the class so everyone knew he was mine. Uraraka never would have dared kiss him if she had known.
Kacchan? He asked gently having felt my pain. He crept closer, coming around me to try to see my face but I hung my head low.
Kacchan, I- he tried to apologize but he was right, he hadn't done anything wrong.
I'm sorry, I chocked out before he could finish, I'm sorry for everything. I hated the way my voice cracked and how my throat tightened with the threat of tears. I had so much to apologize to him for that I didn't know where to begin. I only hoped that he could feel it all from me to save me trying to find the words. I felt a pain in my chest from him again before his arms were around me, holding me to him tightly even as I refused to lift my head.
I know Kacchan, was all he had to whisper for me to chock and the tears to fall. Izuku never let go until I had calmed and with a gentle hand lifting my chin he kissed me. The kiss wasn't much, just his lips locked to mine as I peered into his half lidded green eyes that shone with a warmth that told me that he was mine, inviting me to reaffirm it. I moved my lips against his with need and he moved to match me until we were both panting and hot and naked and I got to feel him in a way that no one else ever could.
Izuku didn't hold a grudge against me. He hadn't meant to hurt me with his words. He had only been telling me the truth and he had been right, I was jealous. With Uraraka giving him attention I feared that his feelings for her would grow and smother what we had built together. I had feared that despite him dwelling inside of me that he would long for her and I was afraid. I didn't want to feel that sort of pain. But Izuku loved me. I knew that, I had felt it for months now how strongly he cared for me and I had been a fool to think that someone else could stomp on it and crush years' worth of hidden feelings.
He was mine and I was his and that was all that truly mattered.
I've been meaning to try to transition Bakugo calling Deku Izuku for a while now but it just never felt natural enough, so there you have it! He called him Izuku in his mind because Uraraka did. Feels like a pathetic reason but I'm going to go with Bakugo realizing saying Izuku's actual name had a sort of intimacy to it and go with that.