Chapter 14

OMG I am so sorry this took so long to post! I am horrible, just horrible (Bad Zut! Very naughty Zut...yeah a little bit of Monty Python HG there for you guys, just watched that and lol what a great movie) anyway this chap. is a bit different, I tried my hand at writing from Harry's POV, it isn't very long, just something I was tinkering with, hope you guys like it. I'm going to be writing my butt off this weekend so that should make up for the lack of posts this week!

Happy Reading and thanks soooo much for your reviews!

I look forward to them everyday :)

The next morning I woke up quite early, not that I had really slept the night before. I just lay there, bundled up in the blankets all night long wishing Harry was next to me. In those few moments I had where I was nearly sleeping, yet still awake, I could have sworn I felt him there next to me. At that point I would wake up again, looking for him, only to find he wasn't there. Then I would lye back down and let my heartache take me over.

To make it go, I thought about all of the wonderful things that had happened the night before and relived every moment with a happy feeling inside me. Although I had to admit I did have a regret, I kept it buried deep, but I knew it was there. Lingering, almost. I wished I hadn't acted so foolish when we were at the point where we were the closest we had ever been to one another. Yet, I knew that if I hadn't I would have gone through with something that I knew in my heart I wasn't ready for.

All my life I had been taught how wrong those feelings were and how one could be damned for eternity for even thinking of them, but I was starting to believe that it was all a lie. Love, meant many different things and if God hadn't wanted us to desire and experience them, then why would he have given us the ability to.

Those were the thoughts that kept me awake for most of the night. I must have rethought them at least a dozen times each, but each and every time I always arrived at the same conclusion.

Harry was right, we loved one another and there was nothing wrong with that, but it wasn't the right time.

Soon, but not now…he had said.

And I agreed.

When the clock in my room showed 7 I decided to go ahead and get up. I drew myself a bath and washed the fatigue off of myself, when I was out I brushed out my hair and picked out a dress for breakfast and also one for the church services that were being held in the dining room afterwards. Hannah came in and was surprised to see me all ready awake.

"Look at you, all ready out of bed and ready to greet the day. Did you sleep well?" she asked, while pulling the covers back on my bed.

I tied my robe tightly around myself and nodded, not really wanting to tell her I hadn't, she would have asked Why and I didn't feel like explaining it all to her. She just smiled though and helped with my corset and then dressed me in my warmer undergarments.

"It's bit nippy out" she explained and then helped me pull on my light blue and white dress. It was long sleeved with lace accents and fit me with that hour glass type figure, thanks to the corset of course. All the same it was very pretty and perfect for cool spring day.

"You're getting skinny." she commented when she did her usual looking me over routine. "Have you been eating."

"It must be the traveling, it always puts me on edge. I never have much of an appetite."

"Well when you do eat, eat sweets, you're making me feel as big as house."

I laughed. The only thing big about Hannah were possibly her feet. She was very tall and slender.

I finished dressing and she did my hair and I then left to for the dining room, where I met Polly. We talked all through breakfast and then went to the library to talk before getting ready for church.

Of course I told her all about what had happened the night before and she was ecstatic. She kept telling me how right she was about us and before I knew it we'd be planning a wedding. As soon as she mentioned that though, I got noticeably quiet. I start reliving the bad parts of the night before, the quarrel.

"Sarah, what is it?"

"I can't leave him, Polly."

She rested her hand on top of mine. "Who said you have to?"

I sniffed back the tears that we coming to the surface and shook my head. "No one, I'll just have to. My Grandfather won't stand for it, it doesn't fit into his plans."

"Plans change all of the time, why can't it happen now?"

"You know that my father split his estate down the middle when it comes to George and I. We receive it when we are 21 or married. When I marry it goes to my husband. He won't want that money given to someone who has none, at least in his eyes…and I don't even want to think of what my Grandmother will say."

"She'll want you to follow your heart, after you've finished school anyway. You know that."

"Part of her does, but then a much bigger part wants me to marry some rich man due to inherit millions upon millions, have his children and leave it at that. It's the era she was raised in."

She sighed deeply and looked at me her eyes full of sympathy. "You really want to be with him don't you?"

I nodded. I was positive that's what I wanted.

"How much money are we talking about here?"

"An awful lot."

"Does Harry know, I mean does he know what can come of all of this, if you two do marry. Does he know that will make him rich beyond belief?"

"What are you saying?" I was shocked she'd even suggest that Harry was only with me for my money.

"No, that's not what I meant…what I meant was does he realize what you two could have together, or what you may have to give up?"

I thought about that for a moment. Obviously Harry knew my family was wealthy, I was traveling first class on one of the most expensive liners in the world, but I didn't know if he had actually sat down and thought about how much there really was. He told me I didn't act as if I were rich, which most likely meant he didn't even think about it when he was with me. I liked that idea, I liked being normal in his eyes, they were the only eyes that mattered to me.

"If I were you, I would denounce the money all together. Give it all to George."

I contemplated what she was telling me, it did make sense.

"Then there's my grandmother though, she's leaving everything to me when she passes on. What do I do, give that all to Aunt Ruth?"

"Sarah, you have to make a very serious and important choice here, if in fact Harry does want to ask for your hand in marriage, it might be soon, it might be later, but you need to prepare yourself. I'll help you in any way I can, but in the end you have to make the choice. Your family may not like the idea of you marrying a simple White Star Line officer, and they're going to try and dissuade you from wanting to be with him, but you're going to have to fight it."

"I realize that."

And I did. I didn't wish hurt upon anyone, even Aunt Ruth. I knew that's what would happen though.

"This is so complicated."

She smiled. "Of course it is, you're in love."

Meanwhile…(from Harry's POV)

It had been a slow morning. On watch from 4 until 8; I despised that shift, nothing ever happened. All right, a few drunk Irishmen down in steerage that the master at arms was having trouble with, was a bit amusing, but all the same I wished I was somewhere else. Now ten minutes until 8 and I could barely keep my eyes open. I reasoned with myself that it was my own damn fault for staying up all night, but, I thought with a grin, it was all worth it.

She made me crazy. Her smile, her hair, her…well everything. I'll see her after dinner tonight, hopefully more rested than I was now, but it seemed way too long.

"Harry."

I turned around and saw Jimmy walking towards me.

"Morning."

"Morning." he replied, mid yawn. "Slow morning."

"Few ice warnings, that's it. Nothing to get all excited about, are you here to relieve me?"

He nodded. "Just until noon right."

"Right"

"You look like you need the sleep."

I yawned and nodded my head.

"Now I wonder why poor Officer Lowe, is so exhausted…" Lights spoke up. "…couldn't be because of the little tour he led through here last night, could it?"

He stood over near the front window and smiled wickedly at me.

"You can go to hell" I replied, he and Jimmy started to laugh.

"She can't be very old…twenty, if that. Young people these days have so much energy." he was obviously proud of his own joke, he laughed for a good minute.

"Well I liked her, very pretty, and smart." Jimmy replied.

"Thank you" I said.

"Yes, yes she is. You did luck out with this one. Smart, rich and beautiful. All men should be so lucky. Moody, when we dock you should head to the nearest hat shop in New York and find yourself a girl like that."

I groaned and turned to Jimmy. "You told him?"

He sulked back while Lights looked amused at the two of us. "Well, you're not the only one who's getting laughed at now. Wasn't exactly your fault you were there in the first place. You should name your first child after me or something, I did you a favor."

"Children, pesky creatures, nothing but mud and bad manners. Can't wait to see mine again." he said with a smile.

"I'm going to bed." I said looking for any excuse to get out of there.

"Sleep tight…and say hello to Ms. Wilkes for me." Lights laughed as I walked back inside and towards my quarters.

Bloody Idiot.

I walked into my cabin and shut the door behind and collapsed on my bed, fully clothed. It didn't seem like it was too long ago that I was here with Sarah. I wished she was here right now, I needed something to wrap my arms around, and she was the perfect size. I turned over and clutched the pillow tightly in my arms and fell asleep dreaming about her, dreaming that she was the pillow.

Later…

I woke up about 3 and half hours later, around 11:30. I shaved and changed uniforms before going to the mess and getting something to eat. 20 minutes later I was on the bridge, found Moody and relieved him. Lucky bloke, getting to sleep.

"Lowe, Andrews is giving a tour of the bridge, so act like you're doing something, okay?" Boxhall said low, so only I would hear.

I nodded and looked up to see Mr. Andrews coming through with a group of people. It took me a moment to realize that it was Sarah's cousin Rose, walking next to Mr. Andrews, she was followed by a man, whom I assumed to be Hockley, and woman with red hair, and then I saw Sarah.

She looked so beautiful. Her hair was down, I loved it down, and pushed all the way over to one side with a ribbon. She saw me and smiled, her whole face lighting up. Rose looked over at me too and gave me a small smile. Forced, I thought. Then I got a good look at Hockley; total snob. Nose jetted straight up into the air, but my eyes drifted back to Sarah. I had to walk out onto the deck and made a point of walking right past her, letting my hand brush up against hers. I was so close I could smell that lilac scent she always wore. The captain approached them as I went outside and I looked back at Sarah, I could see her shaking hands with the captain.

"So nice to see you again…" I heard him say.

With my hands clasped behind me I walked towards the edge of the deck and looked out over the water.

"Psst"

I continued to look out on the ocean, feeling the wind blow across the deck.

"Psst!"

I turned towards the noise that I was hearing. Some bloke was standing near the railing and motioning to me. His bowler hat covered his eyes, so I couldn't really make out who it was.

"Remember me?"

"Sorry I don't."

He lifted the hat quickly and looked at me. It was that boy from steerage. "What are you doing up here?"

"Is Rose in there?"

I looked back towards the bridge and back at him and nodded. "Yes"

He looked somewhat relieved. "Thanks a lot." and began to leave.

"Hold on…something going on I should know about?"

"Just don't tell her you saw me."

I could do that. "All right."

And he turned and quickly made his way down towards the gymnasium. I shrugged to myself and went back to my spot. Stealing quick glances at Sarah as many times as I could.