Song: Wrecked - Imagine Dragons
Last chapter was a short one so to make up for that I know present you a longer one!
There was no funeral this time.
There were no final words to offer.
There was nothing to bury.
There was just nothing.
I felt empty. It felt like I would never be whole again. My head felt baren without Izuku's constant presence and I felt cold from the inside out without his warmth and company.
I didn't remember falling asleep after that fight with Shigaraki. I had heard that I had been on the ground screaming after the fight but my wounds weren't the sort that could be seen or fixed. I vaguely remembered Uraraka being there but not much else. I had woken in my own room, on my own bed with no memory of how I had gotten there. They told me that I had been inconsolable until I had passed out. They had taken me to the hospital to be checked over, given the all clear and then left in my room back at school.
It had been the weekend but I didn't leave my room, not even to shower. I washed myself down with the basin in my room, changed into comfortable clothes, locked the door and laid back on the bed. All weekend all I did was ignore the knocking on my door, turned my phone off and slept but my sleep was fitful and lonely. No longer did I have someone to shield me from my own nightmarish thoughts during the night, no one to pull me out of the darkness of my own mind. I didn't have anyone to step in and turn a nightmare into something better. No longer did I have a hero with me.
When I wasn't having nightmares, my mind was filled with only him. The way he smiled, the way he walked, the sound of his voice, the way his shoulders shook when he laughed. Everything hurt. Every memory of him left me aching deep inside, too deep down to claw through my skin to reach. I missed him. I missed the way his green eyes shone when he looked at me, how one look could convey so much.
And I wished I had done more. I had no one to blame but myself and that left me roaring into my pillow in an attempt to muffle my angry sobs.
If I had done more, if I had jumped back in, if I had acted differently, I could have saved him.
Because I'm already gone.
His voice echoed in my head.
You won't be alone Kacchan.
"But I am alone you fucker" I hissed to myself, my cheeks wet and scorch marks being left in my beaten pillow, "I'll always be alone without you" my words came less angry, more broken than before. My forehead dipped into the pillow, the fabric quickly soaking up my tears.
I wanted nothing more than to be left alone in my misery, yet I couldn't even have that. Sunday evening the banging on my door continued despite my angry hollering to leave me the fuck alone. Kirishima burst through the door, breaking it into pieces as he barged in with his quirk. More extras cowered behind him as I turned on him with a snarl and palms ignited. He blocked my blast with hardened arms raised to defend himself and he was silent until the smoke cleared.
"Dude," he began, his voice was strained with concern that only made me grit my teeth further, "you haven't left your room all weekend. Have you even eaten?" he asked with concern, lowering his arms but keeping his hardening up.
"Or showered?" asked Dunce Face from the door. I turned my glare on him but Kirishima stepped to the side to block my view of the idiot as he ducked out of sight again.
"You've got us worried bro. I don't know what happened in that fight and you don't have to talk about it but at least don't shut yourself away. We're friends. We're here for you" Kirishima spoke sincerely and I could feel some of my rage falling away.
You were never alone to begin with.
"Shut up!" I snapped but it wasn't to Kirishima. I closed my eyes tight and clutched at my head, stepping back. Kirishima came forward a step. I felt his hands, softening, on my shoulders.
"Bro" he said simply as he pulled me into an embrace. I raised my arms to push him away but my energy was sapped from me and my efforts were weak. He let me go anyway. I raised my eyes, embarrassingly damp, to him and he shot me a soft toothy smile that only made me think of Izuku. I dropped my gaze again.
"Whatever's going on. We're here for you bro" he smiled reassuringly and patted at my shoulder, "you're not alone"
With a hand on my shoulder he gently ushered me out of the room and past the extras clustered around my doorframe. Dunce face, Tape Arms, Racoon Eyes and Uraraka were there, all wide eyes and concerned looks. Uraraka was the odd one out. Her eyes carried a concern deeper than any other.
Kirishima made me sit and eat a reheated meal. He waved everyone else away who dared to approach but always stayed close. He left briefly when Ponytail walked by to ask her to make me a new door which she agreed too and he gently asked me if I felt up for a shower but I didn't want to be babied.
Despite the want to stay in my dark room and mourn my loss, stepping outside for a moment had brought some of myself back to me. I wasn't about to be so weak in front of the others.
"Shut up. I can take care of myself" I spat at him as I rose. I took the bowl from the meal and ignored Kirishima's stunned look while I washed, dried and put it away before turning to leave.
"And thanks" I spoke more quietly over my shoulder. I turned away with my hands stuffed in my pockets without looking back. If Izuku were still here, he would have been able to tell me if Kirishima had smiled at that or not.
I showered and brushed my teeth and let myself fall back into bed, closing my new door behind me. Someone had stayed to remove the splintered one thankfully and I let exhaustion drag me into sleep.
Luckily for me my body was so used to my usual morning routine that I woke even without my alarm, having forgotten to turn my phone back on. When I did I found that I had slept in half an hour past my usual alarm and that my phone was flooded with texts and missed calls from the class. Those closest to me made sense, Uraraka too, all showing their concern but even Four Eyes, Ponytail, Earphones and Icy Hot had messaged. I didn't bother reading any of them. I didn't get up to do my usual morning routine. Instead I rolled back over, set another alarm and slept.
When I woke again I only had time to change and eat before marching to class with the rest. But I felt like a zombie. The entire day I felt numb inside. None of the words spoken around me were absorbed, nothing held my interest, my appetite was poor and I lacked my usual motivation to kick ass.
It went on all week. I was just running on some kind of auto pilot, going through each day one step at a time thoughtlessly. People approached me but their voices were just background noise. The notes on the classroom board were gibberish that I couldn't copy. Everything felt meaningless and hollow. I felt like a shell of myself, hollowed out without Izuku with me to keep pushing me forward. I wondered if this is how everyone had felt the first time Izuku had died back on that shit show of a mission. Numb, exhausted, lost. I hated it all yet I couldn't escape it. It felt like a weigh pressing against me that made it hard to breath.
Fuck! If he could see me now what would he even think of me. Would be pissed at how pathetic I was being or would he feel for me and just be there to comfort me. What I wouldn't give to feel his warm embrace around my shoulders and his kind voice telling me I'd be alright. Just the thought was enough to make my throat threaten to choke up and my eyes sting.
I was lying on my bed, staring up at the ceiling rather than doing my homework when there was a soft tap on my door. I closed my eyes with a sigh. Kirishima had been checking in on me almost every night and as much as I knew he was just trying to be a good friend; he was getting on my nerves.
"What?" I called grumpily. The door opened slightly and Kirishima stepped in. I heard the door close slightly behind him and lightly step deeper into the room only to stop midway and remain silent. I sat up with an irritated groan, opening my eyes only to pause with a frown when I saw it wasn't Kirishima but Uraraka looking out of her depth in my room. She stood there looking a little nervous for someone who had been in here plenty of times with Izuku. Crap. I didn't want to think about him again. I hadn't shed tears for days out of stubbornness and I wasn't about to again.
"What the hell do you want?" I asked her flatly and relaxed my hands in my lap as I sat on the edge of the bed.
"I didn't want to ask because I didn't want to upset you but I wanted to know what happened to Izuku," she spoke quietly but firmly. I could tell she was worried about me blowing up at her and as it was I was gritting my teeth.
"I don't know what happened during that fight but-" she paused, "he's gone isn't he?" she asked, her voice coming even quieter, "he hasn't been here all week and well, I couldn't think of anything else that could make you like this if it wasn't about him" she added. Already her voice was growing thick with emotion.
"Yeah" I sighed heavily, "he's gone" I told her flatly, my eyes glued to the floor, my hands clasped together tightly enough for the whites of my knuckles to show.
"How?" she asked softly.
"What does it matter?" I pushed back but my words lacked heat.
"I want to know what happened" she pushed a little in return.
"Shigaraki happened!" I snapped, shooting to my feet and glaring at her with teeth bared, "He killed him, there's nothing more to it!" to her credit, she didn't flinch but her eyes were shining with unshed tears.
"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked, her voice cracking, "I was right there"
"You already knew" I threw back at her, turning my shoulder her way. I remembered how she had rushed to my side after that fight, how she had held me and tried to comfort me. She knew in that moment what had happened. Not having Izuku around had only confirmed it for her.
"You should have told me" she shot back. Tears were starting to run down her round cheeks but her gaze was firm.
"You're right. I'm sorry. Izuku's dead. There, you can go now" I spat back with irritation. When she didn't move to leave I turned my glare on her again.
"Leave" I told her.
"No" she spoke back firmly.
"Get out!" I snapped, throwing a hand in the direction of the door but she only stared back at me with hard, concerned eyes.
"Why?" I asked. I lowered my hand, felt the fight leaving me within seconds as she looked right through me.
"Because you're not alright. Let me help"
"Fuck off" I spat back, "why the hell do you even care? Izuku's gone. You can leave me the fuck alone now"
"I'm not leaving" she spoke with force.
"Why?" I hissed
"Because I care!" she raised her voice and her tears began to spill over again. I only glared back.
"Despite what you may think of me Bakugo, I care. All that time I spent with Izuku, I spent with you too. So yes, I care. I cared about Izuku and I care about you too" her eyebrows furrowed as she spoke the words, trying with everything she had to force me to accept it. I turned my glare away to face the wall.
"Let me help you. Let me be here for you," she went on, almost pleadingly, "I don't want you to go through this alone. I knew your secret too. I was a part of this. So we can get through this together" I looked to her again out of the corner of my eye. Despite her tears she spoke clearly and offered a warm smile my way, arms opening up wide to invite me into her embrace. Instead I stepped back to sit on the edge of the bed again, resting my elbows on my knees and pressing my face into my palms.
"How the fuck can you help?" I asked but the bite was gone from my words.
"I don't know" she admitted softly, "but we can get through this together. I know you two were close, closer than I ever could be, but I'm hurting too" her words were soft and kind. Sincere. I heard her step closer and I scoffed back at her through the thickness growing in my throat.
"We can at least talk about it," she offered as I felt my bed dip as she sat on the edge beside me, not close enough to touch, "or we don't have to talk at all"
"I-" I tried but chocked.
"Whatever you need. I want to help" her own voice was thick with emotion but through it I could still hear the hint of a warm smile and I dared to lift my head to look her way. And there it was. A warm, gentle smile that lighted up even her eyes and it made me think of him, the amount of times he had looked at me just like that with reassurance. It broke me.
My face crumbled upon seeing it and thinking of him. I dropped my gaze because I hated the thought of crying in front of anyone, even someone who had seen me so intimately before.
"Everything reminds me of him and it comes in waves" I managed through my tightening throat. I felt Uraraka come closer till her hip pressed against my side. Felt her warmth beside me.
"My mind is a place that I can't escape his ghost. Every little thing reminds me of him. And – and I'm a wreck" I sputtered, everything surging up my throat, threating to suffocate me if I didn't let it spill out. I felt her arm wrap around my shoulders but I didn't push her away. I hadn't noticed my shoulders shaking till I felt them trembled against her touch.
"Is this how it felt for everyone the first time?" I asked, turning my head to look at her desperately with red-green eyes, "how did anyone cope?"
I want you to move on Kacchan.
"Tell me, how am I supposed to move on?" I chocked, lowering my head again.
"It's not about moving on," she replied with a gentle voice, "it's not about forgetting either. Some things only time can make better but being with friends will help. You're not alone"
You won't be alone Kacchan.
I shut my eyes tightly. I could still see his warm smile as he crumbled piece by piece before me.
"It hurts but sometimes talking about the good things can help too" Uraraka added. I said nothing in response.
After a while she had nothing more to say other than some basic kind words. I remained silent throughout and after a while she got up, gave my shoulder a squeeze and left, promising to be there for me if needed with a smile. I'm sure she was devastated herself but in that moment I didn't have it in me to care enough to speak up. The moment the door closed behind her, I felt alone again and my tears started to fall.
Days passed and although she kept her distance I could see Uraraka looking my way, offering me small warm smiles if ever our eyes crossed. I did my best to ignore her despite the heat that crept up the back of my neck and made my ears feel hot. Despite her words that night, Izuku was the only thing that had tied us together and that was gone now. I saw no reason for her to waste her time with me. And I'm sure Dunce Face and the others were itching to ask if my off mood was because of her, assuming we had broken up despite never actually dating in the first place. It was only thanks to Kirishima throwing them pointed looks or nudging them with his elbow that they kept their mouths shut.
Weeks passed and my eyes stayed dry. It wasn't that the emptiness inside me had lessened at all, only that it had grown to become my new norm. I could focus a little more in class and actually start to get my grades back up which was thankful after Mr. Aizawa had pulled me aside for a talk that I wasn't fond of. My motivation for hero work hadn't returned but I pushed myself to do better, to beat everyone else still if only by a hairline. I didn't want anyone looking to me with worried expressions or pitying eyes anymore, so as long as I acted like I was back on my game, they would think it too.
I ignored All Might until the tall man had practically ambushed me after class, waiting outside the classroom door for me. He had both noticed and heard my failings in class that were only now starting to improve. He asked. I ignored. Until he asked how Izuku was going because he hadn't seen me for training since that fight. I had halted down the hallway, waited for the last few stragglers in front to disappear around a corner before I replied. My pause had already made the man tense.
"He's gone" was all I said before I set off again. He didn't follow me.
Two months passed before Uraraka came knocking at my door again. It wasn't her first attempt at approaching me but it was the first time she had come to my door again. Her previous attempts had been when walking through the halls or between classes. She had even tried to entice me into a sparring match again but I had only stared at her for a moment before turning away. This time she didn't wait for me to reply before she let herself in. Upon seeing her I groaned and rolled my eyes.
"Can't you just leave me the fuck alone" I groaned at her from my desk chair, "I don't want to be all buddy-buddy with you okay" she looked a little hurt at that judging from how the corners of her eyes tightened but she let it go as she stood in the center of the room.
"I've thought of something we can do" she offered instead, forcing a small smile as she tried to cover up her hurt.
"What?" I barked. Not because I wanted to know but because she thought I was interested in doing anything with her.
"For Izuku" she explained, "kind of like a little funeral of our own"
"I'm not interested in going to some fake funeral with you" I shot back, turning my seat back to face my desk and narrowing my eyes at the homework in front of me.
"It's not fake and well I guess it's not really a funeral, I just didn't know what else to call it. Um, a goodbye of sorts maybe" she tried.
"Same thing" I told her without looking up.
"I thought it would help," she pushed lightly, "I thought of it a while ago actually but I thought you'd want some space for a while"
"Yeah?" I huffed back, "well I still want space" I threw a sarcastic look her way, "so if you don't mind" I waved at the door for her to leave. She hesitated.
"Well, I'm going to do it anyway," she told me more firmly, "If you change you're mind meet me downstairs tomorrow morning at nine," I turned back to my homework as a way of letting her know I wasn't listening anymore, "bring a letter for him and anything special to do with him like photos or small items" with her words finally said she turned to leave, closing the door softly behind her. I heard Kirishima's booming voice greeting her outside and groaned down at my papers. Her being seen leaving my room was only going to make the idiots want to pester me more and I doubted Kirishima could hold the reins on them much longer. Although they all thought the reason for my breakdown had something to do with Shigaraki, my lack of time spent around Uraraka made everyone believe that we had broken up and this would only make them speculate more. I hoped it was only Kirishima who saw her and no one else or I was bound to be blasting someone's face if they dared ask.
But after she left I couldn't focus on my homework anymore, pushing it aside with frustration after staring at it for twenty minutes without getting a single thing done. My eyes drifted up to the shelf above my desk and my eyes laid upon that round pebble Izuku had given me all those years ago from the river.
With another long groan I let my forehead drop to my desk.
The next morning was a Saturday and I trudged down the stairs with my hands shoved in my pockets against the chill to find Uraraka waiting in the foyer with her shoes already on and a backpack over her shoulders. When she heard me coming she turned to face me, her face lighting up.
"You came" she beamed and I only grunted in response as I shuffled past her to slip on my own shoes.
"Now what?" I asked with a frown. She was still smiling warmly, her eyes looking a little wet until she blinked it away.
"Well actually, I was hoping you would decide," she admitted with a little embarrassed flush, "you knew him best"
Once she had told me what her idea was we made a pit stop at my family's home. It wasn't too much of a detour though seeing as we would have had to get off at the next station anyway so Uraraka didn't mind as she followed me through my childhood streets and through my front door. She followed my lead as I shucked off my shoes. My mum was the first to investigate the door opening and her eyes opened wide when she saw me, though the real reason she looked so surprised was because I wasn't alone.
"Katsuki," she greeted in a friendlier tone that usual, "I didn't know we were expecting you and a friend" usually she would have grumbled at me for not letting her know I was coming home in advance but in front of a guest she was putting on her best behavior. I chose not to point that out to save from suffering an earful later.
"Hello, I'm Ochaco Uraraka. I'm from the same class" Uraraka smiled back and offered a hand. My mum took it and commented on how polite she was.
"It's lovely to meet you. It's not often Katsuki brings anyone to visit" she spoke with a smile, "were you kids interested in staying for lunch?"
"I'm just here to get something" I told her flatly as I walked past her to reach my room. Uraraka didn't follow which I was grateful for but I could still hear them behind me as I ventured down the hall.
"Oh, you have plans do you, a date is it?" I could hear my mum asking and I could picture her grin. She would never let me forget this moment and I groaned internally as I reached my room and ducked inside.
"Oh no," I heard Uraraka's voice echoing down the hall, dismissing my mum's thoughts with a smile to her voice. Whatever explanation she chose to give, I didn't hear as I closed the door behind me. I scoured my room quickly, finding the item I was looking for tucked away in a draw of odds and ends in the back of my wardrobe. When I left, Uraraka and my mum hadn't left the entryway and I slipped my shoes back on to leave, Uraraka slipping hers back on too.
"You sure you don't want to stay for lunch?" she asked with a hint of disappointment.
"We've got stuff to do" I huffed back before heading for the door, "I'll call ahead next time" I told her over my shoulder before we left and that was enough to put a small smile back on her face and let us go.
"Izuku grew up near you didn't he?" Uraraka spoke up after we had turned left from my place and headed on up the street. I kept my hands stuffed in my pockets while the mid-morning sun lifted most of the chill from the air.
"Yeah" I grunted back. She hurried a few steps to walk beside me and when I looked to her out of the corner of my eyes she was looking my way with wide curious eyes and a grin. I sighed out loud and withdrew my hands from my pockets.
"That's the park we used to meet and play at when we were little brats" I told her as I pointed to the park we were coming up on. She looked at the dull play equipment with a sense of wonder and a blush to her cheeks that only made me roll my eyes and frown.
"Our kindergarten was down that way" I pointed down the street as we passed and she turned her head to follow my finger like she could see the pre school from there. You couldn't of course. The street winded this way and that before you reached it.
"Is that where you first met?" she asked, turning back to me with a warm expression, "or did your parents already know each other?" I let my hand drop back down and turned my attention forward but I answered her question anyway.
"Nah, we met there. He was a hard core All Might fan boy even back then and well," a hint of a smile touched my lips at the memory, "I guess I was a bit of a nerd too because I thought that was cool" I saw her smile at me warmly enough to light her eyes enough to make my chest ache.
"By that light pole, I kicked his butt in a game of bounces," I added, pointing at the place in question, "he never could beat me at that" my hint if a smile turned into a small smirk.
"Bounces?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.
"You know that game where you have the keep the ball off the ground with your feet for as long as you can" I explained. She let out a bark of a laugh that was shocking enough for me to turn my head to face her. Her face was flushed with her laughter and I felt heat creep up my face.
"You called it bounces?" she asked before laughing some more. I turned to face ahead again.
"Yeah, so what" I spat back but it wasn't hostile at all.
Uraraka followed me all the way to our next pit stop, auntie Inko's place. I knocked on the door only for auntie to break into a wide smile upon seeing us at the door. She ushered us in and offered us tea warmly.
"It's so nice to see you again Katsuki dear" she spoke warmly and I swear if I weren't taller than her she would have come in to pinch my cheek, "and you must be a classmate," she smiled as she turned her attention towards Uraraka, "I remember seeing you at the funeral" Uraraka nodded her head and introduced herself properly.
"I was good friends with Izuku" she told her with a smile which only seemed to make auntie's chest swell.
"What do I owe the visit?" she asked us both.
"I came to grab something from Izuku's room if that's alright?" I asked, throwing a thumb behind me in the direction of his room. Auntie blinked to me, most likely confused at my use of Izuku's actual name before giving me a nod of approval.
"I know my dear Izuku wouldn't mind. Go ahead" she told me with a sincere smile and I nodded my head to her in thanks before turning away.
Auntie's apartment wasn't as big as my families house so whatever words the two of them spoke while I ventured away I couldn't hear as the sound didn't echo so much. I let myself into Izuku's room which had grown a little stale again from being closed up. Out of habit I headed for the window to open it and let a breeze in. The day was set to be a warm and sunny one now that the day was in full swing so there was no worry of rain. I fought the urge to shake out the bed covers and run a quick clothe over the surfaces. If I started a cleaning job, Uraraka would be stuck chatting away to auntie all day, not that that was a bad thing, auntie was lovely, its just that if they were talking about Izuku then tears wouldn't be far behind.
I went for Izuku's desk draws, reaching down through his pile of hero analysis notebooks to reach the first one. I opened it to his first entry, his crayon drawing of me that had inspired my hero costume of today. I went to tear the page out then stopped. I just found I didn't have it in me to do that so instead I took the whole notebook with me. I paused before making it to the door, turning to the wardrobe and extracting Izuku's red belt from inside. I did it up around me hips and closed the door gently behind me.
"Auntie," I called when I rounded the corner connecting the small hallway to the dining area, "I opened a window in there. Remember to close it before you-" I froze. She turned to face me where she stood before Uraraka, with a wobbly smile and tears in her eyes.
"Oh Katsuki" she wailed as she crashed into me in an embrace. She pressed the air out of me with a wheeze and I dropped the notebook from the surprise, "Uraraka told me what you two are doing and it's just so sweet" she smiled through her tears. I awkwardly raised a hand to pat at her back while she clung to me, my eyes looked over he head to Uraraka who smiled back sheepishly.
"Oh, here," auntie spoke up with a sniffle as she released me. I bent to pick the worn notebook up. Auntie was back in front of me a moment later, holding a picture frame out to me. I took it from her and gazed at it. It was the photo from her wall of Izuku and I standing together side by side ankle deep in the stream.
"Uraraka told me what you two are doing today and I think it's just so sweet. So please, take this and you can add it to your collection" she smiled at me so sincerely that I couldn't deny her so with a long breath I nodded my head ever so slightly in agreement. Her teary smile widened at the gesture before she turned on us and ushered us both back towards the door.
"Now off you two go now, wouldn't want you both to waste such a nice day inside here with me, oh," she stopped her hurrying and turned back to the kitchen, her arms moving frantically before returning to us by the front door where we were slipping our shoes back on, "take this too, for the road" she said, handing a bundle into Uraraka's arms and practically pushed us both out of the door before she could thank her.
"You two have fun now," she told us from the door, "I know Izuku would enjoy it more if you are both having a fun too" she waved us goodbye before softly clicking the door closed behind her. Uraraka gave me a wobbly smile before shrugging off her backpack and putting the bundle auntie had handed her inside. Without a word she held a hand out to me from where she knelt. I just blinked at her.
"The book and frame," she pushed, making a give it here motion with her hand. I handed them to her and she tucked them inside the backpack along with everything else before zipping it back up and standing up again to sling over her shoulder, before she could I reached behind her to grab it from her.
"Huh?" she said with surprise as I plucked it from her grasp without warning.
"It's heavy isn't it" I explained, shrugging one of the straps in place over my shoulder.
"Weight doesn't bother me" she complained as I started to walk.
"Shut up" I shot back flatly but it wasn't intended to be mean or harsh. She shut her mouth with what I thought was a smile out of the corner of my eye but I didn't dare turn my head to see for sure for risk of my chest flaring up again.
Once we were back on street level I turned left again to lead the way further.
"Aren't we done?" spoke up Uraraka from behind, "shouldn't we head back to the station?"
"We can walk it from Izuku's" I told her and she picked up her pace till she was beside me again, I glanced at her and she looked to me quizzically. Her hair had gotten longer, when had that happened?
"If we keep going this way we can get there the back way. That's the way Izuku and I used to go as kids" I told her.
"Alright then," she smiled ahead to herself, "it's such a nice day, I don't mind the walk"
She asked little more as we went, slowly leaving the suburbs behind us. I pointed out memorable areas here and there from my childhood with Izuku, good memories only. I didn't want to think about the bad ones anymore. Izuku had worked hard with me to rewrite those in our dreams so I had a whole set of alternative memories to look back upon if I wanted too and as we walked, I kept some of those not so nice ones to myself. I thought back on those rewritten dreams and they made me feel lighter inside. It felt like a gift left from Izuku. Never again would I have to walk through our old neighborhood or past our middle school gates and be weighed down by the bad I had done in the past. I smiled to myself and if Uraraka noticed, she didn't ask.
Finally we turned off the path and ducked into a tree line. The trees had grown since my last visit almost a decade ago but certain landmarks remained and it was as though I still knew the track by heart. Around a great elm tree, its roots large enough to hide under, past the mossy stones that I was now taller than and across a fallen log that covered the span of a ditch. Despite having grown so much bigger than the last time I had crossed it I couldn't resist putting the second strap over my other shoulder and hopping up on the end of it to walk across even though the ditch was shallow enough to walk through and short enough to leap across. Uraraka followed onto the log and with a smile she followed me across, giggling at the silliness of it but I couldn't help but smile a little.
In my childhood, Izuku and I would race each other along this same path to reach our destination or we would be more stealthy as we tried to hunt bugs. Sometimes we would linger on this very log playing heroes and pretending the little dip beneath us was a lethal fall. We had visited here again since in those shared dreams, running like small brats again through the woods, laughing like maniacs. It made me feel warm inside along with a small pang of sadness again.
Finally we exited the tree line to face the final obstacle on that trail. The fallen log that crossed the stream. Opposite it was the grassy hill that had grown to become a daily sight to me. My eyes gazed across the expanse of open grass opposite the stream, seeing the blades move like small waves in the breeze and lined by trees further back. The sun was shining but the odd cloud here and there cast moving shadows across the sea of green.
"This is it?" asked Uraraka from beside me. I had been so engrossed in the sight of the real thing that I hadn't noticed her step up beside me. Izuku had once told her about this place, being the place that connected he and I together in my mind. It was a constant background to our life together and now it held so much more meaning than just a place we played as kids.
"This is it" I confirmed with a deep breath and went to step down the steep bank.
"That way looks more fun" she pointed out with a grin and I followed her finger to the fallen log that crossed the expanse of water to the other side. As much as I loved that log from our childhood. It had been slippery as children and I imagined it would only be worse now.
"Izuku's mum said he would like it if we had fun" she added as she smiled to me, "I agree" her smile widened.
"Sure" I huffed back almost playfully and stepped back up. I placed a hand on her head as I passed her to take the lead and stepped up onto the log experimentally. It felt solid under my foot but the bark was covered with patches of moss. I stepped up fully, took another step forward and then looked back to Uraraka. She stepped up, focusing on where she was putting her feet. We worked our way across the log cautiously. If we dropped it wouldn't be far, not enough to hurt and the stream was shallow here. The worst would be a sore ankle and wet clothes. As we crossed the midway point I looked back over to check on her and she was smiling contagiously. I gave a small smile back before turning my attention forward again. We were almost at the end when I heard a yelp from behind. I turned in time to see her arms shoot out for balance in an attempt to save herself from slipping. Without thinking I reached for her, grabbed her outstretched hand and pulled her forward past me and threw her clear to the other side. The motion threw me off balance and with wide eyes my back foot slipped but her hand reached forward to touch me. I didn't fall. Instead I was left weightless over the side of the log. Uraraka reached the shallower bank and reached for me, taking her hand she pulled me to dry land before releasing her quirk and I landed neatly on my feet.
"Are you alr-" I tried to ask her but she burst out laughing which left me just blinking at her.
"See, that was fun" she calmed and smiled at me.
"Yeah, sure" I huffed back and looked away, "next time, I'm just getting my feet wet" I told her flatly as I turned away, ignoring that ache in my chest again as I started up the grassy hill. She followed till we stood at its's height looking down at the stream below. The breeze ruffled through my hair in a way that was real and more refreshing than it ever had been in our special place inside my mind. Without Izuku I couldn't reach our hill again in my mind like I could before. That special scape that he been his home while he was with me had vanished alongside him and had only added to the loneliness and emptiness that had plagued me after I had lost him.
"So now what?" I asked Uraraka with a sideways glance. She smiled at me and reached for the bag so I shrugged it off to hand it to her. She knelt on the grass as she unzipped it and began to pull out our assortment of items along with a metal tin box.
A time capsule was her idea. She wanted me to pick a place that meant something to Izuku for us to bury letters and trinkets that meant something to both us and him. She made a point of explaining that this wasn't some expressive way of us burying our memories of him but a type of safekeeping that we could visit again someday. She mentioned us hopefully visiting together when we did but she didn't look up at me when she said the words. It wasn't a shitty idea; I'd give her that but it was an odd one.
"Did you bring anything else you wanted to add?" she asked and I looked down at her again and her assortment of items. Alongside the metal box she had brought a hand shovel and some items of her own, including an All Might mini figure keychain that I recalled being from our classes first kris kringle Christmas. I had seen Izuku with it before the event but I hadn't known Uraraka had been the one to receive it. Even though our random gifts hadn't been labeled with who they were from and given at random, it was obvious it was from Izuku. She had a few other pieces with her and I shifted to sit on the grass before them. As inquisitive as I was, I didn't ask what the crumpled looking folded paper was or the apparently random All Might colored hair scrunchie. I figured they were all things from the nerd. She pulled out the picture frame auntie had handed me and the book I had picked up from her place and placed them alongside the others.
I reached into my pockets and pulled out the other few things I had brought. A written letter she had suggested I write to Izuku, the pebble he had gifted me as kids from this very stream, the enamel pin he had wanted me to take as a gift for Christmas, still inside its little box and an All Might keychain I had brought from my home. The keychain was still wrapped in plastic just as it had been the day I bought it. I had come across it by chance in a store my mum had dragged me too when I was little and had begged her to buy it for me to give to Izuku for his next birthday even though it wasn't till the next year. My mum had given in and gotten it for me but things fell apart between Izuku and I before his next birthday had ever rolled around. I was the only one to blame for our friendship falling apart though. Despite the new memories we had made together to replace the old ones and his forgiveness, knowing that I was the reason for our falling out would always stay with me and I would always regret it.
"You don't expect us to read this shit out do you?" I asked with narrowed eyes as I placed the folded letter down with the rest of the items. Uraraka shook her head in response with a hum.
"Nope," she smiled warmly, "maybe when we come back in ten years of something we can read them then" she opened the lid of the metal tin box and started to gently arrange her items inside. I watched her as she took her time doing it, placing each item with love and care and a warm smile never leaving her face, though her eyes looked saddened. When she was done, she slid the box closer to me and gestured for me to do the same. One at a time I picked up each small item and placed it inside as carefully as she had.
I rubbed a thumb over the keychain through the plastic, feeling the smoothness of the cartoonish All Might's smile though the plastic.
I ran a hand along the worn down cover of Izuku's first hero notebook before arranging it gently beneath the other items.
I rolled the egg shaped pebble in my hand, my thumb caressing the engravings etched into it before I put it inside.
I held the folded letter for a moment, memorizing the words I had written last night before placing it in.
I undid the red belt from around my hips and coiled it inside. Uraraka had raised an eyebrow at it during the walk here but hadn't questioned it.
The ring box containing the enamel pin and the picture frame I held in my hands and stared at for a long time before placing them back down on the grass beside me. Uraraka tilted her head at me like a confused puppy.
"I'm keeping those" I told her quietly and her lips spread into a smile again and she nodded. If I had known what her idea was before we left I wouldn't have brought the pin with me. Izuku had given it to me as a gift. I wasn't about to trap it away in a box where the light would never see it. The picture was an unexpected extra but I didn't really have any photos of us together as kids, or at all for that matter. The few that were around mum held onto with an iron grip and although they existed, I didn't dare ask to take one.
"All done then?" Uraraka asked opposite me. I nodded to her without lifting my eyes from the box as she covered them all with the lid and pressed it down firmly.
"If you will" she pushed the box my way again with a grin.
"Huh?"
"Use your quirk to melt the lid on, like welding," she explained, "that way no moisture will get in. It will be safer" I took the box from her. Precision work like that wasn't exactly my thing but I also didn't doubt I couldn't do it, just that it wouldn't be a pretty job. I felt my brows furrow while I bent over the box, melting it closed inch by inch with immense concentration. Whatever Uraraka was doing while I was busy with that I didn't know. When I looked up again several minutes later, messy job completed, she was gone and I had to gaze around to find her down by the stream. I left the box, bag and other items where they were seeing as no one else was in sight and strolled down the hill after her.
"Next we have to choose a place to bury it. Somewhere we can find again years down the track" she told me without looking up. Her eyes were set on watching the stream pass by calmly.
"Well by the stream is a shitty idea," I grunted back, "if it rains it will flood the bank. Sealed or not, that may damage it" she turned to face me with a thoughtful expression.
"Then where?" I lifted my gaze to look around. The hill itself was bare aside from grass. A good place to dig but an easy place to lose. Closer to the stream was marked with larger rocks but if the water rose the box could get damaged. Trees lined the opposite side of the stream but crossing back over just didn't feel right. We had come to this spot because it had meant something to Izuku, the hill had meant something to him, enough to create a whole world around it in my mind. He practically lived on it while with me. I trudged back up the hill while Uraraka stayed down by the bank with her shovel in hand. At the crest of the hill I gazed around but there was nothing. Trees framed the space but they were nothing special either. Finally my eyes fell upon the only other significant marker around. The fallen log. I let the momentum of the downhill speed up my pace till I reached where it touched this side of the stream and Uraraka met me there.
"Here?" she questioned. I gazed around just to be sure. The end of the tree, its tangle of branches long gone, sat above the bank and in my memory I didn't recall the stream ever breaking its banks after heavy rain, but just to be sure I pressed the back of my heels against the end of the log, took one long stride and then planted my feet together.
"Here" I confirmed. The fallen tree was enough of a marker and the extra stride was just an extra precaution thrown in. Uraraka had no complaints and set about digging while I returned to collect the box. I shoved the remaining items I chose to keep in the bag and took them all over to where Uraraka kneeled on the grass. I left them there and hoped down to the bank again to choose a large flat rock to act as a secondary marker, just in case. When I returned she had only just removed the top layer.
"Here" I told her and held out my hand. She got the message and handed over the shovel and stepped back while I dug at the earth till it was over a foot deep. She careful laid the box down in it as level as possible and then knelt back on the other side of the hole to me.
"Did you want to say anything?" she offered.
"I thought you said this wasn't a funeral" I scoffed back.
"It's not, but you can still say something before we bury it" she replied and I grumbled to myself how that seemed just like a funeral.
"There's nothing for me to say that he didn't already know" I threw back instead and sat back on my rear and putting the shovel down beside me. She simply nodded at my response before she closed her eyes, steeled herself and said a few words of her own.
"I don't know where you are now Izuku but I hope its peaceful and somewhere where you can see us with a smile" I tuned out her words, as meaningful as they were, Uraraka never did learn the truth of how and why Izuku ended up with me to begin with. I didn't know where Izuku was either or if there was anything even left of him. He had only been with me because of One For All and he had separated himself from the quirk to be with me. I wouldn't change it but if he hadn't done that than I imagined he would still be alive somewhere inside One For All at least, out of my reach. But then again, if he hadn't been with me, then I would have died at Shigaraki's hand instead and then where would that have left him? The quirk containing him and all the other predecessors would have died with me. I let out a long breath while Uraraka's words faded into the background.
We were always meant to say goodbye Kacchan.
I closed my eyes and lowered my head at how right he had been and it hurt. I took another long shaky breath, trying to control the pain growing in my chest.
"Bakugo?" her voice snapped me out of it and I lifted my head and blinked at her. She looked at me with an unspoken question but then smiled at me warmly.
"Shall we?" she pushed gently, indicating to the box in the ground and following her lead we both pushed handfuls of dirt on top of it until the hole was filled. I placed the flat rock, about dinner plate size, on top to mark the spot and then dusted my hands. Uraraka turned to her bag and withdrew the bundle auntie had handed her. She unwrapped it to reveal a sandwich cut in two inside. It wasn't much and was most likely her own lunch that she had handed us but I smiled softly as Uraraka handed me half and turned to sit facing the water to eat.
"She's so sweet" Uraraka commented between bites from beside me, "and it's so cute how you call her auntie" she added with a giggle.
"What!" I snapped at her, forgetting my last bites worth, "I was practically raised by her beside Izuku and vise versa!" I yelled in my defense, "she's practically a second mum. It would be weird not to call her auntie!" I had risen to my feet, crushing the piece of sandwich I had left in my hand in my race to explain myself. Uraraka only laughed at me more and rose to stand beside me. I glared at her but she simply plucked the crushed bread from my hand and replaced it with her remaining piece.
"I was just saying it was cute" she shrugged with an amused smile, "didn't have to get all angry about it" she threw my piece away for birds to have and then turned back to me.
"Are you not going to eat that?" she asked, pointing to the not crushed piece she had placed in my hand. She looked up at me then down at the bread again before reaching for it. With lighting speed I shoved it in my mouth before she could take it and chewed it with a fierce glare. She only laughed at me more before scooping up her bag and heading back down towards the bank. I grumbled to myself as I followed, feeling my face warm at the outburst.
We took off out shoes and socks to cross through the stream. I rolled up my pants as high as I could and watched as Uraraka stepped unknowingly into the deeper section in the middle of the stream, dropping to her mid thighs in the cold water with a squeal. I laughed and she turned back at me with a pout.
"You knew that was there!" she accused.
"I don't know what you're talking about" I smirked back and blasted myself out of the water and across to the opposing bank with a pleased grin back her way. She floated herself across the rest of the way and playfully punched my in the upper arm.
"Ow" I hadn't expected her to have such force behind it.
"Serves you right" she said with a humph and floated herself up the steep bank to walk on. She didn't wait for me as she went on and I was glad she didn't catch me clutching at the irritatingly familiar ache in my chest that had been flaring up more and more often.
When I caught up to her, she was waiting for me just beyond the tree line. She huffed at me for being too slow and grabbed my hand to drag me along. I didn't pull away or yell at her and she held onto my hand the rest of the way.
Chapter 26 will be the last chapter!
Next chapter is primarily an epilogue which, I don't know why, but I always hate writing. Epilogues always feel forced and rushed to me to tie up loose ends but I am hoping this one comes more naturally. I have already begun writing it's first draft the moment I finished the first draft of this chapter but now I'm thinking of rearranging the entire last chapter to hopefully give that smooth satisfying finish.
Anyway, keep an eye out for it as it will be dropping within the next 7 days!