A/N: W00tness… people are reading my story. Alright, this is here for one reason, and one reason only. I forgot to put a disclaimer in my first chapter, so it's gonna be in this one. It'll be the ONLY disclaimer, since I can't see how people would start reading at chapter three and miss the disclaimer in chapter 2 oO

DISCLAIMER: I, Teh Healist, own nothing of Final Fantasy Tactics Advance except a simple GBA cartridge. SquareEnix would be the one to rob- I mean… the one who owns rights to the game… don't rob 'em… please… they make rather nice games.

Step One

"Step one: Get to know the target. Let her know that you actually exist. If at all possible, know what clan she is in (if she's in a clan) and who the clan leader is, as that's key for step two. Don't be too prying, yet… just have some "small talk".

Note: if the target wouldn't talk to you, the problem could involve the "coolness factor". Simply put, the target may not want to talk to you if your job class is one of the following: Soldier, Thief, Archer, White Mage, Black Mage. The fact of the matter is that those are basic job classes and may not be exotic enough for the target's liking. When choosing a class to impress her, consider what class the target is. A Hunter would be impressive to a Sniper, A Blue Mage or Illusionist would be impressive for a Red Mage or Summoner, a Ninja would be impressive for an Assassin, and so on."

Phoenix groaned. He would have to change his job class!

"Well, look on the bright ssside. You'll get cooler abilities. Admit it, a sssoldier does not have that impressssive of an ability list."

"Yuwain's right, kupo! I mean, even an archer has a decent set of abilities, and their status ailment ones are handy, kupo. I was watching an engagement kupo, just for fun, and the archer would immobilize, disable, charm, or blind the target, kupo! Without the archer, the engagement would've taken a lot longer, kupo."

"But still… an archer? I've been a soldier my entire career. Surely my stats won't fit with those of an archer!"

"On the contrary, I think your ssstats can be helpful for your archer. For one thing, you'll be a tough archer to kill, with sssuch a high hp stat. Your weapon attack for your level can also be challenged by a fighter. Ssso, my point is that I don't think you'll do too shabby as an archer."

"Alright," he said grudgingly, "I'll do it, but ONLY because the book recommends it."

(Insert scene change here)

And so, from then on, Phoenix became an archer. Equipping himself with decent armor and several handy accessories (Feather Boots in particular), he finally needed to decide upon a bow.

"TRUSSST me, Phoenix. Boossst can be very handy."

"Any ability that only requires 100 AP to master isn't very useful. We need something that we could use, like Cupid! Or Take Aim."

"Take Aim is good for when you're a Hunter and you have a Greatbow with a high-damage attack, kupo."

"Alright, how 'bout Aim: Arm or Aim: Legs? You said yourself an archer's all about status ailments, didn't you Mack?"

"True, I did, Kupo. But Boost can still-"

"It's settled then, I'll be getting Aim: Arm, then. Grab that Nail Bow Yuwain, and we'll be outta here!"

Once Phoenix was decked out with his new bow, armor, and class, Yuwain and Mackenroe let him practice by taking really easy missions that were meant for starter clans. Even the pubmaster raised an eyebrow when they took "Herb Picking Again" and handed over the 300 gil.

"He's changed his class and needs practice, kupo."

"Ah…"

Time wore on, Phoenix slowly gained abilities. Yes, slowly, for he wasn't being smart and was trying to master the high AP abilities first. After Aim: Arm came, of course, Aim: Legs. Then he managed to persuade his friends to get a Yoichi Bow for Take Aim, then Cupid, Faster, Blackout, and now Concentrate with his Target Bow.

(Insert scene change here)

KSSSSHHHHH!

… Da-ah-ah-ah!

"… I ssstill can't believe we have to ssstoop as low as fighting Clan Dip…"

"Well, we don't exactly want to take on Brass Dragoons, now do we?"

"But still, Phoenix… Clan DIP, kupo?"

"Hey, once we're done with this whole thing, and I'm back to being a Soldier-"

"You may like being a Hunter"

"… back to being a Soldier, then we can go back to our regular thing."

Crack! Kht! (A/N: My bad attempt at imitating a bow shot and arrow hit…)

… Krua!

Phoenix sighed. "That's the last one, so we're done with this engagement. Hey! I think the 50 AP is the last I need for mastering Concentrate! I say we celebrate by hitting the pub!"

Yuwain rolled his eyes. "Yeah… sssomething we haven't done in a long time."

"No! Not to get another job! To actually have a drink or two!"

"Kupo! Now THAT'S something we haven't done in a long time, kupo!"

(Insert scene change here)

Jullianne cursed her luck when she saw that group of three. She knew the Soldier who tried to flirt with her was probably with them.

It was the group. There was the Gadgeteer… the Templar… and- The ARCHER!

"Either these aren't the ones, or something's up here…"

Why would the Soldier want to be an Archer? She noticed he glanced over at her, saw she was looking, and quickly turned back to the pubmaster to order his drink. Ha! What a wimp. She'd seen MOOGLES with more class than to just stare at her when they think she wasn't looking. But still, why would he go through the trouble of learning to be an Archer? True, arrows were more to her liking than a sword, but an Archer is JUST as pathetic as a Soldier.

'But a Hunter isn't.'

Jullianne mulled a bit on that thought, taking a pensive sip of her sake.

'So he's trying to impress me, then. That's kinda cute, actually. Well, if he does become a Hunter, then I just might play his game…'

(Insert scene change here)

Phoenix noticed that the Viera (or "target") was at the pub again. Again, she was sitting alone, and again he felt nervous as she was staring him down. He couldn't take that stare anymore (he was starting to wonder if she had done a bit of Elementalist magic and had learned Evil Gaze), and turned around to resume talking with his friends… except that they weren't talking. They were snickering at him.

"Admit it, Phoenix, you're lovesick."

Phoenix, trying to come up with a quick retort, could only think of "Nah… I just wanna nail her." (A/N: And that, my friends is part of the reason this is rated T and not K+)

Silence at the table.

"That… wasss the dumbest thing you could have resssponded with."

(Insert scene change here)

"Nah… I just wanna nail her."

There may have been silence at Phoenix's table, but not at Jullianne's. This is due to the fact that she was now choking on some sake that had gone down the wrong way when she heard that.

'I just wanna NAIL her? Now THAT'S not cute… not at all… I just wanna nail her. Ugh! I'll never understand guys.'

(Insert scene change here)

About a month later, Phoenix was a Hunter, with a few abilities under his belt. He felt that now the time was right to say hi to his little Sniper friend.

He practically giggled at his luck when, making a sweeping glance of the pub as he entered, he saw the Viera at a table once again, alone as usual.

Taking the drink he had ordered, he walked over to her table, set down his flask of ale, and asked the same question as last time.

"Madam, is this seat taken?"

'Is it just me, or is that smile she's giving me a little TOO sweet?'

"Of course not."

"Well then… can I take it?"

'If she widens that smile any more, I think her face is gonna split in half…'

"Of course."

Phoenix silently promised he'd find whoever authored the handbook and give the author 10,000 gil.

"Thanks."

Phoenix to a swig of his ale and put it down. Yes, I said he put it down, not slam it down. Phoenix figured a Viera wouldn't like the hearty, back-slapping, ale-slamming, loud-belching style of enjoying oneself in a pub, so he adopted a more… conserved approach.

"My name is Phoenix." He held out his hand, which the still smiling Viera took.

"A pleasure to meet you Phoenix." She shook the hand for about half a second, and then withdrew her hand, accidentally clawing him in the withdrawal. Well, it seemed accidental anyway.

"Ow!"

"Ohhhhhhh… I'm sorry. Here, let me fix that."

She put her hand on the cuts (Phoenix fought really hard not to flinch from the stinging) and closed her eyes. A greenish aura glowed around her hand, and when she opened her eyes and removed the hand, the cuts were gone. No scars were there, either.

"Thanks."

"No problem."

'At least she dropped the smile…'

"So… what's your name then?"

"I don't really think that's important right now."

"Oh, come on! I told you mine."

"Yes, but did I ask for it?"

"Well, it's kinda proper etiquette to give ones name to someone that you're talking to who doesn't know your name."

Much, to Phoenix's annoyance (and soon-to-be horror), she imitated him. "Well, it's kinda proper etiquette to not go on about nailing someone to one's friends."

Phoenix blinked. He blinked again. And for good measure, he blinked a third time. Then his head dropped. Taking his hat off and dropping it on the table, he ran a nervous hand through his hair. Without looking up, he was SURE the Viera was smirking, clearly enjoying watching him struggling with himself.

"… so you heard that."

"What kind of idiot would think their out of earshot when their table is only ten feet away?" She responded with a low, deadly voice.

"… me."

"Look at me."

Phoenix hesitated, unsure of what she was going to do.

"Look at me." She said, her voice more firm this time.

Not wanting to incur the wrath of an undoubtedly ticked-off Viera, Phoenix looked at me.

"Alright, good. Now, I want you to look me straight in the eye and say 'I do not want to be your friend just so I can get you in bed with me.'"

"… but I never said that… I just said-"

"I KNOW THAT THEY MEAN THE SAME THING! NOW SAY IT!"

'You idiot…'

He looked her straight in the eye, the very center of it.

Was it just him, or did he see something close to… sadness in it?

"I do not want to be your friend just so I can get you in bed with me." Said he, without so much as blinking.

Almost immediately, the sadness vanished.

The Viera's face brightened and a true smile crossed her features this time. Holding out her hand to him the smile widened into a grin.

"Jullianne."

'I'll never understand girls…'