Whew, I really hope this chapter isn't gibberish. It was written at about 3am this morning and proofed this afternoon after a 14hr day…sigh I need a nap : )

Hope you all enjoy! I'm glad you guys are so into this story, its so nice to wake up to reviews like yours every morning : )

Lol oh yeah I rented Titanic from Blockbuster on the way home yesterday, just so I would have it if I needed it and actually saw Ioan in a new scene, well new to me, I never realized he was with Lightoller when they started all the shooting…I was like whoa, there he is…lol there I go getting all giggly again : )

…My blonde moment of the day…

Chapter 19

"Rose! Rose!" I pushed my way back inside, calling in vain for Rose. There were so many people, she probably couldn't even hear me if I was just standing a few feet away from her. Finally though I spotted her going down the stairs. "Rose!"

She swung around and looked at me. "What...Sarah!"

I ran up to her panting, attempting to catch my breath. "I'm going with you."

"No you're not, go back to the lifeboats."

"No! What was it you said earlier...you jump I jump?"

Her eyes fell and for a moment I detected a hint of a smile on her face, but just as quickly as it had come it vanished, replaced by a more serious expression. "You always were stubborn."

"I had a great teacher." I replied.

She shook her head. "All right, come on!"

As we weaved in and out of corridors Rose explained to me that she was looking for Mr. Andrews. He could tell her where Jack was. We separated at one point somewhere on B Deck to cover more ground.

"Mr. Andrews!" There weren't many people in the hallway, but enough to hamper my navigation through them. "Excuse me...Mr. Andrews!"

"SARAH!" I heard Rose's voice, and turned back around and quickly retraced my steps, coming back the way I had come I saw her at the end of the corridor, I ran quickly towards her, seeing as I approached that she was standing next to Mr. Andrews, who looked up from their conversation as I approached.

"God almighty, you two..."

"Just please tell us where they would take him." Rose pleaded, obviously she had all ready filled him in.

He sighed heavily, looking at me, then at Rose, then at the two of us. His eyes were filled with sadness, he had no choice and he knew it, but he also knew what he could be doing by it, condemning us. The prospect of dying tonight didn't seem real to me. I had no fear, and I couldn't explain why.

"Take the elevator to the very bottom; go left, down the crewman's passage, then make a right."

I nodded, trying to memorize what he had just said; Rose repeated it aloud and thanked him.

"Promise me you'll hurry...Sarah, Rose...promise me!" he was rather stern as he spoke, it was then that I felt the fear, real and sharp, it cut through my bravery like a hot knife through butter. I clutched Rose's hand and the two us ran as fast as our legs would take us to the lifts.

Meanwhile...

The crowd didn't bother me, nor was in the fact that I was staring death in the face; it was the people. All of them, every last one, a separate soul looking to me as a potential savior. I couldn't help but look at each and every one of their faces; especially the children. Crying for their fathers mostly as Murdoch and I guided them into lifeboat number 3. The chaos surrounding me was nothing compared to what was going on in my mind.

It had only been hours since I had seen Sarah, but in my mind it felt like days. I had no idea where she was, if she was still on board, on a lifeboat, safe, not safe. I had no idea. And that's what killed me. I wished she hadn't left earlier, then I would have known. I should have fought harder to make her stay.

"Mr. Lowe, get your bearings, we're ready to lower!"

Afraid that the lifeboat would buckle under the weight, No. 3 like 5 and 7, which I loaded not even 15 minutes ago, was being launched with a minimal amount of passengers. There was no telling in these waters how a meager lifeboat would hold up, we couldn't take any chances, and as much as it pained me I watched as No. 3 was lowered down in the darkness with only 32 souls aboard. I had counted. Knowing in my mind at least 30 more could have fit.

I swallowed back hard as I saw the face of a small child look up at me. Her eyes were big green saucers, almost like Sarah's, auburn ringlets curled around her face and she looked at me, showing little emotion, just staring. Then I blinked and she seemed to have disappeared. Murdoch called me down to 1 before I could even think about it. I knew that image was never going to leave me though.

Meanwhile...

"Sorry ladies the lifts are closed." the operator replied, coming to a final stop at our level.

Rose looked at me and I sighed heavily, now what were we going to do.

"I'm through with being polite, goddamnit! I may never be polite the rest of my life! Now take me down!" Rose suddenly exclaimed.

She pushed the operator back into the life with one arm and pulled me in with the other, practically slamming me up against the wall. I was shocked but couldn't say I wouldn't have done the same, given I was in her place, I just looked at the operator though, trying to apologize with my eyes. He seemed too frightened by Rose's outburst to notice and quickly got it working while Rose shut the gates to it herself.

We started to drop lower, and lower, moving towards the bottom of the ship. The silence started to sink into me and I could feel my hands begin to shake. What had I gotten myself into? I could have been safe; in a lifeboat...I shook my head as the thoughts in my head began to add more fear to the all ready full dose I had inside of me. We past another deck and were just coming to another when I huge wave of ice cold, stinging water rushed in.

I screamed backing as far up against the wall as I could. The operator was practically climbing the wall, but Rose seemed un phased by it. My legs felt as if they were about to fall off but I looked to her bravery and found it to be enough of a motivation for me. She opened the gates as we came to a stop, thigh deep in the cold ocean water.

The bottom of my dress and coat were soaked through and I could feel it begin to weigh me down, but I pushed myself out of the lift behind Rose.

"I'm going up!" was all the operator said as he closed the gates and pushed it back up to the present safety of the upper decks, the water draining beautifully out of the lift as he rose.

"Looks like we're on our own." I replied.

"That's the way I prefer it…come on this way."

We went all the way stopping in the middle of a corridor. To our left were doors as to the right. I looked at Rose.

"I'll go that way." I said pointing to the right. She nodded and turned to the left.

"Jack! Jaaack!" our voices echoed one another in the hallway as we screamed for him at the top of our lungs. My legs were beginning to go numb, I could barely move and finally stopped and ripped off my coat throwing it into the water, and it began to float away.

The watch…

"Damn it!"

I dove back for the coat falling headfirst into the water. I came up struggling against the shock feeling as if icicles were being stabbed into me, holding the pocket of the coat tightly in my fist. I reached in and pulled out the watch. I wrapped the chain of it tightly around my wrist.

I began to move again, knowing that was the only way I was going to keep the blood circulating inside of me.

"JJJack!" my teeth chattered as I called out for him.

"In here!"

I stopped and turned around. "JACK?"

"HERE!"

Awkwardly I made my way towards the room that I heard his voice come from. "Rose!" I yelled as I thrust all my weight into the door. There was Jack, standing up on a chair. He was handcuffed to a large pipe that connected to both the ceiling and wall, making it impossible for him to get out of it.

"Go for a little swim?" The first words out of his mouth. I looked down at my soaked dress and felt my wet hair, heavy on my back and then looked back up at him and gave him a look.

Rose showed up not even seconds later and rushed over to Jack.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry!" she went to him and wrapped her arms around him and kissed him. "I'm so sorry."

"That guy Lovejoy put it in my pocket."

"I know I know." she kissed him again, and I stood back and watched, thinking about Harry. Amazingly it warmed me up a bit.

"You need to help me get out of here…the key its silver…"

Rose nodded and moved towards a key cabinet on the wall, while I began to pull apart a desk and chest of drawers near the door.

"How did you find out I didn't do it?" Jack suddenly asked.

I looked up and saw Rose stop what she was doing; she turned her gaze to Jack.

"I didn't…I just realized I already knew." she then looked over at me and I smiled at her.

We both went back to looking. All I could find were papers, nothing else. When I was finished I looked up at Jack and shook my head.

"Nothing."

Rose did one final comb over of the keys and then looked up. "These are all brass."

"All right, you two need to go get help. Get someone…anyone."

I nodded, "All right. Rose…" I reached for her and she gave Jack one final embrace before I pulled her from the room. The water was getting deeper as we made our way back towards the corridor; we came to a set of stairs and pulled ourselves up by the banisters onto the dry steps. My dress still hung heavily at my feet and I finally stopped and began ripping some of it away. Rose gave me a hand and finally I felt like I could move again.

The corridor was empty. Completely. I looked at Rose, what we were going to do?

"Harry." she replied, answering a question I hadn't even spoken. "He would know what to do right?"

"I don't know."

"Go find him! Please…"

"Rose I don't want to leave you."

"You're not; you're helping just like you wanted to."

Somehow my leaving didn't seem all that helpful but something in her eyes gave me a final push in that direction.

"All right…" I hesitated, before going up to her and wrapping my arms around her. "…just in case." I replied as I pulled away. I ran down the hall and she the other. I came to another set of stairs and forced my way up, my tired and numb legs just now beginning to get some warmth. I kept climbing staircases until I actually recognized where I was. The third class area I had been in only the night before.

I tried to remember exactly which way Harry had taken out to the deck that night. Sadly my memory was plagued with some serious gaps due to the Irish beer I had drank. It took nearly 20 minutes but I finally found my way out there. The cold air was cruel and uncaring to my freezing body. I chattered all the way up to the second class deck. There were about 10 other people who had the same idea, but they were all just standing there. The gate was locked.

I pushed past them and began to shake it furiously, not really knowing why.

There were people walking by who just looked at me, ripped dress and disheveled hair and I knew what they thought. Steerage.

"HEY!" I shook the fence harder.

"It's no use, they won't let us up." spoke a man behind me. I whipped around and looked at him. "Why not?"

"Rich folks seem to be more important than us poor ones, that's why."

I turned back and caught sight of a steward walking by. He glanced my direction and kept walking, then suddenly stopped and turned around.

"Ms. Wilkes?"

He walked towards me. I had no idea who he was, but I was grateful to him none the less. He came over and unlocked the gate for me. The other passengers violently pushed past me and I fell against the open gate. He helped me up.

"Steady, what were you doing down there…look at you, you look a fright. Come on…"

He didn't allow me to even speak a word let alone tell him what was going on. I let him lead me up to the boat deck into a crowd that seemed to be a turbulent as the sea itself. I couldn't even make out what individual people were saying, it all sounded like one big roar.

"Here you are miss…don't go getting lost again all right?" he replied stopping at probably the only empty part of the deck. I thanked him for his kindness and began scanning the deck as soon as he walked away. I was chilled to the bone, but I couldn't let Rose down, I promised to help her and that's what I planned to do.

I knew Harry would be loading lifeboats, that's after all what Mr. Lightoller had told me earlier, where did he say he was? Surely that boat was gone by now but it was very possible he was still on the same side…Starboard, that was just a guess, but it felt right. Realizing I was port side I began to try and move towards the other side, when a strong arm reached out a grabbed me from behind.

It felt like the hand of the devil.

"Well if it isn't darling Ms. Sarah"

I recognized that voice, reluctantly I turned towards him and saw Lovejoy's sneering glare starring back at me. Practically the devil.

I glared at him. "Unhand me you have no right to handle me this way!"

"Oh shut it!" he grabbed the back of my dress and pulled me over towards the other side of the ship. "I'm through dealing with you spoiled rich little brats you hear!"

"I said to let me go you bastard!" he dropped me and shoved me against a wall and pulled his jacket away from his shirt and tucked inside I saw a pistol. He sneered at me.

"Don't tempt me princess I'll blow that pretty little face of yours to shreds you hear?"

I gulped and nodded.

"Good, at least now we have an understanding."

My eyes veered sideways looking for someone, anyone to help me, but they were all too busy. Too preoccupied with the madness that had woken them from their sleep. Sudden gunshots bursting through the air slammed my eyes shut and I began to tremble with fear. There wasn't much time left.

"Where is she?"

I opened my eyes. "I don't know."

"Don't play dumb with me…"

"All right, unhand her, Lovejoy."

Cal had come up next to us and Lovejoy immediately dropped the grip he had on me and stepped away.

"Answer the question." Cal asked, his voice was deep and demanding.

More gunshots. Both of them turned their gazes from me and I made it a point to make a run for it.

"After her you fool!"

I ran and ran and ran. I had no idea where I was running to, but I just kept going. I turned back around breathless keeping up with my fast pace and ran headlong into someone. The suitcase they held in their arms struck through me and I could feel my rib cage buckle from the pain. I fell to the ground; the person didn't even bother to stop.

I lay on the ground for a good minute or so, somehow not being stepped on, when a arm reached down for me and pulled me up, painfully, to my feet.

It was Cal.