Argh! What a week! Is it over yet?

Anyway I am so exhausted and it took me four days to write this chapter, so if it doesn't make any sense…get over it…lol…just kidding.

I'm really sorry it took me so long to update, I am swamped…literally. I even have to work for the next three days…but I get Labor Day off…YAY!

Hope you guys enjoy: )

Chapter 23

"Steady there, miss, I've got you."

"Careful, I think she's hurt...here." The officer, whose name I had not yet learned, rushed over to help me. I was the last one in the lifeboat, everyone else having gotten off and boarded what I knew now to be the Carpathia.

My legs were more unsteady than I thought they would be and I couldn't seem to stand up straight. That and the pain in my side was becoming more and more agonizing. The seaman who was helping me on board took my hands and helped me up the rope latter and the officer stayed behind me, keeping me steady.

Soon I made it safely onto the deck and was greeted by a flurry of the ships crew who started to coddle me as if I was a small child; peeling off the jacket the officer had given me hours ago and wrapping me up in a warm blanket and handing me a cup of tea. The officer from my boat was pulled away before I could even thank him for being so generous. A chambermaid led me inside out of the cold air, keeping her arms around me and guiding me gently to the first class dining room.

The tables were all pushed towards the wall and cots and other chairs had been set up. I noticed immediately, that besides the other passengers that were on my boat, there was only a doctor and few of the Carpathia's crew.

"Where is everyone else?" I asked, turning the chambermaid.

She was a sweet looking young girl, whose face was wearing a sympathetic expression. "Oh miss, you're the first. No others have shown yet….here sit down." she guided me to a cot. She made sure I was settled before leaving the room.

I looked around, even though I had been drifting for hours in the same small boat as all of these woman, it was as if I was seeing them all for the first time. There faces were all pale and tear stained, just as I imagined my own to be. I sipped the tea I had been given and let the hot liquid run down my throat and spread throughout me, unfreezing many parts of my body.

I downed the whole thing rather quickly and was just taking the last few sips when I looked up to see more passengers entering the room. I put my mug down and looked at them, not really sure why. Their faces resembled soldiers, coming back defeated from a battle. I recognized a few faces; Madeline Astor was one. Supported by her maid, she was led to a cot beside me and laid down. She covered the small bump in her stomach with a protective hand.

We all knew she was going to have a baby; it wasn't exactly a secret, no matter how hard she tried to keep it from everyone. None of that seemed to matter anymore. This time yesterday none of us would have thought we would be here and yet here we were. It was amazing how quickly the world around you could change so rapidly in mere minutes.

"Good morning, Miss…"

I looked up from my thoughts and saw the doctor who had been making his rounds through the room.

"Wilkes." I answered for him; my voice seemed strained as I spoke.

He nodded and knelt down to my level and took my wrist up to feel my pulse.

"Are you in any pain?"

"A bit…" I explained about my injury and the pain I had been suffering with for most of the night. He asked permission to feel the area; I let him, and grimaced in pain as the tender area throbbed at his touch.

"Bruised ribs, I'm guessing. Painful, but nothing serious, you're lucky they're not broken. You'll have a nice black and blue mark though. I suggest keeping the corset a bit looser than normal, just for your own comfort."

I nodded. "Thank you."

"What was your name again?" he had taken out a pad of paper and pencil.

"Sarah Wilkes."

He wrote it down and then asked me what class I had been traveling in, I replied "first" in a soft voice, feeling a sudden surge of emotion as I remembered the Titanic; the glamour, romance. The memory of Harry walking me to dinner that first night, strolling with him on the deck, Rose and Jack and the dance down in 3rd class…

Apparently none of this was evident on the outside. The doctor looked at me for only a moment and then patted me on the hand.

"You're very lucky."

I shifted my gaze, realizing in a way he might be right, but at the moment I just didn't feel like I was. I was too busy trying to suppress all of those thoughts and tears that were bursting to come out. I did find the words to thank him and managed to wait until he walked onto to Madeline Astor before I burst into tears.

I wanted Harry that was it. I knew he was on a boat, but I began to imagine all of these things, the boat capsizing, maybe pulled down with the suction of the ship. Anything was possible.

Then I began to feel guilt.

Rose.

If it weren't for me, she would have been in my boat, safe and sound. But I had to open my big mouth and tell her to go back.

My mind was whirling with thoughts of all different kinds. About Harry, Rose, Polly, even Hannah. I wondered about each and every one of them, hoping, praying that they were all right. If Harry was here right now I knew he would put my mind at ease, but he wasn't, and as many times as I tried to remind myself that Mr. Lightoller had said. "He's on 14" I still didn't feel any comfort.

I began to cry harder and covered my face with my hands. Feeling lost, and all alone. Suddenly, and I'm still not sure why, I looked up. Staring at me from across the room that had become crowded was a little girl; not very old maybe 3 or 4. She had a familiar face, and pretty curls. I felt an extraordinary calm come over me as I looked at her. But before I could even take a second glance a group of women walked in and obstructed my view. When they finally did move, she was gone.

I didn't feel like crying anymore. It's not that I was happy or content; I just didn't feel like crying.

Next to me Madeline Astor was crying softly, her maid's arms wrapped tightly around her. I looked down to her middle and then began to feel…peculiar.

Hours later…

"Sarah…oh god is that you?"

I was finishing a cup of soup when I heard that voice. That sweet familiar voice.

"Polly?"

I saw her, coming towards me holding Eleanor tightly in her arms. I got up from my cot and greeted her with open arms.

"You're all right…oh thank god." she sobbed into my shoulder. Poor Eleanor was jammed in between us and began to wail loudly. We parted, both of us with tears in our eyes. I sat her down next to me and saw that the children's nanny, Estelle, was holding Robert who was fast asleep.

Polly was crying freely and held Eleanor tightly to her chest. Eleanor's cries had become small whimpers. I put my arm around her and held her close to me, just like she was doing to her daughter.

"Now I have to find Charles…" she said in between sobs.

I looked over at Estelle, who shook her head sympathetically. It seemed, that like many women here, Polly had left her husband on the Titanic. I held her and let her cry. I couldn't think of anything else to do.

"Shhh" I replied and smoothed her hair gently.

Eventually she had no tears left. She was left exhausted with very little energy. I laid her down on the cot and got up to get her some soup, when I came back I saw that she was fast asleep. Estelle advised me to let her be and I thought that to be best. Eleanor was nestled in her mother's arms and I knew Polly somehow felt she was holding a part of Charles with her.

I sat with her for at least an hour, eventually taking Robert from Estelle so she could get something to eat and drink and rest. However, soon after she left he began to get fussy and I knew he was probably hungry. As much as it hurt, I got up and held him in my arms and walked around the crowded room, bouncing him lightly in my arms.

"Oh Robert…please…"

He began to cry harder, his face going beat red. It was a horrible noise. I looked around me, feeling completely helpless. On a whim I headed over to one of the soup tables.

Iasked if it would be all rightto givesoup to a baby anda steward asked me how old Robert was. I told him what a thought; about a year. He told me it was all right for me to give him the soup and gave me a small cup of it. I brought him back to my cot where Polly was still asleep and sat with him on the floor and carefully held the cup up to his tiny lips. He began to slurp at it happily. I sighed with relief.

By the time he was finished, Estelle had returned and thanked me for helping. I handed Robert to her and left her alone with Polly and the children. I needed to get out of this room. It had become way too crowded.

Making my way out on the deck, with a blanket wrapped around my shoulders, I didn't find it to be any better. The one empty area I could find was near the aft of the ship. I wrapped my blanket tightly around me and looked out over the water. It had become rough and there were actually white tops on the waves.

I stared at the ocean, thinking about a cluster of different things, mostly about Polly and Charles. She knew he was gone and all she had were her children. I felt a warm tear run down my cheek and I brushed it away, pushing off my face and into the ocean below me.

"Admit it, you come looking for me don't you?"

I must have been more tired than I thought. I was starting to hear things. Those were the words Harry had said to me when I had met him on the boat deck only a few days before. I turned away from the water, knowing I had better get some sleep before I started to see four headed purple flamingos…or something like that.

Then there he was.

His face was worn and tired, pale and cold, but it was him.

I froze.

God, don't let me be imagining this…please let him be real.

I closed my eyes and then opened them again. He was still there, my Harry.

Bruised ribs or not I flung myself into his arms and began to sob into his shoulder. He held me tighter than he ever had before, I could feel his warm tears on my own shoulder, but all that mattered to me was that he was here and real.

I pulled away, holding his face in my hands. "Oh god…" my tears interrupted my words, nothing was coming out except for them.

"I know." he said and I realized he did. We embraced one another again and stood there in the cold and a wind, just holding one another tightly. I was one of the lucky ones and I wasn't about to take it for granted.