Title: Protège moi
Characters: Lloyd, Colette
Themes: #29 - Thing left behind, #54 - Miracle

It worries me. All of it. The world, the people, the values, the beliefs. But there is nothing I can do to change it any more than I have. It is debatable whether we have improved the worlds any. The deep malaise seems to drown the world in pessimism. Before, people had hope and belief in the goodness of others. What is there now?

I can tell people as often as I like that when they pray, they pray to the Goddess inside themselves, but I doubt many believe me. If only they could see the strength they have inside of themselves, they would see that there is no need to pray to a Goddess. Especially one who no longer or maybe never had existed. The Church of Martel is based on a lie and those who know of this cannot see past their hatred of that lie to accept those who cling.

I hope Raine and Genis will be okay in their journey to end discrination of half-elves, but I fear the prejudice is so deep-rooted they will not see much success, even in their long lifetimes.

Suspicion. Hatred. I even doubt what Lloyd and I hope to achieve. It is a mercy, and yet an act of evil. Destroy the ex spheres and save those inside? What if they don't want to be saved? And even if they do, should we really help them to die?

This…this…epidemic of ignorance. It's like reading a book in reverse, the more you read, the less you know. The more I hear, the less I know. The more people discover about the world, the more things are brought into question and the more things become puzzling and mistrusted.

And now we have scattered. I wanted so much to keep the party together, though there is no reason to now. I wanted to cling to my friends then, scream and scream for them not to go. I wanted, just once, to have what I wanted. My whole life, I had put others before myself, was it so wrong to be selfish just once?

And though we see everyone quite often as I travel with Lloyd throughout the connected worlds, it is as though our friendships are frozen in time until the next meeting. Frozen like the statues of Luin. It freezes my heart to think in such ways. Yet…for all that I love to meet my previous companions, there is one who I will never see again. He is gone.

Zelos was a dear friend to me, despite his betrayal of us and his death at the hands of our group haunts me even now. I never saw the body, but I can imagine. Once vibrant and humour-filled eyes now closed, skin pale and cold, lying brokenly but in peace at last. Everyone deserves a second chance and noone deserves to die that way, killed by friends, whether he accepted us or not.

I refuse to dwell long on such depressing matters. I'll feel like crying. And I mustn't upset Lloyd – he has enough to worry about. I remember a conversation we shared, at a time which seems a decades ago, but I know it was only a year or so. At the base of the new, all-protecting Tree.

"At least people can now choose a world to live in without leaving everyone behind," Lloyd said. Colette smiled, taking Lloyd's hand.

"And nobody will have to be needlessly sacrificed anymore." She positively beamed up at the red-clad boy. "I'm so happy you protected me from my destiny. Is that wrong? That I put myself above the world?" Colette added, sobering slightly. Lloyd frowned in irritation and concern.

"I can't believe you're still thinking like that. I thought you agreed that the sacrifice of the Chosen was wrong?" The girl shook her head, blonde hair swaying franticly.

"I think it is, and I don't want to die, but what if it was fate? Are we controlled by our destiny? Maybe I'm destined to die to save the world, and this just delayed the inevitable? I mean maybe it's wrong to…oh, I'm not making any sense. I'm sorry."

"You mean a 'divine purpose' of some kind or something?" Lloyd asked. Colette nodded her head slightly, to show it was something like that. Lloyd smiled reassuringly at Colette, who seemed as though she were trying to curl in on herself in apology.

"There isn't a goddess anymore, Colette. Humans and elves are alone now to make decisions. Pray to the Goddess inside yourself for answers and strength. It's a miracle you're alive, but it's a man-made miracle, not divine intervention. The only duty we have now is to live life as best we can. You and I have our whole lives ahead of us, so why don't we make the most of them while we have time?"

Colette smiled, though it wavered a little as though she were about to cry. "You're right, Lloyd. Thank you for being here.

For a while, I had wished to give up, as I had done many times in the past. For a while, I had wished to sacrifice myself for the world and the 'greater good'. But it is time to move on and leave behind the life of a Chosen.

You were right, Lloyd. Thank you for protecting me from what I wanted.

I think I've lost the ability to do slightly unhinged internal monologues. Guess my own mind is a bit more stable now, which is a shame froma writing perspective. Ah well. Colette doesn't lend herself to craziness or much darkness of any kind so this will have to do.

I must say I don't know why I wrote a Colette ficlet, as I really don't like her. At all. But she's the one who leapt out at me. This whole thing was inspired while listening to 'Protège moi' by Placebo, hence the title. It really did influence this fic, especially the last line XD

To RobinRocks: Before you creech, I pony you wanted a real horrorshow Zelos torture fic, and I've got one vareeted that includes Sheena, But it refused to be written. I'll do that odin next, I promise, ok?

...I love nadsat.