CHAPTER TEN: DISCUSSION
When Harry arrived at the Quidditch pitch at five past six, he stopped to regard the silent girl who sat in the very centre of the Quidditch Pitch, looking out towards the horizon as the sun continued to rise. She was sitting there with a serene smile on her face, and Harry wished he could remember the last time he'd smiled like that. He hadn't been able to smile properly since the night of the Final Task of the Triwizard Tournament when Cedric Diggory had been killed in front of him.
Without turning, Buffy bade Harry good morning, and the Fifth Year Gryffindor Seeker took a seat beside the Slayer, and followed her line of sight to look out at the rising sun. They sat in silence, and Harry felt himself slowly surrender to the calm quietness that surrounded the two of them. He hadn't done anything as simple as watching a sunrise in a long time. He'd forgotten how beautiful such a simple thing could be.
It was good to be back on the Quidditch Pitch as well, even if it wasn't playing a game. He hadn't been back here since Professor Umbridge had given he and the Weasley twins the life-long ban for fighting with Malfoy after the platinum haired Slytherin boy had provoked them.
"I miss Quidditch," Harry commented, his voice barely a whisper, not wanting to disturb the tranquillity of the early morning silence.
"Have you flown since the ban?" Buffy asked curiously.
"Nope. Umbridge confiscated my broom."
"So, borrow a school broom. Just fly around for a few hours," she suggested.
Harry looked intrigued by the notion, but shook his head. "It wouldn't be the same after flying on a Firebolt." At Buffy's confused look, he hurried to elaborate. "Think Nimbus 2001, but better, faster and prettier."
"Angelina's all kinds of worried about who she's going to get to replace you," Buffy commented.
"Why'd you never play Quidditch?" Harry asked curiously.
"I did," she replied, smirking slightly. "Who'd you think the Seeker before you was?"
"You? Seeker?" Harry asked. "Actually, I could see that. Wood always said that smaller Seekers were always better. So…why'd you stop playing?"
"I got knocked off my broom from about…oh, about two hundred feet in the air. I've never got on another broom since then," she explained.
"I've been knocked off my broom loads of times," Harry replied. "I can't imagine not getting back on. Were you any good?"
"Not as good as you, but yeah, I held my own," she replied. "We won a lot of games, but we lost the Finals. Flint knocked me off my broom, and their Seeker caught the snitch."
"So, why not try out for my old spot?" Harry asked. "It's been, what, five years since you've flown. Surely that's enough time to get over your fear of flying."
"Oh no," Buffy replied emphatically. "Angelina's trying to convince me, but…me and heights are unmixy things."
Harry grinned slightly at Buffy's odd choice of words. He'd always found the older Gryffindor girl fascinating, in a completely non-sexual way. She was fun like the twins, and was one of the most loyal people he'd ever met.
"So, how's it feel to be back at Hogwarts?" Harry asked softly,
Buffy smiled widely and nodded. "Like I'm home again," she replied. "Like I can finally breathe properly. Like the walls aren't trying to close in on me anymore."
"Good then?" Harry asked.
"The very best," she replied contently. She turned to him, her smile fading, a serious look taking over. "You know why I asked you to meet me today, don't you?"
Harry sighed and nodded.
"What have you heard?" he asked.
"Nothing," she replied. "I wanted to hear it from you."
"What do you want to hear?" he asked tiredly, wondering if Buffy too would be as sceptical as the rest of the school seemed to be about the truth to his tale. "That I was forced to watch as Voldemort came back."
"You can start there if you want. I've missed two years so I kinda feel like I've missed half the movie," she said.
Harry looked across at her curiously. "I thought you weren't a muggle," he commented, trying to stall for time.
"Half, technically, though I grew up in a pureblood family. I've been living with my muggle aunt for the last two years though," Buffy explained. "And I'm not letting you change the subject so easily."
Harry gave a slight grin, half-hearted though it was.
"What happened to you Harry?" Buffy asked softly. "The last time I saw you, you were…well, happier than you are now."
Harry looked away, tears in his eyes, remembering the event that had plagued his dreams for so many months now. The day that had changed his life so drastically. -Kill the spare-
"Cedric," Harry whispered. "Cedric happened."
"Cedric Diggory?" Buffy asked, knowing of only one Cedric in the school. She vaguely remembered the Hufflepuff boy that had been in the same year as she'd been in. "What about him?"
"You really don't know, do you?" Harry asked rhetorically. "He died. Because of me. Because I was too stubborn, and I wasn't fast enough. I could have stopped it."
And all of a sudden, Buffy understood with perfect clarity exactly why her grandfather had wanted her to talk to Harry. They shared the same guilt over someone else's life, and that was something that could only be understood by someone who had gone through the same experience.
"How did he die?" Buffy asked softly.
"Voldemort," Harry replied, blinking back the burning sting of tears from his eyes. "Voldemort told Peter Pettigrew to kill him. The Triwizard Cup in the maze was a portkey, and Cedric and I took it at the same time. We ended up in some cemetery, who knows where exactly. And Pettigrew killed him."
"That doesn't make it your fault," Buffy said quietly, wanting to reach across and put her hand on the younger boys shoulder, but knowing her gesture would be rebuffed angrily.
"Yes it does!" Harry yelled, jumping to his feet and beginning to pace. Buffy stood as well, watching him warily. She knew what could happen to an angry witch or wizard and she wanted to be on her guard. "I had the chance to kill Pettigrew! He's the one who betrayed my parents, and if I hadn't been so damn noble, I would have let Sirius kill the bastard!"
"You think that letting someone live is a bad thing?" Buffy asked, trying to keep her voice calm. "Harry, regardless of what someone else has done to us, or to whoever, that doesn't ever give us the right to play judge, jury and executioner. If we did that, we'd be no better than Voldemort."
"Cedric died because he followed me!"
"Cedric died because Voldemort wanted him killed. I didn't know Cedric that well, but I did know him. A Hufflepuff who played by the rules. He was fair and compassionate, and he was someone who put others first," Buffy said. "If you guys took the Cup at the same time, all that means is that you wanted to share the victory. And there is nothing to be ashamed of in that."
"You don't understand! He died because of me!" Harry yelled, turning the brunt of his anger on the girl. He stepped closer to her, trying to intimidate her with his superior height and the force of his anger.
Buffy just pushed him backwards slightly, making sure to curb her strength so she wouldn't accidentally kill him.
"You think I wouldn't understand?" Buffy asked angrily. "That I wouldn't know what it's like to get people killed? I was expelled for that exact reason Harry. You don't have the monopoly on guilt."
Harry's eyes lit with remembrance, and he looked as though he was about to apologise. But Buffy beat him to the punch.
"Bad things happen, Harry. Mostly to good people who don't deserve it. Cedric didn't deserve to die, but he did. Seb shouldn't have been in the Forest that night, but he was. And they both died," Buffy said, her voice softer and calmer than it had been before. "We can't change what happened Harry. Wishing doesn't change anything, and thinking about the what if's will drive you crazy."
Harry wiped tears from his eyes and looked out into the distance, closing his eyes tiredly.
"So what do I do then?" he asked, sounding completely defeated.
Harry felt a soft hand on his shoulder, and he opened his eyes to look down at the Slayer, who looked at him with understanding rather than the pity he so hated.
"You live Harry," she replied. "My grandfather taught me that. Seb's mom told me that too. If we just waste our lives blaming ourselves for everything that goes wrong, we'll never live."
Harry sighed softly and closed his eyes again, bowing his head. He let himself be tugged forward into a gentle hug, thankful that someone who actually knew parts of what he was going through had taken the time to get him to talk.
"Now, I kinda get the impression that there's a whole lot of other issues you've got going for ya," Buffy said.
"Well, if that's not an understatement, I don't know what is," Harry replied.
"And there's the sense of humour back," Buffy teased, pulling back from him. "I was wondering if you'd lost it. I was starting to think that you were going to compete in the brooding awards against Professor Snape."
"What! I am nothing like Snape!" Harry yelled.
"I dunno…black hair, dark cloak," Buffy said, looking him up and down. "Moody, depressed…and if you don't wash your hair in the next few days, I may just have to kill you."
Harry shuddered at the thought of being anything like Snape. After a moment of thinking about it, he realised she had a point. He had been moody and depressed and prone to snapping at his friends, but he had good reason, didn't he?
"Seriously Harry…what's up?" she asked softly. "Besides everything with Cedric and Voldemort?"
Harry considered her thoughtfully, tilting his head to the side. He knew she was trustworthy, and he knew that she was Dumbledore's granddaughter, but he didn't know how much she actually knew about the events of the last two years. She'd proven to be the best of the best when it came to acting clueless.
"You know about…the Order?" he asked.
Buffy nodded. "They're partly why I came back," she answered honestly.
Harry's eyes flashed with anger. "Why are they letting you join and not me?"
"Harry! I'm two years older than you are, and a Slayer! And I'm guessing the reason they won't let you join is because you're fifteen," she reminded him.
Harry scowled and rolled his eyes. "I just want to help," he complained.
"And you can," she replied. "Just because you're not in the Order, doesn't mean you can't help them. And they may not let you sit in on the meetings, but trust me, you probably don't want to. I'm not really looking forward to it at all cos it'll be a bunch of oldies sitting there talking about who knows what. Besides, if they found out anything you needed to know, they would tell you."
"Would they?" Harry muttered. "They seem to prefer not telling me anything. Dumbledore especially."
"They're trying to protect you," she explained. "And I know you don't want to be protected, but…sometimes it's hard for adults to see that we know more than they think we do. They don't want us to grow up."
"Even my godfather, Sirius, doesn't want me to really get involved. And he was a worse troublemaker than I am!" Harry said angrily. "I have to grow up sooner or later."
"And they'd prefer for it to be later. They care about you Harry, that's all it is. And…I get that you're angry with them, but you really need to keep your cool. Magic and anger is a bad combination," she said. "You end up losing your cool and…y'know, blowing up your aunt or something."
Harry laughed slightly at he memory, though he remembered how petrified he'd been after that incident. It had been the first time he'd really managed to harm someone with his abilities, and it had frightened him badly, not just because he faced expulsion.
"How do you control it?" he asked curiously.
"Practice," she replied. "Learning to roll with the punches. Emotions aren't a bad thing Harry, ever. They give you fire and passion, and you can use that to your advantage. But storing up anger will do bad things to you. Even if you just take twenty minutes out of your day to do what we did this morning. Watch the sunrise, or sunset, or just star gaze."
"I can't remember being as calm as I was earlier," he admitted softly. "It felt good."
She hugged him again, and Harry was grateful that she hadn't just dismissed his complaints as so many others had done. Instead of reprimanding him for his anger and resentment, she'd given his ways to deal with it.
They remained hugging in the middle of the Quidditch Pitch, letting the sun shine over them, each of them taking comfort from the other. Harry's stomach suddenly growled loudly, causing both of the Gryffindors to laugh and step away from each other.
"Breakfast?" Buffy asked.
Harry grinned and arm-in-arm, they began walking back up to the castle, feeling considerably lighter than he'd felt in along time. He'd needed to hear that Cedric's death hadn't been his fault, only now, he actually began to believe it.
"Say Buffy, do you have plans for tonight?" Harry asked curiously as they wandered back towards the school.
"Harry, you're too young for me to date," she said seriously.
Harry had to stop short and looked at her in absolute horror. When she began grinning, he couldn't help but start laughing, the kind of laughter that makes you double over and clutch your chest as you gasp for air. When he'd finally stopped, he shook his head in amusement.
"You never change," he commented. "Seriously though, did you have plans?"
"Nope. Why?"
"Well…I don't know if the girls told you any of this last night, but…well, I uh…I sort of…well, Hermione suggested it really, so it wasn't my idea, but I was wondering…"
"The DA meeting, right?" Buffy asked, managing to work out what Harry was trying to stutter out.
Harry flushed bright red, still embarrassed that he was teaching people Defence Against the Dark Arts behind the Professor's backs.
"I'll be there," she assured him. "I've heard that you're brilliant, by the way."
"Not really. I mean, Hermione, she's the one who's been doing a lot of the research and all that," Harry said modestly.
Buffy rolled her eyes and clapped a hand to Harry's shoulder.
"You're good Harry, accept it. Besides, I want to see this Patronus of yours," she commented as they walked up the stairs and opened the door to the Entrance Hall.
"Can you conjure a Patronus?" he asked curiously.
"I started learning before I left, but…I never got more than a silvery wisp," she replied.
They made their way across the foyer to the Great Hall and towards the Gryffindor Table.
"Buffy…thanks," Harry said softly before they split up to sit with their friends. "For this morning. You're a good friend."
"You're not so bad yourself Harrykins," she replied with a grin. "And you're still too young for me."
"That's alright, you're way too old for me anyway," he teased right back, prepared for her comment.
Shocked as she was, she managed to volley back a parting shot before she sat. "I heard you liked that in a girl."
Harry cursed softly, wondering if he'd ever manage to get one up on the girl. Of course, she'd spent five years in the company of the twins and Lee Jordan, he'd need more practice. Of course, there was still something he could do to get her back. He grinned wickedly and stood behind the Slayer, a hand on her shoulder.
"Oi, Angelina! Guess who's agreed to try out for Seeker!" he called out.
The Gryffindors went deadly quiet and all eyes turned to look at where Harry was standing. Buffy's jaw dropped and she spun around to look at Harry in complete horror.
"Harry!"
"Summers! Decided to rejoin the Quidditch world, alright!" Fred yelled.
"I remember you were a brilliant Seeker!" George replied.
"Til that bastard Flint knocked you off!" Lee scowled.
"No way…I'm not…I can't!" Buffy protested, but her protests were drowned out by the cheering from those that remembered Buffy playing Quidditch for the Gryffindors for a year.
"Team, we'll hold an extra tryout this afternoon for Summers," Angelina yelled, grabbing the attention of Alicia, Katie and Ron. They still needed to fill in the positions of Beaters, as well, but the tryouts had already been held.
"Harry, you are so dead," Buffy practically growled as Harry just grinned completely unrepentant.
Hermione and Ron exchanged a grin, happy to see their friend acting somewhat like his old self.
000000
Well, there you have it, two updates! Hope you enjoyed, feedback is always appreciated!
Toodles.
DKG.