Liz: Feeling sorry for Ruth? Woo hoo I've done my job! More is going to be coming out about that in the next few chapters; ) And the day is the 19th. The Carpathia arrived in NYC on the night of 18th, I'll start putting up dates if that would be helpful. And its okay I don't mind you sounding like a hallmark card : )

Sara: I was LOL when I read your review…hehehe : )

Neverlandsprincess, Roxy, Tipper: You will being seeing a lot more of Cal, he's gonna find out and it won't be pretty…really not pretty grrrr (lol great grammar huh?)

et-spiritus-sancti: I always enjoy your reviews and 31's was no exception, thanks so much!

Butterfly: Yes, Sarah's growing up…sniff sniff, in my best mommy voice, going off into a "seem like only yesterday" tangent

Anarra and MG: thanks for the reviews and MG the names were very helpful, I'll email you later today about them : ) Don't want to spoil anything for anyone evil laugh

LOOOOOOONG Chapter…hope you guys don't mind, it kind of reviews some of the story so far but I don't think its too bad…tried my best so here goes…oh yes and there are probably typos, I'm cursed what can I say? It could have been worse, I was reading some fanfics in the Pearl Harbor section the other day (speaking of which I'm considering doing one, but anyway…) some of those stories must have been written by monkeys. Simple words like 'could' spelled like "coood" (seriously I actually saw that…shudder) anyway…ENJOY : ) : )

Chapter 33

I sat there for a moment trying to decide where to begin exactly. If he really did want to know everything that probably meant everything that had happened since I had met Cal, which was years ago. I was 15 when we first met at a Christmas party. It was hosted by the Hotchkiss family, mutual friends of my family's and his. I had danced with his brother, Taylor, who was about 20 then and he had introduced me to Cal.

I remember thinking that he was handsome and that he was very polite as he began a conversation with me. He knew George and we talked about him before Taylor came back and asked me for another dance. The next time I saw Cal was Christmas of 1911, just this past year. He had asked Rose to marry him only a few months before, and Nan had invited them over for Christmas dinner to celebrate. Both he and Rose had spoken very little that evening and George and I both confessed to one another later that there was definite tension between the two, but as far as I could tell Nan hadn't noticed. She was too preoccupied with the fact that her granddaughter was marrying one of the wealthiest, most handsome young men in America.

She adored Cal, and it was obvious why, he was always polite, well mannered and perfect when he was around her. And up until Sunday night he had been that way towards me as well. He had never even been cross with me let alone possessive and domineering and I didn't feel right in saying that something had him had changed, because to look at Rose you knew that she had been dealing with his behaviour long before Jack had even come into the picture.

I looked at Harry and studied his handsome face; he and Cal were about the same age, but Harry seemed somewhat older to me. He knew the world and wasn't afraid of anything in it. The differences between them were vast and went on and on. I loved Harry with everything I had inside of me, I felt protected when I was with him, he kept the bad things away, while Cal seemed to emit his own horrors. It didn't take long for one to see that I was lucky to have Harry and how easy it would have been for someone like Cal to come into my life, just like it had happened for Rose.

"Where do you want me to start?"

He sat down on the bed, releasing some of his anger as he did so, "Whenever he started to act the way he has been towards you."

I thought for a moment, sighed and then replied, "Sunday."

"Sunday?"

"Well yes, although there were some things before that that people have brought to my attention."

"Then start with that."

"Alright, Hannah…she was my maid…she told me on a few occasions that she didn't like the way he looked at me, or acted around me for that matter."

"How was he acting?"

I shrugged, "Oddly, look Harry I really don't understand why…"

"Because, there's something you're not telling me! You knew he knew about us and yet you held it back from me!"

"I didn't do it intentionally!" I screamed back, then realizing the volume of my voice, I lowered it quickly, "I thought that if I just forgot about it that maybe he would too."

"Well it doesn't seem that he has. He knows you were in my room that night and…"

"And what, obviously he knows that we…made love…and I really don't care!"

"You don't care? What about when he tells your Nan? What's going to happen then?"

I knew what would happen; Cal's anger would have nothing on Nan's. She would ruin Harry and bury me in some convent in some far off country. I didn't want Harry to know I was scared of that though.

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"NOTHING! You do love me don't you? Aren't you willing to fight for what we have together?"

"Of course I am, why the hell do you think I want to know what this bastard has been doing?" he said with a sudden gentleness to his voice, "Tell me Sarah, please."

We looked at one another for a moment; his eyes were on mine the whole time. Neither one of us seemed to notice that one was half dressed and the other only had a blanket covering them, we just looked at one another. It gave me reassurance and finally I began to tell him.

"Sunday, after the church services in the dining room, we; Rose, Aunt Ruth, Cal and myself, were invited by Mr. Andrews to tour the ship. He took us all around first class and finally up to the boat deck, that's when I saw you on the bridge…"

"…you looked so beautiful that day." he said, remembering with me.

I smiled as the memory of the way he had looked at me from across the bridge and the tingle I had gotten when he had purposely brushed his hand up against mine, swept into my mind. I soon went back to my story though.

"After we had left and we walking back down the deck Jack came up behind Rose, grabbed her and pulled her into the gym and I distracted the others, somehow knowing what his intentions were. Later, after tea, I talked to her about it and she told me what he had said and I encouraged her go to him, and she told me she would as long as I gave up the reservations I had about you."

"Reservations?"

"I'll get to that later…we both agreed and she went to find Jack while I went to get ready for dinner. I got dressed went down to the dining room and sat with Polly and Charles. Cal approached me a few minutes later, and asked if he could speak to me…"

I explained how Cal had asked me about Rose, and what I had said to him, and then I told him about what he had said to me after all of that,

"…he looked at me with a soft expression and said that I would never do the kind of things that she had been doing and how beautiful I looked…it made me feel very uneasy."

Harry jaw began to tighten and I realized it wouldn't be long before he was just as angry as before, so I rushed to continue.

"After dinner I went to my room and got a coat before coming to see you. I was waiting on out the deck and Jimmy had found me and well you know the rest."

He nodded with a slight smile, breaking the tension. "Yes, I do."

I smiled back at him and then continued, "When I left I went straight back to my room and as soon I had laid my head down on the pillow, I heard the engines stop. I didn't think anything of it and went back to bed, and then Aunt Ruth came into the room and told me Cal had been robbed…" I told him all about the necklace and Jack being arrested, how I thought it was staged and about Rose's reluctance to do anything about it. Then I got to the part about Aunt Ruth.

"You told her!"

"She already knew she just wanted me to admit it. Nan hates her and there's no reason for me to try and be polite when she constantly refers to me as a whore like my mother. Besides Nan wouldn't believer her anyway."

"What did your mother do to her?"

Angry that he would actually think that, I was unable to hold back my screams. "Absolutely nothing! And if you dare to think otherwise…"

"It was only a question; just go on, alright…"

I sighed deeply and as soon as I felt a bit better I continued, explaining how I had tried to reason with Rose, "…I kept trying to convince her that he hadn't done anything, even after we were led outside and about to get into a lifeboat. Then Cal said something to her, I'm not sure what, but something inside of her snapped and she ran back inside and I followed her."

I stopped and waited for his reaction, but his face remained in the same expression. I was puzzled, expecting to get scolded for not getting into the lifeboat when I had the chance, but he didn't say anything. It was like he had already heard it before. I knew that couldn't be and shrugged away the thought. I went on and told him everything that had happened below the deck; the water, grabbing the watch, finding Jack and everything else.

"…she told me to come find you, that you could help and I did, when I got up on the deck I didn't even have a chance to look for you when Lovejoy found me, that's Cal's valet…" I proceeded to tell him about what he had said to me, and how scared I was, and then Cal had come. "…he asked me where she was and I told him I didn't know, then…"

"Then what?"

Just like Harry, I seemed to be hearing these memories for the first time. I had put them so far back in my head that I had trouble believing that I was the one who had lived them. I specifically remembered hearing gunshots, but the idea of that seemed ridiculous. Why would someone be firing a gun on the Titanic?

"Um…well Cal was distracted by… I guess it was the sound of a gun being fired but that sounds crazy doesn't it? It's what I remember but I think I may be confused or…"

"A gun?"

I nodded and then paused when I saw the look on his face, it resembled the look a child has when they've been caught doing something naughty. "I was hearing things…wasn't I?"

He shrugged his shoulders, "How would I know?" He averted his eyes from me and instructed me to continue.

I told him about running away from Cal and how I hurt myself, and then when Cal had caught up with me and then what he had said.

As I recounted the words Cal had said to me; how he knew about Harry and I and every climatic part of our relationship and how he had threatened to tell Nan. Then I reluctantly told him Cal's chilling desire that still made me cringe; he intended to marry me. I then skipped ahead to what had happened on the Carpathia, not quite ready to relive the terrifying last memories I had of Rose and the ship sinking.

Heaving a sigh, Harry rose from the bed and went to the window. Crossing his arms over his chest he looked out it for a moment and then turned back to me, his face was red and his lips pursed tightly shut. It was odd, but I would rather have had him yell and shout curse then be like he was; eerily quiet.

"I don't want him near you." he said in a very flat and unnerving voice.

I didn't argue. I didn't want him near me either, but somehow saying that aloud didn't seem like a good idea to me. Just the tension and anxiety emitting from Harry was enough to tell me than he needed to hear only his own words and thoughts and mine would just complicate the situation further.

"I hope you plan on telling your Grandmother and brother about this."

Silence was my answer and he looked at me like I was mad.

"WHAT…" he noticed his volume and lowered his voice quickly, "…what are you thinking? You're turning your back on the ocean, pretending it's not there, but it is and it's going to kill you if you aren't careful. You need to tell her, Sarah."

I averted my eyes from him, no longer wanting to see his angry face with such caring eyes looking at me. I didn't want to be told that my decision was wrong when I knew very well it was. I just wanted to forget about everything.

"Sarah, listen to me!" he came back to the bed and took me by the shoulders and turned me to him, forcing me to look at him. "You're acting like a child, do you know that?"

"I am a child!" Immediately after I said that I realized how obtuse it sounded and regretted that I had even opened my mouth.

He let me go, "Fair enough. You're only 17, I'm almost 30 this was bound to happen sooner or later." he got up and I instantly reached for him, but he brushed me away, "You can't have it both ways, I'm not going to marry someone who claims to be both an adult and child. Do you realize how much responsibility there is in marriage?"

I shook my head.

"Then why did you say 'Yes' when I asked you to be my wife?"

"Because I do want to marry you." my voice was small and meek as I spoke.

He looked at me and shook his head, "You're not ready."

"Of course I am!"

"Sarah, really you probably can't even boil water on your own. You're young and naïve and I'm sorry I took advantage of you like this. You're meant to live the same life your mother and grandmother did; marrying a millionaire and having servants to wait on you. Perhaps marrying Hockley won't be all that bad, just make sure to give him a son, his type is all about that…"

I had heard enough!

"How dare you!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. I began to quiver with tears as I fought him, "You are malicious and…and I'm not sure what else, but you obviously don't love me the way I thought you did! It's as if you are deliberately trying to upset me and make me feel…" I stopped and suddenly realized what he was doing. There was a small smile on his face and he crossed his arms over his chest and looked at me with a satisfied stare.

"You don't want that to happen do you?"

I shook my head. "You're very devious."

He came back to the bed and sat down next to me, "It's time to grow up, Sarah."

I nodded, "I'll tell them…I promise."

He kissed my forehead and pulled me into his arms. I rested my head on his chest and apologized for not telling him about Cal and for what I had said to him. He pulled away from me and looked at me with a serious expression,

"You realize that I'm always going to be older than you. When you're 20, I'll already be past 30, when you're 30 I'll be…"

"I don't care," I interrupted, pushing myself back into his arms, "And, just to let you know, I do know how to boil water, I just always seem to burn it."

He started laughed, it echoed out through his chest and into my ears and it was as beautiful as any song could ever be, "I can see the headlines now… 'Extra Extra newlyweds die of starvation near kitchen full of food'"

I joined him with my own laughter and was glad for the moment. I felt a lot better having said all of those things to him that had been weighing heavily on me for so long. It wasn't long before I got up and dressed, realizing how late it had gotten. I kissed him goodbye and left the room walking down the hallway with happiness practically bursting from my seams. I was more in love with him now than ever before and to make it even grander, we no longer had any secrets from one another, and for that I couldn't have been happier.