Bittersweet Reunion

Naruto returned to Konoha on a blisteringly hot summer day. Seeing him again, all grown up and… different yet still the same sunny blonde, the same teammate she had grown to love as a brother, made Sakura feel a pang in her heart. He was finally there. Finally. Now all that was left to do was bring Sasuke back to the village and team seven would be revived.

Standing in shishou's office with Naruto by her side was like a dream to Sakura. She got to hear him speak again, too loud and too fast as always, yet his voice was no longer that familiar childish one, but rather a deeper baritone, more matured and grown. His clothes were different as well, yet still proudly orange, his mannerisms and smile as radiant as ever. It was surreal seeing Kakashi again after so long as well. Standing only a few meters apart from him… close enough to touch if she were to reach out… Sakura had forgotten some things about him in the past three years, such as the lines of his back when he slouched like a lazy cat in the sun or the exact color of his hair that wasn't quite grey, as it looked in the team seven picture, nor quite white either.

Sakura had expected something from him – maybe for Kakashi to recoil as she entered the room or to shoot her an annoyed look – but her old sensei had treated her just as he always had… had not particularly acknowledged she was there beyond the perfunctory comment. Perhaps he really hadn't known that she had called out for him all those mornings, back when she was twelve? Perhaps it had never occurred to him that Sakura might have missed him, perhaps she was just making a huge deal out of nothing. Feeling more foolish than ever, she turned her gaze away from him. To Kakashi, it had become apparent, nothing was wrong or different. He likely didn't notice her conflicting emotions, the way his absence had hurt. Sakura couldn't be as blase as him, couldn't bring herself to treat him normally – so she focused on Naruto.

The blonde was taller than her now but still loved ramen the same way he always had, still made her feel better about her stupid problems with his infectious grin and easy camaraderie. Naruto was a good teammate, a great friend… unlike Sasuke and Kakashi, as much as she may have cared for the former. Naruto was the only one who had come back to her. Sakura realized right then, standing next to him in that office, that she would do anything for him.

She tuned back into the pleasantries when Tsunade-shishou told them to take Kakashi's bell test again that evening. The exercise was meant to show the fruits of Naruto's training trip, Sakura knew. She hadn't expected Tsunade to ask her to stay once the others left the office.

"You better kick some ass too, you got that, brat? I placed a bet with Jiraiya you'd get a punch in and I don't plan on losing it!"

Sakura's lips parted in surprise, then pressed together resolutely. "Shishou… I won't let you down, I promise."

Half an hour before they were set to fight Kakashi, Sakura sat upon her bed and tugged on her gloves. She thought of everything she had experienced and learned in the past three years, thought of her time at the hospital. It had been hard, working at Konoha General. The surgeries had been rewarding and challenging, she had learned so much… both as a medic and as a person. Some of the things she'd learned about herself, she hadn't liked.

The first thing she had learned was that she was far from the confident girl she often thought she'd grown to be. There had been other medics in training there, teens like her, a little older. Sakura had struggled to connect with any of them. They seemed to dislike her, she wasn't sure why. She wasn't sure why it was so much easier to hold a conversation with any of her adult patients, with her adult supervisors, than any of her peers. Was it her fault? Was she too boring?

Most of all, in her time at the hospital Sakura learned that everything has a price. Especially ambition. Her routine over the three years working for Konoha General had been so consumed with studying to impress Tsunade-shishou, so consumed with working to make herself less useless into somebody– that she had no time to learn the current trends, the gossip, no time to learn how to laugh at jokes that made no sense to her.

She had hit the end of her first year as an intern with great achievements to her name and the increasing certainty that she was the most boring, pathetic person on earth. Every day proved it. Whenever she tried to tell people about herself, they seemed endlessly disinterested. She was boring. Too mature, some of the adults said. All she could hear was "you're a grandma in teens' clothing". She had no sense of humor or spark, all she was good for was medicine and learning. She knew everyone thought it but they were all too polite to say it.

Even though Sakura had finally cemented herself as Tsunade's permanent disciple, no questions asked, even though she was now being allowed into more and more complex surgeries, even though she had mastered Tsunade's boulder-destroying technique… that year was not a nice one.

And then the chunin exams had come. Sakura clenched her fists as she remembered the days leading up to them. Her chance to prove her mettle as a ninja. To prove to Tsunade-shishou that she could be tough, too. Her only chance, it had felt like. A chance to see whether all her hard work had bee for nothing… or not.

The exam's three-man team requirement had forced her to take it with Ino, her long time rival and former best friend and her teammate Choji. Sakura had dreaded the occasion for days, had been sure that Ino would realize how boring and lame she'd become over the past two years and lose all respect for her… but nothing of the sort had happened.

The two girls had bickered and mocked each other as they trained together in preparation, but it had all been in good fun. At no point in time had it seemed like Ino thought Sakura boring. Then they had taken the exam and Ino had even looked impressed and awed at Sakura's new skills – and then Sakura had won the competition at the last stage… she didn't remember ever being so proud as in that moment, when Tsunade had ruffled her hair into oblivion and declared her student to be the best damn kunoichi of her generation. Sakura hadn't thought she'd had it in her.

Now, as she stared at the gloves which Tsunade had gifted her on the day of her promotion, Sakura wondered whether she'd really changed after all, or whether she was still the insecure, useless little idiot she had often felt like these past three years. She fastened the gloves around her fingers. Time to put that to the test.

Training ground seven was like a beacon in the distance.

"Ready, you two?" Kakashi had asked, nonchalant and relaxed as always.

Sakura had glanced at Naruto, who stood sure and tall next to her, then back at Kakashi. It was dusk, the shadows of the sunset giving a beautiful glow to training ground seven. It had been so long since she'd last been there… She was brought back to a much simpler time, one when she hadn't felt so inferior, still a stupid little girl, certain that her book smarts and pretty looks were all she'd need to succeed in life. She remembered how badly she'd done at Kakashi's bell test. She hadn't even managed to touch him – that must be a record, surely. But not this time. She had worked hard, damn it. She was ready.

They won the spar.

To those who hadn't been involved in her training, Sakura's performance might have seemed good, but the truth of the matter was: she had completely screwed up. She'd been so nervous about facing her teammates again, had wanted to show both Kakashi and Naruto so badly that she was no longer that pathetic genin from three years ago… that in her eagerness, she'd revealed the ace up her sleeve – her mastery over chakra punches – much too soon. Kakashi had hidden underground and Sakura had been too impatient to wait him out. She had thought she would get him for sure if she were to create a crater below her feet, but the Copy Nin was nothing if not good at adapting. Once the man had realized just what her fists were capable of, he'd taken care to avoid them, simple as that, and no matter how hard she'd tried, Sakura had made little headway into beating him after that.

And so, she and Naruto had won, but not thanks to any skill of their own, but rather because the blonde had come up with the absurd idea of threatening to spoil Kakashi's new book for him, and Kakashi had fallen for it – though Sakura privately suspected that the man had simply wanted to spare them the embarrassment of losing to him in front of their (other) teachers and had pretended to lose his shit over getting the book spoiled. If the tactic actually had worked on him, then... she wasn't sure what to think.

In any case, the deed was done: Naruto had gotten to show off his out of the box thinking, Sakura had gotten to make an earthquake and Kakashi had gotten to look like a moron flailing over a book. Not that the man gave a hoot over his reputation. The obligatory ramen trip after the match followed suit. It was supposed to be a nostalgic and momentous occasion – her reunion with Naruto and Kakashi, team seven once again nearly complete – but all Sakura could taste in every bite she took from the familiar dish was defeat. She worked hard to hide her downtrodden mien behind smiles and teasing comments, to make this moment enjoyable for everyone else at least, but a part of her – selfish and stupid as always – had wanted Naruto – or god forbid, even Kakashi – to notice how she truly felt, to pause between bites and ask if she was okay, to tell her not to look so down, that she'd really become something in these past few years.

If either did notice, they did not make it known.

Sakura's appetite plummeted even further. Even after all her heart work, it had still been Naruto who'd come up with the tactic to 'defeat' Kakashi, despite the fact that she was supposed to be the smart one. But Naruto had never been an idiot, no matter how many times she'd told him as much, she had long since realized this. He had come up with the winning strategy and it had been her who had lagged behind like dead weight. Like always.

As a genin, she had often opted out of finishing her ramen bowl because of her diets. Today, she found she could not stomach the food either, though for vastly different reasons. Once more, Sakura offered the rest of her meal to Naruto, who took the ramen gratefully. Most likely, he and Kakashi still thought her the same stupid little nothing who dieted even after heavy training sessions. Sakura's hand cramped so hard that the force split her chopsticks, sending one of the pieces flying so hard at Kakashi that the man jumped off his seat with a startled expression.

He reappeared a few seconds later with an awkward expression on his face and the broken chopstick half in one hand. He passed it back to her smoothly and Sakura ducked her head to hide from his gaze. It was the first time he'd looked at her since they'd entered the ramen stall.

"Sorry," she told him sheepishly, like her entire work of three years hadn't just collapsed in on itself.

"Ah, no harm done," the man replied and went back to his book.

Jiraiya took the chance to make a dirty joke about her 'strong grip on the stick' though seemed surprised when only Naruto jumped in to defend Sakura's virtue. Tsunade was silent, observing her with narrowed eyes. She did not rejoin the conversation.

Sakura's stomach sank faster than a piece of lead in the ocean.

After the meal, she didn't object when Tsunade looked at her pointedly, then nodded toward the tower, a faint tilt of her chin. They said their goodbyes to the exultant Naruto and the lewdly-grinning Jiraiya, and even returned the lazy wave which Kakashi had offered in their direction. They walked the rest of the way in silence.

The hokage tower was dark and empty, the paperwork upon Tsunade's desk left untouched from that morning, when Naruto had burst through the doors with that infectious grin. The room was bathed in the pale moonlight, dark and strangely desolate, little lanterns flickering in the distance through the large paneled window behind the desk.

"So… looks like I lost you your bet," Sakura said lightly, breaking the ice as she wandered hesitantly into the office.

Tsunade's face was curtained by shadow as she followed her in. "You're a good student, Sakura," she murmured quietly.

Sakura had expected anger at her failure. Somehow, this was worse. Her expression of manufactured casualness crumbled like a falling building. "I…" She inhaled deeply, gathering her courage. "I really don't think I am, shishou." A confession. "I failed you. It's like I forgot everything you taught me."

No matter how hard Sakura had swung at Kakashi, the man had made sure not to be anywhere in the vicinity by the time her knuckles collided. She hadn't managed to touch him even once... just like last time.

"I have never seen you act this careless during a spar,"Tsunade said neutrally, "not even during the finals of the chunin exams." Sakura could hear the question loud and clear.

She lowered her head and sat upon the desk, shoulders hunched, back to the window and the moonlight. "Shishou… I never told you before… but… I wasn't really Kakashi's student."

She could not see Tsunade's face from her position.

"Why would you say that?" The woman's voice was calm. "The paperwork that proves it is right on the desk you've got your butt on, brat."

Sakura chuckled halfheartedly. "Nominally, he was, but… I guess Kakashi-sensei just… thought I just wasn't worth the effort. During the preliminaries in the chunin exams, he told me I shouldn't jump down to the arena because I couldn't do anything." Her breath hitched. Wasn't it just pathetic that she still remembered that? And yet, Sakura could no longer keep the words from spilling out. "He always gave Naruto and Sasuke-kun the head ruffles when they did something right, only ever scolded them when they did something wrong. As for me, it was like I didn't exist. I could make the same mistake, but it was like he didn't even see it. At first I thought he ignored my mistakes because he liked me… but… then I realized he just thought I was useless. That I –" she worked hard to hold back a sob "–that I have no promise, no potential… that I'm just a stupid little girl with a crush on Sasuke-kun. Is it so bad to have feelings?! Did he really have to judge me like that, without knowing me?!" She forcefully stopped her rant, embarrassed of her loud volume. Shishou's ANBU had probably heard all that. Oh, god, she was such a pathetic idiot.

Suddenly she felt a warmth on the nape of her neck. It was Tsunade's hand. An arm followed, coiling around her, encasing Sakura like a soft blanket.

"That man is a piece of work," Tsunade growled. "But damn it, Sakura! What kind of girl places her self-worth in the hands of a bastard like that?"

"I just… I just wanted him to recognize me so badly…" she sobbed quietly. "But for what? I should have known I'd just be the same old dead weight to him…"

"I get it you based your self-worth on his opinion of you at twelve," Tsunade scolded, "but what kind of moron keeps on doing it?! You are my fucking disciple now, Sakura! Wasn't I taking you in enough?"

"O-of cour–"

"I'm a fucking sannin, brat! What more do you want? A hokage? Oh, wait, I'm the hokage too!" Sakura swallowed a chuckle-sob and clung harder to the woman.

Tsunade stroked her head and sighed. "Really, you silly girl. Don't you see? You don't need the Hatake brat to tell you shit because I'm here to do it, so get that through your thick skull."

Sakura nodded, tears and snot flowing freely. Somehow they were happy tears now – her feelings totally raw. The ANBU must be disgusted by the drama, a part of her brain added blearily, though she was past the point of caring.

"Thank you shishou," she murmured, letting go of the woman. "I really needed to hear that."

"Damn straight you did!" Tsunade said. "Can't believe I ever thought that Hatake brat was a good teacher."

"I – I mean he was a good teacher to Sasuke…" Sakura said hesitantly. "Taught him the chidori in under a month and all."

"Fucking Hatake," Tsunade exclaimed irately. "That does it. I'm gonna pummel him the next time I see him. Just you wait until I get my hands on that piece of–"

"Shishou, you can't do that!" Sakura objected, a smile on her lips. "You're the hokage!"

"Oh, I'll find some excuse, don't worry."

"Ah, I'll provide your alibi, Shishou."

"Hm, not a bad plan, but I think Shizune's the one with more legal sway out of the two of you."

"Oh."

Tsunade gave her a conspiratorial look. "Don't worry, you can help me hide the body instead."

Sakura cracked a grin. "Sounds like a plan!"

Somewhere above them, there was a stifled choking sound.

"Looks like the ANBU heard us," Sakura added, exchanging a look with Tsunade.

"Pity."

Without prompt and at the exact same time, they began to laugh, at first softly then loud and raw and true, and suddenly couldn't stop. They laughed and smiled at each other, a powerful feeling of togetherness coursing through their veins, a warmth like the sun. Kakashi was the furthest thing from Sakura's mind right then. Of course, her shishou was right, as usual.

Finally their laughter waned into quiet chuckles as they stopped for breath, their eyes alight with a quiet happiness. Sakura felt drained suddenly, like she'd just had some sort of ordeal – but also okay. Content.

"You know, shishou?" she breathed into the quiet. "You're right. I don't need Kakashi-sensei for anything. Heck, I should take him up on his advice and stop using the honorific. I'm the hokage's apprentice, for god's sake, and he's just – what? Some jonin? Well, I don't care anymore. He can read porn in trees and ignore me all he likes."

Tsunade snorted. "That's the spirit, brat. Now get me some sake."