Anarra, Janell, MG, Charlotte: So glad you loved Cal's evilness… I aim to please lol

Liz: Yes, I got the DVD! Oh it was go great, I LUVED the deleted scenes! Did you see the ones with Harry? WOO HOO TAKE THAT BRUCE! I'm going to have to find a way to add that in the story : )

Neverlandsprincess: More fluff? Lol now that's what I like to hear. Shouldn't be too much longer though. : )

KM and Julietdaughter: Sarah pregnant? Hmmm…you never know…lol Oh yeah I've never seen the Hornblower movies…I've heard they're really good though and no death for Cal in the near future lol but eventually he'll get what's coming to him lol

Chapter 41

As I predicted Nan was less than enthusiastic about my plans to go to Washington with Grandfather. I had been wise to make sure we were alone before I told her because her reaction would have embarrassed me beyond reason.

A side of her I had never seen before came out; calling me a child and telling me how awful it was for a girl my age to be surrounded by all of those old men and hearing their definitions of what was right and wrong.

"You're only 17, Sarah. That's a very impressionable age. You don't need to hear all of those stories those victims have to tell about suffering and death."

"Nan, I don't need to hear it, I lived it. I was there, or do you not remember that?" I retorted, "I sat in a life boat in the arctic cold, surrounded by the cries of moans of the people left in the water. There's not a day that will go by when I don't think about that and I want to know why! I want to know why my cousin had to die, why Polly's husband will never see his children grow up and why there are thousands of the other people in the world who will never see their loved ones again!"

I had never yelled at her before, never. In the large cushioned chair where she sat she appeared so small and frail to me after that I wished I could have gone back in time and changed what I had said. Then she said something that I had never expected to hear from her mouth;

"From what I hear Rose chose her destiny and you should just leave it at that."

"Who told you that?" I practically screamed.

"Young lady you had better watch yourself! Not only am I your grandmother but I am your guardian as well and you will respect me! I'm not sure what happened to you on that trip, but it doesn't give you any sort of excuse to disrespect your elders!"

Her words were harsh and unforgiving and I knew then that more had changed in my life than I previously thought. I wasn't her little girl anymore, I was becoming my own person and she didn't like that one bit.

"Grandmother," I began, finding it difficult to call her anything but Nan, "I'm going to Washington with Grandfather. I realize that it upsets and that you would rather me go back to Philadelphia with you, but I can't. This is something that I have to do."

"I didn't raise you to be this selfish."

I kept my voice quiet and answered her as calmly as I could, "No, you didn't. But you did raise me to be my own person, and that's exactly what I am doing." I took a long pause before I spoke again and then finally added, "I love you, and I promise I'll be home for Rose's funeral."

And with that said I left the room, shutting the door softly behind me. To my surprise I found Aunt Ruth in the sitting room waiting for me.

She looked a lot better than she had, her hair was brushed and pulled back and she wore a simple black dress that clashed horribly with her still pale skin. She looked at me when I entered the room and began to speak;

"I'm starting to believe you're less like your mother than I thought."

I sighed heavily, not wanting to go through all of this again and started for the front door but she kept speaking.

"Corynn was always selfish. Always. Clothes, jewelry, traveling; she got it whenever she wanted it."

My hand was on the door knob and I could have escaped, but I found myself turning back to her, "Is that why you hate her?"

She laughed, "Please, I'm not that materialistic. No, she took from me, ever since the day she entered this world and even after she left it. When we were young it was simple things, a brooch here, some earrings there, but that all changed when I was 22. He asked me to marry him and I accepted. One of the most handsome and eligible young men in the country and he asked me." her voice began to become dreamy as she spoke, and I found myself sitting down across from her in one of the chairs, leaning towards her in suspense.

"She came home from school and that's when she saw him. 'Oh Ruthie, you're so lucky!' she told me over and over again. That whole summer after our engagement was announced he was all she would talk about and that should have been proof enough for me to keep him from her, but I never dreamed she would do it. Then on the night of our engagement party, he disappeared right after the toast, I went looking for him and found him, with her in his arms, in my bed."

Amidst my shock, I managed to ask who. She turned to me with dark eyes and shook her head at my simple question, "Why, my dear, Sarah…" she began in a chilling voice, "…your father."

"RUTH!"

I spun around hearing Nan's voice so sharp and angry. Her eyes were blazing in Aunt Ruth's direction. "How dare you! Telling lies to the child!"

"Oh Mother, please! You know it's true, we all know it is! Everyone except her and George. You tried to hide it, but secrets can never be buried!" Aunt Ruth screamed.

"YOU VINDICTIVE HARLOT--"

"SHUT UP YOU OLD WOMAN! PEOPLE TALK AND SOONER OR LATER SHE WOULD HAVE FOUND OUT! KEEPING HER AWAY IN EUROPE WASN'T GOING TO CHANGE ANYTHING!"

Their voices were like faraway echoes in my mind. My mother and father couldn't have done that. Nan had always told me how they were childhood sweethearts, who were married in a lavish ceremony in New York City, and then honeymooned in St. Petersburg with my Great-Aunt Isabel and her family. That's where George was born in 1890 and I 5 years later. This couldn't be, Aunt Ruth was just telling another one of her lies to try and hurt me.

"…YOUR DEAR AND PRECIOUS CORYNN COULD DO NOTHING WRONG IN YOUR EYES, COULD SHE? EVEN FORNICATING WITH MY FIANCE IN MY BED WASN'T WRONG IN YOUR EYES! 19 YEARS OLD AND ALREADY A WHORE! YOU AND FATHER MUST HAVE BEEN SO PROUD!"

Nan stepped over to Aunt Ruth and smacked her clear across the face, "YOU'RE OLD AND BITTER RUTH! Corynn deserved Jonathan! He only asked you to marry him because of your money and you know that! And when he saw your much more beautiful sister he knew he had made a mistake! You were lucky to have him for the short amount of time that you did-"

Aunt Ruth cut Nan off and turned to me, "You do believe me, don't you Sarah. Think about the dates, August 1889. They were married in October weren't they and when was George born?"

I shook my head, not wanting to acknowledge it, but she pressed on amidst Nan's screams.

"May! He was born in May wasn't he?"

I found myself nodding, numbly.

"See look there! It's not a coincidence! George was conceived that night!"

"QUIET-"

"NO, I'VE BEEN QUIET FOR TOO LONG!" she looked at me, with an odd glint in her eyes, "It's not your fault you are the way you are, Sarah. It's my mother's! She tried to create Corynn all over again. Even after all she did, mother loved and supported her, even helped her to run off to Russia to be with Jonathan, didn't you, Mother?"

I looked up from my confusion and sadness and at Nan, who had gone quiet. "You condoned it?" I asked, obviously hurt.

She looked at me with wide eyes, knowing she had been caught, "Yes, I did."

I couldn't help but cry. All my life she had told me what a horrible person Aunt Ruth was but never once did she tell me why, or that she had been part of the cause.

Nan knelt down next to me and laid her hand in a comforting gesture on top of my head, but I pulled away and got up from the chair quickly as if she had stung me. "Get away from me!"

"You don't understand, Ruth didn't deserve him, your father deserved someone with grace and beauty…"

"STOP IT! I don't want to hear anymore!"

"Sarah…" she started, but I was out of the room before she could say anymore. I began to run down the hallway, tears streaming down my cheeks, but was stopped dead in my tracks at the elevator where Grandfather had just gotten off.

"Sarah! What's the matter?" he asked, seizing me by the shoulders.

I must have been a sight; tears rolling down my face and gasping for each and every breath. His concern was evident, but he seemed at a loss on how to comfort me. It didn't surprise me, I had never known my grandfather to be an affectionate man, but no sooner had I thought that then he took me into his arms and embraced me tightly.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and sobbed gratefully into his shoulder.

Every tear that I shed from my eyes was only an ounce of the pain and frustration that had been building up over the years. Every time I could remember Nan lying to me, every time Aunt Ruth insulted me. I couldn't believe I had let myself become so deceived.

As I stood there, letting my pain flow out in salty tears on my grandfather's shoulder I actually came to pity Aunt Ruth, and hate Nan. I could never trust her again. My whole life she had lied to me and never felt any remorse about it. Everything; our relationship, every memory she had given me about my parents; all a lie.

My tears eventually stopped, even though my heart still continued to break, and Grandfather handed me his handkerchief to dry my eyes. I took it gratefully and allowed him to lead me onto the elevator and downstairs and through the lobby to outside the hotel where there was a car waiting for us.

I didn't have my hat, coat, or even gloves, but that seemed to be the least of his worries. We drove home, with his arm around my shoulders as tiny tears still creeping from my eyes.