Chapter II
Disclaimer: I don't own GB boys and girls. But I will say it again and again; I will do anything to make Shido belong to me.
A/N: I know this warning is long overdue, but this fic is strictly for those who can tolerate yaoi. It's nothing like an in-your-face gay story with lemon here and there. It's simply a story that may or may not seem to tackle the complications of attraction per se. However, as the author of this fan fiction, I will consider this as romantic angst.
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Ban traipses his way on the sidewalks, like a sail on seas that has no direction on its own. He never anticipated that he'll drain the hours of his rest day in such a crappy and fruitless way. This has all been unprecedented, and the fact that there's no more unsatisfying way to spend a free day than this gives him a kind of buckled-down sensation, from which he strangely can't escape. He doles out low cusses at the thought. He has been walking for God knows how long under this hot-assed weather which is everything but salubrious. True, the atmosphere is suffused with a grip of heat wave which Ban, as he scans his surrounding, suspects is killer. He squeezes up his face into a scowl which is enough of a thermometer to say how hot it is. The entire city seems to have fallen out of attendance and remarkably few people—most are with umbrellas to parry the vicious sunbeams—are lingering about looking like they're going to have heatstroke in the next tick tock and a half. Only the very tough and the very thick go out for a walk on this kind of day, and Ban isn't about to back out on the challenge.
Beads of perspirations of varying sizes begin to streak down his face, falling ceaselessly like melting stalactites in contact with his chin. He sponges them off every now and then but they just keep on falling that at some point he lets them go on rolling on his skin. The distance he's covered has stretched out unknowingly that should he try to look back, he will have to wrack his brain inside out to remember where and when he started walking.
He lets his feet take dominion over him as though a separate cerebrum were operating them, one that's completely different from what is used by the rest of his systems. He mechanically ambles past highways, people, shops and traffic lights. He has seen more of them this day than any other day he's spent in the past. Still, he doesn't know where he's going and he isn't even sure if he likes to be away from Ginji and the others. All he knows is something magnetized him away from the café. And the identity of that something, as of this moment, is still as clear as mud.
He reaches a spot where the Infinite Fortress blooms in full view; he halts to navigate it with his eyes, columns and all, and finds nothing that wasn't there yesterday. He can see its constantly darkening silhouette, the tenebrous shadow it casts on Tokyo ground and the menace it incites in any normal person who takes a second to scrutinize it. He frowns at the filthy sight of it and at the thought of people/creatures establishing their homestead in there. It seems to him a snapshot of nightmare, a place in hell, in which only roaches and rats deserve to live. Had he given a whit more to imagine it, he would've smelled its stench from where he stands.
'Why the glum face?'
If Ban weren't so used to momentous surprises, this encounter would've made him jump out of his skin. He wheels around and,
'It's you.' Ban says, his face, grave in repose, confronting the person.
He's smack right in front of a beaming Kazuki Fuchoin who sidles up close to him almost immediately, keeping him at harassing distance.
'Easy. I didn't mean to shock you.' Kazuki smiles. It's just his ordinary, tirelessly sincere smile, Ban learns upon surveying his face. That one which Ban receives on a rather diurnal basis. It shouldn't really be a big deal…
But this time, something in this encounter mystifies that smile and it produces a tiny tingle at the bottom of Ban's spine as it creeps its way through his nape. He may have done well to hide it beneath notice but it doesn't quite end there. He has to fight the urge to use his Snake Bite on that smile, to snatch it away from Kazuki's pretty face and crumple it and dump it someplace where the effing sun doesn't shine.
'Shock me? Far from it.' Ban snaps. 'Had I been slower in my uptake you wouldn't have that head on your shoulders by now.' He meant to make good use of his voice's sarcastic undertones so that Kazuki will flinch and run off away from him like a scalded kitten. Damn, he wants to be left alone. He underestimates the Master of the Strings, however. Just because he has that exquisite exterior doesn't mean he can be stepped on anytime. He isn't one of the Four Kings for nothing.
'Yeah, I suppose that would be the case.' Kazuki says, still not ridding himself of that contagious smile. 'Anyway, do you want to say something?'
'Excuse me, what was that?' Ban can't believe his ears. First the intrusion, now this. What's next? Being told to get the hell out?
'You heard me.' Kazuki says. 'I presume you want to talk to me that's why you followed me here.' He isn't mocking Ban, which, for some reason makes it increasingly puzzling.
Ban stills himself for an instant. Like he cares about what Kazuki has to say instead of simply wanting him to scram. This whole line-reversal only does so much to rankle him inside. He starts to be aware of the implosion taking part within him and in simultaneity, he tries to paste together the occurrences that led to this meeting. What he will give for a damned clue. He fixes his sunglasses with the tip of his forefinger and positions himself vis-à-vis Kazuki. One can now easily number the inches separating them from each other. Seeing Kazuki's well-meaning smile, unfortunately, penetrates Ban in such a way that he is forced to keep his gaze at shoulder-level. He wonders how reversed the situation is now, how ironic it is that Ban—with his world-famous Evil Eye—should be the one avoiding straight-faced eye contact. There is a protracted silence when the unthinkable is uttered.
'Wa--was I following you?' Ban blurts out. The words just come out on their own, he swears. Suddenly, his brows transform into a furrow and he's looking as though he just crushed a mirror he didn't want to break. He has come to the point where doubt is done feeding on his certitude. The fragmented speech, the manner in which his shoulders collapse and that facial contortion that seems so akin to capitulation; they all give away the rest. For once in his life, he has acted extremely out of character.
'Hahahaha!' Kazuki guffaws loudly as though there'd be no tomorrow. Whatever measure of respect Ban had for Kazuki, it evaporates here and now. Why is he acting extremely out of character? He has his right arm clutching his stomach and his knees are slightly bent. If there was a wall anywhere near them, he would've leaned on it for support. He goes on laughing, unrestrained, for good 15 seconds, seeming to have thoroughly thrown caution and elegance to the wind. Witnessing this, Ban wonders deeply why he thought Kazuki wasn't only a master of strings, but of social graces.
Ban's difficulty to resist the urge to pry Kazuki's head open shows itself conspicuously by the minute. 'Are you done?' he flares up amidst the other's hearty laughter. Anyone can say that one doesn't look murderously at another if he wishes him well. Ban half-wonders why despite this glare, Kazuki still goes on tittering. He hates his guts alright.
'Pardon, that wasn't very nice.' Kazuki says, gets a hold of himself and reverts to his signature sugar smile.
For the record, Ban isn't about to beg him to be nice or even to beg him to stop making a stupid laughingstock out of him.
'Just what makes you think I was after you?' Ban glowers. He isn't liking this picture; he and Kazuki, alone, under one square-meter of heaven on a rabidly sweltering day. What the hell are the gods doing manufacturing this kind of horseshit? And that smile…what Ban won't give to be away from it. Perhaps it's because right now he is alone at the receiving end of the smile; usually there's Ginji and Natsumi and Paul and Hevn and you can rest assured there's enough of it to go for everybody. But now there's only Mido Ban and he hates to think that he can't handle it. Come to think of it, he hasn't been crammed in the same picture with Kazuki, and without Ginji, he hastens to add. He never really thought of Kazuki as someone directly connected to him; he knows him in theory (of course, as Ginji's old friend) but the truth is, the closest Kazuki gets to him is his being another person on the other side of this parallel universe, particularly on that grayish side which hardly exists to Ban anymore. A mere vapor trail.
'For one, you took all the routes I just took. In the same order, mind you. For another, here you are where I've decided to be in the meantime.' Kazuki replies. He doesn't appear to be bothered with being at close quarters with Ban at all.
Ban is about to say he didn't sign up for 'Get Insulted by Kazuki Fuchoin' Club and can't forgive him for his grossly girly looks. He is about to put a sequel on it with a delicious knuckle sandwich right between Kazuki's eyes. But just as he's gaining momentum, preparing his lungs for a long tirade and clenching his fist, all impulse is aborted by the sight of the other's shift of expression. In contrast to his erstwhile expression, Kazuki now plasters an empty look on his face. Ban discovers why Kazuki puts that face on all of a sudden; it speaks so blatantly just by being empty. It's--make no mistake about it--scorn.
'If you're thinking about yesterday, you can eat shit and die.' Ban blares, continuously digging his nails on his palms. He gathers that he hates Kazuki's guts like nothing else; his bogus 'cluelessness', his malleable temper and on top of it all, his smile. Why the hell does he think that that goddamned smile will take him anywhere near Ban's affection? 'Just because Ginji and I thought you were a woman doesn't mean we now have the hots for you. Come on, dude.' Ban goes on. It just surges over him, that vehemence, so sudden and so uncontrolled.
'On the contrary, I wouldn't have remembered it if you didn't bring it up.' Kazuki says, retaining his banal expression. 'But if that's all, I guess there's no point being so sassed.'
'If you so much as suspect me beyond this time, I will kill you.' Ban gives it another start, not heeding what Kazuki just said. He can just hang Kazuki here and now for all he knows or cares.
He doesn't know why it has to infuriate him so. He stands, slightly trembling, as he rests his eyes on the unfazed Kazuki. His anger faces no test by this time; it's quite sincere, so Ban-ish and so frightening. On the other end, Kazuki breathes shallowly, an indication of perfect composure as opposed to Ban's labored respiration. To Ban's line of vision, something about Kazuki is changed. Whether it's just a part of Kazuki that is changed or his holistic appearance or simply just Ban's eyesight messing up or a fleeting mirage or something else entirely, Ban isn't sure. Kazuki now stands on a spot where the Infinite Fortress looms ever so imminently in the backdrop. Ban can't help remarking, soaked in fury as he is, that Kazuki is the least likely person to blend in with Mugenjou's squalor. There is a vast difference between them (Kazuki and Mugenjou) that keeps Ban in constant danger of asking Kazuki why he chose that suckhole to live in when he could just live anywhere else. It was to him, before he met Ginji, a shadowy place where terrorism is the watchword and violence the only key to freedom. He can only imagine how Kazuki survived all those years in its dark alleys, its ugly run-down buildings and its poison. But Kazuki existed unmarred by it, right? His rat-holed past, which is sure to grow dimmer in his memory now that he's out of it, it shouldn't really be a matter of concern to Ban but…He nonetheless keeps Kazuki in his gaze longer than he intends and catches himself making lacking-in-detail observations at the latter's off-shoulder top which he discovers disturbs him to epic proportions, even at first quick glance. Ban isn't designed to understand such predilection for clothing and his look pretty much divulges the greater part, if not the rest, of his confusion. He can have asked Kazuki to do him the kindness of draping some cloth over his shoulders but is seized by the horrible thought of Kazuki laughing his ass out again. As a consequence, Ban decidedly clams himself up for the time being.
It reminds him of yesterday's hot spring escapade, how Kazuki slithered down to the water and bared all. That piece of memory which has stayed with Ban all along and which he keeps turning away but keeps coming back for reasons that are unfathomable. And now, Kazuki's nakedness, however in lessened gravity in the mere form of his bare shoulders, makes Ban realize his own sense of security. Unable to entirely compose himself in a long pause, Ban settles what he thinks he is ought to do; if Kazuki is thinking of a long stay, it may do Ban a lick of good to keep himself at bay with this person and just walk away.
'I'm going.' Ban harrumphs before he gets to give Kazuki his warning once and for all. 'Remember, if you so much as suspect me beyond this time, I will kill you.'
All he needs now is Kazuki's words, his nod or anything that signifies compliance, to mark the end of this meeting. He looks at the Master of the Strings, at his wide-spaced eyes, in the way he does when poised to use the Evil Eye. If the other doesn't budge, there's always the alternative. He needs to weasel out a truce from him, badly, and he won't leave until Kazuki says what he wants him to.
'Why don't you ask yourself first whether or not it's you who suspect yourself?' Kazuki finally says, seeming unperturbed by the other's menacing glare.
'Huh?' Ban freezes. He didn't ready himself for this; to lose his vocabulary in such an offhanded way. The hue that just moments earlier was there on his face leaves it; he's paling all over, to match his white blouse.
Kazuki taps himself on the forehead either as a gesture of pity or simply a way to check how drenched in sweat he is now. He begins to waggle his head sideways as Ban recognizes the smile that all of a sudden romps on either side of Kazuki's lips. It's pity, alright.
'Mido Ban, don't be so hard on yourself.'
'What the hell do you mean by that?' Ban seethes. He's taken on the sort of pitch that he uses when he gets fed up with a conversation or a fight or just when he generally gets fed up.
'I mean to say that you should be saying what you want to say. That's all.'
'Alright then. You asked for it,' Ban says rather rudely. 'I want to say that I have no spare time and that I wish you'd leave me alone, unless you want to see what'd happen if you don't. In which case, you're free to be my punching bag.'
'Oh, no problem. I'll see you tomorrow, Mido Ban.' Kazuki smiles. He trots off away from Ban, slowly enlarging the space between them until Ban can no longer hear his light footsteps. Still, Ban keeps his eyes locked on Kazuki's direction, his continuously tapering figure, as though something bad would happen if he doesn't. It's not until Ban is sure that he's relieved of Kazuki's presence when he swings his gaze the other way. He sets down his guard and shakes his head in distress, confusion, physical meltdown and other similar types of fuckups. For the first time in many years, Mido Ban doesn't know where to put his thoughts next.
At Kazuki's absence, which, when it happens seems like an afterthought, the heat resurges and clouds itself around Ban like a thick puff. The quiet returns, yes, along with the unbearable quality of the atmosphere. He begins to sweat profusely, his tongue feeling more parched each second. He knows he can't hold much of this genuinely insane weather so he decides to peel his way back to home, their car.
TBC