Well I'm going to be the first to admit that this isn't one of my better chapters. I am SO tired this week! (it has to be the turkey) It doesn't help that I stayed up until about 9 this morning to do the Black Friday thing with my mom. I was standing outside of Wal-mart at FOUR IN THE MORNING! And let me tell you there are some psychos out there. Some pregnant lady was practically pushing me through the door with her stomach…lol. The things people will do huh?

Anyway back to the chapter, it's a lot shorter than normal and not quite as…um suspenseful (at least to me). But I hope you guys like it, it's some quality Sarah and Harry time.

Mostly everyone's reviews had to do with Taylor…

He was GREAT wasn't he! I think I've mentioned before that I'm a huge Charmed fan…anyway when Billy Zane was on there last season I totally fell in love with his character Drake and that's kind of who I'm modeling Taylor after. (I.e. looks just like Cal but NICER! And doesn't approve of bad guys!)

I would love to address everyone's reviews separately, but I am beat! The reviews were a great as always though and I always love reading you guys' opinions and thoughts.

Read and enjoy! The next chapter should be better : )

Chapter 46

Tuesday, April 23, 1912- Washington DC

The clock had just chimed at 6 when Grandfather and I arrived back at the hotel that night. It had been a long day, listening to the testimonies of Mr. Pitman, Mr. Fleet (one of the lookouts) and a passenger, Mr. Peuchen.

Grandfather was gracious enough to let me sit near Harry throughout the entire day, and although I wasn't sure why he did, I didn't bother to question his suggestion. Yes, he actually suggested it. Just like this morning at breakfast when he informed me he was going to be dining with some of his old colleagues from his days as a senator and he suggested that I invite Harry to dinner to keep me company.

Needless to say I was thrilled beyond words, but I kept my happiness stifled and quietly agreed to his proposal. But tonight, after we had arrived home and I was safely in my room I couldn't contain it anymore. I squealed with excitement and fell onto my bed, smiling as wide as I could for no one but myself.

When I asked Harry to come to dinner this evening I hadn't told him Grandfather wouldn't be there. I thought it would be a nice surprise considering that he and I hadn't been alone in so long. Stolen kisses and lingering glances to one another were wonderful, but it wasn't the same as being close to him, having his arms around me and being able to bask in the glow of every kiss he gave me.

Grandfather left around 6:30 and since I told Harry dinner would be at seven I made sure I was dressed and made up to perfection by 6:45; not a hair out of place or wrinkle on my dress, and waited quite impassionedly for him in the sitting room. Dinner had already been set out by the hotel staff in the dining area, I noticed, and it smelled divine, but my mind was all on Harry.

While I waited, sitting on the sleek settee in the sitting room I looked around our suite, taking it all in. We were staying at very nice hotel in the city, the Willard Intercontinental and the suite was beautiful; furnished in red, gold and mahogany. The walls and all the furniture were polished until they shown brightly and the upholstery was soft and inviting. From our third floor balcony you could clearly see the White House and the Washington Monument and they were beautiful sights.

A knock on the door interrupted my study of the suite and I eagerly rose from my chair and headed towards the door. I smoothed out my dress and hair before opening the door and greeting Harry with a smile.

"Good evening, Ms. Wilkes."

I smiled, "Good evening, Mr. Lowe. Won't you come in?"

"Thank you."

He entered the suite and I took his hat and coat and hung them up on the rack next to the door.

"Where's your Grandfather?" he asked looking around.

I stepped up next to him, "He's out for the evening, so it will just be the two of us. I do hope that's alright."

His face acquired a soft smile and we broke the silly polite routine we had been doing and wrapped our arms around one another and kissed sweetly.

"So I have you all to myself, then?" he asked, whispering romantically into my ear.

I nodded and pulled away from his embrace to smile at him, "Just the two of us."

"Something we don't get enough of."

I nodded with a faint smile on my lips and leaned in to kiss him once more. I wanted to be close to him, as close as I could be, I wanted to feel his heart beat next to my own and have it that way for eternity, but for right now I would just have to settle for eating supper next to him at the dinner table.

After we had finished Harry and I sat next to one another with our glasses of water and talked.

"Are you nervous about tomorrow?" I asked, referring to the fact that it was his turn to give his testimony.

"After hearing the questions he's asked everyone else, I think I'm prepared." he started counting off on his hand, "My past, the trials, the voyage, the ice, the Carpathia."

I smiled, "Yes, it does sound like you're prepared."

He smiled coyly, "I do try." he took a drink of his water, "What about you, are you nervous?"

"I don't know I hadn't really thought about it."

He smiled, "Well, he's probably not going to ask you about your professional background as a debutante, so I wouldn't worry too much."

As much as I wanted to scowl at him, I couldn't help but laugh, but as it slowly began to die down I began to think of what it was going to be like, reliving the experience in front of an audience.

"Are you alright?"

I nodded, "Yes, I'm fine…Do you think about it much?"

He became very solemn and nodded slowly, drifting far away from the happy moment we had shared just mere seconds ago, "It's the worst at night. I was sleeping when it happened and when I woke up I was in hell. I don't think I've had a full night's sleep since we made it to the Carpathia…I don't want to be caught off guard again."

My sleeping habits had gone unchanged, but my guilt was always with me. I thought about Rose all the time, wishing I had done something differently, wanting desperately to go back and change what I had done, but I couldn't, and I would never be able to.

"I don't like that look." he said, breaking my thoughts.

"I'm sorry. After all that's happened-"

"I know," he nodded, "First…that. Then coming here and Hockley treating you the way he has, and then this whole thing about you marrying his brother."

"That's just an idea." I replied, just as bothered about it as he, yet trying my best to remain optimistic.

"How do you know that? Have you discussed it with your Grandmother?"

I shook my head, "No, I haven't, but she wouldn't force me into marrying someone if I didn't want it."

"You know that for sure?"

The truth of the matter was that I didn't know what to expect from Nan anymore. After learning about my parents and the way she had spoken about it, I felt as if I didn't know her anymore. She had always been a woman of upstanding morals to me and to hear that she supported such a lustful and hurtful relationship, erased the image entirely.

Harry saw the doubt in my face and it confirmed his suspensions. "I thought so," he said nodding.

"Harry, I admit that I don't know for sure, but I do know that I don't want to be with Taylor. He is nice and very much a gentleman, but I haven't seen him in years and we have no kind of relationship. You don't need to worry about that."

He sighed heavily and leaned forward in his chair, resting his arms on the table. I could see from the look on his face that no matter what, he was going to worry. "I want to marry you Sarah. I'm tired of waking up every morning without you there next to me and worrying about what the day has in store for me." he paused for a beat and then continued. "I don't like living with the fear that I won't have you forever."

My head fell as I began to feel the sadness he was experiencing.

"You come from a completely different world than I do. My sisters married when they wanted to, not because of wealth or custom. They're happy in the lives they've chosen and I want that for us. I want to bring you back to Wales with me, marry you, have a family, and spend everyday of the rest of my life with you and, to me, it doesn't matter if we spend that whole time bickering, all I want is to know on my deathbed that I lived everyday that I could with you." he reached over and tilted my head up so that I was facing him, "You're the reward for every trial and test I have had in my life. If I dare try and think of a life without you I feel empty and see nothing but darkness."

He paused, sighing heavily, his emotions torturing him from the inside.

"I feel guilty because I find myself wishing for things that I shouldn't be wishing for, just so we can be together sooner."

"Like what?" I managed to ask.

He hesitated, deciding whether or not he should tell me, then spoke, "Wishing that maybe during one of those two…encounters we've had that we conceived a child."

I shifted my gaze away from him, not sure why.

"I know. I shouldn't be thinking like that." he said removing his hand from my face, "But it would be nice to think that maybe we brought something back from Titanic besides heartache."

A child? Just the mention of that triggered the thought of my mother and her having to get married because of a child. But I looked up into Harry's eyes and knew that if that were to happen it would be different for us. I didn't have an older sister that I had stolen him from, and as wrong as it was, it didn't seem like such a horrible idea to me; it would have been nice if the memory of that night wasn't going to be forever marked by disaster and terror.

"Are you going to say anything?"

"What?" I asked snapping out of my thoughts, "Oh, I-"

He rose from the table and reached for my hand, "Come on."

He pulled me up from the table, and still keeping hold of my hand, led through the set of French doors that led out to the balcony. Once we were out there, he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his head on my shoulder.

"Take a breath." he instructed.

I did so, feeling better already. I rested my own hands on top of his and closed my eyes tightly find myself in total nirvana. I was here, with him close to me, holding me in his arms. I could smell the scent of shaving cream and cologne emitting from his body and the slight breeze that surrounded us brought a peaceful and a tranquil feeling to my heart.

"Do you feel better?"

Silently I nodded, and he turned me around to face him, "Are you sure?"

I thought a moment. As wonderful as I felt, I wasn't alright. Everything that had happened since I had arrived in New York was still affecting me. Harry still didn't know about my parents and I didn't want to bring it up, but I didn't want to lie either. "No, I'm not. But it's not something I want to discuss right now…I just want to be with you."

He brought his hand up and touched my cheek softly and then cupped his hand around it and look at me intently, "As you wish." he then wrapped his arms around me and pulled me back to him, holding me close to his warm body. I wrapped my arms around his neck and rested my head comfortably on his shoulder. That feeling of perfection and calm returned and I stood there in his arms, the two of us rocking back and forth in a slow hypnotic motion, enjoying the moment we were having together. After the Titanic, Rose, and everything else I wasn't going to take another moment of my life for granted. I clutched tighter to Harry and let myself float off into a world made for just the two of us. A place where there weren't any Cal's, hardship and heartache, it would be just the two of us, together; our heaven.