I'm so glad that everyone liked the last chapter. I was seriously worried, but this one I have more faith in. Friday I didn't work (which was nice) so with a whole bunch of alone time I managed to please even myself with this chapter : )

Chapter 52

I could have stayed there forever, lost in my own sea of salty tears and poignant thoughts and feelings because I did not have any desire to do anything else. Every time I thought about pulling away from my saturated pillow all I could think about was everything that upset me and that drove me to back to it. There was so much sadness and grief in the house that it was practically bleeding from the walls and no matter what I did, I could not escape it.

This was going to be the norm for the rest of my life; full of depression and heartache with no hope of escape, no matter what anyone did. That thought alone was enough to bring me into a fresh round of tears and I gripped the pillow tightly and prepared myself for the tears that I knew were on their way to the surface. Yet, just as I was about to start sobbing, I heard a light rapping on the door. It was so soft that I thought I was imagining it at first, but then I heard it again and it pushed the tears back.

I slowly rose and sat up in the bed. I could not open the door, Nan had locked it, but I wondered who was there. I used the rumbled handkerchief in my hand to wipe my eyes and was about to start for the door when I heard the locked click and saw the door suddenly open. The person I saw standing there was not someone that I had expected, in fact, he was the last person I would have thought to see, but there he was, as real and mortal as he could be.

"Taylor?" I asked.

He smiled in that smile that was so much like Cal's, yet was so different. There was doubt that the two of them were brothers, but there was something that Taylor had that Cal did not and even if I could not identify it, I knew that it made all of the difference. I watched as the smile slowly faded and he hesitantly walked into the room, concern in his eyes,

"Are you alright?"

I took a breath, not sure what to say to him. It had been years since I had seen him and here he was standing right in front of me, so I said the only thing that came to my mind, "What are you doing here?"

He had stopped some three or four feet into the room and looked around, his uneasiness about being in my room apparent. He shoved his hands into his pockets and looked at me, "I'm here for Rose's…well, you know."

I nodded, "How did you-"

"Get in?" he finished.

Again, I nodded.

He held up what looked to be a deformed hair pin and smiled, "You never know when you might be locked out of something." He tossed it up in there air, caught it and then put it back into his pocket, "I picked up the skill when I was 8 and it has been more than useful ever since. Now," he stared at me intently, "would you mind explaining to me why you are locked in your bedroom and crying?"

I immediately shook my head. Taylor and I had never been close, not that he was not a nice person, but I had never considered him a real friend or confidante. I wondered where George was.

"No? Alright then, I think I have something that will cheer you up." He motioned for me to get up, "Come on."

"What?"

"Just come on."

I sighed, and reluctantly stood and went over to him. He offered me his arm, but I refused. He did not seem to mind or take it personally and started out of the room. I followed him, praying that Nan or Cal was not lurking in a corner somewhere waiting to pounce. He did not take me very far though, just to the last room at the end of the hall that had been my Grandfather Montgomery's study when he had been alive. I looked at him with question, wondering what he wanted to show me.

I found out soon enough though as he swung the door open and guided me inside. Sitting at one of the tables was Mr. Lightoller. He was relaxed position in the chair and looked up when he heard Taylor and I enter.

"Well well well, you are in one piece. Just as I suspected," he smiled, "You do look a bit pale though, but I hear that is the trend these days."

I was so happy to see a friendly face, and one that was close to Harry for that matter, that I burst into tears. I could see Taylor look at him puzzled, but Mr. Lightoller shook his head (as if saying he could handle it), got up, came over to me, and took me into his arms as a father would do to a daughter. I was so embarrassed, but at the same time reveled in a comfort that I had not known before. Grandfather and George were there for me yes, but one of them was a grandfather and the other just a brother, what Mr. Lightoller was doing for me was something different altogether. I didn't cry for very long though and soon found myself pulling away from the wet mark I had left on his jacket and looked up at him,

"Where's Harry?" I asked. Surely if he was here then Harry must be, or at least somewhere nearby.

"He's still in Washington D.C. I am afraid. He wanted to come, but your grandfather thought it best that he didn't." he replied, dashing any hope I had of seeing Harry.

"Then what are you doing here?"

He looked over at my head towards Taylor. I turned and looked at him as well, "What? What is it?"

Taylor looked hesitant to speak, but he finally worked up his gall and looked at me with a very serious expression, "He's here to make a statement…to the police."

"The police?" I turned to Mr. Lightoller, "What for?"

"For his brother." He replied, indicating Taylor.

"What?"

Taylor sighed heavily, "That whole mess with the inquiries, it was all him."

I nodded, having known that for quite sometime, or suspected I should say.

"He bribed Senator Roberts in to ask Harry those questions. I guess he wanted to make him look bad, or something to that extent."

Taylor approached us, "He did it so your grandmother would think the world of him and not want you anywhere near Mr. Lowe."

I shook my head in dismay, "How did he expect that to work, she already had a husband…"I suddenly realized that Taylor was the one I was talking to and took my courage down a step, "…picked out for me."

Taylor averted his eyes from me, "Well...erm…I don't believe that he was thinking clearly."

I turned away from him and looked back to Mr. Lightoller, "Does Harry know this?"

He nodded, "Yes, yes he does."

"And?" I demanded.

"He doesn't like it anymore than anyone of us, but there isn't anything he can do right now. There's nothing any of us can do until this situation with his brother is all taken care of."

"Taken care of?"

"The proper officials have been informed and any minute now things will start to turn around for the better."

"THEN WHY ISN'T HE HERE?" I screamed.

Taylor looked as if I had slapped him while Mr. Lightoller just stood there as if I had not said anything at all and it made me angrier. I wanted to scream, stamp my feet on the floor and anything else I could to make them feel my anger.

"Sarah-"

"NO! I WANT TO KNOW WHY HE ISN'T HERE. IF HE LOVES ME SO MUCH THEN WHY ISN'T HE HERE FOR ME?"

Still Mr. Lightoller was unaffected by my anger and simply turned to Taylor and calmly said, "Alright, Taylor, I think you should leave us alone for a moment."

Taylor did not have to be told twice, he turned and walked out of the room quite quickly and shut the door behind him. As soon as he was gone, Mr. Lightoller put his arm around my shoulders, guided me over to a sofa, and sat me down.

"This situation is becoming far more complicated than it has to be. It is frowned upon by White Star Line for officers or any member of a ships crew, to mingle with the passengers, but you and Harry found one another through all of that mess and you managed to start a relationship." He smiled at me, as small tears began to fall from my eyes as those precious memories came back to me.

"In all my years of employment with them, I've only ever seen this happen once before."

I wiped my eyes, "I'll wager that they did not have the same problems that we have."

He nodded, "Well, in a way you are right, but in a way you're not. She was not quite 18 and he, well; he was just about Harry's age then. She came from a relatively wealthy family and was a first class passenger. He was the ships third officer and the moment he laid eyes on her he knew he would never be able to look at any other woman without comparing them to her."

I smiled, "Whatever happened to them?"

"Ah, well they married and have two children and according to a letter I got from my wife last week, we're expecting another."

"It was you?"

He laughed, "Well my wife and I, Sylvia is her name. Here…" he reached into his vest and pulled out his pocket watch and opened it and pointed to a picture on the opposite side of the clock face of a pretty woman and two little boys." …that's Sylvia of course, and this is Roger he's five, and that's Trevor, he's two."

"You have a beautiful family."

"Thank you." He closed the watch and put it back in its place, "I told you all of this to reassure you, Sarah. Nothing is impossible, even if it seems like the whole world is against you."

I sunk back against the couch and felt a fresh batch of tears come forth, "My grandmother is sending me to Russia, and at least I think she is. That's what she told me but…" through my tears, I began to tell him about Cal and the conservatory, just as I had told George earlier. He listened intently and halfway through passed me his own handkerchief, I thanked him and wiped my eyes. When I finally finished he immediately began to speak.

"I can promise you that if this grandmother of yours does in fact send you to Russia, you won't be there for long. This is all going to work out and you need to believe that."

"It's so hard." I sobbed.

"I know, but just trust me, alright."

I nodded, and wiped my face and opened to my mouth to thank him when I heard the doorbell ring. There was something inside of me that drew me away from the sofa and over to the door. Mr. Lightoller was not far behind me and as soon as the door was opened, we both were hit with a commotion that was coming from downstairs. We exchanged puzzled glances and I walked up the hall and peered over the railing down into the front hall.

"No, this is a mistake! Unhand me!"

I watched, to my astonishment, as Cal was drug into the hall in handcuffs, screaming at the two police officers who held him and the others who watched in surprise. He then disappeared out the front doors and another voice, that of a child, could be heard saying,

"Uncle Cal is getting arrested; Uncle Cal is going to jail."

"Well I must say their timing could not have been better." Mr. Lightoller said with a hint of amusement.

I did not say anything, but caught Taylor's eye, who I saw standing near the doorway. He nodded his head at me and for the first time in weeks, I actually felt safe. By no means did I feel any better about the situation, but at least I was not going to have to worry about Cal…just Harry.

"No more crying." Mr. Lightoller said, interupting my thoughts.

I turned away from the scene down below, reached up, and hugged him tightly. I wanted to thank him for being here for me, but I could not find the words. I still wanted Harry more than anything and with Cal now in the custody of the police I knew that without a doubt I was going to Russia and going to be kept as far from him as possible.

The click of shoes on the floor tore me away from Mr. Lightoller's kind embrace and I looked over near the stairs to see Aunt Isabel staring straight at me. Her stare was not unkind, but it did make me feel ashamed, like I was a child who just was caught with my hand in the cookie jar. I moved away from Mr. Lightoller quickly just as she pivoted around and stalked back down the stairs and into the parlor.

He looked at me with raised eyebrows, but I had no answers for him and I suddenly began to feel lightheaded. I gripped the railing for support and Mr. Lightoller eyes me suspiciously,

"Are you alright."

I began to shake my head, but that only made it worse and I could feel myself begin to fall over. He caught me just before I touched the floor. I was still semi conscious but the room was spinning and I began to kick myself for refusing to eat for the last few days because I did not like this feeling at all.

I must have blacked out for a moment, because when I awoke again I was back in my room with George, Polly, Taylor and Mr. Lightoller all there with me.

"Sarah, you're awake." Polly announced and leaned over to hug me tightly. When she pulled away, she smiled warmly at me, making that Polly I had seen in New York a few weeks before a distant memory.

I tried to sit up in the bed, but was immediately dizzy again and found myself being pushed back down into the pillows by George,

"No, you're not doing anything else until you eat something." He told me in a firm voice and then presented me with a bowl of soup, which Polly took and immediately began to feed me as if I was one of the twins. I did not argue, the warm chicken broth that was running down my throat brought me instant relief and I practically begged for more.

George went to Mr. Lightoller and Taylor who were sitting on the sofa near the window and the three of them spoke in low voices, then Taylor separated from the two of them and made his way over to me.

"I hope you feel better." He told me a kind voice and I thanked him, and just as he smiled and began to walk away, I could feel my eyelids become heavy and my body begin to succumb to the weakness that was plaguing me. I fell into my slumber hard, fast, and did not awaken for sometime.

Taylor-

After leaving Sarah's room, I made my way down the stairs and into the parlor where most of the days exciting activities had taken place. I found the room quite empty except for Mrs. Montgomery, my parents, sister and a man and woman who I did not know.

"I just can't believe this, Cal has never done a thing immoral in his life, why would they he did such a horrible thing? It is just not in his character and there was no motive. He had nothing to gain by doing that." Mother spoke up, her face red with a mixture of embarrassment and anger.

I saw Mrs. Montgomery glance over at her and then turn back to staring at the mantel, grimacing to herself. She knew very well why Cal had done it; I just do not think that she wanted to admit it to herself.

"And how inappropriate of those horrid police officers to just barge in on a day like this one when we are all in mourning." Virginia added.

My father, who stood over near the window, had yet to say anything. He looked more angry and livid than I had ever seen in my entire life, but I had to wonder if it was because of what Cal did or because of the fact that he had done it himself on many occasions and that any moment now someone would learn of it and he would end up with the same fate as my brother. I decided to myself that it was combination of the two, as selfish and vindictive as he was, Father always saw family as important, especially his eldest son.

He had never spared any expense or after thought when it came to Cal. He was given whatever he wanted whenever he wanted it. I cannot say that the same had not been true for Virginia or me, but with Cal, it seemed to have an additional amount of indulgence to give. Because of that, Cal had always been accustomed to that lifestyle and in both of my parent's eyes, he was perfect. He could do no wrong, even when it was extremely wrong. When those situations began to arise father hired a former man of the law, Spicer Lovejoy, to keep Cal in check and to his credit, it was probably one of his better ideas. He did his best with Cal and kept him away from women of ill repute that he had been known to keep in his company before becoming engaged to Rose.

"Taylor?" Mother said noticing my presence and stiffened. She was obviously still angry with me from when I tried to warn her about Cal this morning. Her and Father had yelled at me for making up 'lies' and accused me of being jealous of Cal, "Where have you been?"

I sat down and made myself comfortable in a high backed chair, "Upstairs." I answered.

Mrs. Montgomery looked at me, "Upstairs?"

"Yes, with your granddaughter, the one you keep locked up as if she were an animal."

Father turned to me quickly his face shining with fury, "I told you that the agreement I had with Hailey was called off, you should not even be seen with that girl, let alone talk to her!"

"And yet you allowed Cal."

"I didn't allow him!" he stalked towards me, "I told him to stay away from her as well. He knew that I would never allow him to take her as his wife, but his ignorance was far too great and he went along with his ludicrous plan anyway.

"How foolish could he been to think that this would have actually worked? If he ever gets out of this mess, we will be doing things my way! No more of this egocentricity of his, I'VE HAD IT!" he screamed as close to my face as possible.

"Nathan-"

He pulled away and look at my mother, "No, Eugenia, each and every one of my children has managed to disappoint me in one way or another, whether by illegitimate pregnancy," he said casting a look over to Virginia, who's head fell in shame, "lack of direction," he said with his eyes on me, "or by pure stupidity. This is the last straw, as far as I am concerned Hailey both of your granddaughters were poison to my sons. Do what you will with Sarah, send her Russia, and send her to Africa for all I care, but keep her far away from Taylor and Cal! Eugenia we are leaving. Virginia find that little horror you call your son and let's get out of here!"

He grabbed my mother roughly by the arm and pulled her out of the room. Virginia rushed off to find Nate, while Mrs. Montgomery looked as if she had just been knocked senseless. She clasped her chest in shock in sank down into a chair. I myself was not sure what to do, should I leave, stay, I did not know.

In the end, after I heard the heard my parents and sisters make their final exit from the house, I decided to fetch Mr. Lightoller and leave. I rose from my chair, my presence unnoticed by Mrs. Montgomery, left the room and headed up the stairs the recent events still fresh in my mind. It was a horrible thing to say, but even though I knew my brother was suffering, I was glad he finally got what was coming to him and I hoped that it haunted him for the rest of his life. Because, it seemed, that was the only way he would ever truly learn his lesson.

When I reached Sarah's room, I lifted my hand to knock when the door opened and Mr. Lightoller came out.

"How is she doing?" I asked, stepping out of his way so he could shut the door.

The door clicked shut and he motioned for me to follow him away from the doorway.

"What?" I asked.

"Something isn't sitting right about all of this."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…" he paused, searching for his words, "I mean that I have a wife and we have two children, I know the symptoms."

"Of what?"

"Of…" he dropped his voice to a whisper, "Pregnancy."

Amidst my shock, I managed to ask him if he was sure. He shook his head, "No I'm not, but I am suspicious."

"George is a doctor, well he's a student, and shouldn't he be able to tell?"

"I think he suspects it as well, but he's probably reluctant to examine her. If her grandmother is reacting so harshly to…well, the present circumstances, I hate to think what she would do if she found out Sarah was with child."

"Especially Mr. Lowe's." I added and he nodded in response. There was then an uncomfortable silence between us. There was a question sitting on the tip of my tongue and I was hesitant to ask, but could not help myself, "Should we tell him?"

He shook his head, "I don't think that's wise. We don't know anything for sure yet and until we do, I think its best we just keep it to ourselves."

He was right, but my God, Sarah having a child. To think if Cal had gotten his way and married her "their" first child would not have even been his. The thought was comical, but I quickly found myself going back to reality. I did not want to see any more suffering on anyone's part and found myself hoping that Mr. Lightoller was mistaken in his diagnosis. Things were as bad as they could be already for the two of them and the last thing they needed was a baby to worry about.

Okay okay, take a breath: ) Go to the forum, I'm going to start a topic on this and you'll see why I did what I did : )

Chapter title inspired by 'Where does my heart beat now?" by Celine Dion