I was only able to proof read about 3/4 of this so I apologize for any errors. On the brightside though I think this is probably the best chapter I've written for the story. It came out A LOT better than I had expected.

Hope you guys enjoy it too!

And keep the reviews coming I LOVE THEM!

Chapter 53

May 13, 1912-New York City

Harry-

I looked around the crowded restaurant, looking over each table quickly before I saw Lights sitting towards the back and to the right. He waved at me and I acknowledged him and made my way back towards him. He stood up when I was near and extended his hand for me to shake, which I did. The formalities over with I sat down in my chair and opened my mouth to speak to him when a waiter approached,

"Can I get you anything to drink sir?"

I shook my head and the waiter moved away seeing the Lights already had a drink in front of him. My patience close to its limit I quickly asked what I had been dying to ask for days now,

"How is she?"

Lights took a sip of his brandy and set the glass back down on the table as he swallowed. Around me, silverware clinked and pointless conversation was being exchanged, hardly the thing that would drive someone to madness but I could feel my sanity begin to teeter as I waited for him to answer.

"She's…fine."

The breath I had been holding in for over two weeks was finally released and I lost my posture and sank back into the chair, relieved.

"Harry I feel there is something you should know though." He informed with a tone that clearly indicated how serious he was.

"What is it?"

He took another drink, this one longer and more desperate than the last. He set his glass down and looked over at me, "She's not well."

Immediately the dreams that had been plaguing me began to shoot back into my mind as though they were being fired from a cannon. I felt like the center of my being, whatever it was soul or otherwise that defined me to the rest of mankind, had been ripped from my core. My head fell to my side, not allowing Lights to see how much his words had affected me. I could count on one hand the number of times in my life that I had been at a loss for words and it was not something I was familiar with, but now, after hearing what he had just said, I found it to be more a burden now than ever before.

"Harry, it's not an illness that's taken her, it's a combination of many different things."

I looked up at him and shook my head, not understanding.

"Well, the first is obvious; the hearings. The rest is what has happened to her since then. Her grandmother…well from what her brother has said, she has been treating Sarah as if she were a prisoner and forcing her to live as such. Dark sheets over her windows, being locked in her room. He told me that she fell into a depression that he was not even aware of until he arrived the day of the funeral. She fainted twice-"

"Fainted?"

He nodded, "She hasn't been eating. After the second time it happened, when I was there, George finally got her to do so, but the effects were evident. She's lost most of her color, she's thinner-"

I could not hear anymore, "That's it, I'm going to her!" I stood up from the table and reached for my hat, not caring that the people at our neighboring tables had taken interest in my sudden movement and outburst.

Lights pulled on my arm and firmly put me back down in my seat, "No, you're not. We HAVE to leave tomorrow morning and you know that. Sarah will be fine…besides there's something else."

"What else could there be?" I fired back.

"She's being sent to Russia to live with her Aunt and Uncle."

"WHAT-"I looked around me, realizing the volume of my voice, and quickly leaned in closer over the table towards Lights, "What?"

"I don't know all of the details, just what she told me, but its all because of what happened. Her grandmother wants her in place where you will not be able to find her. Obviously she didn't know I was there, but this creates the perfect opportunity for you, after you have given your testimony you can go there and do whatever it is you want to do-"

"Has she already left?"

"I'm assuming so, although she didn't tell me when she was leaving."

"Did you ask?"

"No, I didn't have the chance that was around the time that your friend Hockley was arrested."

I sighed, partially from aggravation and partially from relief. Thank god, that disaster was taken care of, but that bit of good news could not make my anger towards Sarah's grandmother waver. What kind of woman would do this to her own grandchild? I will be the first to admit that I was not the most well behaved child, but my mother never shipped me off to a foreign country as punishment. I silently wondered if things would have been any different if Hockley had not of done what he did at the hearings. Would her grandmother have accepted me? Even though I knew that there was no way to change what had happened, I was beginning to regret what had happened in my cabin that evening.

"Harry, are alright?"

Numbly, I nodded.

"I didn't mean to spring this on you all at once, but I thought you should now before we left tomorrow.

Again, I nodded still lost in my own thoughts and only vaguely aware of what was going on around me, "I think I need some air." I told him.

"Air?"

"Yes, air." I replied coolly and rose my from my seat. I turned and began to make my way through the maze of tables and chairs towards the exit of the restaurant. When I was finally outside, I let the cool night air hit me and bring me out of the lapse that Lights' news had put me in.

I didn't have a coat, not that I really needed one as it was a lot warmer than it normally was back home, but still there was a nip in the air and I covered my head with my hat and stuffed my hands into my pant pockets and began to walk down the street.

Around me there were automobiles and streetcars moving at a quick pace, people bustling every which way going about and caring only for their own lives, the tall buildings of the city loomed high above me, and the lights of everything gathering together in one l bright light that was so large I could barely make out the starry sky above me, but my thoughts were elsewhere. My mind went back to where it had been in the restaurant; to Sarah and that night.

Looking back on it now I realize how wrong it was for me to even think of such a thing, but when I opened the door and saw her standing there; the dim hall lights bringing forth sparkles from her gown and select pieces of her hair falling in elegant curls that stopped at the base of her long neck, I couldn't help myself. I knew that by inviting her into my room I was breaking at least three White Star Line rules and even going against my own conscience and morals, but there was something about that moment, how beautiful she looked and something else that even now I could not explain that drew me to do it. Once that door was closed I knew I had sealed it, some how I knew what was about to happen.

Nothing had ever tasted more enticing than her lips or the soft skin of her neck and collarbone. It did not cross my mind until the very last moment that she had never done anything like that before and I can clearly remember calling myself an idiot for thinking that. Girls like her always waited for marriage; they treated it like a gift that was not to be opened until just the right moment and I took it in one swift moment. Everything else I can remember with great clarity; the way I kissed her, the way I undressed her and then myself, the bed that was altogether too small, but that moment seems to be a blur of salty tears and conflicting emotions.

As I walked along the street, kicking lone pebbles out my way, I thought of how beautiful she looked lying there beneath me and I had to ask one final time if she really wanted it to happen and she told me she did with her sweet breath hitting my face. I had no idea what it would be like for her, of course I had heard things, but every from before woman had not been like her and all I could think to do was to be as gentle as possible. Nevertheless, even as I did that I could see the pain in her face and the tears clinging to her long eyelashes. I remember leaning over and kissing them away and stopped what I was doing when I saw her emerald like eyes open and stare right into my own.

"I love you." She told me in the faintest whisper.

Then I smiled down at her and told her the same. It was hard to believe that such a perfect moment could cause such turmoil, but as much as I wanted to regret it, something inside of me would not allow it. I loved her and knew with a great certainty that I always would. Her grandmother could send her to the moon and I would follow. From the first moment that I saw her in that ridiculous shop in Southampton, I loved her.

My mind quickly recovered the moment and I smiled when I remembered how she had blushed when she saw me looking at her. It wasn't very often that I got a reaction such as that and all the way back to the ship I bragged about it, but Moody had put me in place telling me that she was probably some 16 year old who had never been allowed out on her own before and I was the first man that had ever done that to her. He was close enough, I will give him that, but still I knew that it was more than just that.

As bad as things had gotten I knew that I could not give up. I knew that either way there would be problems even if I did manage to pull her away from the prison term she had been sentenced to there would still be things standing in our way. Her age, for one. Something that did not bother me, but I knew would bother other people. I was determined though, I was going to do as Lights suggested and wait until after my testimony had been given, but after that was over with I was going to be on the first train to Moscow or St. Petersburg, wherever it was that she was be taken to. I was going to let her be taken from me that easily, not now, not ever.

Sarah-

Confined to a room, locked away from the world, sadly it was something I had become used to. It was a different room, this time in New York, at a stranger's house with Nan on one side and Aunt Isabel in the other. I felt more trapped than ever and was beginning to doubt what George had said to me before I left.

"I promise you I'll get you back here; you won't be there for long. Not if I have anything to say about it."

He had spoken those words with such sincerity that I felt no need to question him, but as the morning drew closer and closer, the luggage began to pile up around me, and Nan and Aunt Isabel were keeping a constant visual, I was beginning waver in my hope. They where everywhere; my bedroom, my sitting room, wherever I was one or the other was there watching me. The only place I seemed to have even the slightest hint of privacy was the bathroom and I had made the most of that.

We had only arrived in New York the day before, but I had already taken about twenty baths in that time. On top of the warmth and comfort, which it gave me it also relieved the nausea that still plagued me even though I was eating just as George had told me to do. I felt like my body was turning against me. Foods I used to love now made my stomach turn at just their mention, suddenly I was unable to stomach the smell of certain things, like Uncle Serge's aftershave. Thankfully, I was not around him very often, but when I was, I felt as if I was going to explode.

Fortunately, I did not feel that way at the moment and was focusing my attention on an important task. Harry's watch. I had not seen it since before that day at the hearings, but I knew it had been packed up with my other belongings from Grandfather's hotel suite.

It took me a good while, well after the sun had set outside before I finally found it and held up to the dim light in my room. The gold shined brightly and even twinkled slightly as my unsteady hand let it twirl slowly around.

"What is that?"

The harsh words from Nan's mouth startled me and I dropped the watch quickly back into the trunk. How could I have been so ignorant to let myself be caught when I knew what she was capable of?

"Sarah, what was that?" she yelled red-faced in my direction.

"Nothing." I replied,

In a desperate attempt I dipped my hand down into the still opened trunk and attempted to fish the watch back out but she came towards me quickly and pushed the lid down so fast I barely had a chance to move my hand.

"Don't lie to me!" she screamed so loudly I could feel the floor underneath me shake. She kept her eyes firmly fixed on me as she leaned over and opened the trunk herself and I watched with a heavy heart as she pulled the watch out by the end of the chain and dangled it in front of me, "A watch," She said with a sadistic smile that would have made Satan shake in fear, "A man's pocket watch no less. I know it's not George's, and I know that it's not your father's, what other man could it belong to?" her face then contorted into a mocked epiphany, "I know, Mr. Harold Lowe's!"

"GIVE IT BACK!" at that moment, that simple object was all I had left of Harry's and I was not about to let it be taken from me so easily, "GIVE IT BACK TO ME, NOW!"

"How dare you speak to me like that. I am your grandmother and I demand that you treat me with some respect!"

"Damn respect! I want that back this instant!"

Even I was shocked by my audacity. Raising my voice to Nan was still relatively new to me, but I had never dared to use any profanity in front of her, even with that though, it was the silence that followed that was the worst. With no words to be spoken, she looked at me with hard, cruel eyes and clasped the watch tightly in her hand, hiding it from me. I bit my lips trying to stop the cries that wanted so badly to be released.

She moved sharply towards me and took me by the arm and pulled me up the from the floor, "Sit." She said pointing to the desk chair and I involuntarily did so. She paused for a moment, keeping her eyes on me the whole time before she turned away and began to speak,

"I must say this whole situation has matured you far beyond my expectations."

I said nothing and focused on the closed fist that held Harry's watch.

"I'll give your grandfather credit when I say that you are less like your mother than I thought. Even when she did do this she agreed and went along with everything that I told her do. She paid her dues though, George's birth was a long and difficult one and she suffered through three miscarriages before having you."

As mad as I was at my mother, I did not see how losing three babies and having a difficult time giving birth could be considered a mere punishment for what she and my father had done.

"Now you on the other hand, just don't seem to understand that what you did was wrong. I brought you up with morals and I know that your teachers and at Winningham did the same. You went to church every Sunday there, did you not, and yet you still managed to allow the first man who came along to take your innocence as if it was nothing. What will you do on your wedding night now Sarah, that is if any man will have you now?"

She waited patiently for my answer, but I refused to open my mouth. Truth be told I hadn't thought of any of that, because I had had faith that Harry and I would be reunited, of course now that hope was beginning to dim, but I wasn't about to tell her any of that.

She shook her head, pursing her lips tightly together, "You still think that there's a chance don't you? Sarah, darling, there is not. I can tell you right now, that it is best for you to just forget about this man and focus on the new life you are about to begin.

"I was once like you; naïve about the world and thinking that love was something that was unplanned and pure, but it just isn't that way. When I was 16, there was a boy…Benjamin Hawkins…" she looked over at me and I could see the ice around her eyes begin to melt and those sweet and beautiful eyes I had known before, broke through, "…he gave me my first kiss one bright spring afternoon. I looked into his eyes and saw my whole world; past, present and future. I thought I would be with him forever, but then your grandfather came into the picture and my parents were not only insistent about a marriage between us, but also forceful.

She brushed tears away from her eyes and I felt my own heart begin to soften, "We married and I left him. Years later I did see him again, but…" she then stopped and caught my eye, "I just don't want to see the same thing happen to you. Your heart is young and doesn't understand."

"If you don't want me to be unhappy, then let me be with him." I pleaded in a quiet voice that struggled to sound brave and rational.

For a moment she looked as it she was going to relent, but just as quickly as that moment had came it was gone. She opened her hand, glanced down at the watch, then back up at me, and shook her head and my own heart fell.

"I can't do that. You are going to Russia and my sister will do what she can for you. It isn't going to be easy for either one of us, but it's what has to be done."

I shook my head, tears falling from my eyes, "Nan, please-"

Tears were running down her face as well, but she simply shook her head, turned around, and walked out of my room, taking any hope I had for Harry and I and his watch with her. She left me crying and curled up tightly in desperation to comfort myself, but I had no comfort to give. I was better off dead at least then, I would be at peace, as Rose was.