Many more weeks passed and in those weeks came more changes. His hair had finally gone all white. The scar he'd had above his lip since he was five just disappeared one day. Just like the slight bend in his nose from when it was broken in a fight when he was fifteen. His features had smoothed out to an eerie kind of perfection and when he looked in the mirror now, he barely recognized himself. Sure, Saito Satoshi was still there in some form, but it was hidden behind the flawlessness. Add to this the fact that he was even taller now than he had been in weeks previous... well, it was harder and harder to see himself behind all the changes. On the plus side, he was quite sure he'd stopped growing which was good. He was tired of buying new clothes.

The most recent development he'd had to deal with was his ears, which were now pointed like an elf from one of those silly fantasy anime Kagome had loved so much. But that wasn't the worst of it. Markings appeared on his wrists, cheeks, and forehead. They looked like tattoos, stupid tribal tattoos that you'd get on a drunken bet with your friends. It looked utterly ridiculous. He didn't try very hard to cover them though. He didn't dye his hair. He didn't avoid speaking so that no one would notice his obviously sharp and deadly looking canines. He just pressed forward and tried not to notice all the staring, though he was forced to note the cultural stereotype of the politeness of the Japanese was just that: a stereotype.

No one ever said anything. Well, to his face anyway. They said things they thought he couldn't hear, but he could. If they only knew... Anyway, they were far too afraid of him to confront him directly and he had to admit, he was pretty intimidating the way he looked now. This made those people staring a bit more bearable, as one good glare was enough to send even the most persistent gawkers running for cover.

He'd also remembered more and he figured out something.

There was a sword and its name was Tessaiga.

There was a little girl and her name was Rin, and he'd saved her with Tessaiga's brother sword, Tenseiga.

There was a Jewel, the Shikon no Tama, sought by the half-breed Naraku.

And there was a young woman, whose name he barely remembered at the time but he knew her name now because he loved her but that had nothing to do with the past.

The young woman and his brother defeated the half-breed and she left shortly thereafter and the jewel disappeared with her.

What he was remembering was the past; he knew this without a shadow of a doubt. It was who he was in the life before. Another time. Another place and now the him he was and always would be was manifesting itself. He didn't look too hard into it, nor did he think about it much. He just accepted it and moved on from there.

He missed her, even though he told himself he shouldn't.

Because of what he was now and who he'd been, they couldn't.

He wouldn't follow in his father's footsteps, even if the demon who'd been his father then wasn't his father now. Besides, could a human woman really love something like him? From the direct evidence in his past memories, youkai and humans intermingling romantically always ended badly for both. He argued with himself about this because he wasn't youkai and yet he was. He kept telling himself he was human. He was born a human but it was getting harder every day to remember that. Sometimes it was even hard to remember who he'd been first. Satoshi or Sesshoumaru. Some days he'd just sit and watch the sky and wonder who and what he really was and why this had happened to him. Why now? But he had no answers and it didn't seem that fate or the gods decided he deserved them, so he pressed forward, as he'd always done, even before he knew what he was and who he used to be.

But he still missed her.

Why couldn't she have found the reincarnation of his brother?

Why did she have to find him?

Why did he have to fall so deeply in love with her?

Without even wanting to, he traveled to the little hot springs resort they'd visited together. It seemed so long ago.

The woman at the front desk almost didn't rent to him. Who would? He looked like some foreign street thug. So, he acted the part and basically intimidated her into giving him a room. She'd been skittish of him for awhile, but he was quiet and kept to himself. He'd even helped her out with a chore or two to smooth things out between them. After all, he couldn't have her petrified of him all the time. It drew too much attention. This was how he became somewhat of a resident and accepted as almost a local at the little ryokan that he'd spent one entirely beautiful weekend with the woman he loved. The human woman he loved.

Kagome.

Kagome who'd traveled with his half-brother in another life.

Kagome who'd faced his former self without fear.

Kagome who'd he had loved as a human.

Kagome who he loved still even though he wasn't really human anymore.

He was youkai now. Maybe he'd always been youkai, and the human disguise he wore was just that and now, now it was nothing more than a costume he'd discarded.

All the same, he still loved her. Would love her always, even long after she died and faded from everyone's memory but his own, though he still had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that he might very well be immortal now. It made the situation with him and Kagome all the harder to bear. He loved her, but she'd grow old and die, and he wouldn't. But what hurt most of all, was if his memories were correct, she had kept something from him because in his remembrances, it wasn't an incarnation of Kagome. It was Kagome herself and though she was younger, it was her. In those memories, she'd be wearing her school uniform. She'd had this whole other life at some point and he wasn't sure how she'd done it, but she had. And she hid it from him. It hurt. All of it hurt more than he cared to think about and for a very long time, he didn't.

Instead, he continued on his journey to discover himself, putting those thought behind him as they were hardly any help in his current situation. As a human, something like that might have crippled him. Don't get the wrong idea. It still hurt, but it was a dull sort of pain. A pain he'd always remember, never forget, but it didn't mean that life stopped. He plodded forward, working quietly for the old lady who owned the ryokan and watching the stars when he got the chance.

If nothing else, he could be comforted by the fact that they would always share the same sky.

Winters could be harsh in Hokkaido. Looking up at the deep midnight sky, he watched the stars twinkle and was thankful that this wasn't one of those times. The last three days had been nothing but steady snow storms, and it had been too cold, even for him, to venture outside without danger. The storms had waned and the snow tapered off, and everyone dug themselves out to enjoy the reprieve.

He'd spent the better part of the day clearing snow from around the ryokan; from the roof down to the front entrance. It was unusual for him to be out during the day and his landlady knew this. For her sake, he had tried to keep out of sight so that he didn't scare the tourists. Most people in town were used to the way he looked, but visitors... well, to them, he was an oddity and he didn't particularly like being stared at. It was hard to get used to. Too hard and it wore on the tenuous control he had on his instincts. So, he usually only came out during the night, spending the day quietly in his room or when weather allowed, he'd wander the woods around the ryokan.

His time in the woods were amongst his favorite memories in this new life. It had allowed him to learn new abilities; like, for example, he found he could fly if he really concentrated. The memory of the first time he found this out wasn't particularly welcome as it turned out that despite the fact the ability was apparently inherent to him, he wasn't very good at it. Over time, he'd gotten better. Much better.

There were other things he learned by trial and error, like how to extend the poison in his fingertips to a whip of sorts. But really, his sojourns into the woods were more memorable for the peace they gave him. He felt centered there and it was easier to focus. In the wild he had absolute control over everything, which was a rather odd thought. He'd spent some time pondering over this and he'd come to the conclusion that as a youkai he belonged here, whereas as a human he didn't.

Then winter had come and he found it a bit more difficult to travel as far as he liked. He especially didn't like the idea of going out and being unable to return, because the elderly woman he worked for would be alone. She was frail and the hotel was rather remote and not many people got up to it during this time of the year. So, he'd stayed close lately and she'd noticed. It was hard to get anything past the old bird. She had thanked him effusively and then made a comment about his hair and how it looked like the snow, and she'd suggested that maybe the gods of good fortune had sent him to far away Hokkaido for a reason. At one time, he would have thought that notion ridiculous but ever since the change he wasn't so sure.

Maybe they had sent him.

He'd smiled at the old woman, silently agreeing with her and she'd smiled back.

They'd shared a cup of tea after that and then he left before she had dinner. She'd tried to get him to stay and enjoy some of her cooking, but he always refused. Human food was too hard on his stomach with all the spices and the artificial flavorings. He just couldn't stomach it anymore which was such a pity, because from what he smelled she was quite a cook. Truth be told, he rarely ate anything anymore. Once or twice a week usually sufficed. And when he did eat, he'd have to eat it raw or he wouldn't be able to keep it down. As it was, he'd already eaten this week, so he wasn't particularly hungry. He left her to her meal and wandered out to the little pasture where he'd watched the stars so many times over the last two years.

He had to get out anyway. It was rare for them to be busy this time of year but a large group had come in the day before. Only foreigners and die hard fans of hot springs braved the harsh Hokkaido winter to visit one of the many traditional hot springs resorts in the area. These visitors seemed to be the later. It was a large group of businessmen of some sort, who'd taken time off work to bond here at the hot springs. They were loud, obnoxious, and they smelled awful; like sweat, hair-gel and cheap aftershave. It was disgusting.

The last few days, he'd made an effort to be invisible because the last thing in the world he wanted was attention. No, wait, if he were to be truthful, it went beyond the desire to avoid unwanted attention. The last thing in the world he wanted was to be forced into a conversation with a loud, stinky stranger. He nearly retched every time he walked past the dining room where they'd sit and talk--loudly--into the night, completely ignoring the conventional ryokan etiquette of either retiring to your private room after dinner or taking a short walk before retiring. One way or the other, they were being rude and it irked him. The innkeeper was too nice to say anything about it and he'd asked her if she'd like him to.

Patting him on the knee, she had politely refused and with a knowing smile she said, "I can wait quietly while the mud settles, can you?"

With a slight nod, he'd answered, "I suppose."

Yes, he was waiting for the mud to settle. It was that kind of serene logic that had drawn him here. Everywhere else he went had been loud, pungent and generally unpleasant. When he was human, he wouldn't have noticed but his heightened senses couldn't take the sounds, sights and smells of the modern world. They were far too disquieting. Too distracting. Here he could live. Things moved a bit slower and it smelled quite a bit more pleasant and it wasn't nearly as garish and bright as everyplace else in Japan. And it was quiet; except when noisy, drunken strangers invaded his space, like now for example.

Sighing deeply, he closed his eyes, and tilting his head up, he opened them to gaze at the stars. They were truly magnificent. Breath puffing out from between his lips, he stood in the snow and just watched the sky turn 'round and the twinkling stars seemingly oblivious to the world around him. This wasn't the case. He was quite aware of everything; he just didn't feel anything going on right now needed his attention.

He was currently too lost in thought to attend to anything else. It had just occurred to him that he was forgetting what it was like to be human and it didn't bother him nearly as much as it had in the beginning. In the end, he'd concluded that being youkai wasn't so bad, though he did at times miss some of the things he'd enjoyed as a human.

Being affected by the cold was not one of the things he missed. In fact, he quite liked being able to stand out in the middle of a deserted pasture in the dead of winter without worrying about the cold or frostbite. Even so, he wore a coat out of habit and to please the innkeeper. He disliked it when she made a fuss about things, and she made a fuss every time he came in without a coat in this weather.

Smiling faintly to himself, he slipped off his coat. He could enjoy himself just for a moment. The old woman wouldn't be the wiser. Tensing, he took off into the sky. He ran. He flew. He darted through the trees, doing everything in his power to use the pent up energy he'd gathered over the last few days of inactivity. He was a white blur in the dark forest. Never in his whole life had he felt so free and he thought right at that moment that there really was nothing to miss about being human when he had power like this. Kind of took the edge off.

At the end of his run, he found himself in the very clearing he and Kagome had gone to when they'd visited this inn together. This was one of those things he missed about being human. Her. He missed her so much and suddenly, he almost wished she was here.

What was power, when he couldn't even feel anything? He missed her, but he didn't even feel it. He loved her, but it was like nothing. There was nothing there but a distant memory of what love felt like, as if he were recounting someone else's feelings, not his own. There was no attachment to it. No feelings of regret or loss, just the acknowledgment of the truth itself without any kind of emotion tangled into it. It was like... like there was vacant space in his chest where his heart had shriveled up and died and then turned to dust. And the dust was sucked up into a black hole, drawing the last bits of humanity in him into a vast, empty void that nothing could fill. The only thing he felt strongly anymore was when he was angry enough to lose control of himself.

No, that wasn't the entire truth.

He did feel, it was just subdued, buried under layers of increasing control.

He'd gradually began to deaden himself out here in Hokkaido. Taking a cue from the snow, he was becoming colder and drawing all the important bits inside. It was for everyone's good. The fire still got away from him from time to time, and he didn't want to hurt anyone. He'd had some close calls. Too close.

It was difficult because he knew what he was becoming was far too close to who he was before. He didn't want to be him. He wanted to be Satoshi, but how to do that and not ending up hurting someone? There really wasn't a way. And so that was what he missed the most about not being human anymore.

He missed feeling. He missed the emotions and the lack of control.

He'd separated himself from the world around him, kept everyone at arm's length, even the old innkeeper who was so fond of him. Her name was Hana. He knew that, but he never called her by name, because that would mean he was attached to her and he didn't want to be attached. Was that him thinking or who he used to be? Who was he?

He didn't really know anymore.

He laughed. It sounded bitter and humorless as it echoed hollowly over the field. He'd thought he'd come so far; he thought he was beginning to figure it all out. What a fool.

He walked.

He wasn't sure how far or how long.

He walked until he found the tree in the middle of the meadow where he and Kagome had stopped to watch the stars two and a half years ago. Snow covered it now, and he couldn't sit, so he stood instead. He stood and lost himself in the sky again.

He would have stood out there all night but for the overwhelmingly bright presence he felt approaching behind him.

It wasn't the innkeeper. It certainly wasn't any of the businessmen. His titled his head, listening to the sound of the new comer out of curiosity. It must be the other resident of the inn. Hana had said that a young woman had rented a room, that was two nights ago. She'd notified him because he'd been using the ladies bath to avoid the businessmen and Hana hadn't wanted any mishaps to occur. He'd duly noted it and moved on. This would be the first time he'd had any contact with the girl.

Hana had given him a room in the older part of the inn. The part most customers didn't like because it was drafty. He didn't mind so much and it gave him the privacy he desired. The girl and the businessmen were given rooms in one of the new additions that had been remodeled and fixed up with every single last modern convenience one could think of. This had been done to make visitors both foreign and domestic more eager to stay in a traditional inn. In any event, he'd only seen and heard the businessmen because they used the common room, which was near the older part of the inn. The girl hadn't visited that part of the inn, so he hadn't really noticed her presence.

What was she doing out here?

He shrugged. It wasn't his business and he would have turned his eyes back to the sky but something nagged at the back of his mind. Something familiar and as she got closer, he figured out why. Her smell. He recognized her smell.

Kagome.

He tensed. His heart pounded. His breathing became erratic. Why was she here?

The woman in question remained quiet as she approached. Her boots making a comforting sqootching sound as she walked and he could hear her labored breathing as she pushed her way through the snow. He looked to the stars and asked them silently...why. Just, why? They twinkled back inaudibly; winking in and out, telling him: you have to find your own answers... we weren't made to answer why.

She was just behind him.

He could feel her aura. It was warm yet cold. Powerful yet weak. He closed his eyes and savored the sensation.

"I knew you'd come here," she said softly.