Neon Genesis Evangelion
Behind Closed Doors
"Please, take this and run far away / Far away from me
I am tainted / The two of us were never meant to be
All these pieces and promises and left-behinds / If only I could see
In my nothing, you were everything / Everything to me"
One – Similarity/Hidden FearsThis place, this place I'm stuck in—it's exactly the same as before. I hate it.
For a world after an apocalypse it appeared remarkably peaceful, remarkably alive; but for Shinji the chaos still roared inside him while the outside appeared just as soft and peaceful as ever. As if he had become this place. On the surface it was just another Japanese urban center, clean and well-organized. Yet what lurked below it was far more sinister. Another NERV command center, hidden underneath the life of this place. And somewhere even deeper than that, lay the sleeping horrors, waiting for a new set of lives to ruin: the Evangelions. Or so he assumed.
It was dark out now, the kind of darkness only present in the early hours after midnight. Most of the city's electric lighting was out—not all, but for a city the size of Tokyo-2 "most" could make a difference. Only the street lamps illuminated the eerily quiet boulevards and parks dotting between steel and glass monoliths—skyscrapers that faintly reminded of the city he had once destroyed not so long ago. Misato's apartment was sufficiently far away that, to Shinji, it looked as though he might be able to just reach out and pick one of the towers up with his bare hand. And if he'd been in Unit 01 he could have. He shuddered at the idea.
It was another one of those nights. Those nights where he couldn't sleep; the nights where he would just go out onto the balcony, look at the city, and think. He would think about NERV. He would think about Evangelion. He would think about Third Impact. And he would wonder, semi-cynically, if anything about the world really was different at all.
Sure, it was a lot smaller than before; some people still hadn't returned from Third Impact—more than half were still "somewhere" out in that immense lake of LCL and DNA, unable or unwilling to return. Shinji would think about that lake and think about all the people in his life on nights like this one. And he would think to himself, nothing's changed. I'm still just alone as I ever was.
Tomorrowis the one-year-anniversary of Third Impact. One year since the biggest mistake I ever made.
Shinji had always blamed himself for what had happened—a notion most of NERV did not share. Even Asuka had forgiven at one particularly unusual moment, drawn away from her typical self in the closest thing he could recall as being sympathy from her. It didn't get rid of the guilt though; he guarded it and clutched at it as if it was the only thing keeping him alive anymore.
He was fifteen now, almost sixteen. High school was still a struggle. Normality wasn't completely in place but it was returning, filling in the darker spaces of the world all the time. His dealings with NERV were almost minimal. He hadn't worn a plug suit in what seemed like an eternity. He could still remember what LCL smelled like though—that tinge of blood over mechanically clean nothing.
But life after Eva wasn't any easier—it wasn't as he had imagined. His disconnection with Misato had only grown after the immensely happy moments of her return to the world of the living. Even though they'd held each other with tears in their eyes the day she'd come walking out of that lake. Even though she'd shushed away his strangled voice that he had "left her to die" as he cowered, crying in that elevator nearly one year ago.
How could you, how could you, how could you...
Only six months ago he thought he'd finally give back that white cross of hers. The one he'd been wearing with such a heavy heart. The one he would hold onto so tightly when he felt like crying for the only person in his life he felt had ever genuinely cared about him. But that day Misato would not take it back, and the cross stayed with him. As did the weight of it, the guilt never seeming to leave from its dangling position over his chest.
Slowly, he drifted back into social isolation. Asuka, though he rarely tried, refused to let him in past those carefully crafted walls of anger, pushing him away with every attempt. Touji was still his good friend. He and Kensuke were friends. Hikari too, maybe. But Rei was gone. Father is gone...
A life without Gendou and Evangelion: it was what Shinji had always imagined he wanted. And now that he had it he found himself still depressed, still disconnected from those he wanted to be close with, and still just as lonely as ever.
They had warned him, in the hazy memories immersed in Instrumentality that returning the world to the way it was would simply put back all of the barriers between people—AT Fields. This cruel juxtaposition that made human beings so unique but also an ultimately isolated creature. And now Shinji seemed to have become the epitome of this painful conclusion. His further alienation from those around him only strengthened these darker feelings hiding beneath the memories of his piloting days.
He looked over the railing of the balcony now; it was four stories to the sidewalk and asphalt below. Probably enough to kill me. He didn't really believe he was suicidal; maybe he wanted to die but he was far too afraid to take his own life. But the dark thoughts were a grim reminder of the way he felt about his life. Worthless. Just like father must have thought, as he left me that day.
Misato was concerned though she'd never admit it. She could see the signs—signs that Shinji was regressing back to the way he had been before he'd ever arrived in Tokyo-3. He was on the same sort of collision course she'd seen only once before: with Asuka. And she knew that sooner or later something was going to break.
What was it that distressed him so greatly? What had pushed him back into the perpetual silences and shyness that had plagued him so much before? Was it the very thing he had thought he wanted?
The disappearance of his father.
Though he may have wanted to escape from Gendou, having him removed suddenly and permanently had just created a wound. It was a gaping hole where all of the anger he had gathered for the man he hated so much just sat and pooled. And waited. For something bad enough or someone foolish enough to open up that scar and peer inside.
Lurking somewhere beneath that placid calm of a healthy if somewhat shy teenager was the same sort of rage that came roaring to life during the few instances of Unit-01's reactivation—the berserker rage. This terrifying thing that had always been hiding in Shinji's subconscious, only ever fully revealed inside an Eva.
Now, with no Evangelion to pilot, no father to hate, the rage gathered. And brooded.
Maybe I should just run away.
The wind answered, twirling his dark bangs so that they danced above his head. He sighed, pulled open the door to the balcony, and disappeared back inside the apartment. Back into his room where he undressed and lay down on the covers of his futon. He would not sleep tonight.
-
"Baka, get up!"
There was no answer. Asuka just watched the door, not so different from Shinji's front door in their first apartment. Back when we were fighting Angels.
She thought, ear pressed firmly against the door, that she could just hear him breathing faintly on the other side. Though the layout was different, they had purchased most of the amenities contained within their original home in Tokyo-3 to give the apartment a similar feel. Slightly bigger and slightly more modern maybe, but when she would look out the windows, it still looked like Tokyo-3 outside so it still felt like their old apartment inside. But it's Tokyo-2 now... things are different. We're different.
She craned her neck, desperate to hear any reaction, something she could justify as a sign of waking. Nothing answered. Now upon closer inspection it didn't even sound as if there was anyone in there at all. If there had been any breathing it had ceased. Momentary worry coursed through the back of her mind as if Shinji could have been possibly stupid enough to have choked on his own pillow at that very instant.
"BAKAAAA!" she roared.
She yanked the door open, deciding that even if he was naked or worse she could always avert her eyes. But there was no Shinji doing perverted things to himself or even snoring peacefully asleep—there was no Shinji at all, just some ruffled covers on a futon and tatami. Her expression of anger, her eyebrows which had been scrunched so deeply, her grimace which had been so exquisitely crafted into utter and total disgust; it all fell to nothing as she said "Oh" and lost all grip on her well-honed anger.
Should have known.
She sighed. It was quite typical Shinji behavior actually. Whenever there was any decent reason to be mad at him (although it had only been his late waking this morning) he would be absent, if not physically then at least mentally. She had used to be able to get to him but, not any more—not since Third Impact.
All of the mean things she could think of saying to him, even the nastiest ones, garnered little to no reaction nowadays. Physical violence was no better; she had tried on a handful of occasions but Shinji was strange, unresponsive. Like a broken little doll he would just sit there and get kicked or slapped, not doing anything to stop it. It got a few tears out of him most of the time but never any real crying—mostly pathetic weakness, no real pain.
Nothing like what I went through... this spoiled little punk; he has no idea what real pain is.
It was the unresponsiveness that bothered Asuka the most about Shinji now. Every day he seemed to become more and more like Rei: quiet, withdrawn, almost emotionless. It terrified her, though she would never admit it. And Misato had always gotten in the way before she could inflict any real damage. Or give him any idea of why she felt the need to do these things to him. Before she could really give him a piece of her mind.
But Asuka was truly happy today—she had finally concocted a scheme that she was sure would elicit some sort of real response from the boy she was nearly obsessed with. She would finally hurt him this time—get him where she'd never gotten him before.
He had few weak spot when it came to verbal abuse and Third Impact was one—she had already tried mentioning the events of it a number of times to him; it could hurt him she had seen but it was not the sort of pain she enjoyed inflicting on him. It was quiet, contained pain. Not fun at all. No, what she wanted was response, action on his part. Something to convince her that he was another doll—not that goddamned doll Rei!
She slowed her breathing back down, calming herself. He had run away. One had to expect these kinds of things when dealing with Shinji Ikari. Today was the anniversary after all; the high school was even taking some class time to hold a special meeting in the auditorium in honor of the three pilots who had "saved the world."
That was most likely why he had run away—Shinji, she knew, was uncomfortable with any praise. And he still felt guilty about Third Impact, felt guilty for all of the people who had left the planet for that pool of LCL and never returned.
No, no, Shinji, don't be happy that what you did saved Misato's life! Go ahead and be sad that Fuyutsuki and some people you don't even know are gone. Idiot. Be upset because you gave Touji his arm and leg back! Be sad that the father that treated you like shit isn't here to spit on you anymore. You pathetic shit.
"Misatoooo," she growled, poking her head around the corner to aim at the kitchen.
"Whaaaat?" she heard faintly from Misato's airy voice mixed in with the sounds of various kitchenwares at work. Misato making breakfast? Well some things really had changed, she supposed.
"I think we have a bit of a problem. I think Shinji ran away... like always."
"What was that, Asuka?" Misato called back to her charge, her voice calm with the soothing stroke of her morning beer.
"I said," Asuka began, inhaling. "SHINJI RAN AWAY!"
Asuka heard the shattering sound of a plate falling out of Misato's grip and onto something hard. She walked into the kitchen, arms crossed, staring at her guardian who was looking into the sink. Misato was still just as beautiful as she had ever been pre-Impact. Her purple tangles of long hair lay over her shoulders, thrown semi-carelessly. Her brow was contracted, putting wrinkles on her normally flawless face. That impeccable smile was curved downwards now, hidden beneath those immense lips, in a tiny frown.
"Shit," Misato said.
There was an awkward silence as the two of them stared at each other. Misato returned her gaze to whatever was left of their meal in the sink.
"Shit," she said again.
"Exactly. And the school is expecting him today! This is supposed to be a real big honor and he's really going to look like a jerk if he doesn't even bother to show up."
"I know, I know!" Misato said, waving a hand in the air as if being accused. She tried to salvage whatever she had been cooking for breakfast. Asuka remarked as she watched her motions that for once it didn't look like her guardian had drunk her usual morning beer or two after all.
"Not to mention Rei. That's showing her a lot of respect…" Asuka continued, trying to find some way to really push Misato's buttons this morning, mostly because she didn't have Shinji to pick on at the moment.
"Asuka, stop it!" Misato said, staring her down. She looked deadly serious now. "You know Shinji appreciates Rei's... sacrifice just as much as anyone else. He just doesn't know how to show it; he doesn't know what to do with any of his feelings these days. It's the kind of person he is. You, of all people Asuka, should know that by now."
And Asuka did know that. Maybe even more so than Misato. But it didn't stop her from being mad at him. Mad at all of the things he had screwed up for her. Why does she always side with you!
"Try telling that to the principal then..." Asuka replied after a moment, easily growing sarcastic. "'Oh, Shinji? Well he's not coming to your big honorary ceremony for him today as a sign of his respect.' Riiiiiight."
Misato made an ugly face at Asuka and stuck out her tongue.
"Well I'm still trying to figure that bit out. You're really trouble today... what's got you in such a good mood?" Misato asked, one eyebrow cocked.
"Nothing..." Asuka said, grinning.
Misato did not pry any further and Asuka was happy to continue her breakfast in silence, plotting every nuance and detail of her revenge on Shinji Ikari today.
-
A bird was chirping somewhere. The early morning air was surprisingly brisk, cool to his skin. He shivered and walked faster, cupping his hands around each one of the short sleeves on his white shirt.
The sun was floating lazily up, its orange glow gleaming at him from in between the towering steel fingers of the skyscrapers in the distance. Some of those sky-scrapers hadn't even been there six months ago. But six months ago Misato popped out of nowhere and NERV suddenly had a real commander instead of the delegated Maya Ibuki. And six months ago Misato had turned herself into a self-made contractor with the help of government loans.
To the unobservant citizen he would look just like any other high school student, up a bit early perhaps, but not unusual. There were five major high schools in Tokyo-2, each with enough students to make the uniforms rather commonplace. But if one looked close enough, beyond the brown bangs and into the dark eyes aimed at the pavement, maybe, just maybe, they would recognize the face of what was easily the most famous high school student in the entire world now. The soft, shy features of a hero.
NERV, under the careful direction of Misato, had released some heavily edited footage of the battles with the Angels to the public as well as some footage of the pilots. He and Asuka, as if they hadn't been under enough scrutiny, were now frequently assailed by crazed fans. This was the only reason that Shinji actually appreciated Section Two constantly trailing him and Asuka around the city. Even Touji had a team of guards. Misato had always chalked it up to paranoia on the part of the Japanese government. These children were their claim to fame (and Germany's claim in Asuka's case).
Rei was, officially at least, dead. All of the bizarre truths surrounding her and the Dummy Plug project were concealed from the public eye—it was a secret he shared now only with Asuka, Misato, and Ritsuko and possibly a few other NERV staff; Asuka only knew the entirety of it from seeing the towering white face before the AT field holding it together decayed in those first hopeless days on that beach.
The face that had been his first sight in the newly reconstructed world; now it didn't even exist. The spot where it had been was supposedly like a rain forest now, one of its edges close to the lake that was Tokyo-3. He'd never been there. He didn't ever intend to go.
He looked up and down the quiet, tree-lined streets of his neighborhood. He was close to the train station now, maybe another block or two at the most. There was some traffic but most of it was moving so quickly that no one would really have time to look at him or even recognize him.
Shinji sensed movement behind his shoulder. Section Two, he thought. If he was really going to get away this time, he reasoned, he was going to have to get away from them. He quickly jogged through the street, not even crossing at a crosswalk. He put himself in a position that would force the agent to compromise himself and the shadow around the corner fell back, leaving room for another agent to hone in on him instead.
Shinji used this against the security team's efforts and, guessing where next agent would come from, turned down a difficult to see back alley. It was a particular shortcut he had never used to get to the station, one he had been saving for a day like today. A "vacation" day.
It worked. Shinji was at the station two minutes later and he could see no one, not even a shadow of a person nearby. Satisfied, he boarded the train, not even bothering to check where it was headed.
He spotted one of the Section Two suits again as the train pulled out of the station. The man had two fingers pressed to his earpiece, clearly speaking to someone through his collar-mic; Shinji could not see his face: the man's back was turned to him and the escaping train.
-
Misato had been running around the apartment like a madwoman. She was speaking, or rather screaming, into her NERV cellular phone, not her regular personal phone. Asuka knew what that meant: Section Two was getting its ass pounded right now.
From what Asuka had bothered to listen to, Misato was trying to get in contact with Section Two and find him before he got too far away. And Section Two, being Section Two, happened to have lost him this morning.
Asuka was certain from the tone of Misato's voice that quite a few people had been fired today as a result of what Shinji had done this morning. Nice job costing them their incomes, Shinji. You're being a real jerk today and I bet you don't even know it or care. Like always.
Misato finally re-entered the kitchen looking thoroughly more worn out than she had looked fifteen minutes ago.
"I'm taking you to school," she announced to the redhead.
Asuka just stared at her with a "you going tell me more?" look. Misato caved as she always did to this expression. Asuka was too much like a little sister to her now to resist.
"Those idiots couldn't keep track of him, of course. They think he caught a train at that station a few blocks from here but they aren't sure and they don't even know what direction he's going if he's even on that line. Idiots."
Asuka agreed with her guardian for once. She still feigned being mad, deciding it was best to keep up appearances.
"So Shinji gets to skip school and I have to go, eh? Nice and fair, don't you think?" she said, false-venom lacing her words so easily.
"Oh stop it, Asuka. Besides, if we can't find Shinji in time, we need at least two of you to be there for this thing," Misato said, slipping into her room to get dressed.
Asuka grunted but didn't protest any further. She actually, despite her attitude, wanted to go to school today. It was school after all, where she could make her revenge come to fruition. But then she had a worrying thought. What if Shinji doesn't show up in time? She reasoned that she could always try again, once he was back in the apartment and going to school. But it won't be the same—not like today. Because today's the anniversary.
Maybe, some other day, even her great plan would have no effect on the boy who seemed to only grow colder. But today, she was sure, today he would notice. And it would hurt! She grinned to herself.
"Misato, you better find him. I don't want to be the only idiot up on that stage when they do this stupid ceremony," she whined at her guardian's bedroom door.
"I know, I know," Misato replied, cracking open the door as she made the sounds of someone struggling with a uniform.
Suddenly the door popped open and Misato looked (miraculously) ready for work.
"Now get in the car before you're late for school," she said, making crazy hand motions towards the door.
Asuka grabbed her briefcase, grumbling to herself all the while. After a moment's pause, she turned and went back around the corner, back into Shinji's room and retrieved his briefcase as well. She grumbled a little louder now as she walked to the elevator, one case in each hand.
Misato, noticing the gesture as she locked the door, smiled at her charge. Perhaps she suspected that this crazy girl really did have feelings for him. She would have never guessed the strange malevolence Asuka harbored for him, the sort of hatred that could even appear as love sometimes; she could not guess what Asuka had planned.
-
Shinji glanced out the window again, his new SDAT's headphones firmly secured over his ears and blaring.
He had been listening to the radio for a change and one of the lyrics had just been "What the hell, you've got nothing else to lose." He didn't recognize the song but the lyric fit his mood and he smiled, or at least did as best he could; it felt like he hadn't smiled in a long, long time. It felt almost strange to be making that expression on his face.
He looked out the window again, watching the greenery flicker by at speed. He had noticed over the duration of the trip that he was slowly getting further and further away from the center of Tokyo-2. Good, he thought. The further the better.
He had never been on this direction coming from that particular station; he was just happy to know he was leaving the city. The closer to downtown he got, the more frequent the cameras from NERV.
If he went into the city and then tried to get off the train, Section Two would probably pick him up. And Misato would inevitably come driving up. She'd probably talk to him. She'd probably be nice to him. But Shinji wanted freedom today, not a pep-talk. "Go be a hero for once, Shinji"... yeah right.
Honestly he just didn't want to think about what happened one year ago today; he had no desire to remember any of the dark days leading up to it either. But he was finally getting away. No need to worry. Don't think about it. It's not your fault. You didn't let them die. You didn't do it.
He grew anxious listening to the song and quickly turned off the SDAT, tucking it back into his pocket. The car was empty except for him. No one really had any reason to be going out of the city, not this far out at least, and not at this time of day.
When the train pulled into the next stop, he decided to get off and he made his way out of the tiny, empty station. If there was anyone else on the train, they didn't exit. There was only one street running next to the station, and the only building he could see from the train platform was a tiny convenience store down to his right. To his left, the road continued on and up into the hilly forests that were the outskirts of the city.
Shinji began strolling down the street headed towards the left of the station and out into the wilderness. After a few curves in the road he came upon a giant sign, painted blue on the left shoulder of the road. In huge white letters it read:
Ayanami National Forest
Next Exit
Rei.
Shinji stopped dead. At least some of the thoughts he had been busy forgetting today came flying back at him. Memories of Rei's design. He was halted by a name he had not expected to ever see again. Halted by the memory of a person he never fully understood.
He regained his footing, now determined now to see what exactly "Ayanami National Forest" was—he'd never heard of it before. He walked a measured distance away from the road at all times although at no point during his journey did a car ever go past. He was surprised there was even a station out here. Wherever "here" was.
After another fifteen minutes of walking, a good deal of it uphill, and Shinji saw the sign on his right along with a tiny tollbooth marking the entrance to the park. He looked around. The shocking stark green of Japanese forest in summer peak assaulted his eyes everywhere that he looked. Shinji approached the booth carefully, wary that this place might have some connection to NERV. Surprisingly enough no one was in the booth despite the gate across the road being lowered. He walked around the gate, pausing for a moment, and then continued down the road. Huge forest rose up on either side, towering green complexities that just eroded away the perspective in a cluster of trunks, leaves, and branches.
When Shinji had reached the parking lot for what was apparently the park he noticed that there were no cars in the lot. No one appeared to be even remotely close to here it seemed. He moved through the empty parking lot up to another sign at the start of a trail into the woods.
The sign welcomed him to the park and informed him that he was witness to "Japan's newest national treasure." It was typical, he thought, of the government to go and do something like this and then not even tell anyone.
At the bottom of the sign he noticed the line: "This park is dedicated to Rei Ayanami, Evangelion Pilot and hero. Her sacrifice made this world possible."
She had no choice! NO CHOICE!
Shinji lurched and bent over at the head of the trail, almost falling to his knees. Bile rushed at the back of his throat and he wretched though nothing came. This was exactly the sort of thing he'd been seeking to escape when he had run away this morning; praise for piloting Evangelion. Praise that he, most of all, did not deserve.
To him, at least, many of the things he'd done in Evangelion were inexcusable acts cowardice and worse. Names like Touji and Kaworu tended to walk into his head at times like these. And while the former was now free from the injuries endured during his piloting experience, the latter was very much gone—just as Rei was.
"I'm sorry, Rei," he murmured softly, righting himself and staring at the sign again.
He began to walk down the path into the forest.
Her forest.
-
Asuka watched as Misato drove away, pulling around the corner. The school was more or less the same as the first school she'd been to in Tokyo-3, before the Impact. There were new students and new teachers, but her class was still the same class roughly.
She walked into the building and up the steps to the second floor where her classroom was. Still A-2, she thought, glancing at the big black letters as she walked over the precipice of the doorway. She carried two briefcases—hers and Shinji's. She wasn't entirely sure herself just why she'd brought his briefcase; she'd done it more on impulse than anything else.
Maybe, she reasoned, when he arrives at school he'll notice I'm being nice to him.
Asuka grinned evilly, tossing Shinji's briefcase carelessly onto his empty desk.
Hikari trotted over, quickly recognizing Shinji's absence. Being the class leader that she was, she said, "Asuka, good morning. Is Shinji here today?"
She indicated at his empty seat as Asuka took hers next to Hikari.
"Yeah, about that. The thing is, he ran away some time last night," she said idly, as if it wasn't of any real interest to her.
"What?" Hikari said, gasping and now staring wide-eyed at her friend.
Touji and Kensuke, who'd been previously conspiring on some no-doubt stoogish thing, also turned their attention to her. They gathered next to Hikari, and Asuka grudgingly continued to explain.
"Yeah. Misato has Section Two looking for him but, knowing those idiots, he could be gone for a while. Maybe even a few days... baka."
"Gee," Hikari intoned. "Do you think it's cause of the ceremony today?"
"Probably," Asuka muttered into the collar of her shirt.
Touji and Kensuke just stared at the pair of females, equally bewildered. Touji, being the less intelligent of the two, opened his mouth first.
"He ran away because of the ceremony? I don't get it. They are going to be applauding us today, I thought."
"You would completely miss the point, stooge," Asuka replied, eyes narrowing. "You're a stooge; you don't understand things like this." The way she said it sounded as if she was explaining to a child. "Shinji doesn't like talking about—even thinking about piloting Evangelion. That's just how he is. You remember what he was like meeting you again for the first time since... you piloted."
Touji nodded hesitantly, briefly lost in the memories of that awkward but happy reunion. Kensuke just sort of turned his gaze to each one of them, seeming to be the only one still out the loop.
"Wait, what? Shinji isn't coming today?" Kensuke said, finally.
"Gah! Idiots! I can't stand talking to these chumps; I don't know how Shinji puts up with them," Asuka said, suddenly pretending as if only Hikari existed again.
A tiny gesture passed between Hikari and Touji; not much more than a look. The boys, realizing they were being excluded again, slowly retreated to their seats. Each one looked thoroughly more confused than before they had joined the conversation.
Hikari, in the meantime, had been assimilating all of this information about Shinji.
"So he really did run away because of the ceremony. Oh, I hope he's alright Asuka..." she said, sounding far more worried than Asuka appeared to be.
"Nonsense. I'm sure he'll be fine. He's just running away, Hikari—he's done it plenty of times before."
"I know, Asuka. But still, Shinji hasn't been... well, you know, he hasn't been himself I guess. I worry about him now. Have you talked to him lately? I mean, he seems really... depressed."
Asuka shook her head growing quiet.
Everyone I know... they're all turning into dolls. That's what she's saying. She sees it too. Is he becoming just another doll like Rei? Is that what all Eva Pilots become?
Is that what I'm becoming?
The last thought was almost too much, too frightening. Asuka trembled under her friends gaze lost in the horrifying sense of it. Hikari put her hand to Asuka's shoulder, knocking her out of her trance.
"You okay?" she said, staring into Asuka's twin blues which held something unusual in their expression now.
"Yeah," Asuka said after a moment.
She tried to concentrate now, pushing the thoughts away. She remembered her mission for the day.
Maybe, though... maybe if I can get revenge on Shinji I can break him. Robots don't cry—they certainly can't be jealous.
She focused her gaze on Takeshi Fukai, a transfer student, from where she couldn't remember. She didn't know much about him except that all the girls in the school had fawned over him ever since his arrival. His "handsome" features won him more attention than even she or Shinji were treated, something that had prompted her to despise his presence.
He was also second on the basket ball team only to Touji Suzuhara; those two had an uneasy friendship made uncomfortable by the basketball rivalry and Fukai's contempt for Shinji. Fukai, apparently had lost someone in Third Impact. An Unreturned, as they were called now.
From what Asuka had seen, during the few social encounters between the two boys, things were tense to put it nicely.
She took a few confident strides across the room to his desk, leaving Hikari for the moment to contemplate Shinji's running away.
She paused by his desk, waiting for him to finish speaking to two girls who were flirting with him in a manner that could best be described as "hopelessly obvious."
"Hello, Takeshi," she said sweetly, eyeing him.
She realized now why so many girls flocked to him. He had a pretty, confident face and a strong, tall frame. He was easily an inch or two taller than her which was saying something given her German ancestry.
He blinked slowly, flashing his dark eyelashes in a gesture that could be described as something faintly reptilian.
"Hello... Asuka," he said, after a moment's pause. She was almost surprised that he knew her name by the tone he used. Then again, she and Shinji were probably the only two high school students known just about everywhere they went in Tokyo-2. Or anywhere else in the world for that matter.
"So," she said, not wasting time. "Have you heard about how I'm going to be in the ceremony today? Pretty cool, huh? Yeah, I'm the only available Eva Pilot in the school. Well, other than Shinji I guess."
"Ikari..." He said the name like a poison.
"Yeah?" she said.
"Where is he today?" he asked, looking around the classroom as if he hadn't spotted him yet. "Doesn't he usually come in with you?"
"Yeah," she said, rolling her eyes. "He's uhh, sick... yeah, I think he's getting taken to the doctor right now actually."
He laughed, flashing flawless teeth. His grin turned into an ugly sneer. "So he really is a wimp, like they say?"
Only I get to say that about Ikari!
She resisted the urge to smack him—an urge she also found faintly disturbing—and faked a surprisingly convincing grin, pretending to smile at his joke.
"Say, you're pretty cute," he said, his gaze lowering itself down her body. She watched him eye her hungrily, half-disgusted and half-delighted at how easily he had been attracted to her. Stupid boys... hahaha.
"Why don't we talk more often?" he said quietly.
"I don't know," she giggled. "Maybe you should come ask me some time. Oh look at that—there's our professor. Maybe I'll see you after class..."
She gave him one last smile and returned to her seat, plopping down. Her demeanor could be described as almost giddy. But then Asuka and giddy didn't usually tend to mix very well. The teacher began to write up something on the board after the "stand, bow, sit" routine. Asuka just smiled to herself, clasping her hands over her desk.
Everything is going according to plan.
-
The forest loomed up on either side of him, engulfing his view in every direction. Pines towered, oaks flowered, and underbrush seemed thriving as well. Shinji thought that he had spotted at least three kinds of plant he hadn't ever seen in Japan before; plants he had never seen at all.
Birds called out to one another, their cries all collecting into a massive symphonic chatter; it was beautiful and unending. Shinji had never recalled visiting such a naturally beautiful place ever before. It made him smile then, the second time he'd done so today, walking down the winding path further and further into the forest.
At least she has a beautiful place named after her. I think Rei would have liked it here. Yeah, maybe.
As he continued into the forest all of the traces of Tokyo-2's pinnacle markers, the skyscrapers, were slowly edged out by a canopy of leaves and pines reaching ever higher. Shinji continued trotting down the brown earth path, his head arched up so he could take in every piece of scenery. He felt pleased at his discovery and now earnestly wanted to spend the rest of the day out in this park.
But just as he was really beginning to enjoy the unending twists and turns of the canopy of leaves the trees stopped, making a clearing. It looked to be no bigger than fifty meters wide, but it was easily big enough to conceal something in the tall green grass that flourished at the center of it. Sure enough, as Shinji edged his way into the center, he noticed something forming in between the edges of the tall grass. Something dark. Water?
It was a huge pool, perfectly circular and perfectly blue, almost a reflection of the cloudless sky above. Shinji just stared at it a moment, trying to make sense out of it. There was something, he could see it faintly; something that didn't look right with it. Something about the way that the surface was moving that made him shiver—made his skin crawl.
That doesn't look... right.
He approached it hesitantly and carefully pushed his way through the grass up to his waist. Once he was through the ring of grass he could clearly see the entire pool, easily half the size of the clearing itself. The first thing he noticed was that none of the tall grass around the opposite edge of the pool was being reflected on the surface of the water. The effect was subtle but bizarre. Furthermore, he could see nothing beneath the surface itself. No sign of a bottom at all. The surface kept moving, bulging, shifting around in ways liquid wasn't supposed to move. Something about the liquid suddenly didn't seem quite so real, as if he had just stumbled into a dream.
He bent down, looking into the pool. After a moment's pause he tried reaching into it, letting his curiosity get the best of him. It was as if his hand was running into invisible ice just before the water began; ice that had no temperature, no sensation of texture whatsoever. Ice that had no friction. He realized the "feelingless" sensation then.
AT Field—ANGEL!
He recoiled, pulling his hand away and staring at the shifting blue hues of the pool now in terror. He vaguely realized that the constant chatter of the bird calls, their beautiful song that had cried out since he had entered the woods, had ended—the entire forest had grown deathly silent. Then it seemed he couldn't remember anything else.
One Fin
A/N: The lyrics at the beginning are from the Nine Inch Nails song "And All That Could Have Been." All three parts have been written for this story (although it could be admittedly much, much longer) and I am currently only revising them. This was just a quick little idea I wrote up before I even started working on "A Thousand Years of Secrecy." I'm sure it's derivative. I'm sure it's been done a million times before. But I don't care. It's mine and I love it.