Warning- dark themes, 2x1, abuse, After wars
Bleh- Heero's journal
Bleh- thoughts
Bleh- narrative
Gundam Wing is not mine
Enjoy reading- This is an old piece of work that I decided to post.
Dark Moments Until the Dance of Death
Bye- Violette Mai
They say people change, sometimes for the best and other times for the worst. Soldiers never come out of the war the same. They've seen too much blood, killed too many people. Some say it would have been better to die in the war than survive and become someone else. People think of you as their savior, enemy, friend, and even a monster. To you, you think yourself as a lost boy.
Duo changed from an intelligent, fun, and loving guy into a bitter, abusive, and down right awful man. Each day I grow more scared of him. Each day I tell myself that if I stay with him just a little bit longer, our love will prevail and everything will be okay. Together we can do anything, alone nothing matters.
"You did what?" Duo asked with a low dangerous voice. His cobalt eyes were swirling with angry emotions as he stared down at Heero. His fists tightened around a few black shirts speckled with bleached spots. Duo's favorite colored shirts.
"You don't bleach darks!" Duo bellowed, throwing the clothes at Heero. "You can't do anything right!" His voice dripped with disgust as he spat at Heero. "The only thing you ever did right was kill!"
Heero flinched back, past memories surfaced in his mind. He bit his lip, holding words back that could defend himself. Words that would only anger Duo more, and make his situation worst.
"You're worthless, Heero. You hear me, worthless!" Duo's fist swung down sending Heero crashing to the ground. A Bruise would decorate his cheek later on. Yet, Heero didn't try to move away from Duo's steel-toed boots, nor did he block the blows. The only thing Heero did was lay there with silent tears and quiet whimpers.
Duo has a short temper and can't tolerate mistakes. He is in control, and I have to try to obey correctly or suffer the consequences. Today is only one time of many that I have messed up. This time the mistake was the wash. He reminds me by inspecting his clothing before putting them on.
No one understands why I stay with him, or why I love him. They see the bruises, the marks and blood and they judge him on that. He is a great man, and every man makes mistakes. Someday he will realize his and we will come to an understanding. I have hope that things will get better, I just have to stick with him and tough it out. Even if the love is fading and he can't love me, there is still hope for him as his own individual soul.
Heero laid on the bed naked, his body glistened with sweat. Prussian eyes held a small amount of pleasure before blinking to reveal a fog of pain. His eyes stared up to the ceiling and not at the face inches from his own. He tried to ignore the body that forcefully pushed down on his hurting member, tried to ignore the roaming hands and groans of pleasure as Duo pulled his face away and pushed his body down onto Heero's again, and again. He tried to ignore how his body was rocked with waves of pain as his bruises and cuts were touched, scraped open and bumped. Most of all he tried to pretend he wanted this, that Duo wasn't drunk and hand thrown him on the bed against his will. He wanted to forget that the man he loved was raping him. The man he loved, trusted, and believed in.
Today I realized there is no love, no faith, and no trust. There is nothing like that in Duo anymore. There is just this burning hate that is released on me day, after day. I loved Duo, not the person he became after the wars. The hope that I have for us is fading, and I have to keep that alive. But I can't do it while I am with him, while he is destroying it.
"I'm leaving, Duo" Heero announced. His pale fingers tightened around the suit case handle. In the other hand he held his worn out journal. A simple notebook. This was for the best, he told himself.
"What did you say?" Asked Duo, staring at Heero blankly from the living room couch. "I'm leaving." He said it again, his mouth going dry. He nervously shifted from one foot to the other as Duo calmly stood and crept his way to stand in front of Heero.
"Is this all that you are taking?" Duo sounded strained, and Heero could only nod. It took Heero's confirmation to make Duo snap. He ripped the suitcase from Heero's grip, throwing it against the wall. "You can't leave!" He shrieked, his cobalt eyes blazing. "I won't let you Heero Yuy!" Duo's fist lashed out striking Heero across the cheek. All thoughts ran from him, and his journal fell to the ground. He fell to his knees, and struggled when his hair was pulled up harshly. Cobalt eyes locked with Prussian.
"I own you Heero, You're mine."
I suppose I always knew it would come to this, that there was no happy ending for me. It was just a matter of believing, something I wasn't ready for. When reality smacked into me and dragged me down, I hit rock bottom. Where I dwell now. Nothing matters to me anymore. Before I felt like I was on the other side of the looking glass, watching as everyone enjoyed their own lives. I wanted to be like that, and I was going to do anything to get it. But now, there is nothing I can do.
The lights were dimmed low as Heero sat on the edge of the bed. His journal left open beside him, his last thoughts captured on paper and laid out for eyes to find. In his hands he held his partner, his ally, and his defender. In his hands he held his gun that saved his life, killed others, and protected his friends. The safety clicked off, as he stared with empty eyes at the cold metal in his tired hands. The black surface was scratched and worn. The carved grip on the handle was smoothed over, showing off its use. In a way, this gun symbolized him. It was everything he was. Both had suffered moments of darkness, but his life was filled with dark moments. Each day the moments came closer, tighter, and suffocated him. He was tired of drowning in pain, tired of fighting. He was tired of being tired. He just wanted it all to end. Yet, when he held the cold barrel of the gun to his temple, he could feel his hand shake. He waited, and as each agonizing moment passed the barrel pressed harder against his temple.
Why can't I pull the trigger? I want to, I want to squeeze it hard. I don't understand this moment of hesitation. The sooner I pull, the sooner it's all over. So why?
"Heero? Where are you?" Duo called, stumbling to a pause as he entered their room. Analyzing cobalt eyes watched.
Heero's Prussian eyes flinched shut, and his grasp tightened around the gun.
I don't want that twisted face to be the last thing that I see… Heero thought. His grasp on the gun remained firm. He could hear Duo move around the room, hear him breathe heavily. He wasn't sure what to expect, but he didn't expect Duo to stumble closer placing a hand on his cheek, gently. As if he meant something to him. He let his eyes flutter open, and stared into pools of expressionless cobalts'. He let Duo's breath wash over him; warm and smelling of alcohol. Duo's eyes softened, and his lips pulled back into a gentle smile.
I watch Duo smile at me. The hope that I had lost fluttered within me, but I squashed down with reason. There is no way that Duo could change so fast over the sight of a gun to my head. He doesn't love me and he doesn't care. This I know now.
Duo's hand slipped down from Heero's cheek, to wrap around his waist pulling him up so they stood face to face, and hips against hips. He brushed his lips against Heero's in a chase kiss that made Heero quiver. The pleasurable feeling and the faint blossoming of hope in his chest let his fingers loosen. Duo's hand overlapped his own, their hands made a perfect fit over the gun. Heero's life, now lay in Duo's hand.
He's going to…
Duo's finger twitched, causing Heero's features to twist in fear. He leaned forward, their foreheads touching. Cobalt stared into Prussian, just staring a blank, unreadable expression.
I know now, that Duo does not feel love. Love has died a long time ago. My Hopes and dreams shattered, as his hand squeezed slightly, pinching my palm between his and the gun. Unwanted tears, I can feel them slip down my cheeks. I have nothing left, but this moment. This moment of fear, this dark moment, a moment of last love. I lean forward, touching my lips to his. He turns it into a fierce kiss, his tongue slipping into my mouth, exploring one more time. A kiss of Death, really.
Prussian eyes were closed, shutting of reality. He focused on the body pressed against his. He let Duo's warmth press against his body. The arm around his waist tightened, and he focused on the barrel still against his temple. His fingers curled tighter, accepting his last kiss, and hesitated. As one of the two fingers tightened harshly against the trigger the gun went off. Heero's head was thrown to the side as blood splattered on Duo's pale face. Blank Prussian orbs stared lifelessly ahead.
"Mine, mine forever." Duo sung, supporting Heero's dead weight. The gun slid to the floor and Duo began to dance with Heero, to a melody only he could hear. The melody of death.