Dazed and Confused

by Titan5

This is a tag to Condemned in which Sheppard has a head injury that has left him extremely disoriented. His flashbacks allow Carson and Ronon to learn a little more about his past.

2. Chapter 2

Dazed and Confused - Chapter 2

Elizabeth stepped into Beckett's office and set a cup of coffee on his desk. "I thought you could use this after the afternoon you had."

Beckett inhaled the rich scent deeply before sipping the hot liquid. "Aye, you'd be right. Thank you Elizabeth."

Elizabeth sat down in a chair and sipped coffee from her own cup. "I know I needed a cup. Did you finally get everyone cleared away?"

"Aye, Rodney and Teyla have been sent to their quarters to rest with mostly scrapes and bruises. I'm keeping Ronon for a day or so to get some strong antibiotics into his system. There's no telling what was on that arrow they shot him with. What's his name . . . Eldon, Major Lorne was going to set him up in some empty quarters with a guard for now."

Elizabeth nodded. "What about John?"

"I've looked at his x-rays. There's no sign of a skull fracture, which is good. I'm betting we're just dealing with a severe concussion, probably made worse by the fact that he was hit twice in one day. No broken ribs, just bruised up a bit like Teyla. They'll both be rather sore for a few days, though. He seems to have aggravated an old injury in his left shoulder. I'll keep it immobilized for a couple of days and then check to make sure it's healing. It looks like he's had surgery on it already once or twice and I'm sure the way they were bound is the reason for this newest set back."

Elizabeth frowned. "I don't remember John ever saying anything about it before. Do you know how his shoulder was originally injured?"

Beckett sighed and nodded. "Aye, I've just been going over that part of his file. He went down behind enemy lines a few years ago and his crew was captured. Has Teyla or Rodney told you how they were bound with their arms around the poles?"

Elizabeth nodded. "Yes, and it sounds horrible."

"Well, when the Colonel's chopper went down, he was injured and apparently his shoulder was dislocated. When they were captured, they were bound in much the same way as the team was today and left that way for several days."

Elizabeth grimaced. "I can't even imagine how much that had to hurt."

"After looking at this, I'm amazed he recovered the range of motion he did in that shoulder. I've noticed the surgical scars before, but never asked what happened. I was usually more concerned with his current injuries."

"Has he come to any more?"

"He drifts in and out, but he hasn't been coherent enough to talk to in the last couple of hours. I was just about to go check on him. Would you like to join me?"

"Yes, I would actually." They set their coffee on Beckett's desk as they stood and walked out of his office. Approaching Sheppard's bed, Elizabeth noticed they had started an IV.

Beckett saw her looking at it. "After being held hostage most of the day, the Colonel vomited a couple of times. I started an IV so he doesn't get dehydrated."

Elizabeth nodded. Walking up to stand beside Sheppard, she looked down at his still form. "He's okay, right?"

"He should be fine, it just may take a day or two for him to get over the effects of the head injury. I am keeping a bit of an eye on him for complications, just in case, but I'm not expecting any problems."

"Is Sheppard all right?" They turned to see Ronon, propped up on one arm and looking their direction.

Beckett walked over to his bed. "He'll be fine. I was just telling Dr. Weir that it might take a couple of days for him to recover. How's your leg?"

"My leg is fine. I should not be in here."

Beckett checked his IV and made sure it hadn't been "accidentally" disconnected. "Be a good boy and I'll let you go tomorrow, but you need to be right here tonight. Believe me, you don't want an infection in that leg."

Ronon growled and lay back in the bed. Beckett smiled and patted him on the arm. "Just get some rest. We'll take care of the Colonel."

Beckett turned back to Elizabeth and motioned toward his office with his head. Elizabeth nodded and headed that way. She stepped into Beckett's office and collected her coffee cup. "I guess I'd better go finish working on those reports. I just wanted to check in with you."

"Well, thank you for the coffee. And don't stay up too late working. You need to get your rest."

Elizabeth smiled as she narrowed her eyes. "And exactly when will you be going to bed?"

Beckett scratched his head. "I think I'd better stay close to Colonel Sheppard tonight. He keeps trying to wander off."

"That's what I thought. We're lucky to have you, Carson. Try to get at least a little sleep. Good night."

"Thanks, lass, just doing my job. Good night to you, too."

oOo

"Doc? I think you'd better wake up."

"Wha . . . what?" Beckett rubbed his eyes and straightened up, almost falling out of the chair. He looked around the darkened room, trying to figure out what had awakened him.

"Beckett, you're losing a patient."

Beckett whirled around at the sound of Ronon's voice. "What?"

Ronon smiled at him and nodded toward Sheppard's bed. Beckett turned back around just in time to hear the IV pole crash to the floor and see Sheppard shuffling away from his bed. He jumped to his feet. "Bloody heck."

Beckett rushed over to Sheppard and grabbed him by the arm. "Colonel, where are you going now?" Beckett began trying to steer Sheppard back to the bed.

Sheppard tried futilely to pull away. "No, I have to go to the bathroom."

Beckett stopped. "Oh, well, okay. Just a minute though, I have to get your IV pole back up." Sheppard paused as Beckett leaned over and stood the IV pole back up. He quickly checked to make sure that the IV was still hooked up to back of Sheppard's hand. "Okay, Colonel, I think we're ready now."

Beckett had to gently redirect Sheppard when he headed for Beckett's office as he pushed the IV stand along. Several minutes and wrong turns later, Sheppard finally crawled back into bed. Beckett got him settled and rechecked his IV and shoulder bandages. "Well, Colonel, it seems we have you back in bed, all safe and sound. Why don't you go back to sleep now."

Sheppard was asleep almost before Beckett stopped talking. Beckett stretched and yawned, trying to decide whether to search out a cup of coffee or not. He turned to check on Ronon and found the Satedan watching him.

"Thank you for waking me Ronon. I guess I fell asleep at my post."

Ronon shrugged. "We all have to sleep sometime. You are very concerned about your patients."

"Well, yes, of course I am."

Ronon just looked at him for several seconds. "You're not too bad, for a doctor."

Beckett hesitated "Uh, thank you Ronon, I do my best."

"Take good care of Sheppard. I'm getting kind of used to him."

Beckett smiled and nodded. "I will. Can I get you anything? Are you in pain?"

"No, I'm good."

Beckett wondered briefly if Ronon and Sheppard had attended the same school for soldier replies to medical questions. "Okay, then, try to get some sleep."

Beckett elected to go for the coffee. He wandered into the room they had designated as a break room only to discover the coffee pot was empty. He began making a new pot and picked up a magazine from the table while he waited. By the time the coffee was finished, he knew way too much about how to pick your perfect mate and he was pretty sure he would never be anyone's perfect mate. He deposited the magazine in the garbage on the way out the door.

Beckett sipped his coffee as he stood looking at his two patients. Both seemed to be sleeping peacefully, so he elected to divert to his office and get some paperwork done. He was totally engrossed in reviewing and updating charts an hour later when the duty nurse stuck her head in his office.

"Dr. Beckett, Colonel Sheppard's getting restless and I thought you'd want to know."

Beckett nodded. "Aye, thanks Sherry, I'll be right out." Beckett shook his head as he stood up and stifled a yawn. This was turning into a very long night.

Beckett could both see and hear Sheppard shifting beneath his blanket and groaning softly before he was anywhere near the bed. As he reached Sheppard, he glanced at the next bed and saw Ronon was awake and watching. "Don't you ever sleep?"

Ronon just rolled over slightly so he could see better. "Do you?"

"Not much when he's around," Beckett said as he smiled.

Ronon nodded. "I'm beginning to see that."

Sheppard suddenly drew in a sharp breath and stiffened. Beckett touched him lightly on the shoulder. "Colonel, are you okay?"

Sheppard's eyelids fluttered a few times before finally opening. He looked up at Beckett, his eyelids drooping lazily. "Where?"

"You're in the infirmary, lad."

"You . . . found us."

Beckett nodded and smiled as he patted Sheppard's arm. "Yes, Colonel, we found you. You're back safe in Atlantis."

Sheppard blinked several times and swallowed. "Did they get Johnson's body? He didn't make it."

Beckett sighed and thought, here we go again. "Johnson?"

Sheppard frowned. "He just asked for extra water and they shot him. Why would you do that? What kind of person shoots someone because they asked for water?" Sheppard closed his eyes, grimacing at the memory. "He didn't even ask for himself. It was for me and Lovens. We were injured and sick and he knew we were getting dehydrated. I told him not to ask . . . but he was so worried."

Beckett wasn't sure what to do or say, so he just tried to comfort Sheppard. "It's okay, you're safe now and they can't hurt you any more."

Sheppard gave a slight nod and opened his eyes. "He was just a kid. He showed me a picture of his fiancée, his high school sweetheart. They just shot him right in front of us." Sheppard lifted up and tried to look at his chest and arms. "I had his blood all over me. We tried to stop the bleeding, but it wasn't enough. I kept telling him he'd be okay, just to hang on. I told him you'd come for us. I . . . I think he believed me at first, but . . . after a while he knew. He knew he was dying."

Sheppard rubbed at his chest with his good arm, as if he was trying to wipe something off. "There's so much blood."

Beckett grabbed his wrist and held his hand down firmly against this chest. "Colonel, there's no blood. That was a long time ago and you're in Atlantis now. You're safe, lad, I promise, and I'm going to take care of you. I want you to relax and go back to sleep."

Sheppard frowned, but he relaxed and quit struggling against Beckett's grip. "There's no blood?"

"No son, there's no blood. Now get some sleep."

Sheppard looked around, his eyes finally resting on Ronon. "Are you injured too?"

Ronon pushed up on his elbow. "Yeah, I'm injured too. Dr. Beckett is a good doctor, though, and he'll take care of us."

"Who's standing watch? Someone always has to stand watch."

"I will," said Beckett.

Sheppard looked at him for a few seconds and then nodded. "Okay."

Beckett let go of Sheppard's wrist. "How's your shoulder? Does it hurt much?"

"Not bad, not like when they first wrenched it back. I tried to tell them it was dislocated, but they didn't care." Sheppard grinned. "I think Big Dog wished he'd listened though after I threw up all over his uniform."

"Big Dog? Who's Big Dog?"

"Guy in charge. I never could pronounce his name so I just called him BigDog, cause that's what he thought he was. He just laughed when I asked them to let me set my arm before they tied me up. That guy jerked my arm back and I saw stars, literally. The next thing I knew, I was barfing all over Big Dog's uniform." He rubbed the side of his face absently, his eyes looking far beyond Beckett. "Of course I don't remember much about the next two days, but it was worth it to see the look on his face."

Beckett frowned and glanced over at Ronon, whose expression mirrored the way Beckett felt. Beckett looked back down at Sheppard, his eyes beginning to close again.

"Go to sleep, Colonel." He watched until Sheppard's eyes had closed and his breathing had evened out. He was learning a lot about Sheppard and the more he learned, the more amazed he was that the man wasn't a basket case locked away somewhere. He was beginning to understand some things about Sheppard – his obsession with not leaving men behind, his quiet protection of his past life, the brooding nature he occasionally displayed in times of stress, the nightmares he tried to hide. What he didn't understand was how the man was still such an optimist most of the time or the light way he joked and teased almost daily. He was dumbfounded at how the man could find so much humor with past as dark as his seemed to be.

Beckett looked at Ronon to find him still watching Sheppard, a frown on his face. He knew the former runner had suffered through many of his own horrors in the years of running from the Wraith, and yet he almost looked like he was standing guard over Sheppard. It looked like Sheppard had a new watchdog.

oOo

Standing and stretching, Beckett decided to take one more look at his patients and turn it over the the nurses for a few hours while he got some sleep. It was almost morning, but both men had been quiet for several hours now, so he felt like it would be safe to leave. A hot shower and a few hours sleep and he'd be as good as new – well, that and a few more cups of coffee. He headed into the main infirmary, going to Ronon's bed first.

He checked Ronon's IV and watched the man sleep for a few minutes. He didn't want to wake him after the chaotic night he'd had, so he decided he could forgo taking the man's pulse. He'd need to get the duty nurse to hang a new IV bag soon, as Ronon's was almost empty.

He moved over to Sheppard's bed to find him lying there with his eye open, apparently looking at the ceiling.

"Colonel, are you awake?"

Sheppard blinked and shifted his eyes to look at Beckett. "Where am I?"

Beckett sighed. "You're in the infirmary in Atlantis."

"Atlantis. I know Atlantis." He looked back up at the ceiling for a moment, as if he was lost in thought. "Yeah . . . I can hear her now."

Beckett frowned. "You hear Atlantis? What do you hear?"

Sheppard smiled and closed his eyes. "It's hard to describe, sort of like a hum, but more . . . alive. She talks to me, you know, in my head. I didn't know what it was for a long time, but now I'm beginning to understand. I've tried talking back to her, but I haven't quite figured it out."

Beckett's eyes widened. "Atlantis talks to you? Have you told anyone? You need to tell Elizabeth and Rodney."

Sheppard sighed. "No, I can't tell people I talk to a city, they'll think I'm crazy."

Beckett chuckled. "Colonel, our ideas about what makes a person crazy have definitely changed since coming to the Pegasus Galaxy. I think they are more likely to be fascinated than to think you are crazy. You should tell them."

Sheppard looked at him through slitted eyelids and smiled. "I think she needs me. I can feel her the minute I walk through the gate and it's like she smiles. It's kind of nice to feel needed."

"Oh, I think it's safe to say that all of us here in Atlantis need you."

"No, we need Elizabeth and Rodney and you. It would be really hard to run this city without any of you. I'm just a soldier and soldiers are expendable. We're expendable and replaceable."

Beckett frowned. "Colonel, you can't really think that – that you're expendable."

Sheppard furrowed his brow and cocked his head slightly to one side. "Of course I'm expendable. That's just the way it is, Doc, it's not a problem. I'm used to it. I've had that label most of my life. I'm okay with it."

Beckett felt like someone had punched him. He wasn't sure what appalled him more, the fact that Sheppard thought of himself as expendable or the fact that he was so at ease with the idea. 'Well, you shouldn't be, Colonel. No one should feel that way and you certainly should never be okay with it, although it does explain a lot of things. I think we'll have to have a long talk when you're feeling better."

Sheppard smiled. 'You worry too much, Doc. Some things you just have to learn to accept. Military people are expendable – we have to be. A lot of us are going to be killed."

Beckett shook his head. "I'll never agree with that, Colonel. But it's early and I don't want to argue the point with you now. I think you need to get back to sleep."

Sheppard yawned, his eyes already closing. "No argument there, Doc."

Beckett patted him on the shoulder. "Good to have you back, Colonel."

Sheppard struggled to open his eyes again. "Was I gone somewhere?"

Beckett smiled. "In a manner of speaking. We'll talk tomorrow."

Sheppard closed his eyes and mumbled softly as he drifted off to sleep. Beckett shook his head again and looked across the infirmary in time to see Ronon pull the covers up close around his shoulders. He smiled as he thought about hanging a sign that said 'Watchdog at Work'.

TBC