Title: The Road to Dawn
Series: Kingdom Hearts
Characters: Riku, Sora, Kairi, et al
Pairings: Sora/Kairi, Riku/Sora eventual
Genre: Drama, Angst, Romance
Rating: M for the maturity of the themes and for strong language

WARNINGS: This story contains slash/male & male/shounen-ai themes! If such things offend you, then please don't read. I refuse to tolerate flames that are caused by the ignorance of the reader.

Summary:

Riku might have chosen the Road to Dawn, but even for a heart and will so strong as his, the Road to Dawn is no easy task, especially when the heart is heavy and burdened with horrors unimaginable.

The Darkness will forever be a part of him, but what if he isn't always strong enough to balance the lightness and darkness within? Old feelings he thought he had once buried are resurfacing themselves and he must face them once and for all or risk losing himself to the Darkness again. The only problem is… because he spent so long running away from the past, he doesn't recognize his own nightmares for what they are – as manifestations of a buried past. And how can he confront something which he can't seem to remember?

Part I.

I Forgot

The sun wasn't even out yet when Riku stepped outside, but he flinched anyway when he glanced heavenwards. His eyes narrowed slightly when his eyes rested on the sky above with its star studded black shroud.

He gave an involuntary shiver before he shoved his hands into his pockets. Despite the fact that he had lived in a tropical climate all his life, the nighttime air still carried a touch of chill that felt a little too cool for his skin. Tonight, however, the air seemed to be cooler than usual, making him wish that he had thought to bring his jacket with him.

As the wind whistled quietly through his hair, he jerked his head down into the collar of his shirt and jammed his hands deeper into his pockets.

"Fuck, but it's cold," he muttered and started walking towards the sandy shoreline of the beach.

As he walked, his thoughts turned to his dream-filled slumber. Now that he was fully awake, the nighttime spooks couldn't haunt him anymore. But try as he might, he could never seem to remember more than the barest snatches once he was more than half awake and this time was no exception. The only thing he could remember was that he had been running while calling out Sora's name over and over again.

Sora…

Lately, it seemed that all of his dreams had to do with Sora, one way or another, and it was really starting to bother him.

He freely admitted that losing Sora when he had walked into Darkness had been one of the most frightening moments of his life so he had been anything but surprised when he had first started having the nightmares.

But… that had been… years ago. It had been… how long?

It had been two years.

Two years had passed and he was still getting the stupid nightmares that had plagued his dreams ever since their adventure.

No matter how he looked at it, it made no sense to him as to why he would still have the nightmares about Sora.

It wasn't as if things had ended badly between them because of the events; if anything, the past had drawn them closer together.

He and Sora had patched things up between them even before they had returned home and upon their return to Destiny Islands, they had become closer than ever, sharing a special unspoken understanding that only two Keyblade Masters could.

True, Mickey had once told him that a person's body sometimes handled trauma in the form of nightmares, but this was getting a little ridiculous.

Sora was FINE, dammit, and despite all the hellish experiences his brunette friend had endured, he was still able to offer most anyone his trademark goofy grin and cheery laugh at least once a day.

Riku's eyebrows knitted together briefly as the image of Sora laughing appeared in his mind and something in his chest and stomach twinged fiercely.

I'm sorry, Sora…

Even though Sora had long since completely forgiven him for the wrongs he had committed, the sense of guilt never completely went away and somehow… he had a feeling that the guilt would always be there to stay as a reminder of his darker past.

With a sigh and a glower, Riku kicked at a rock in his path. "I'm still not fucking over it."

Releasing his frustrations on the stone, he kicked the rock like someone would dribble a ball and after doing this for a few minutes he found himself at the foot of the paopu tree.

A small grin tugged at his lips as he seated himself on his usual perch and drew one knee up to wrap his arm around. The paopu tree had become one of his other best friends of late – his timeless and silent companion whenever he found himself at the mercy of his nightmares or insomnia.

He had just plucked a slightly overripe paopu fruit off the tree and was polishing the fruit on the hem of his shirt when he heard a familiar voice laughing quietly behind him. At the voice, the slump in his shoulders straightened a bit and a grin touched his lips.

Well speak of the devil…

"Fancy seeing you here, Riku," Sora's voice was warm and bright – brighter than anyone's should have the right to be at such an ungodly hour.

"I should say the same to you, Sora," Riku chuckled and waved his hand holding the paopu fruit, indicating for the younger man to join him on the tree. Sora laughed again and easily seated himself next to his silver haired friend.

For a long moment, neither of them spoke, and then Riku's lower voice broke the companionable silence.

"Couldn't sleep?"

"… Yeah." Sora pulled his feet up and wrapped his arms around his knees and rocked back and forth a bit before turning to face Riku. "And you?"

As he waited for an answer that he knew would take some time to be spoken, his dark eyes searched out the outline of his best friend. In all honesty, he already knew the answer even without asking. At the very least… he had more than a fair guess as to what was going on. It wasn't too hard to decipher his best friend's behavior after knowing him for over ten years, after all.

To be honest, this wasn't the first time he had caught Riku sitting on their paopu tree in the wee hours of the morn. This wasn't even the second time or third time. By the time his count had reached ten, he had stopped counting and that had been… almost a year ago? If anyone thought to ask, he would bet all the paopu fruits on the tree that there had been many more early morning visits to the paopu tree since then.

In fact, he could even make a guess as to when Riku started keeping company with the predawn hours.

It had been a difficult time for all of them, but Riku, deciding to walk the road to dawn, had quite possibly endured some of the most harrowing experiences of them all. By choosing to walk the twilit road, he housed within his heart both the light and the dark and Sora knew that the two opposing forces didn't always cohabit together smoothly.

When Riku's lips twitched and his eyebrows furrowed together, he knew he was right.

"Nightmares."

The answer was punctuated with a dry chuckle and Sora reached out a gloved hand to rest on the other's shoulder and squeeze.

"They just don't want to go away, do they?" His voice was sympathetic and tinged with empathy. Nightmares were nondiscriminatory and even though he himself walked the road to the light, he had his own fair share of nightmares as well.

Hell, the reason he was up at such an ungodly hour –

Sora suddenly made a face and shivered, pulling his legs closer to his body.

Riku's eyebrows winged upwards as he felt the fine tremor run through Sora's body through the hand that rested on his shoulder and he scooted over a bit so that they were pressed up against each other, arm against arm. "No, they don't," he murmured.

The uncharacteristically soft tone of voice Riku adopted prompted Sora to talk some more. If he talked then maybe Riku would, too.

"Ever since… well, the beginning…" Sora chewed his lower lip as he thought of a way to phrase what he wanted to say in his mind.

"Things have never been the same."

Riku's unexpected interjection made Sora start and glance over at him. Maybe Riku didn't need as much prompting as he had thought. "Yeah…"

"It's been… what? Almost two years since we came back, right?" Riku ran a hand through his shoulder length hair in a nervous gesture and gave a frustrated sigh.

Sora started to say something then settled for only nodding in agreement.

Riku wasn't – and had never been – the sort who freely opened himself up to people. Even though they had been the best of friends for many years and endured severe tests of their friendship, there was still a lot about Riku that he didn't know about.

Kairi had often asked him why he never asked Riku what was wrong when he had mentioned concern of his friend's well being and his answer had always been the same.

Riku was Riku and Riku would talk only when he wanted to.

"And the goddamn dreams just won't leave us the fuck alone!"

"Bastards."

The word slipped past Sora's lips with vehemence and Riku's eyes widened a bit. Sora very seldom cursed out loud, even when angry, and it was surprising to hear the word spoken with such passion.

"We've been through goodness-only-knows how much crap and we still get haunted by stupid dreams." Sora snorted and shook his head and Riku gave a quiet chuckle of agreement. "But we're here and not there. And we all made it back. WE made it back, right? WE won – not them."

At his declaration, Sora turned to face Riku. His eyes were wide and bright as a brilliant grin lit his face.

For a moment, Riku just stared at the younger man smiling at him. There was something… fierce in the way that Sora's eyes shone in the darkness, so full of determination and confidence. It reminded him of…

"Come on, Sora! Together we can do it!"

As the memory suddenly came unbidden to him, his throat suddenly closed up and his chest and face felt too hot. He turned his head away slightly so Sora couldn't see him.

"And we're still best friends." Sora's voice was quieter now and the spark in his eyes took on a softer glow as he leaned in closer, lightly nudging Riku with his arm. "Aren't we?"

It took Riku a moment to fight back the sting in his eyes, but he grinned back with a toss of his head, rows of even teeth flashing in the night. "Hell yeah."

Sora made a pleased sound and beamed again. He had had a shitty wake up call not even an hour ago courtesy of some stupid nightmare or other and already, he felt so much better.

Talking with Kairi was like a relief, but talking with Riku… even if they didn't always agree, talking with him somehow always made things better.

I'm so glad that things are okay between us… I don't know what I'd do if…

His reverie was suddenly broken by a light elbow to the ribs.

"Riku to Sora, do you hear me, Sora, over?"

"Riku!" Sora burst out laughing and gave the taller man a playful shove.

Riku chuckled and easily retained his balance on the tree trunk as he was shoved. "Hey, you're the one spacing out there." He shoved back, which caused Sora to flail about before gripping onto his arm for support.

"So what if I was?" In a moment of childishness, Sora stuck out his tongue at his best friend and the silver haired young man snorted and made a face. Even after all these years, Sora still did the most childish things at times…

"Sora! You wanted one, didn't you?"

Sora's hands – even gloved – holding onto his arm was like a blanket of warmth and for some reason, he felt the warmth traveling to his cheeks in the form of a heated blush. He pulled his arm away and smirked.

"What are you smirking at?" The spiky haired brunette demanded, not seeming to notice or mind that Riku had pulled his arm away.

"You." Riku's green blue eyes danced as Sora's lips curled into another pout.

"What did I do!"

"If you keep sticking your tongue out like that, your tongue will get bitten off someday." Though Riku's lips didn't so much as twitch, the laughter could be heard in his tone of voice.

"Says who?" Sora's pout only increased as his eyebrows furrowed.

"Says me, that's who," Riku shot back with a challenging grin. The occurrences of the predawn hours temporarily forgotten, he rested back in an easy posture and idly kicked his legs.

"Hrmph," Sora snorted and glowered at his best friend once before allowing himself to chuckle. Following Riku's example, he too leaned back on his hands and tilted his head up to look at the sky as his heels kicked up sand.

For a long moment, neither of them said anything, sharing between them an easy and familiar silence.

After a while, Sora found his eyes wandering over to rest on the form of his best friend again.

Out of all of them in their group, Riku had always been the most mature and it had showed in his looks. Now that he was an adult – a young adult, albeit, but an adult nonetheless – the years had morphed the last traces of his boyishness into… well, he wasn't quite sure what, but suffice to say that Riku looked… well… elegant. He would say that his best friend looked quite handsome, but that wasn't something you told your best friend, was it?

Unsure as to what to do about that particular line of thought, Sora wrenched his attention away Riku's face. In doing so, his eyes fell on the paopu fruit resting on Riku's lap and he found himself remembering a long ago memory as if it happened yesterday.

"If two people share one, their destinies become intertwined…"

Upon remembering this, he winced slightly as he was reminded of something he had been meaning to tell Riku for a little while now. He swallowed and glanced back up at his best friend's face.

Well, it was now or never.

"… Riku?"

Riku's answer was a contented 'hmm' sound and Sora discovered that he was unable to say anything. Brows knitting together, he eyed the older teen some more, as if trying to gauge something.

Riku looked so… peaceful just sitting there… and… well…

"Yeah, Sora?"

"… Errr… nothing. I… uhm… forgot."

Riku quietly laughed at that, reaching over to lightly ruffle Sora's hair. "You're always forgetful, you dork. You need to make lists or something, you know? I swear you'd lose your head if it weren't attached to your body sometimes."

Despite the faintly mocking tone in the other's voice, Riku's eyes were warm as they rested on Sora.

"Ha ha ha, very funny," Sora sniffed and grumped and gently chewed at the inside of his lower lip.

The nervous gesture didn't go by Riku unnoticed and he raised an eyebrow and nudged the brunette with an arm. "You okay?"

"Hmm? Oh yeah, sure," Sora waved his hand with a grin. "Just spacing out again… I was – OH! I remember!"

Riku's lips twitched as he contained an amused laugh. "Ohh?"

"You doing anything this afternoon?" The chirp was back in Sora's voice and the brunette's eyes were fairly glowing.

"Errrr… nothing that I can particularly recall… why?"

"Want to have a picnic at the beach with the gang?" By 'gang' he meant Kairi, Selphie, Tidus, Wakka, and himself.

Riku's eyebrows escalated. A picnic with the whole gang? Tidus was… loud, Selphie was louder and more… annoying, and Wakka was… Wakka, and… Kairi…

His chest suddenly felt tight again and he made a slight face.

And Kairi was Sora's… girlfriend. He invariably felt like a third wheel or a lightning rod whenever the three of them went out together and he was sure this time wouldn't be much of an exception.

He felt a headache coming on and he opened his mouth to decline the invitation, but the grin on Sora's face stopped the words from coming out of his mouth.

Gah! Since when did Sora's smile keep him from saying what was on his mind?

He quashed the answering voice in the back of his mind and gave a shrug. "Sure, I guess. What time?"

If Sora noticed Riku's moment of discomfort, he gave no indication as he beamed. "Selph said to meet at the beach under the largest tree at eleven. No need to bring anything except sunscreen if you need it. OH! And your Triple Triad cards, too!"

"Gotcha." Riku nodded, his hand unconsciously moving to hold onto the paopu fruit in his lap in an almost protective manner.

It was an… odd gesture on Riku's part to say the least and Sora's eyes followed the movement of his hand.

Riku caught Sora looking at him and he glanced down at the paopu fruit in his hand.

"…They'll remain a part of each other's lives… no matter what…"

"… Sora –"

Before Riku could finish his sentence, Sora suddenly leapt off the tree with a groan. "Ack! Dammit! I promised Kairi I would accompany her into town for a bit before the picnic. I gotta go! Sorry I have to run, but I'll see you later, right?"

In a flurry of sand, Sora was already retreating up the bridge, his shoes making rhythmic thuds as he ran off, his hand waving furiously in goodbye.

A peculiar look crossed Riku's face as he stared after the retreating figure of his best friend. He sighed and shook his head, his hand clutching the star-shaped fruit even tighter.

"… Nevermind."

tbc Part II - That I Might See