Title: The Road to Dawn
Series: Kingdom Hearts
Characters: Riku, Sora, Kairi, et al
Pairings: Sora/Kairi, Riku/Sora eventual
Genre: Drama, Angst, Romance
Rating: T for the maturity of the themes and for strong language

WARNINGS: This story contains slash/male & male/shounen-ai themes! If such things offend you, then please don't read. I refuse to tolerate flames that are caused by the ignorance of the reader.

Summary:

Riku might have chosen the Road to Dawn, but even for a heart and will so strong as his, the Road to Dawn is no easy task, especially when the heart is heavy and burdened with horrors unimaginable.

The Darkness will forever be a part of him, but what if he isn't always strong enough to balance the lightness and darkness within? Old feelings he thought he had once buried are resurfacing themselves and he must face them once and for all or risk losing himself to the Darkness again. The only problem is… because he spent so long running away from the past, he doesn't recognize his own nightmares for what they are – as manifestations of a buried past. And how can he confront something which he can't seem to remember?

The Road to Dawn

Part II. That I Might See

Sora was breathless from exertion when he reached Kairi's house. He had hoped that all the running would have vanquished the strange sensations churning wildly in his stomach, but as he panted at the doorstep of his house, realized that no amount of running would quash those feelings.

At some point during his conversation with Riku, he had started feeling… peculiar… and at one point, the tension – and exactly from what he had no idea – was so palpable that he couldn't pretend to ignore it anymore. That was when he had left. He hadn't lied; he really did promise Kairi to take her into town later today, but he had made a hasty exit, one which would surely draw questions from his best friend at a later time.

Riku…

His mind had just conjured up the image of Riku holding out the paopu fruit to him when the front door suddenly opened.

"Sora! Where in the world were you?" Kairi's voice, both concerned and exasperated, was laced with affection as she crossed her arms and looked at the brunette expectantly.

"Down at the beach," Sora answered with a breathless grin and made a vague gesture in the direction that he had come from.

"Checking out the weather for today?" Kairi brightened and stepped aside to let Sora inside.

Sora's eyebrow furrowed in confusion as he stepped inside. The weather? Why would he be checking out the weather at such a time?

As Kairi's expression started to wax perplexed, he realized what she meant.

She assumed I went to check the weather for today's picnic!

Resisting the urge to palm his face, he gave a nonchalant shrug and kicked off his shoes one at a time. "The weather seems fine to me. Maybe a little chillier than usual, but the wind isn't very strong."

Kairi gave him a considering look for a long moment before she spoke up again, her voice soft and quiet, but assertive. "Sora… you look like you're a million miles away."

"I have a lot on my mind is all," Sora gave her a reassuring smile and pulled her close to him when she wrapped her arms around him in a hug.

"… Anything you'd like to talk about?" Kairi rested her cheek against Sora's shoulder.

"… What do you do when… something you once thought was familiar… suddenly isn't so… familiar anymore?" Sora's voice was muffled from burying his nose against the reddish locks of long hair.

"… Is it… a bad feeling?" Kairi's eyes shone with concern as she looked up at him.

"What do you mean?" Sora pulled away and flopped down on the nearby couch and Kairi sat down beside him and held his hand in hers.

"You said things aren't… familiar anymore, but… is it a bad feeling? The unfamiliarity, I mean."

Kairi always had this uncanny way of asking questions which would invariably provoke other unvoiced questions and when she clarified herself, Sora's face took on a perplexed expression as a realization hit him.

It wasn't so much that the unfamiliarity was unsettling, it was more that it… it should have been more unsettling than it was… or… something like that?

"… It's bothering you, isn't it?"

Sympathetic and intuitive, Kairi of course knew that this conundrum was bugging the heck out of him and at the moment, he wasn't sure if he was grateful for this sympathy or annoyed because it forced him to confront his confusion.

"Yeah." Sora leaned back into the couch and rested his head on his hands.

The simple one-word response wasn't typical of Sora and Kairi frowned a little. When she really thought about it, one word responses were becoming more and more typical of Sora and where she didn't exactly expect him to tell her everything… it still hurt to feel like she couldn't be confided in. In the back of her mind, she worried that they had been growing apart of late, but her reasoning told her that things were fine; they had made plans together for the future after all.

And speaking of which…

"Uhm, Sora?"

"Mmm?" Sora turned his head around and they locked gazes.

"About the – Did you tell him about it yet?" The words came out rushed and tumbled together.

Sora's eyes widened and he was silent for a moment before he shook his head. "Nope, not yet."

Kairi tried unsuccessfully to hide the exasperated look on her face. "You said you would."

"I know and I'm sorry, Kai, it just…" Sora's voice trailed off.

"Hasn't been a good time," Kairi finished his sentence for him with a quiet sigh. Mentally, she added, "It never is."

"'M sorry, but… yeah. It's not that easy, you know." The brunette sighed with her and stared at the bits of sand sticking to the tops of his sneakers.

"… I know it isn't that easy, but… it can't be that hard, either," Kairi couldn't help saying and Sora made a noncommittal noise in the back of his throat and gave a slight shake of his head.

"Maybe it's not hard for you, Kai, but this is different. The situation… is different."

"How?"

"… I'm not sure I can explain. It just isn't easy and the reasons for it are complicated." This time, it was Sora's turn to blow an exasperated breath of air.

"Oh."

Both were silent for a long moment before Kairi stood up and straightened her clothes. "I need to run over to Selphie's before we head out to town. What time did you want to leave?"

Sora glanced at the clock. "How about at nine? I think I woke up too early so I'm going to take a quick nap."

"Sure. Just don't oversleep." Kairi grinned and winked and Sora gave her a sheepish grin in return.

"I promise! Have fun at Selphie's and tell her I said hi and that Riku is coming to the picnic!"

"All right. Get your rest! I'll be back at around eight or so," Kairi gave Sora a warm kiss before heading to her room to change and collect her things for her excursion. When she emerged, Sora was already asleep on the couch and she smiled fondly at him before she left.

"Sweet dreams, Sora."

- - - - - - - - - -

"Come on, Sora! Together we can do it!"

I'm not going to leave you here, Riku! I can't!

"Come on, Sora! Together we can do it!"

Riku! Come back to the light! Please come back to me! RIKU!

---

Sora woke up with a silent cry with tears tracking down his cheeks.

"Riku… God… You have no idea how hard it was to leave you behind… no fucking clue…" he swiped a hand across his eyes and buried his face into the cushion.

Even awake, the image of Riku's face looking at him from the other side of the double doors haunted him mercilessly, painting every detail of the other's face with such precision and clarity that it was like reliving the memory all over again.

He could hear the echo of Riku's voice encouraging him on as clearly as he saw the unmistakable look of sadness, guilt, determination, and hurt etched on his best friend's face.

With great effort, he recalled the comforting words that Kairi had spoken to him when he had told her about his own sense of guilt and hopelessness at having left Riku behind.

"But he's back, now, Sora, don't you see? Riku's back and he's here and he's been here! Things will be okay, you just have to give it some time!"

With a sniff, Sora wiped his eyes again and raised his head off the pillow and flopped onto his back with a shuddering sigh.

Even though it had been years ago, he wondered if maybe he still carried that old guilt around. He and Riku had only become stronger once their adventures had concluded and he knew that the older man had forgiven him, but…

Recalling the events of the pre-dawn hours, Sora sighed again and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

He and Riku had shared such an easy conversation, so why did it make him feel all funny? It was like things were before, almost, with them joshing around and making fun of each other. Even though the topic of discussion had been serious, the mood between them had been light and amiable.

Dammit, he should be happy that he and Riku were getting along so well, not worried that he was suddenly feeling funny! This was exactly what he had hoped for back when he and Riku had drifted apart – to be able to have that sort of relationship again.

Now that he got what he had wished for…

"ARGH! This is stupid, stupid, STUPID!" Sora growled through gritted teeth and clapped his hands over his face. "I worry about all the wrong things sometimes, I swear!"

Making up his mind that he was just having an off day, he rolled over to his side with his back facing the couch and closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep.

Just as the heaviness of sleep started to take over, he heard Kairi's voice reminding him that things would be okay in a matter of time.

Kairi's advice was sound and practical – her advice usually was. The only problem was… Well… he wasn't sure what the problem was. At least… not anymore.

- - - - - - - - - -

"Stupid Sora, acting all weird again," Riku mumbled to himself as he rooted around in his desk drawers for his Triple Triad card deck.

True to Sora's prediction, the brunette's hasty retreat had cast a shadow over the other man's mood. The conversation they had shared had done wonders to lighten his mood and lift his spirits, but Sora's unexpected departure had immediately soured his disposition.

It wasn't so much in regards to Sora being busy that made him peevish, to be honest. He was a pretty busy person, too, so he understood full well what being busy was like. What pissed him off to no end was the fact that it was damn near impossible to have Sora in his company without some sort of interruption.

If it wasn't Kairi calling to ask what they were up to, it was Tidus, Wakka, or Selphie wanting for them all to hang out together and do some group activity.

… Like having a group picnic.

It wasn't that he minded group activities – in fact, he liked it when the whole gang got to hang out – but sometimes…

He didn't go around making other plans if he had already made plans to hang out with Sora; if he made plans, he stuck to them and if someone else wanted his attention, too bad, unless Sora wanted to go with a change in plans.

Granted, his earlier twilit meeting with Sora had been absolutely unexpected and unplanned, but hell! Just where the hell could you possibly go and what errand could you possibly run at four in the freaking morning?

He wasn't stupid and neither was Sora, so he figured that he was missing out on something or other and it irked him.

Not finding what he was looking for, Riku closed the drawer with a little too much force and accidentally caught his hand as the drawer slammed shut.

"Fuck!"

Distracted by the momentary flash of pain, his train of thought derailed and he returned to wondering about the whereabouts of his deck of Triple Triad cards.

"I know I have 'em here somewhere…" he closed the rest of the open drawers, more carefully this time, and started rifling through a box of random odds that he pulled out from under his bed.

As a flash of orange fur caught his eye, a smile tugged at his lips and he pulled out a battered, but well-loved Moomba plush. Riku wasn't much of a sentimental person and if someone asked him whether or not he still slept with stuffed animals, he would say 'no'. If someone saw his Moomba plush and asked him about it, however, he would say that the Moomba was a special exception.

When he was nine and Sora was eight, they had made plans with Sora's mother to go out of town to visit some of Sora's relatives. They had been so excited about the prospect of going out of town that for two whole weeks before the trip, they had talked about nothing other than the trip and how cool and awesome it would be to see different places.

It turned out that on the night before the trip he had fallen ill with a high fever and consequently had to miss out. Sora hadn't wanted to leave him behind, but his grandparents were expecting him, so he had to go. When Sora had returned, he had brought along with him a present for Riku.

Riku grinned as he ran his fingers over the plush animal. He could still recall the eight year old Sora beaming at him from his bedroom door while holding out the funny-looking and brilliantly orange stuffed animal.

"He reminded me of you, Riku, and I carried him with me when I went to town with my mom so you could be with me. Mommy says you have strep throat so I can't play with you until you get better, so I'm giving him to you, now, so you won't feel alone."

Sora had peered around, then, to see if any parental units were around, and then snuck into his room to deposit the Moomba into his waiting arms.

Despite what Sora had told him, though, the brunette had spent many afternoons over the following week standing or sitting at his doorway and telling him about the current events or cracking some stupidly silly joke. They had played hangman, I-Spy, and most every other two person game that could feasibly be played from a distance.

As it was, the strep throat had turned out to be a precursor to chickenpox, so he ended up confined to his bed for another week and predictably, Sora ended up catching chickenpox very shortly after, too, right when he was starting to feel better.

Because he had already caught chickenpox, though, he had been allowed to keep Sora company and between the two of them, they had exhausted most – if not all – multi-player games known on the islands. It was during this time that he had taught Sora how to play Triple Triads, too.

Even though both he and Sora had gotten really sick for a while, Riku still recalled this particular memory with great fondness because it illustrated the strength of their childhood friendship.

Riku lightly poked the Moomba on its nose with a lopsided grin. "I don't suppose you've seen my Triple Triad cards, have you, hmm?"

Actually… if the Moomba was in the box, then maybe…

He put the Moomba in his lap and started digging through the box some more. After a few moments, he gave an 'Ah ha' as he pulled out a worn box of Triple Triad cards.

"Figures. Thanks for guarding them, Moomba." Riku chuckled and stroked one of the Moomba's worn ears. He pressed his cheek against the orange fur of the plush and whispered, "And thanks to you, too, Sora."

- - - - - - - - - -

- tbc in Part III. So Many