Part Two
Days passed into weeks and weeks passed into months. Joxer noticed a strange
change coming over Gabrielle. She seemed almost different at times. In one
minute, she loved him and the next minute she'd be attacking him like a rabid
dog. Today was the latter.
"Joxer! Why can't you do anything right? Do I have to
do everything? Gods! Why did I ever marry you?" she snarled.
Joxer looked at her and he didn't know what to say. Xena had told him she would
go through this and he remembered Xena's mood swings while she was pregnant with
Eve, but he just didn't know what to say to Gabrielle. So, he tried to be
helpful instead.
"Joxer, give me that! Get out! Go watch Arose and Ricky! Just
get out!" Joxer nodded and hurried from the tavern.
Jace stood up and walked around Arose and Ricky. "No! No! No! Ricky, you've got
to wait for the right time and you, Arose, have got to get it together!"
"Oh Jace, we are together," Arose giggled and Ricky turned a shade of red.
Jace's eyebrows rose. "Oh really?"
"Yeah. Really."
"Oh Arose, I am so happy for you! Give your brother a hug!"
Arose laughed as she hugged Jace. She stopped laughing when she saw Joxer coming
towards them. She saw that he looked out of sorts. "Hold on, Jace. Looks like
Joxer needs us."
Jace hurried over to Joxer with Arose right behind him. "Joxer?"
"Hi, Jace. Hi, Arose. So what's up?"
Arose stared at him carefully. "Well, by the look on your face, it sure isn't
you. Is Gabrielle in one of her moods again?"
Joxer sighed. "Yeah. I don't know how much longer I can deal with it."
Jace placed his hand on his brother's shoulder. "Joxer, this will pass.
Gabrielle will be fine."
"Great, but what about me?"
"Joxer, you sound like she's going to kill you!" Jace exclaimed.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to sound that way. It's just that..."
"Joxer! Oh Joxer! Please don't leave me! I'm so sorry, Pookie!" Joxer turned
around just in time to catch his wife as she fell into his arms crying
hysterically. "Oh Joxer, I've been such a monster to you! I'm so sorry! Please
come home with me! Please don't leave me!" Joxer smiled softly as he wiped her
tears away with the back of his hand. Gabrielle's eyes widened then narrowed
suspiciously. "Why are you smiling like that?"
"Gabrielle, let's go home and I'll give you one of my famous back rubs," Joxer
said.
Gabrielle leaned against him sighing, "Oh, that sounds so wonderful! You are so
good to me, Joxer."
Joxer looked at his siblings, shrugged his shoulders, smiled and put his arm
around Gabrielle's waist. Together, they walked inside the tavern.
Jace turned to Arose and Ricky. "So, when are you going to tell Joxer about the
two of you?"
Arose sighed. "When I feel the time is right - maybe after the twins are born.
He's got enough things to deal with right now."
Jace nodded in agreement. "Sounds like a plan."
Cyrene came into the main room with a tray of glasses getting ready to wash
them. Eve was following her carrying one small mug. Xena smiled at them. "Hey
pumpkin, are you helping Grandma?"
Eve looked up at her mother and giggled. "I help Grandma!"
"Yes you are, sweetie." Xena smiled as Joxer and Gabrielle walked in. "I see you
found him."
"Yes - and he still loves me." Gabrielle hugged Joxer tightly to her.
Xena's eyebrows rose in amusement as Joxer's eyes almost bugged from his head at
his wife's enthusiastic embrace. "Didn't I say he would and aren't I always
right?" she asked smugly.
"Uh huh. Boy, am I hungry! Pookie, could you please get me some chocolates?"
"Gabrielle, honey, you know that they're hard to find around here."
"Please, Pookie? I'll just die if I don't get some chocolate," Gabrielle's eyes
began to fill with tears and her bottom lip trembled.
"Okay, okay. I'll get you some chocolate. I think I know where to get some,"
Joxer said in a soothing voice. He kissed Gabrielle gently on the cheek and
smiled. "I'll be back soon," he promised.
Joxer started to leave when Xena pulled him aside. "Joxer, if you're thinking
about getting the chocolate where I think you are, please don't take them! Ask
her."
"Xena, I'm not a thief!" Joxer whispered angrily.
Xena sighed and loosened her grip on his white tunic. "I never said you were,
Joxer, but sometimes desperate men do desperate things. Promise me you'll ask
her."
Joxer rolled his eyes. "Okay! I promise."
Xena smiled. "Good boy." She looked down when she felt a tug on her skirt. "What
is it, Evie?"
"Mommy, go with Joxer?" Eve asked.
"No, Eve. You're staying with Grandma and me, okay? You can help us take care of
Gabrielle while Joxer's gone."
"Okay!" Eve giggled.
Joxer rode into town on Sugar and searched everywhere for some chocolate. But
each place he went to, he was told they had no chocolate. Joxer began to feel
sick in his stomach. Gabrielle would be upset if she didn't get her chocolate -
very upset. He remembered what had happened last week when she got upset and he
shuddered. He and Xena were still repairing the damage she made in Cyrene's
pantry when she couldn't find something she wanted.
Joxer wasn't sure what to do until he realized that there was only thing he
could do. He hoped that Aphrodite would give him some chocolate if she had any -
and if he groveled sufficiently enough for her, he thought to himself with a
soft groan. So, he rode out to a nearby meadow where he found some beautiful
flowers. After picking her a huge bouquet, he re-mounted Sugar and headed to
Aphrodite's temple.
Joxer entered Aphrodite's temple and saw a huge bowl of chocolates left on the
altar as an offering to the Goddess. "Aphrodite!" he called, his voice echoing
in the empty temple as he knelt down to place his offering next to the bowl.
"Aphrodite?" He called her name several times, but there was no answer. Joxer
moaned, "Oh, great! Now what do I do?"
Joxer stared at the chocolate longingly, thinking to himself. Maybe she won't
miss a small piece. After all, it's for Gabrielle. He stood before the altar,
wondering what he should do. He knew that even thinking about stealing was wrong
- and stealing from a God or Goddess was even worse. I can't do it - and I can't
go back to Gabrielle empty-handed! What am I gonna do? He sat down on the altar
stairs and covered his face with his hands.
Suddenly, a shower of golden
sparkles and pink flowers rained about him. Joxer looked up just in time to see
Aphrodite appear before him with her hands on her hips and scowling at him.
"Hi Aphrodite," Joxer mumbled, his eyes dropping to the floor.
The Goddess tapped her slippered foot on the floor. "Studmuffin, I am way
disappointed with you! How could you even think of taking the goods? You so know
better than that!" she scolded.
Joxer sighed, looking absolutely miserable. "I know, Aphrodite, and I'm sorry!
It's just that..."
"Just what? Spill!" the Goddess demanded, crossing her arms over her chest.
"It's just that Gabrielle's been having these awful mood swings! One minute,
she's perfectly fine and the next minute, she's crazy. Then she gets these weird
cravings. Last week, it was cherries and sour pickles, but it had to be this
type of cherry and that type of pickle - and you can only buy it from this
stand! So far this week, it's been sardines and now it's chocolate! I remember
when Xena was pregnant with Eve and I knew that Gabrielle would get like this,
but I just don't know what to do! I try to help her feel better and everything
goes wrong," Joxer confessed, the words coming fast and furious from his lips.
"I can't go home empty-handed because I'm afraid of what she'll do - and I don't
want to disappoint Gabrielle either. I love her too much." He slumped down in
his seat. "And you know, there's something else that's bothering me. I can't
stop thinking that Arose is hiding something from me. I don't know why, but I
just do." Aphrodite said nothing and he hung his head as he rose to his feet.
"I'm sorry. I'll think of something else to give Gabrielle."
Joxer started to go down the stairs when Aphrodite held up her hand. "Hold it!
Just a minute, Studmuffin! Park that bodacious butt of yours on those stairs.
You're not going anywhere until I say so!" Joxer yelped in surprise when he felt
something push him back down on the stone steps and he yelped again as his
backside landed on the stairs with a loud thump. The Goddess snapped her fingers
and reappeared next to him. She daintily crossed her legs and stared at him for
a minute before shaking her head. "You're really miserable, huh?" she asked
softly.
"Yeah. I just feel so bad that I can't help her feel better. This is supposed to
be one of the happiest times of our lives and I feel like all I do is screw
everything up," Joxer replied, running his fingers through his hair.
"Sweet cheeks, it's called hormone overdrive. There's not too much you can do
about it," Aphrodite told him. "Believe me, Miss Bard appreciates what you're
doing, even if she doesn't always show it."
"You think so?" Joxer asked, his face brightening a little.
"Studmuffin, I like know so! Hello, Goddess of Love sitting next to you!"
Aphrodite exclaimed, rolling her eyes. "Listen, since I don't want to see you
turned into Joxer-Kebabs 'cuz I like you and all that, I'll help you out by
giving you a bit of the good stuff sitting in the bowl."
Joxer's beautiful, goofy grin emerged. "Thank you! Thank..." The smile
disappeared and his eyes grew wary. "What's the catch?"
Aphrodite giggled and tossed her blonde curls back. "Well, you didn't think I'd
let you get off scot-free for thinking those totally grody thoughts, did you?"
Joxer shook his head fiercely and screwed his eyes shut. "Go ahead. Give me your
best shot," he mumbled. "I deserve it."
"Whoa! Martyr complex much?" the Goddess exclaimed as she rose to her feet and
stood in front of him. "Sheesh! Give me a little bit of credit, huh? It's not
like you actually did the dirty deed!" she whined, stamping her foot on the
ground.
Joxer cautiously opened one eye and looked up at Aphrodite. "So, what are going
to do to me?"
"Just you wait!" Aphrodite exclaimed and snapped her fingers. The next thing
Joxer knew, he found he was sitting on a small stool in a large room, decorated
in different shades of pink. He gulped nervously as he took in the new
surroundings. Aphrodite stood in front of him and crinkled her nose appealingly.
"Studmuffin, it's not what I'm going to do to you! It's what you're going to do
for me," she giggled.
Joxer's jaw dropped open and the Goddess rolled her eyes. "Puh-leeze! Not like
that, you goofball!" She snapped her fingers and a small table that contained
lotions, towels, strangely shaped bottles filled with what looked like brightly
colored paint, small files, two very oddly shaped items that had curves cut into
them and clippers appeared at Joxer's right side. She snapped her fingers again
and a footbath filled with warm water and bubbles appeared between the two of
them.
"This is one Goddess who likes to be pampered, Studmuffin," Aphrodite said as
she sat down, kicked her slippers away and placed her feet on his knees,
wiggling her toes. She watched in silent amusement when Joxer's nostrils
suddenly flared out at what he thought was the not-so Goddess-like 'stench' of
her feet. Sorry Joxie babe, but you have to learn your lesson. To Joxer's
credit, he quickly covered his gagging with a coughing fit. She then slid her
feet into the footbath. "And one of the best ways to do that is with a
pedicure!"
An hour later, Joxer had washed (only gagging slightly), dried and massaged the
Goddess of Love's feet with rose-scented lotion. He then clipped, filed and
painted her toenails in a shocking hot pink shade. This proved a bit difficult
at first, as Joxer managed to get more polish on Aphrodite's toes than toenails
before he figured out how to work the small paintbrush.
"You know, Studmuffin, you actually didn't do a bad job!" she exclaimed in surprise, admiring Joxer's
handiwork when he finished applying a clear coat of polish. "If you weren't
already taken, I'd keep you for myself. You give a totally awesome foot rub!"
She giggled as Joxer's face turned beet-red.
Aphrodite snapped her fingers and the two of them stood in the altar room.
"Okay, let me get you some chocolate for the Terminally Hormonal One," she said.
A small pink pouch appeared in her hand and she leaned over to place some
chocolates in the bag. Making sure that Joxer couldn't see what she was doing,
she pointed a finger at the bowl and a gentle spray of golden sparkles rained
over the candy. Maybe this will calm the savage beast down. Poor Studmuffin. He
looks like he's been run through the mill. She stifled a giggle, placed some
chocolate in the pouch and closed it tight. She turned around and rewarded Joxer
with a gorgeous grin. "Here you go!"
"Thank you so much, Aphrodite!" Joxer exclaimed gratefully.
"Yeah, yeah! Whatever! Now scoot before she decides that you've abandoned her
and comes looking for you with her sharp pointy knives!" Aphrodite waved her
arms at him, shooing him away.
Joxer gulped, nodded, and quickly left the temple, thanking her profusely as he exited.
She placed her hands on her hips
and shook her head, sighing as she heard him ride away. "Well, let's see what
you brought me. You always come with nice stuff - and no fish!" she said,
wrinkling her nose at the offerings left earlier in the day. She turned around
and picked up the huge bouquet of flowers Joxer had picked for her earlier.
"Cool! Nice color choices," she said in approval before delicately sniffing the
bouquet. "Mmmm! Yummy!" she cried, squealing with delight. She snapped her
fingers and left the temple in a rain of red rose petals. The bowl of chocolate
accompanied her exit.
"Where is he?" Gabrielle yelled at the top of her lungs and then began crying in
earnest. Cyrene and Xena exchanged glances and rolled their eyes.
"Mommy, Gabby sad?" Eve asked.
"No. She's tired, sweetie," Xena reassured Eve softly. She turned around when
she heard hurried footsteps heading towards the tavern and breathed a sigh of
relief when she saw Joxer enter, carrying a small pink pouch.
She stormed over
to him, blue eyes flashing. "Where in Hades have you been? She's been like this
for the last half-hour!" she hissed under her breath. She noticed the small pink
pouch and her face turned to stone. "Joxer..." she began, a warning note in her
voice.
"I didn't steal it, Xena! Aphrodite gave it to me. I just had to do a favor for
her first!" Joxer replied in a harsh whisper. And what a favor it was. Phew! he
thought silently, wrinkling his nose at the memory. It could have been worse,
though.
Xena's face softened and then turned anxious. "All right! Now go over there and
give her that chocolate before she decides to tear up something else in here!"
she whispered, clapping his back and propelling him forward a couple of steps.
Joxer walked over to Gabrielle with a worried look on his face. "Gabrielle? Are
you all right?"
Gabrielle looked up to see Joxer gazing down at her and holding a small pink
pouch in his hand. "Where have you been?" she sniffed, wiping her cheeks.
"I got you the chocolate you asked for, honey," Joxer replied softly. "See?" He
opened the pouch and the delicious scent drifted towards her nose.
Gabrielle's eyes widened in delight and she snatched the bag from him. "I love
you! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" She reached up and kissed him before she
stuck her hand in the bag and popped a piece in her mouth. She closed her eyes
and sighed ecstatically as the chocolate melted in her mouth. "Oh, this is
wonderful!" she murmured.
"Another disaster diverted," Cyrene mumbled, sighing in relief. "I don't know
how much more this poor tavern can take."
"Or Joxer," Xena nodded in agreement, watching Gabrielle eat.
Cyrene laughed. "Well, I have to see about supper." Xena nodded as her mother
went out back into the kitchen area.
Joxer watched anxiously as Gabrielle slowly ate the chocolate, savoring the
taste in her mouth. He noticed that she was calming down as she kept eating -
like all was well with the world - until she jumped in surprise. "Gabrielle, are
you all right?" he asked with a worried note in his voice.
Gabrielle smiled widely at her husband. "Joxer, come here please." She patted
the place beside her and Joxer sat down. Gabrielle took his hand and placed it
on her stomach. "Do you feel that, Joxer?"
Joxer felt a movement underneath Gabrielle's just beginning to bulge tummy and
his eyes widened in surprise and then in wonder. "Yeah, I do feel it. One of the
babies is moving. Oh Gabrielle!" he whispered.
Gabrielle laughed. "Yes he is."
Joxer smiled at that. "It could be Irene moving, you know," he laughed when he
felt another kick underneath his hand.
"Yeah, but I bet Darien is more restless." She stopped and ate another piece of
the chocolate. "Joxer, would you like a piece?"
"No thanks, Gabrielle. I break out in hives, remember?"
"I'm sorry, Joxer! I forgot." Gabrielle turned around and smiled at Eve. "Hey
Evie, would you like a piece?"
Eve looked up at her mother. "May I have a piece, Mommy?"
Xena thought for a moment. Her instincts told her that Aphrodite somehow managed
to put a spell on the chocolate. "No, Eve. It's almost time for supper, and I
don't want you to spoil your appetite."
"Aw, Xena! One little bit won't hurt her. I want to share my chocolate with the
whole world and Joxer's allergic. Just a tiny piece?" Gabrielle pleaded.
Xena was about to say no again until a soft wind blew from the window. "Don't
worry about the kiddo eating a piece, Xena. The tranquility mojo I worked only
affects Miss Bard," Aphrodite's voice echoed in her ear. Xena's left eyebrow
rose. "I'm not kidding! All of you deserve a bit of a break, don't you think?"
The voice took on a distinctively petulant tone.
Xena's lips curled up slightly. "All right, one piece," she relented.
"Radical!" Aphrodite giggled and then Xena no longer felt the Goddess' presence.
Gabrielle's face lit up. "Oh, great! Here, Eve. This is so delicious!"
Eve thanked Gabrielle, took a small piece and placed it in her mouth. "Mmmmm...
Good. Thank you, Gabby."
"You're welcome, Evie."
Xena looked at the happy couple. "Hey so you two have the names already picked
out, huh?"
They both turned in Xena's direction. "Yes," replied Joxer. "Irene and Darien."
"They are fine names but what if you have two boys or two girls?"
Gabrielle stared at Joxer. "Joxer, I never thought of that! We need more names!"
Joxer nodded. "Okay, but what?"
Xena shook her head. " Come on, Joxer! You've got to know more names."
Gabrielle's eyes lit up. "Xena, can you give us a name?"
"Well... Hmm, let me think. How about Zoe for a girl and Andreaus for a boy?"
Xena suggested.
Joxer and Gabrielle smiled. "I like that, Xena. What do you think, Joxer?"
"They are fine names. So, if they're both boys Darien and Andreaus."
"And," finished Gabrielle, "if they are girls Irene and Zoe."
Xena smiled in agreement. "They are all fine names."
Cyrene came from the kitchen wiping her hands on a towel. "Supper's ready. I
hope you're all good and hungry!"
Gabrielle bolted to her feet. "Are you kidding? I'm starving!" She grabbed
Joxer's hand and pulled him up. "Come on, Joxer. Hurry up! I'm eating for three
now."
As Gabrielle and Joxer went into the dining room, Xena looked at Cyrene. "Did
you make enough?"
Cyrene thought for a moment before she answered. "Gods, I think I did!"
"Let's hope you did, Mom. I don't think you want a repeat performance of last
week."
"Xena, maybe we should confiscate her sais until after the twins are born,"
Cyrene murmured as they walked into the dining room.
"The question is: how do we get them away without her completely going berserk?"
Xena replied.
Cyrene sighed and shook her head. "Was I this bad when I was
pregnant with Eve?" She saw the look on her mother's face. "Never mind. Forget
that I even asked that!"
Gabrielle looked around the table, frowning. She kept pushing plates of food
away. Joxer watched her. Now what was wrong? he wondered, starting to bite his
nails.
"Gabrielle, are you looking for something in particular?" Cyrene asked.
"Yes! Cyrene, where's the raw eel I asked for?"
"I knew I forgot to put something on the table! I'll be right back!" Cyrene
hurried into the kitchen and came back with a bowl filled with raw eels and
placed it down before the ravenous bard.
"Great! Thanks!" Gabrielle smiled, licked her lips in anticipation, took an eel
from the bowl and began eating. "Mmph! Delicious!" she mumbled between bites.
Joxer looked at her eating the eel and he swallowed hard, biting down on his
lower lip as his stomach began churning. That smells TERRIBLE! he thought to
himself. Like... Aphrodite's feet... Oh Gods!
Gabrielle took another eel and bit in, not noticing her husband's increasing
discomfort as she continued eating. "Oh, this is wonderful! I can't tell you the
last time I've had eel that tastes so great!" She finished it and took a third
one from the bowl. She turned in Joxer's direction and put it directly
underneath his nose. "Want a bite, sweetheart?" she asked.
Suddenly Joxer put his hand to his mouth and ran outside, making a gagging noise
as he left the dining room. Gabrielle stared as he left with a puzzled look on
her face. "What's the matter with him?"
"I think Joxer was feeling a little green around the gills, Gabrielle," Xena
replied dryly.
"Oh. Okay." Gabrielle shrugged her shoulders and continued her feast. Xena and
Cyrene exchanged glances and sighed. It was going to be a long five months.
Joxer shuddered and wiped his mouth with a handkerchief he had in his pocket
once he was sure that his stomach was completely empty and the dry heaves had
finally stopped. He panted to catch his breath and he heard voices from not too
far away. He realized that it was Jace, Arose, and Ricky. Joxer slowly looked up
from where he was crouched behind a large bush and saw Ricky and Arose laughing
and holding hands. He wondered at this.