Lily felt the cold seep into her frame through the freezing floor she sat on, legs dangling off the edge of the Astronomy Tower into the dim void stretching out below her, but she shook her head and tried to focus on the task at hand - she was loathe to risk an extra trip back to the dorm for a cloak. She looked down at the cigarette she was trying to roll, willing her fingers to stop shaking as she fumbled to wrap the paper around the tobacco and filter. Licking her lips, she was about to seal the paper when the sudden sound of nearby footsteps made her flinch and drop the bundle into her lap, the scrap of paper promptly unfurling and divesting itself of its contents into the arms of a gust of wind.

Lily whipped her head around, bile already rising in her throat at the possibility of having to deal with Severus or James yet again. It was a curious combination of relief and contempt with which she regarded the intruder as they stepped into the light of the nearby brazier to reveal the impossibly handsome face of Sirius Black.

"'Lo, Evans," he smirked at her, leaning up against the wall with the insouciance only Sirius Black could muster at a moment's notice. "Fancy seeing you here."

"Sod off, Black," came her reply, but it was lacking the venom to keep him at bay, and she knew it, and he knew it too, because he moved closer to her, still smirking. She ignored him, sighing and pulling out another filter, sticking it in her mouth as she set about preparing a cigarette anew.

"Ooh, are we rolling?" said the unwelcome teenager with a glint in his eye as he looked at her hands at work.

"I'd be smoking by now, but your arrival made me drop the last one," muttered Lily resentfully, as she measured tobacco into the little square of rolling paper in her palm.

He remained mercifully silent for a few moments, watching her roll, until -

"You're not very good at it, are you?"

Lily whipped her head around to glare at him, but he'd taken advantage of the moment and snatched the half-rolled cigarette out of her grasp, tutting.

"Oi!"

"Shh, Evans, I'm busy."

She opened her mouth to lash out at him, but before she could say anything beyond her initial outburst, he'd shoved the cigarette back into her hands, perfectly cylindrical and ready to be lit. She grunted, the gesture having caught her off guard, and he snorted.

"You're welcome. Can I roll myself one?"

She passed him her kit silently, bemused and yet grateful for the odd companionship. That is, until he returned the favour by throwing his cloak in her face.

"What the fuck, Black?" she spluttered as she wrenched the offending item off her face.

"Put it on, you're going to catch a bloody cold."

"I'm a witch, I can warm myself just fine."

"And yet you couldn't be arsed. Don't be daft, Evans." He lit his cigarette with the tip of his wand as he looked at her and cocked an eyebrow.

Lily rolled her eyes but complied, loathe to let him see that she was pleasantly surprised to have the extra layer of protection against the wind, which had started to pick up again. She could've easily used a charm to warm herself up, but she didn't want to bring magic into her small private moment atop the Astronomy Tower with a fag or two. Well, formerly private moment, she huffed, even if her unwelcome company did know how to roll remarkably well.

"Where did you learn how to roll like that?" She lit her own cigarette with her cheap Muggle lighter and glanced at her classmate.

Sirius blew a pretentious smoke ring in the air and sighed contentedly before answering with a smile on his face. "There's this girl who worked in a shop not far from my childhood home in London. Tabitha. Sweet girl. Well, opposite of sweet, really, but it did the trick. Drove my parents spare to find out I'd been gadding about with a Muggle, smoking and mutilating myself in barbaric Muggle ways." He paused to laugh bitterly, staring up at the sky.

Lily's stomach dropped as she considered how selfishly self-absorbed she'd been. Of course she wasn't the only one who'd had to break ties with loved ones. "I'm so sor-" she began to say but he cut her off.

"No. Look, that's not why I came up here. Well, maybe, now that I think about it. But no, not really. You don't feel sorry for me and I don't feel sorry for you. We don't need the pity. Neither of us. We're better than this. Deal?"

Lily blinked, and looked up at Sirius' eyes, grey and blazing with a maelstrom of the depths of a pain she could only begin to guess at. Her own gaze softened as she reflected on his words and nodded, and took a long drag.

"That's my girl," said Sirius, and Lily couldn't tell if he was joking or not, but felt cheered by his words all the same.

There was a companionable silence until both their cigarettes had sputtered out, and they continued to sit on the ledge, staring out at nothing in particular.

Lily cleared her throat. "Um. Was it hard? Letting go?" She couldn't bring herself to look him in the eyes, but after a moment she felt him shuffling closer to her, and then suddenly the warmth of his body as he threw an arm around her shoulders and drew her into a hug.

"It's really fucking hard. I don't think I've fully managed it, even now," he whispered, and there was a gruffness in his voice Lily had never heard before, one that moved her to return his embrace.

"I wish I could blame you." She felt horrible saying this, because it wasn't the Marauders' fault that Severus said what he said, even if they had humiliated him. She wanted to be angry at the boy hugging her, but everything just made her sad right now, and now on top of that she'd said the pettiest thing she could think of.

To his credit, Sirius laughed. "I wish I could blame you too." He didn't elaborate, but Lily knew what he meant. How easy it would have been for him to write her and her ilk's existence off as the real root of problems in the world, how easily he could've carried on being a Black of Grimmauld Place, and not have been forced to make a choice between right and wrong at such an early junction in life.

They stayed like that for another minute, before breaking apart and smiling at each other. And that's when Lily decided to throw a little caution to the wind.

"Tell me, did Tabitha ever tell you about weed?"

At this Sirius' eyes widened, and he dropped his voice to an excited whisper as he gasped "Lily Evans, are you telling me you have wacky backy on you right now?"

Lily couldn't help but laugh at his childlike glee. "There's a special compartment in my pouch, if you look for it. Be a dear and roll it, will you?"

James Potter paced the room of the dormitory, willing himself not to spiral. He'd been on edge ever since Sirius forbade him from going up to the Astronomy Tower to talk to Lily, only to set off himself after her after chuckling at James' anguish. He knew Sirius was right, but it didn't make him feel any better about it as he stared at their dots on the Map, almost setting the bed on fire in a fit of rage when the dots had moved so close so as to be touching. His mind whirled with unpleasant possibilities. Sirius would never. He wouldn't. How could he?

Thus he'd taken up pacing and muttering to himself, until Remus confiscated the Map from him and Peter kicked him out of the dorm and told him to stay down there so they could get some sleep. Bastards.

He was about to go upstairs to get his cloak and tell them off when his ears picked up on the familiar timbre of his best friend's voice outside the portrait, accompanied by a fit of giggles that could only be Lily. His heart sped up, leapt up into his throat, and then plunged into his stomach in the space of a second as he considered to himself yet again what might have transpired between the two of them. He was teetering on the brink of despair at the silence in which he imagined all sorts of sordid happenings on the other side of the door, when he heard the muffled voice of the Fat Lady, followed by an outburst of "Oh sod off, you bint" and a round of hysterical laughter.

Curiosity got the better of him, and he slowly walked to the portrait hole, hating every choice and circumstance of his life that had lead him up to this painful moment, as the Fat Lady huffed loudly and said what sounded like an indignant "Well, really now!"

Taking a deep sigh, he swung open the portrait and steeled himself for the worst to come. Instead, he was greeted by the sight of Sirius and Lily sitting on the floor, doubled over in laughter. His brows knit in confusion and he opened his mouth to say something. He wasn't sure what, but he was stalled by them looking up at the same time, spotting him, and bursting out into a fresh bought of hysterics.

"Oh Merlin, his face," choked Sirius, one arm reaching out to bat Lily on the arm. "Did you see his face?"

"I knooooooooow," she breathed in delight, grabbing his outstretched arm for stability. "It was just-" she gestured vaguely at her own face, jabbing the air around it. She wheezed and that set Sirius off again.

James was very confused. Mildly upset, but mostly confused. And slightly concerned.

"What's going on here?" he ventured to ask, confusion still etched on his face. He immediately regretted it, as that just set them off all over again.

"'What's going on here?'" they howled in unison, Lily dabbing at her eyes.

"I'll tell you what's going on here," spoke up the Fat Lady with an irate huff. "Mockery! A disgrace! They couldn't remember the password and started insulting me!"

"Oh don't throw a wobbly, you old bag," piped up Lily, earning herself a hoot from Sirius with an accompanying pat on the shoulder.

James was at an utter loss. Were they drunk? But he knew drunk Sirius, and this wasn't drunk Sirius. Had they been hexed?

He was brought out of his thoughts by Sirius lobbing his wand at him and yelling "Oi, you speccy git! Be a dear and give the lady the password." Lily burst into a fresh fit of giggles at that, supplying Sirius with his own Greek chorus as she repeated "speccy git" and snorted.

James blinked. "Right." Too confused to respond, he turned to the Fat Lady and said "Hinkypunk." She glowered helplessly as she threw her portrait open, unable to refuse the request of someone who indeed knew the password.

Sirius whooped and staggered to his feet. Lily pouted and threw her arms out for help, and Sirius acquiesced, only to tumble right into her and back onto the floor once again. They both started cackling again, as James buried his head in his hands.

"Yoohoo, speccy git of my heart!" called Sirius from the floor. "Help me up." James shot him a glare in response.

"No, help me!" called Lily, throwing her hand in Sirius' face. "I'm a damsel in distress. You're the distress," she giggled through her words. At that, James softened, but the confusion reached new heights. He'd expected Lily to be cold with him after the week they'd had, but she wasn't - but she also wasn't herself.

"No I'm the best friend, you're a distracting siren trying to lure him to his death with your song." Sirius' voice cut through his thoughts.

At that, Lily started to croon unconvincingly at James "Coooome to meeeee, I'm preeettieeer than Black."

"I stand corrected, that sounded more like a banshee," Sirius replied, as they both dissolved in laughter yet again. James had never felt more like the odd man out, and he didn't care for it. Were they laughing at him? Was he supposed to laugh with them?

"You know, I have half a mind to lock you three out for the rest of the night," spoke up the Fat Lady resentfully.

"All right, all right," sighed James, and set himself in motion. He hauled Sirius to his feet first, kicking him in the direction of the portrait hole when he turned around to face Lily, still on the floor. Her face lit up as his eyes alit on her, and she immediately stretched her arms out to him expectantly, and the smile that stretched his lips came to him easily as he gripped her hands carefully and brought her to her feet. She swayed slightly on the spot, and tightened her grip on his hands, the motion sending waves of emotion throughout James' body as he beheld her smiling gratefully at him, unsure of what to do next or what any of it meant, if it meant anything at all.

He panicked momentarily and dropped her hands, his own finding their way to his hair, which he tugged at self-consciously. Her expression sombered and she looked at him dead-on, a strange look in her eyes he could not place.

"I want to blame you," she said simply.

"You can," he replied, because he meant it, and she knew he meant it.

"I don't," she said with a sad sigh.

"Well, I can't say I'm too upset about that," he managed, with the semblance of a jocular tone. He was aching to hug her, to apologise for everything, even prostrate himself at her feet, but something told him to hold back, whether it was fear or good sense or just the uncertainty of a teenage boy feeling too young to feel this vulnerable in front of someone.

Lily snorted in reply and walked off towards the portrait hole, and the moment was over. James followed her, nonplussed. Absolutely nothing had gone the way he thought it would tonight and he had no clue how to feel about any of it. That is, except for the sight of Sirius asleep on a sofa in the common room, greeting him as he stumbled through the hole after Lily.

"Lazy bastard wants to be levitated up to bed like a bloody child," he complained, momentarily forgetting about the girl next to him in his annoyance until she started giggling at his statement. James brightened at her reaction, since for once it didn't feel like she was laughing at him.

"Sorry about that, he should be fine tomorrow," she said, gesturing at the sleeping boy.

"Not the first time, very much doubt it'll be the last," said James, shrugging as he smiled at her and reaching for his wand in his robe pockets.

"He's a good friend."

James was taken aback by the trace of fondness in her voice, taking a moment before replying "He's all right, I suppose. You can have him for a fair price, though."

That earned him another giggle, and James wished he could stop time, because this was the best conversation he'd ever managed with the girl of his dreams and he had no idea what he was doing right for once and Merlin he didn't want this bout of good luck to end. He looked at her, and she looked back at him, and they stayed that way for a few moments before Lily broke the spell and moved towards the girls' staircase.

"Thanks for uh, getting us in, Potter. Good night," she called as she left him, and he called "Good night!" back after her after a moment's delay, feeling like a ponce, before turning back to his useless lump of a best mate. Levitating was too good for him, James thought, as he gave him a kick.

"Oi!" Sirius jerked awake, looking around in alarm before his eyes settled on James, and glared at him. "Is that any way to treat your best mate? Bloody uncivic, you are."

"I'll show you uncivic, you tosspot," James said, aiming another kick at him. "What in the bleeding hell happened tonight?"

"Fun," came the short reply from a smug Sirius, who was attempting to snuggle back amongst the sofa cushions when James clipped him on the head. "Oi, no need to get your knickers in a twist, it wasn't like that and you bloody well know it."

"That's all I'm getting out of you, then?"

"Yes, because I'm knackered, and you're a git," Sirius said as he stretched and heaved himself off the sofa. "Let's go to bed."

James trudged after him resentfully, mumbling something that sounded a lot like "you're the git, you git" as they ascended the staircase to their dorm.

"I will say this though, you were right on the money."

"Huh?"

"She's perfect and you'll never be good enough for her."

"I hate you."

"Love you too, speccy git."