Chapter Three

"You sure you're up for this?" Sam asked for the tenth time. "It's like your head's somewhere else entirely, man."

Bucky yanked the arm of the beefy security guard struggling against him. The man cried out as the bone snapped and he went unconscious from the pain. Bucky dropped him to the floor. "Would you please stop asking me that?!"

"Just making sure. You still won't tell me where the heck you were?"

"The middle of nowhere surrounded by mountains."

"Wow, the specificity astounds me. You're snappish today. Are you sure…?"

Bucky growled. "If you ask me that again, I will break your wings off."

Sam put his hands up. "Sorry, man. You're usually the 'get in, get out' one, not usually distracted like this. A security guard almost got the jump on you. You can't blame me for wondering if everything's okay inside that head of yours."

"No, I suppose I can't. Can we please just wreck those vials, wipe the research, and be off?"

"Yeah, man. Have at it."

They'd broken into the facility easily. After everything with Karli and the Flag Smashers over the last couple months, this was a cakewalk. It seemed like someone was always trying to make a new super soldier serum. It wasn't everyday they got an anonymous call with rumors saying someone was close but following so quickly on the heels of Karli and her movement was extremely disconcerting. The mission was simple; destroy everything and arrest the scientist responsible. For Bucky and Sam, this was just a disquieting nuisance. They'd only been chilling in Louisiana with Sarah and the kids for a few weeks when they got the call. Would they ever be able to rest?

When they were finished wiping the drives and smashing the hardware to bits for good measure, they stalked out of the remains of the facility and into the night with the scientist in tow. He'd lived there and had been sleeping when they scared the living daylights out of him. Bucky made some convincing threats should he ever attempt to make such a serum again. Thankfully, this had been an independent scientist who'd come from money. It was his own curiosity that drove him to experiment, not some dark powerful benefactor with means and loyal followers as had so often been the case.

Bucky had been focused while hunting out Karli and her followers, desperate to circumvent any more super soldiers being made. But now that she was gone, and hopefully her movement with it, he found his mind wandering. He'd been able to find a measure of peace about Nakasima and the innocent son Bucky had killed, but he couldn't stop thinking about her.

It was December, a blanket of snow had most likely already fallen on her town, and he pictured her in a puffer jacket and sheepskin boots, cheeks red and smiling at him in the cold.

He thought of Elaine often, and now it seemed at very inopportune times.

Bucky didn't really have a home. He remembered the Avengers compound, sterile and cold, and just downright dreary compared to the warmth of a café in the middle of upstate New York where a lovely woman had welcomed him, made him feel like he could belong there. She'd spoken to him as if he were any other man, but at the same time, not. He liked how she balanced the two. She treated him kindly as she would anyone, but she knew things about him, dark things, that she somehow didn't let mar the friendship they'd formed.

She knew what he'd done to Jonathan, to Jimmy, to herself, and she didn't condemn him for it. She didn't say it out loud, but that first conversation with her behind the café told him she knew he had killed Jon. It had downright terrified him. He remembered wondering if he shouldn't just pack up and leave that night. He was so glad he decided not to.

Bucky could have called her, he knew. But once he was away from her, he grew afraid. What if she changed her mind, couldn't forgive him? Screamed at him to leave her alone? He couldn't bear it, so he didn't call. He couldn't hurt her anymore if he didn't call.

She couldn't hurt him if he didn't call…

At least, that's what he told himself.

But there was an ache in his chest when he thought of her. How had the attachment formed so quickly? They only knew each other a few weeks, and yet he felt like he had found another best friend.

"Hey," Sam said, pulling Bucky from his thoughts. They were driving back to the airstrip where the jet was waiting for them. The highway was black, hardly any cars around at two in the morning. "You're doing that staring thing again."

Bucky turned to look out the window.

Sam sighed. "I may not be Steve, but I am your friend, B. If you feel like you gotta talk something through, my ears ain't half bad."

When Bucky didn't answer, Sam reached for the radio.

"You know that list I had?" Bucky asked quietly.

Sam pulled his hand back to the wheel. "Yeah. You still doin' that? I thought you were done."

"Well, I was. Am. There's this kid and his parents in upstate New York. Up in the mountains in this tiny town. I mean, just about as isolated as you can get within Wi-Fi distance. I hung out with that kid… a lot. Played basketball with him every day for over a month, trying to fill the void his brother left."

"What's so weird about that?"

"It wasn't weird. It was nice. The town was nice… she was nice…"

Sam raised his eyebrows, hazarding a glance at his friend. "She?"

"Elaine."

Sam grinned toothily. "Ah. So, there's finally a 'she.' Good for you, man!"

Bucky chuckled then grew dark. "I killed the boy's older brother, and he was Elaine's childhood friend and the only person she was ever involved with."

Sam sighed. "Shit, man. I don't know what to say."

"She's so nice, and kind and… beautiful. I don't deserve someone like that. I don't deserve anyone."

"That ain't true, B. Didn't your therapist tell you that? If she didn't, you should fire her all over again."

Bucky chuckled. "The crazy thing is that Elaine knows."

"How is that crazy? I thought you told Nakasima about his son."

"I didn't have to tell Elaine. You wouldn't believe it if I told you."

"You're genuinely interested in a girl; I'll believe just about anything right now."

Bucky shoved him in the shoulder and Sam laughed.

"She said she knew Natasha," Bucky answered.

"Romanoff?!"

"Elaine knows I'm the Winter Soldier, which in and of itself isn't surprising. It was the insinuation that she knows a whole lot more than that that I can't stop thinking about."

"Well, does she like you?"

"Yes."

"Then what the hell is the problem? Sounds to me like you can skip a bunch of uncomfortable crap and start something with real potential."

Bucky ran a hand through his hair. "I'm… afraid of it."

"Of what?"

"Letting someone in. Letting someone know me. Care for me? After what I've done…"

"Like I said, sounds like she knows all that already, and she didn't kick your sorry ass to the curb, so I say go for it."

"Easy for you to say. A whole other thing for me to do. I haven't been on a date since WWII. You do realize that right?"

"What about that chick Nakasima asked out for you?"

Bucky shot him a look. "I don't call a round of Battleship much of anything." He'd only showed up so he didn't make her feel embarrassed about Nakasima's presumption.

"So, the 40's, huh? Better late than never, I say," Sam quipped as Bucky lapsed into thoughtful silence again. "You deserve peace, man. I'm eternally grateful for your help with this mission. I get the heebie-jeebies whenever the terms 'super soldier' and 'serum' get tossed around after everything with Karli, and it's a big relief having your help, but… I don't think I'll be calling you for a while. Consider yourself retired from being a pain in my ass for the foreseeable future," Sam remarked good-naturedly.

"Peace. Retirement…" Bucky leaned his head back into the seat and closed his eyes. "God, that sounds nice."

"Go back to that small town and that girl. See what happens."

Bucky nodded, and before he could overthink it, he got out his cell phone. "Alright. If you don't mind, I don't think I'll be going back with you to Louisiana." He texted the team waiting for them at the airstrip, informing them of his change in plans.

"No problem, man. Do me a favor, though?"

"What's that?" Bucky asked, squinting at the brightness of his phone screen.

"Don't forget to invite me to the wedding."