Chapter Four

Elaine fought against it, but even she eventually had to admit to herself that she was a little heartbroken.

It had been months since Bucky left, and not only did she miss him, but she was worried something might have happened to him. How would she know? Nat was long gone, there was no one she could get in contact with. No one would tell her a damn thing even if she did know who to call, and she felt helpless. She didn't think they'd plaster his death on the news, it would be too controversial. They didn't get much by way of news up here in the mountains anyway. So, she would never know, and the prospect of that kept her up most nights.

He was smart and he knew where she lived. If he'd wanted to, he could have easily gotten in touch with her. So, it stood to reason he was either dead or done with her. She could live with the latter, but she refused to believe the former.

And so, every morning she convinced herself he was perfectly fine, and climbed out of bed. She wanted the pity party to end but found it difficult. Would people she cared about just keep leaving her over and over, forever? They'd become fast friends and then he was just gone.

But he said he would come back. She had to believe he would. And desperately she clung to that and tried to forget the rest. But the months had been long, Autumn had come and gone, and the cold winter was upon them. She was quickly losing hope as the snow buried the town.

When she went into work that frosty morning, the last thing she expected was to see him standing there in front of the café, hands in his pockets and a hopeful glint in his eyes.

She climbed out of her truck and wanted nothing more than to run into his arms and assure herself he was real, but she managed to tamper down the urge. She pushed her truck door shut and approached him, cautious as if he were an animal that would spook at the slightest sudden movement, or she should say, intimacy of any kind. Which he was, they both knew it.

She stopped before him and tucked her cold hands into her pockets. The wind picked up, and blew a few strands of hair into her eyes, she brushed them away, tucking them behind her ear. The wind rustled his hair too, it was longer than before, and thick, and she was hit with the desire to run her fingers through it, to know its softness, learn its texture.

Bucky only stared at her, tongue tied and unable to speak. He was here, right where he had wanted to be for the last three months, but now he couldn't find the words. Thankfully, he didn't have to.

"Hello, Bucky."

He let out a breath of relief to finally hear her voice. "Hi."

She shook her head and stepped closer, arm's length away from him. He watched her warily, uncertainty and a hint of longing flickered in his gaze. Oh, to hell with it. She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him close.

"I'm so glad you're alright," she murmured over his shoulder.

Tentatively he returned her embrace. When she pulled away, she pushed him. "You could have called and told me you were okay, you know!"

"I wanted to…" he said earnestly. Fat snowflakes began to fall around them.

"It's been three months, Bucky. Why didn't you?" Fear that she somehow hadn't been as important to him as he was to her suddenly made her feel exposed. In his absence, had she exaggerated just how close they'd become? Did she have any grounds at all to warrant anything at all from him? She wrapped her arms around herself as doubt gripped her heart.

"Im afraid I let my nerves get the best of me. I thought maybe… maybe I shouldn't come back. Maybe I should just leave you alone."

Her frustration and worry seeped away at his quiet admission. She could see plain as day his reason why, now. He was just as uncertain as she. "Why did you wait so long to come back?"

"Well, that I couldn't help. I was working. But I'm done now. For a good long while. If you still want me around, that is," he added hopefully.

She put her hand on his arm. "I do. Please stay."

"Okay."

"Come inside. I'll put coffee on. You must be freezing!"

He wouldn't tell her he was used to freezing, that he'd been trained not the feel the cold. She didn't need to know such things.

Elaine hung her long coat on a hook and sat down to switch out her heavy winter boots for sneakers. Bucky couldn't help but stare at her after being away for so long.

Elaine was lovely. Her care and kindness surrounded her like an aura of bright warmth. It made her even more beautiful to him than she already was.

She was strongly built, curvy with muscle developed from years of mountain-living, but with the quick, graceful step of a runner. She always had her dark blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail and her skin was still tanned from the summer months. She looked fabulous in black leggings and a loose knit sweater, which seemed to be her outfit of choice. To him, she was the very embodiment of warmth. And he was hit with the powerful urge to curl up beside her hearth like a loyal canine, ready to fight off anyone or anything that might cause her harm.

He could be that for her… but would she dare allow him to be more than that?

"Sit down, Bucky. You're making me nervous," she said as she stood. She grabbed her apron from behind the counter and went about scooping coffee grinds into the machine. She'd caught his gaze and the intensity she found there caused her heart to race.

"So, the Falcon is the new Captain America, huh?" She remarked, trying to hide her blush.

He snapped out of his trance. "Yeah. How'd you know?"

"Heard something about it on the news last night. The broadcast we get up here is usually pretty self-absorbed, but they did manage to mention it." She chuckled. "For a nation-wide event like that, they should. Were you working with him then?"

"Yeah. He was the friend who needed my help."

She poured water into the machine and pressed the button. She turned to look at him. "I'm sure you're very proud."

He nodded. "Sam's the right choice. I'm glad he stepped up to it."

"What about you?"

Bucky took a seat and leaned his arms on the counter. "What about me?" he asked curiously.

"How have you been?" she asked softly.

He licked his lips and looked away. "Honestly, better than I've been in a long time. I figured some stuff out."

"That's good. I'm happy for you."

"But…"

"Yes?"

"I thought about you… a lot."

She smiled. "I thought about you, too. Or was I too subtle out there about how worried I've been?"

He laughed. "No. I got that. I just… can't believe you would care so much…"

She put her hand on his arm, leaning close. "And is it such a bad thing? To have someone worry about you?"

Bucky swallowed and pulled away. "Yes. Especially when they know what I've done… what I am."

Elaine sighed. "Guilt can be dangerous, Bucky, if we apply it to the wrong things. I have no right to judge you for your past, only who you are right now. All I see is a man trying to do the right thing."

"By who? How can I be doing the right thing by being here? Imposing on your life when I killed a massive part of it?"

She stared at him, eyes wide. She never expected him to ever say it out loud.

"I killed him, Elaine. I can't take that back."

Slowly, she came around the counter and took his hands in hers. "How can I make you believe that, with all my heart, I don't blame you for his death? I've known the Winter Soldier was responsible for many years. I know what you were trying to do for Jimmy, but did I demand that you to leave the moment you showed up here? Don't you think that if I'd held it against you, I would have?"

"How can you not?" he asked brokenly. He pulled away from her, intent on leaving. This was all just too much, he shouldn't have come back, it was a mistake.

"Bucky, please," she whimpered, darting in front of him and blocking the door. Her heart raced. Somehow, she had to make him stay. "Please, don't go."

"You know what I am," he reminded her.

"Yes. I do. And I'm sorry but I can't find it in myself to care. Those things weren't you."

He clenched his jaw but made no further attempt to pass by her.

"We don't have to talk about his right now. Can't we just…?"

She didn't know how to finish that sentence, but Bucky seemed to understand. He knew she had much more to say but had realized he couldn't bear to hear it yet. For his sake, she was willing to make it simple for him. Stay, accept her companionship, and forget about the rest for now.

"You're sure?" he asked.

"Yes," Elaine breathed, relieved as the tension fell away from their shoulders.

When all Bucky did was stare at her, eyes unreadable, she bit her lip. "Where are you staying? Not the motel again…"

"Yeah. It's fine."

The offer she was about to make that he stay in one her spare rooms died on her lips at his expression. She wouldn't be able to move him on that front, so she just nodded instead.

"Okay. Well. You know I'm here most days. What are you going to do?"

"I don't know," he looked over her shoulder out the windows as Wayne, the cook, was just getting out of his truck. "You clearly still need help running this place, I'm sure I could pour coffee or something?"

Elaine rolled her lips, trying to suppress the image of him in an apron. He would probably scream from the monotony of it. "No. Well, maybe not every day, at least. You know, Hank down at the lumber yard is looking for help. You should head down there and see if he'll take you on."

He considered her idea. "That's certainly more suited to my skill set, I guess."

"And Kieran's Construction's been busy with hunting cabin orders around these parts. I'll bet you're handy with a hammer."

He nodded and a small, hopeful smile finally emerged. Amazing, how she could make him feel lighter so quickly, as if she knew how to navigate the darkness with him and find the way out. Somehow, this woman relieved him of some of the weight he carried.

She returned his smile and went to help him take his jacket off. For today, she wanted him to stay.

"And maybe we could have dinner together tonight? Gayle can cover the dinner rush."

A soft crooked smile, tenuous and fleeting, crossed his face. "Alright, Lainey."

The weight of him calling her by a casual nickname was not lost on her. She loved the tender way he'd said it. It sounded like he was giving in, but it was to good things. She couldn't help but grin as he finally acquiesced, to far more than just dinner it seemed. But even if it was wishful thinking on her part, she was just happy that he'd come back to find out.

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A/N: Okay. If y'all want this story to continue, you guys gotta let me know. Review, review, review. I beg of you! I can leave it here at the beginning of this relationship and we can all just daydream the happy ending that comes, but I'm willing to continue a bit if you all want. My Bucky is still broken, but there's hope!

Also, many thanks to those who have followed, favorited, and reviewed! Means the world to me! XO