I love Jate angst.
DISCLAIMER: Don't own any part of Lost.
-WARNING-
-BY WHENICOMEAROUND-
-CHAPTER TWO-
Jack took Kate by the arm and, with one more glance at Locke, who returned it, Jack led Kate into the next room.
He pointed to a chair and Kate sat down.
"How's Sawyer?" she asked innocently.
"Don't play dumb, Kate." said Jack.
Kate looked down at her hands.
"Why did you kill him?"
Kate didn't respond. She pretended to be very interested in her hands.
"Why, Kate?" Jack half-shouted.
Kate looked away. "I didn't want him to suffer." she mumbled.
"What?"
"I didn't want him to suffer." she mumbled again.
"Say it again, Kate?"
"I DIDN'T WANT HIM TO SUFFER!" Kate yelled, tears streaming down her face.
It was hard for Jack to hide his sympathy. He hated being the one who put her in this situation. But it had to be done.
And the easiest way for him to hide his feelings was by shouting, so he did that.
He started out soft. "I could have saved him." he whispered.
"Jack," Kate sobbed. "I-"
"I could have saved him, and you killed him." he said quietly.
"Jack, you..."
"WHY DID YOU DO IT, KATE?" he yelled. "WHY DID YOU KILL-"
"I'M SORRY!" Kate roared. She was crying hysterically now, but Jack hid his sympathy still.
"You're lying to me," Jack whispered through gritted teeth. "You didn't want to put him out of his misery. You wanted yourself not to suffer."
"Jack, no. That's not true!" Kate wailed.
"It is true, Kate." said Jack, standing up.
"Why don't you believe me?" Kate cried.
Jack came up so close to Kate's face, for a second she thought he was going to hit her. But he didn't. He would never.
He pulled something out of his pocket. Kate winced, but then she opened her eyes. He looked livid.
"The last thing the marshal said to me before he died," Jack whispered. "was not to trust you. That you were dangerous."
Kate looked at the thing Jack had pulled out of his pocket; it was a piece of paper. He was holding it beside her face with shaking hands. She tried to hold back her tears of rage, guilt, and fear, but she couldn't.
"I've been carrying this around in my pocket since then." Jack growled. "I want to be able to trust you. I want you to trust me. But if you're going to lie to me, I can't trust you."
He tossed the paper at her and she caught it. Tears were still clinging to her face. She clutched the paper in her sweating hand. She didn't need to open it. She knew what it was. She knew it was her picture. She knew where it was taken. She knew the number on the card around her neck in the picture, and she knew how she got to be there. And she hated it.
Jack stood up and walked out, leaving Kate to drown in her tears.
And once he was alone that night, he drowned in his own.
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Kate splashed her reflection and stood up. There was no point in standing around and crying. She was going to do something.
And yet she couldn't bring herself to find Jack... half of her knew that he was going to chastise her, and the last thing she felt like hearing was that she shouldn't have done it.
I did the right thing, Kate told herself. It was easier than him suffering to death. He probably didn't even feel anything.
She was only doing what was in everyone's best interest. She knew Jack would never be able to save him and she didn't want him to feel guilty as he had so many times before. No one wanted to watch him die.
As she was thinking this, trying to convince herself that killing Sawyer was the only justified thing she'd done since they crashed, someone came up behind her and cleared their throat. Kate spun around. It was Jack. On his face was a smile, but Kate couldn't figure out why.
"Can I join you?"
Kate didn't respond.
Jack stopped smiling and sat down on a rock. "I think we need to talk, Kate." he said with a sigh.
Kate stood and wrung out her hair, completely aware of the fact that she was in her underwear. Jack's eyes widened when she got out of the water, but he shook that- and many other thoughts- out of his head.
"Talk about what, Jack?" said Kate as she pulled her shirt over her head and sat down beside him.
"Kate... you killed Sawyer." said Jack softly, but there was no way of saying that without making her cry. More tears leaked out of her eyes. Jack sighed again.
"Kate, I'm not saying this to make you feel bad. Honest. I just need to know-"
"Well, you're doing a pretty good job," Kate snapped, wiping her eyes.
Jack sighed again. "Just tell me why you did it, Kate."
"I DID tell you. You didn't believe me!"
"You lied to me, Kate." said Jack. "I want the truth. Stop lying to me."
"I'm not lying!" she cried.
Jack let her cry for a few more minutes, then she whispered, "I'm telling you the truth, Jack. Why won't you believe me?"
"Kate, I want to believe you, and I want to trust you, but it's getting harder and harder, the more I think about you!" Jack said.
Kate looked him square in the eye. "You don't know anything about me." she whispered.
"Because you won't let me know, Kate. You're shutting me out."
"I'm not shutting you out."
"Then why won't you talk to me? Why won't you tell me what you did? Why won't you tell me how you got to be the wreck that you are? I want to help you, Kate, I do. I need a friend out here, and so do you. But if we're gonna be friends, you're gonna need to trust me."
Kate sniffled.
"Just tell me what happened, Kate." Jack whispered, reaching into his back pocket and pulling out a handkerchief. He handed it to Kate.
Kate closed her eyes and held the cloth in her lap. "I want to trust you, too, Jack." she whispered.
"You can trust me, Kate." he whispered back.
She opened her eyes, reached out for his hand, and took it. Jack's was big and warm compared to Kate's hand, small, thin, and icy.
"I want to tell you what I did." she whispered.
"Tell me what you did, Kate."
Kate closed her eyes again. When she opened them, his face, the concerned look on it, gave her strength.
She started talking.