Ha. Ethan just socked Jack in the face.
Ooh, that must have hurt.
DISCLAIMER: Don't own Lost, unless my Lost calendar counts, and I don't think it does.
QUOTE: "I want to work in a hamster factory when I'm older, because they might let me take home reject hamsters!" -Eric, French
-WARNING-
-BY WHENICOMEAROUND-
-CHAPTER THREE-
Jack was up late that night thinking about Kate and everything she'd said. Everything she'd done.
Well Jack, he told himself, you asked to know. You wanted to know, and now you know.
Jack felt a pang of sorrow and sympathy for Kate as he replayed everything she'd said in his mind.
"My parents split when I was five... my mom remarried some white trash guy... he was a drinker... when I was twenty-four I found out he was my real father, my biological father... I killed him..."
As if this weren't enough, it got worse.
"And my best friend... Tom... we've been best friends since we were five... he tried to help me get away... we were driving... the cops were chasing us... they shot Tom... he's dead too..."
Jack felt the tears creep down his face as the kept thinking about Kate.
"I had nowhere to go, Jack... I kept running... I went to Australia... got caught... the Marshal was taking me back to the States."
In his mind he formed Kate's crying face that he hadn't taken his eyes off of when she was telling him all this. It only made him cry harder.
"I don't know what I did wrong, Jack... I don't blame myself for killing my father... I hated him, Jack. I hated knowing that he was a part of me. I'll never be good, Jack. I'll never be anything more than him, because he's a part of me.
"I'm a runner, Jack. I run away from everything I'm afraid of. That makes me as bad as my father.
"I'm a murderer, Jack. I killed my father because I hated him. I killed Sawyer because I hate myself."
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Annoying Remembering Sequence
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Kate tapped her fingers nervously against the seat of her chair. She knew what she had to do. She also knew that this was the time to do it.
"Can you hear me?" she said to Sawyer. He didn't respond and Kate hadn't expected him to. He was dead to the world. Out cold. Fast asleep.
"Are you in there? Wayne?" she sniffled as she felt tears come to her eyes. "Dad?"
Sawyer stirred but didn't wake. Kate inhaled deeply and closed her eyes.
"What I'm about to do... it's going to make me as bad as you. Worse. I had a reason to kill you, Wayne. I only have half a reason to kill Sawyer, but I have to do it."
Kate paused when she thought she heard the door open- that's all she needed, for someone to hear her confess her biggest sin to an unconscious person. Everyone already thought she was crazy.
"I hate you, Wayne." she whispered as silent tears fell down her face.
Sawyer opened his eyes. "Who the hell's Wayne?"
Kate's eyebrows pressed together. "Did you hear me?"
"Yes. I heard you say, 'I hate you, Wayne.' Who the hell's Wayne?" he repeated.
"Oh." said Kate. Her hands were shaking. She was terrified, but she knew she had to do this.
"You thirsty?" said Kate. "Jack wants me to keep you hydrated."
"Yeah, okay." said Sawyer, sitting up.
Kate walked into the tiny kitchen and filled a glass with water. She closed her eyes, opened them, and reached for a bottle of pills on the top shelf of the medicine cupboard.
She crushed them into tiny pieces and poured them into the glass. She was almost crying, but not quite. She walked back to Sawyer and handed him the cup.
"Thanks, Freckles." he said, smiling at her in that I-Think-I'm-Incredibly-Sexy way that drove her insane. He had such a big ego.
Kate forced a smile because she knew that she'd never have to see that smile again.
He drank the water. When he finished, he had a look of disgust on his face.
"Damn, Freckles," he said. "what'd ya put in-"
Suddenly he stopped. His entire body grew rigid and his jaw locked.
Kate burst out crying. She stood up and turned around, unable to look at Sawyer.
"I'm sorry, Sawyer." she sobbed. "I had to do it."
He couldn't speak. He was shaking uncontrollably. Suddenly, he stopped.
"It'll come back around." he groaned. Then, he died.
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Jack reconsidered the marshal's words as he pushed the heavy metal door to the hatch open. Somewhere inside of him he knew that Kate wasn't lying this time. Somehow he felt like he knew her now, better than he ever had before. He felt like everyone misunderstood her. She wasn't a bad person. She did what she needed to do.
He blinked as the bright sunlight blinded him. He'd spent two hours with that stupid button, and while he'd gotten a shower out of it, he still wanted to be outside in the sunlight.
"Jack?"
Jack spun around; it was Kate.
"Hey." he said. "Are you ready?"
"Yeah." she whispered. She was crying silently. Jack took her hand. "Come on."
Jack led Kate back to the beach, where forty people stood, waiting expecantly around a lumpy tarp that was Sawyer's body.
Kate started to cry.
Jack patted her on the back, whispered, "It's okay," and took his place beside the hole that Hurley had dug.
"James Ford." said Jack. "We knew him as Sawyer. He wasn't a bad person, though most of us thought he was." Damn it, this was hard. There wasn't too much good to say about Sawyer.
"But he died for one of us," Jack went on, gesturing towards Michael, who hung his head shamefully. "and when we find Walt, Walt will be... forever thankful." he said lamely. "Sawyer died a hero."
At this point Kate began to sob uncontrollably into Charlie's shoulder. Charlie, struck between surprise and pity, patted Kate's back gently.
"James 'Sawyer' Ford. May he rest in peace." Jack finished hurriedly, picking up some sand and throwing it in the hole, eager for Kate to stop crying.
One by one the islanders paid their respects to Sawyer. Jack walked up to Charlie and Kate.
"I've got it." he said to Charlie in an undertone.
Jack peeled Kate off Charlie's shoulder and pulled her into his arms.
"It's okay, Kate." Jack whispered. "It's okay."
Kate sobbed on.
Jack grimaced, not sure what to do. "Come on, Kate. Pay your respects, go on."
"No, Jack... I can't..." Kate gasped as Jack tried to pull her towards the grave.
"Kate, please-"
"No... no, Jack, I can't."
After a moment of this nonsense, Jack decided it was better if she didn't do it, anyway, and led her away.
She cried into his shoulder every step of the way.
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Once they reached the caves, Jack handed Kate a cup. "Drink it." he said.
"What, are you gonna poison me because I killed him?" Kate said without thinking.
Jack sighed.
"Joke, Jack."
"I know. Just drink it."
Kate obeyed. It was tea.
"I'm really not clear on just one thing..." Jack began.
Kate looked down, knowing what was coming.
"Why did you kill him?"
Kate sighed. "You want the truth?"
"Yes, Kate, I want the truth."
Kate sighed again.
"I knew you couldn't save him." she whispered, hanging her head. "I didn't want you to suffer, either. I knew that if I killed him he wouldn't feel it, but if you dragged it out, he'd suffer and so would you."
Jack nodded, implying that Kate should go on.
"I didn't forget Boone," Kate said. "I didn't forget Joanna. You tried and failed at saving them, and you aren't the type of person that can take that. You're a hero, Jack. Heroes can't stand to fail."
Jack nodded again, because she was right. Not about the hero thing, but about how he couldn't stand failing.
Jack looked at Kate. She was crying again.
"I didn't want to watch you get hurt again." Kate whispered. "That's why I killed him."
Jack nodded again and closed his eyes. He believed her.