CHAPTER 2 – 2 SONS OF LIBERTY

Previously on Chapter 1 - Flake Eater… Ocelot is about to tell us all who this black dude posing as the Boss is.

'This man is in fact the DARPA chief, Donald Anderson,' proclaims Ocelot.

''Tis true. I am the said chief,' sighs the previously-unknown black man. 'I just did it for attention.' He starts crying. Ocelot steps over to console him.

'There there it will be alright. Your secret is safe with me, son,' consoles Ocelot.

Meanwhile Snake is having a tough time swallowing this unexpected twist. 'Ok this is ridiculous. First off everyone knows the DARPA chief is dead. Or at least I know he's dead. I saw him dead. I guess other people might not know, so it's ok for you to make that mistake. But still the fact remains. He's dead, so you can't be him.' Donald nods, concedingly. 'Further, even if you are him, you wouldn't know all that stuff about Ocelot and The End and whatnot.. you just wouldn't.'

'Heeyyyy,' Ocelot whinges, 'you were bitchin' 'bout me behind my back?'

'I err.. well… you see…' Obviously not having a proper answer, the up-till-now vocal guy trebles down. Meanwhile Raiden, who is gagged makes some muffled noises to get everyones attention.

'What is it, gay boy?' Snake enquires. Raiden makes some muffled attempts at real straight human communication. 'Do you think you've figured it out? And know who this guy really is?' Raiden nods as if to say yes. 'Ok then fag but be warned- if I take that shit off you, and find you aren't in correct possession of the facts, I'll leave such a huge mark on your ass it'l make the Big Shell look like a birthmark.' A confused stare is shared between the cowboy and the indian. Again, Raiden nods. 'Ok then,' says Snake as he removes the gags.

The boy splutters a bit before he speaks. 'The truth is.. this man is Decoy Octopus in disguise!' Everyone rolls their eyes. Snake readies his SOCOM. Again.

'Boy, I outa whoop yo ass 5 ways from Sunday,' says ghetto-Snake 'Everyone knows that…' Ocelot coughs. 'Oh, sorry- you weren't there. My bad. Ok well I know that Octopus is also dead. I saw 2 dead black DARPA chiefs at Shadow Moses… he was sure as hell one of them.' This plot hole was undeniable. Although Raiden copped the bullet, all of them were stumped as to what to propose next. 'What a waste.'

'Hows that?' calls Ocelot whose gaze is occupied with his PSP.

'The bullet- I swore I put one in this flake during the last chapter.'

'SOCOM is pussy American weapon. Adamska suggest Broomhandle. Get job done.'

'You mean Red9-Broomhandle, or Broomhandle-Broomhandle? And ditch that accent. Makes you sound like a moron.'

'Sorry,' apologises Ocelot who is now slightly blushing, 'I just feel a bit guilty here with all you Yankees. Gotta do something to show I'm not betraying beloved Mother Russia. And this Broomhandle.' He holds up a crude looking wooden stick weapon of some sort. Snake had never seen anything like it. Then his eyes widened.

'Damnit Ad- can I call you Ad? He's gay you know. And if you're worried about the Russian loyalty thing, ditch the cowboy get-up. That's really giving the girl a big ol' kick in the pants.' Ocelot curiously examines the American-ness of his attire. 'Anyway… back to…' They both look around. Both Raiden, and the DARPA chief / The Boss person have disappeared. 'What the…?' they wonder.

'Fools!' Looking up above, they see where the insolent voice came from. On the rafters above, with Raiden over his shoulder, stands… that guy.. who they don't know who he is. :S He chuckles, now with a decidedly British accent. Exeter, in fact. Although I'm not sure. 'You've been talking to me, brother.'

'Liquid!' Snake shouts. Secretly he's thinking something like 'not this shit again.'

'That's right! I noticed the pause, Snake. You're losing it. I understand though- why you didn't figure out it was me. You're nothing but another dieing clone of the old man. While I, I live on through…'

This arm, we know. The two men back on the ground start yawning. However to their amazement the guy up there is all black. IE he cannot possibly have Liquid's arm. 'Hey you can't live on through the arm.'

'I know. As I was saying, I live on through this…'

Finger? Leg? Snake would hate to think what else was talking to him.

'…through this… single strand of DNA!' Mwahahahaha'

Snake yawns. 'Well that blows. Which one?'

'I'm sorry?'

'Which single strand of DNA?'

'Oh… errmm… cough … this one' He points to a miscellaneous area of his midsection.

'Whatever.'

'But to learn the real truth, you're going to have to hear another story!'

'But you just told me the real truth. I already know the ending now. Who cares.'

'Ah but you will want to hear this story! You've wanted to hear the truth about this since we were both 18 back in high school.'

'WTF? I didn't know you even existed 'till a while back when you wanted to steal the Metal Gear.' This one is Snake talking, just in case you were confused.

'Okok this is about the time I knocked up Meryl while you got all drunk and fell asleep in the torture room.'

'Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…' Snake falls to his knees. 'Ok, you can tell me that story.'

A mysterious voice emanates from Ocelot's coat. 'Actually, if you want that story, I can offer a more "hands-on" recount of those events.' Ocelot involuntarily winks.

'Identify yourself, coated fiend!' demands Snake. He could have sworn the voice was David Bowie's.

'I am, in fact…'

'Yesss?'

'…also Liquid Snake! But unlike that other fool I aint confused about my pigmentation And I can assure you, this hand had a lot more fun with that fine piece of ass then that pussy DNA strand- I don't reckon he felt a thing.'

Ocelot looks up sadly at Snake. 'Sorry Snake, I forgot to tell you he still also lives on through this arm.'

'Great,' sighs Snake. 'So which one of who messed up fools is gonna tell me about my girl?'

'There is only one way to settle this!' says Black-Liquid Snake.

'Indeed!' agrees Ocelot-Liquid Snake.

Both produce a PSP. 'Using ad-hoc wireless gameplay, I can stand up here,' says the black one.

'And I down here,' says the other one.

'And we can both settle this in MORTAL KOMBAT!' they both echo at the same time.

'Hold up,' Snake interrupts, 'There's no Mortal Kombat for the PSP. What are you guys really playing?' Ripping the machine away from Ocelot, he stares dumbfounded at the screen.

'You guys… were playing...' They both nod. 'Nooooooooooooooo…'

What were these 2 geeks cough I mean sons of liberty playing? Find out next time, in Chapter 3!