Frowning, I fail to notice the lingering looks sent my way or the ice cold touch and faint shiver of my body as my feet plop down, crunching against the soft snow. My ears fail to hear the creak of floorboards and groan of the door announcing my return to my room, a separate wooden cabin from the others.
I fail to welcome the warmth of the orange flames eerily lit, as my footsteps creak against the wooden floorboards as I reach the window sill by my bedside and lean against it. Heavily, my eyelids feel as heavy as lead as I feel the sweet whispers of my tiredness; try to persuade me to enter my dreams.
No, no, not happening, not there, not where he could find me…
Stubbornly, I force my eyelid back forcing them to fight against the heavy iron lids of my eyes as I release a heavy sigh of fatigue, exhaustion flowing from my body. I can still feel the lingering blood boil and my muscles still tense in both fear and paranoia. My ears perk up at the frantic rate of my heart, practically wishing to leap out of my rib cage and flee. I feel another wave of adrenaline hit my body as anxiously, my fingertips draw patterns on my arms only making me wince.
I can feel him, his large lands, his stench of iron and most of all his breathe, his disgusting odour of alcohol…
I feel my body contort into a foetal position.
I have to get out of here.
I have to run.
I have to flee before he catches me.
I have to get as far as I can, I can't trust these people, they'll tell him, and all it takes is a price just like then. I have to get out before anyone gets hurt, I won't have a repeat of them…
Heavily, I hear my warm breathes enter the air and breath on my cold arms, making them shiver at the heat as I recoil, recalling those we trusted, we began to care for, we fought with and how did we thank them?
Flinching, I wince at the familiar sharp sound of the air and blade…
My shaking hands grasp my shoulders, my grip tightening, I can still recall it so vividly, the ice cold chains around me, restricting, holding, confiding me in place, the heavy stench of iron lingers on my body as my nose winces at the familiar iron stench, I can still feel it, the warm splash of ruby red, although hidden from the public, I still see it the frightening paint of ruby red splattered across out bodies, this alien liquid staining my armour, a reminder of our betrayal, haunting me even to this day, the cold dead look in my brothers eyes as we simply complied, we hurt them, we murdered them, we obeyed, we did this, we did this, we did this.
Shocked, my ears perk up at the creak of door as I turn to the intruder, turquoise eyes widen in fear. Slowly as I hear the footsteps come closer, I her the faint metal click of my blade as I draw it against the intruder.
"It's just me," The strong calm voice calls out.
Sighing, I frown at the familiar accented voice and stand up, glaring tiredly at the ginger spymaster. Her steely gaze filled with a once iron, cold, calculating stare, look almost warmer, but then again the wrinkles from the eerie glow of the light illuminate her weirdness and old age of the coming years.
"What is it Leliana?" I sigh tiredly at her.
"Evelyn came to visit me," She approaches me by my side as I gaze out at the window with her.
"And?" I encourage frowning at her silence.
"She's worried about you, so are the others, if you wish to hide your problems you could be at least a bit more subtle," Leliana advises me.
"I'm fine," I frown feeling a sliver of fear, anger and bitterness as I recall that day, that recruitment, that Venitori...
Slowly, I approach the limping figure, trying to break away from his fallen comrades and find a place to hide, to report back home. However, the heavy ring of my metal blades being drawn and the sound of his pained grunt from the blade, it stops his goal as he crumples to the ground, writhing in pain. Bored, I move so his back lies on the rubble of pebbles, my face converts to a sneer of disgust at the familiar white uniforms with silver armour and masks on them, a reminder, a thorn still residing on the rose garden, that is my past ready to be plucked and out of my life…
Calmly, I approach the bleeding figure, his cone pure fancy white silks now stained in crimson as my slick silver gauntlet removes the smooth mask, only to scowl to the familiar bloodied face. Although, the face was bruised, battered and bloodied, I could never forget those eyes, those hungry, greedy and cold eyes, the eyes of a guard.
"If it isn't his little Fennic fox, tell me little fox have you had fun on your little adventure, believing yourself to be free of what you and your scum of a brother truly are?" He sneers cockily smirking with a bloodied lip as I remain cold, refusing to show my cracks with my mask on. Lowly, the Venitori male cackles enjoying the situation almost.
"Look at you, thinking you're free, thinking you're a person, thinking you can make a decision. Disgusting, it's almost pitiful, you are a slave that is all you will ever b-"
Swiftly, the sound of air being sliced echoes in the air as the Tevinter coughs out a sprout of crimson on the pebbled floor before him, where he now wears a ripe red mark across his chest.
"I am free, you failed," I answer back simply only to take a step back and falter at his mad laughter.
"You think you're free? You will never be free, my master will find you, he is looking for his little fox after all, he misses his little pe-AHHH!"
"What are you talking about!?" I demanded coldly, refusing to show him my fear from his confident look as he grins madly like a psychopath as I feel my muscles once more tense and my heart escalating to the speed of a lightning spell.
Surprised, I gasp as I feel the male's rough iron grip of his leather glove tug me down as his bloodied lips and warm breathe ghosts across my sharp ears as his words, his powerful words, his confident words whispers out…
"He's back…and he's even hungrier for his little fox…"
Scowling, I shake my head of the dark memory. It's impossible, he's dead, he's gone he died. I saw too it with Hawke and my brother, I saw his body, I saw his corpse, I saw his blood…he isn't, he couldn't be, he can't be…
"I heard you were attending to the Venitori when you changed. Did they bring back a memory of yours back then? I assure you I meant when I said we will protect you from them," Leliana offers.
"I know that, I just yeah it was a memory," Calmly, I lie to her as Leliana's blue eyes narrow at my turquoise orbs but she closes her eyes and simply nods.
"Very well, but I suggest you tell Evelyn the truth, that way we can all help you, just trust me," Leliana whispers quietly, making me frown at the hardened Leliana now seemingly to be softer, more motherly.
"I know," I simply shrug hearing the faint creak of the door as I release a heavy breathe.
It would appear I need to work on my acting skills. Slowly, my warm cheeks shiver from the ice cool touch of my gauntlets, bringing me back to humanity and reality as I gently slap my cheeks trying to wake me up from my thoughts. I need to focus on the now, not him, it's impossible anyway, it can't be, that spy was just messing with me that's it. For now I just have to keep this slip up under wraps. I approach my bedside table where I take out a piece of parchment and quill, I write down my message to the only person I can trust in the network and knowing him he won't let me down, if he knows what's best for him.
Patiently, I wait until I notice the dim blue light of the moon peering out of the clouds, once slumbering on it's fluffy pillow now high in the sky with the breach, towering over us as I make my move.
Loudly, the crows caw thankfully it falls to death ears as I simply sneak a crow out, the crow is unique, it has a raven coat but has one false snow white feather, hm, no, now's not the time. Calmly, I attach the letter to his leg and release the male crow to the wind…
He won't let me down…
I know him…