Hey everyone how is it going? Hopefully, it's going well. See you guys at the end of the chapter, enjoy.
The look in the boy's eyes was bone-chilling. Rem's eyes widened. Her stance faltered. He smells of the witch. She thought deciding her course of action. Rem fell back into her fighting stance. The boy was clearly a threat to her sister. She readied her arm. The boy didn't resist. He looked hateful, but he also looked resigned to his fate. She built up power in her body.
"STOP!" A voice commanded. Rem froze. Subaru looked towards the loud voice. Is that? His eyes gazed at the figure. She was short, and she wore a maid uniform. Her hair and eyes were pink. Ram. Thank you. It was Ram his light at the end of the tunnel. She was finally here. Subaru felt a small amount of relief. My life is worth nothing. But at least now I can get away from Rem. Subaru's newfound hate for Rem was the strongest emotion he felt.
"Rem you're coming with me." Ram motioned her eyes narrow lips twisted downward.
"Sister, why?" Rem asked. Her eyes were wide.
"You are going to be removed from your duties here at the Roswal mansion. Frederica will be invited back to replace you." Rem's eyes widened further. Her lower jaw dropped. Her blue eyes were covered by a sheen of tears.
"W-why?" It was Rem. Her voice breaking.
"Rem you attempted to kill our guest ten minutes after he stepped into the mansion. Going against Roswal-sama's very direct and very clear orders." Ram spoke. She looked disappointed in her sister. Subaru merely watched this conversation his mind was torn. Good, she should be fired. No, I can't let her suffer. My life is not worth her losing her job. My life is worth less than a weather report. Why do I hate her? My life isn't worth it. My life isn't worth it. Why do I feel this hatred?
Rem recollected herself she was no longer in shock. Now her eyes had narrowed. "But, he's a member of the witch's cult." Rem defended the action she had almost taken. Why do I feel this?
"Rem what evidence do you have of this?" Ram questioned. But before Rem could offer any Ram spoke again, "Because it better be something solid enough to disprove Puck-sama and Emilia-sama. The Great Spirit said he was trustworthy, and he can read emotions and intentions. Can you offer me more than that?" Rem opened her mouth to respond. But Ram kept going, "And can you tell me why a member of the witch's cult would save Emilia-sama? And why would they be able to gain the trust of Reinhardt van Astrea? Are you saying that the evidence you have is able to disprove the Great Spirit, the Sword Saint, and Emilia-sama?" Ram finished out of breath. Her eyes were staring into Rem's.
Rem tried to stare back and she opened her mouth to respond. But she saw the look in Ram's eyes. Ram's eyes were narrow tears forming in the corners. Rem's eyes fell to the ground. Ram began to walk out of the room she motioned for Rem to follow her. Subaru watched the interaction his eyes had lost their hateful glare. Now they were just back to the cold eyes of a corpse. I hate her. Why? I hate her. But. Just because I hate someone doesn't mean I need to let them suffer. I will take on everyone's suffering only I need to suffer. Only. ME. Oh. Subaru realized something. Is that why I hate her?
"Stop," Subaru called to the maid sisters. "Don't fire her." My life isn't worth it. Rem's eyes had widened. Her jaw had dropped. Her eyebrows rising.
"Roswal-sama was confident that you would say that," Ram said. "He said that the only way Rem could continue her employment was if you requested it," Ram explained casually. After explaining this Ram looked at him eyes narrowed. But her eyes had softened slightly. She further explained, "Rem you will go to Roswal-sama and explain what has happened here to him. He will not fire you, but there will likely be other penalties for your actions here."
Ram gestured for Rem to leave the room. She walked towards Subaru. When she reached him she helped him stand up. He was still on his knees from when he'd fallen out of his chair. "Are you alright Guest-sama?" She asked him as she helped him to his feet.
"Yeah, I'm fine." He said forcing a smile to form on his face. Rem was suffering and Ram looked like she's was suffering. Can I really let a loop where Rem is suffering exist? Subaru heard sounds in his mind. The sound of Rem telling him to die over and over and over again. Again. Again. Again. If I go back to that I'll hate Rem even more. It isn't a good enough reason to hate Rem. I'm not worth that much. But.
More images. Emilia, Beatrice, Ram, Reinhardt, Felt, Julius, Crucsh, Anastasia, Mimi, Hetaro, Tivey, Ricardo, Felix, Wilhelm, Garfiel, Frederica, Petra, all the children of Arlam, Patracshe, and Otto. But they are worth that much. Their lives are worth that much. They cannot be allowed to suffer. No matter how many times I die. But Rem you held me here for so long. So much time I could've spent taking on the suffering of Arlam. So much time spent on your short-tempered poorly thought out idiotic guilt. I could've taken on so much suffering. Rem this was hours' worth of planning, thinking, and information gathering. I could've figured out how to negotiate with Roswal.
More images poured into Subaru's mind. Rem and Subaru on that rooftop. Rem stopping him from giving up. Rem fighting alongside him. She was riding with him and Patrasche against the white whale. All the times Rem had been there pushing him forward supporting him. You are not my Rem. You have stopped me from taking on suffering, and you aren't even my Rem. Why? Echidna? Satella? Why? WHY?
Outside of Subaru's mind, his body had given out. Subaru's unsupported body tumbled towards the ground. But before he could fall Ram caught him. "You really are a freeloader banking off of Emilia-sama's support aren't you?" But he… "I wonder where you get off on making me catch you." But he… Ram lifted the desk chair off of the floor, and set it upright. She set the boy onto the chair making sure he wouldn't fall.
When she was done with that Ram took a step back. She observed the guest. Emilia-sama and Puck-sama had spoken about how he'd saved their lives. Ram observed him trying to find what they were talking about. Her eyes fell onto his clothing. It was odd. Her eyes observed his face. It simply looked neutral. There was nothing admirable about this boy. But he… She looked into his eyes. They were closed now but earlier they'd been cold. They had looked like the eyes of a corpse. No, Ram remembered his eyes once more. Not a corpse. But someone who'd become a corpse many times over. That was Ram's memory of his eyes.
Ram looked upon the boy finding nothing. He just looked cold. Ram stood there for a few minutes observing the sleeping boy. He does not look asleep he looks dead, but he is breathing. He looks chewed up and thrown out like an old doll. But he…
She remembered her duties. She walked over to the desk grabbing the tray of tea and the pot. It was the only part of the set not shattered on the floor somewhere. She lifted it up and began to walk to the door. As she passed him she looked to the boy. Nothing more than a cold boy. But he… She reached the door.
An image flashed in Ram's mind. Ram was standing in the doorway of this very room. The boy was to her left on his knees on the floor. She told her sister what was going to happen to her. Rem looked so sad. Ram had hated every moment of that interaction. It had pained her and Rem. She had just wanted to hold Rem, but her duty as a maid forbade her. And then the boy had called out. He had stopped Rem from looking so sad. He… He saved Rem.
She opened the door in front of her. She turned to the sleeping boy. She bowed her head slightly. "Thank you." She whispered.
Subaru saw images in his mind. Reinhardt throwing away the dragon sword. Garfiel after they had isolated him from the rest of the sanctuary. Garfiel's face was contorted his eyes narrow eyebrows pointed down. If Frederica and Ram weren't there he would've killed Subaru.
More images. They were of Emilia. After the liberation of the Sanctuary, she had hugged Subaru. Clung to him. He remembered the look on her face perfectly. Her eyes were hollow empty. She hadn't let go of Subaru for hours. She kept saying. "Subaru it's been so long why weren't you here I needed you y'know. Why'd you leave me alone for so long?" Subaru remembered the thought he had when he heard that. So long? It's only been an hour and a half. Another memory. This one was earlier. He was in the trial room. He bled from hundreds of bite wounds. Emilia leaned down and kissed him. She hadn't noticed him dying. She told the dying boy that she loved him.
Subaru woke to a knock on the door. What was that? What were those images? Were those memories? Was I dreaming? Another knock sounded at the door. "Who's there?" Subaru called out. Please don't be Rem. Please.
"Subaru, it's me, Emilia," Emilia responded. Oh, it's not Rem that's good. Subaru got up out of the chair he was sleeping in. He walked towards the door and opened it to Emilia. When he opened the door she grabbed him wrapping him in a hug. "Hey, Subaru are you ok?" She asked.
All Subaru could think was: I made her suffer. She was worried about me. She doesn't need to worry about me. No one needs to worry about me. This timeline can't exist Emilia can't suffer.
"Yeah, I'm alright Emilia-tan." He pushed a smile onto his face.
"Tan?" She asked her eyebrows raised. Subaru didn't respond he simply pushed the smile harder. This made Emilia's frown deepen. "Alright Subaru it's good that you're ok, remember dinner is in a few minutes."
Emilia walked away from the door. Her frown was still on her face, and her eyes held a look of concern. I wish there was something I could do to help him?
Subaru watched Emilia walk away. After she disappeared around the corner he shut the door locking it. He walked back into the center of the room. Alright, this time I need to prevent Emilia-tan from suffering. To get past Rem I just need to throw her off. Screaming why seemed to work. It confused Rem and gave Ram enough time to get to me. And after that, I need to stay awake and either reassure Emilia-tan immediately or stop the information from getting to her.
Subaru opened his teeth and slid his tongue through them. An image flashed in his mind. It was the appa salesman and his daughter. They looked sad. Why my life is worthless. He began to bite into his tongue. Blood began to fill his mouth. "Behold the unthinkable present." Images flashed. They were all of people crying over a dead Subaru. Another image Emilia a few minutes before. She looked so concerned. No one should be concerned with my life it's worthless. I won't let Emilia-tan worry about something useless.
Subaru's jaws slammed shut. Blood began pouring into his mouth. It filled his mouth choking him. Drowning him. Subaru did not swallow the blood in his mouth but he also didn't breathe. Subaru felt consciousness fading. His eyelids lost their strength. They were soon followed by the rest of his body. Subaru collapsed towards the ground. He slammed into the floor with a dull thud. He lost control of his mouth his lips opened. Blood rushed across the floor in front of him. His mind faded after that. I…won't let…you worry…about my worthless life.
Subaru woke to a knock at his door. Oh. The savepoint changed. I should greet her with a smile. That will reassure her. Stop her from suffering. Only I need to suffer. Subaru stood up pushing a smile onto his face. He opened the door to a concerned Emilia. "Hey, Subaru-"
"Don't worry Emilia-tan I'm fine." Subaru attempted to reassure Emilia. Emilia tried to say something else, but was interrupted, "I'll join you guys for dinner in a few minutes." Emilia just looked at him a frown on her face.
"Alright that's good I'll see you at dinner Subaru," Emilia responded. She turned and walked towards the dining room. Subaru watched her turn the corner before closing the door again. Alright, this timeline is locked. Dammit, you worthless idiot. I should've killed myself and reset earlier. But now I'm here, and I need to reassure Emilia-tan more. No one should suffer but me. Subaru walked into the bathroom. He looked into the mirror and began to practice his smile. One, two, four, and ten minutes were spent to perfect his smile. Alright, that's the one.
Subaru walked out of his room and turned to the right. He reached the closest door. Subaru grabbed the handle. "Come on Beako." He pulled the door open, and on the other side was, just a bathroom. Subaru stares into the room, and whispers, "Beako, why?" Why? What changed was it the mana you drained from me? Did it change something? WHY? "Why?" Subaru whispered. Why? Beako? Beako? Beako? Beako? A slapping sound resounded across the hallway. Subaru had slapped himself. Can't be getting down there's so much suffering that I must take on. I need to get to dinner. If I'm too late Emilia-tan will be worried.
Subaru began to walk towards the dining room. Once I'm there I'll need to ask to be hired as a butler. Subaru heard sounds in his mind. They were the sounds of chains and of Rem screaming. The sounds of his bones crunching. The sounds of the same few minutes over and over and over again and again. Hours wasted. Rem. I don't want to work alongside her. But it's the best way to gain the trust of Ram. Then I can stop the villagers from due to the mabeasts. My feelings cannot get in the way of taking on their suffering. Only I need to suffer. I will suffer working with Rem so I can take the suffering of others.
"Aaah youuu've finally deciiided tooo join us." It was Roswal. Subaru had arrived at the dining room while he was thinking. Subaru returned back to reality. His eyes analyzed the room. Sitting at the table were Emilia, Puck, and Roswal. Ram was on Roswal's right. Rem was nowhere to be found. Subaru's eyes continued to search looking for someone else. But no matter how much he searched Beatrice was not there.
Subaru pushed Beatrice from his mind walking to the chair next to Emilia. There was already a plate waiting there ready for Subaru. Subaru sat down and began to eat. Only now did Subaru realize how hungry he was. For his physical body, he hadn't eaten since Japan. For his mind, the last time he ate was two years from now. The food was good but he could still barely taste it. When you'd eaten as many times as Subaru taste lost all meaning.
Subaru finished before Emilia and Roswal. The others had eaten at lunch so they didn't eat as quickly. Subaru looked up from his empty plate. He examined the others Puck was sitting in Emilia's hair. Emilia was busy eating, and Roswal was staring at him. Subaru and Roswal's cold eyes met. Roswal smiled.
"I wouuuld liiiike to thaaank you for saaaaving Emilia-sama and recoooovering heeeer insiiiigniaaa." Roswal said, "So iiiiiif there iiis any rewaaaard youuu desire juuuuust naaame it." The lord continued to smile.
"Yeah, Subaru I am in your debt after you saved my life," Emilia added.
Subaru didn't even have to think of his answer after all he had already thought of it. "Hire me to work here." He requested. His voice remained neutral. His smile stayed on his face. Though if you looked closely you could see it wavering at the corners.
Roswal continued to smile. He turned his head looking at Ram. "Ram go find our new employee a uniform." Ram nodded and began to walk out of the dining room. When she passed Subaru's seat he stood up. "Where are you going?" Roswal asked.
"None of the clothes will fit me. So Ram will have to measure me and then alter a uniform." Subaru explained. When Roswal heard this his smile widened until it couldn't widen any more. Roswal thought to himself. Using his loops to perfect a situation. He's perfect.
Ram arrived in the dressing room. The new employee followed behind her. She searched the room trying to find something his size. She grabbed one and looked back at him. This one won't fit. She thought to herself. She examined his proportions. None of these will fit him.
"It seems you were right Guest-sa- I mean Barusu," Ram said. She looked into his eyes waiting for a response. When she looked into those eyes she realized she wouldn't get one. I turn his name into a blinding curse and he doesn't even flinch. After today I expected him to be a little jumpy. So life-threatening events don't affect him. Or at least he doesn't show it. What kind of person is he?
"I will have to measure you now," Ram said. She observed him again all he gave in response was a subtle nod. He doesn't seem outgoing. What made him- Never mind. Ram focused on getting the proper measurements. "Hmm, your measurements are very weird. You are oddly proportioned. Though not so odd that I can't alter a uniform for you if I do say so myself." I would have Rem do it she is far better, but she's off in the capital by now.
A memory flashed in Ram's mind. It was Roswal giving Rem her punishment. She was to going to be sent to the capital to take care of a few things, and then return in four days' time. Ram hadn't, and still didn't, understand how it was a proper punishment.
Ram finished measuring Subaru. She looked into his eyes they hadn't changed. He doesn't respond negatively to my insults. Either he's a pervert which is unlikely or he's used to being insulted, or he doesn't have any self-worth. What kind of person are you Barusu?
"Thanks, Ram." Subaru spoke, "I'm going to sleep now."
"Good, you need to be well-rested for tomorrow. It is customary for new staff to do eighty percent of the work so you have a busy day ahead Barusu." Ram explained. She looked into his eyes for a change and got nothing, just the same cold eyes the eyes of a corpse. He doesn't care about doing significantly more work than everyone else.
Subaru didn't respond instead walking back towards his room. Ram watched him leave. I need to find out what kind of person he is. What kind of man is the one who allowed my sister to be happy, even after she almost killed him. Ram bowed her head to the man once more. And once more whispered, "Thank you, Barusu."
Subaru closed the door to his room. Ram probably wasn't lying about me doing a lot of work. She doesn't do much herself so she will make me do most of it. I should sleep. Subaru walked towards his bed getting under the covers. I'm gonna need to find a couch to sleep on. Subaru slept much better on a couch.
Subaru got into the perfect sleeping position. Arranging the covers and pillow in the most comfortable way. Subaru had slept millions upon millions of times he was a master by now and he knew exactly what to do. Subaru got into the perfect mindset. He let his eyes drift closed and just like that Natsuki Subaru drifted into the depths of sleep.
"Natsuki Subaru my amazin' sel's gonna kill yer. I h'te yer." It was Garfiel after the events of the sanctuary.
"Barusu I hate you." It was Ram. She'd never said it. But Subaru could feel that's how she felt.
"Subaru I would much rather be with Felt-sama." It was Reinhardt. Subaru knew Reinhardt had hated him.
"Subaru can you stay with me longer today. Please Subaru I hate it when you leave." It was Emilia her mind ground to dust by the first trial.
"My, you are truly perfect." It was Roswal during the final loop of the sanctuary.
"Natsuki-san this is farewell."
Subaru bolted upright. Was I dreaming? No dreaming is highly unlikely. I haven't dreamed in so long. "Natsuki-san this is farewell." Those words resounded in Subaru's mind. Otto, why? But could I be dreaming? Echidna told me I couldn't dream anymore. Echidna, why? Why did you break the contract?
Subaru looked at the clock on the wall it looked to be roughly 4:35 am. Subaru stood lifting himself out of the bed. He felt tired. Why am I so tired? He felt like he hadn't slept at all. He walked into the bathroom to practice his smile for the day. After that was done he decided he needed to think. So he began to walk towards the door. Walking helps the gears in my mind turn. Echidna also always lectured me on the importance of nature to the mind.
Subaru exited his room walking in the darkness before sunrise. He began to think of his plan for the next 4 days. He was too busy thinking to notice the pair of pink eyes watching him leave. He reached the doors of the mansion and exited into the morning darkness. Subaru walked through the darkness trying to find a good spot. He still did not notice the pink eyes watching him.
This is a pretty good spot. Subaru thought. Then he began to perform his morning routine. Which started with radio calisthenics. Subaru didn't think he would need his body loose today but with what happened yesterday. Images of Rem beating him to death over and over again played in his mind. Subaru wasn't going to fully trust his current information. Until I do another loop my information is slightly questionable. Subaru finished his stretches by pushing his arms out into a Y over his head.
After this, he moved onto his next order of business. Natsuki Subaru was going to practice magic. For now, that practice was pretty simplistic. It was essentially just using Shamac until he was almost out of mana. Most magic practice was eventually erased by return by death but when he didn't die and let time progress it was good to practice magic. I'll need to rebuild my skills. Shadow magic can be pretty useful occasionally. Subaru used Shamac three times before he was out of mana.
"Hey, mister you're kinda cool." An unknown voice called to him. Subaru had never heard it before. His eyes darted around searching. It was too dark out for Subaru to see anything. Subaru couldn't find the source of the voice. Maybe I'm hearing things that aren't there.
I'll either know by the end of the loop or it isn't important enough to waste time thinking about. Subaru thought before focusing on the next thing he wanted to do today. Subaru wanted to visit something.
Subaru stood at a place where his time had once ended. The place where he'd first killed himself. Images flashed in his mind. Beako contracted to protect him standing firm against Ram. Beako? Beako? Beako? Subaru's knees collapsed under him. "Why?" He whispered. He remembered pleading and begging for her to let him into the library. "Why?" Subaru asked louder than before. Was it when she drained my mana? What did she feel? "Why?" Subaru yelled. He couldn't understand. I've always been able to break through the door crossing. "WHY?" Subaru screamed it. Desperation filled his voice.
Subaru stood up and looked over the edge of the cliff. He took a step towards the ledge. He stood looking into the rock spikes at the bottom. Subaru took another step forward foot on the very edge. Little pieces of rock began to break off and tumble downward. Beako, why?
Subaru stepped back turning around towards the forest. "I'm never coming back here," Subaru said to himself before walking towards the last stop on his morning to-do list. Subaru still did not notice the pink eyes watching him. The body attached to them was ready. Ready to rush out and grab the boy if he really jumped. Either this boy is an idiot for getting that close to the edge or something has been done to him. I'm inclined to believe the latter. I think I was right he's faced death many times. She remembered Roswal's order to keep an eye on the boy to make sure he was trustworthy. He could be a spy, but I doubt it. Ram thought to herself.
It was sunrise by the time Subaru arrived in Arlam village. I need to keep an eye on Meili and the village kids some events have been off so far so she might make her move early. The rising sun brought rays of light streaming into the village. The sun was greeted by the inhabitants of the village who began to wake up for the day. They began to go about their morning work. During these tasks most noticed an odd young man off on the edge of the village. Some of the youngest inhabitants of the village decided it would be fun to go talk to him.
Subaru sat on a tree trunk off to the edge of the village and was trying to think, unfortunately for his thought process he was being swarmed by 12-year-olds. "Hey mister what's your name?" They kept asking him. Subaru pushed a smile onto his face.
"I'm Natsuki Subaru." He gave his name to the children. The children still curious tried to get him to talk about more things. Subaru just brushed off all of their questions thinking: These kids don't need to know much about me. I just need to take on their suffering. Subaru continued to ignore their questions until he realized it was time to get back to the mansion.
"Alright kids it's been fun, but I have to go to work," Subaru said trying to stand up. Unfortunately for Subaru, the kids had other plans. They climbed on top of him. Swarming him trying to get him to stay and answer their questions.
"Hey, you have to answer at least one question before you go." A young girl said. She had orange hair and a red ribbon tied in it. Petra. Subaru realized who she was. Subaru had almost forgotten that she used to just be a village kid. He didn't really remember her as anything other than a maid.
"Ok, what is it?" Subaru asked pushing an upbeat tone into his voice. The kids started whispering to each other trying to decide their questions. They all started nodding to one another confirming that that was the question they wanted. They all breathed in and asked,
"Why did you come to our village?" They all asked glints in their eyes.
Subaru forced a wider smile onto his face, "I'm from the margrave's mansion up there. Roswal just hired me, so I figured I'd come down here." Subaru explained. There I think I got the tone and word choice right. He was trying to emulate himself when he first came here. The children all started jumping up and down and celebrating that they finally got an answer to a question. "Alright see you guys later," Subaru said waving and walking away while he had the chance. The kids waved back.
Subaru began to walk back towards the mansion. Before he noticed something about the group of kids. Meili wasn't there. I'm going to have to ask the kids about her tomorrow. On the walk back towards the mansion, Subaru watched the forest for Meili. It's unlikely I find her but she could be in this forest. However, Subaru's eyes caught a hint of something else. It was a hint of pink. Ah, so Ram is watching me. Not unexpected Roswal probably asked her to check if I was a spy. She won't kill me without good reason. So just be normal and I should be fine.
Subaru continued his walk back to the mansion brushing off the fact that Ram was watching him. When Subaru got back to the manor grounds Ram was already there and she looked unhappy. "Barusu I've had to look all over the mansion for you. It was honestly quite inconvenient. I would like to know where my colleagues are. So where were you? I'm just asking so I can find you next time and make you do all the difficult jobs."
Subaru pushed a smile onto his face, "I went down to the village to talk to the people there." I should say something about that last part. "Also are you just admitting to only doing all the easy work?" Ram looked back at him. Her lips tilted into a hint of a smile.
"Well, honesty is my best quality Barusu. Also, it's because generally, the more difficult tasks don't require as much competency, so you should be very good at them." Ram explained. "Now come on we have work to do Barusu."
"The future deviates from the book." The clown frowned. "This must be corrected." The clown began to write a letter. When he was done he whispered, "There that will correct the deviation, and test the boy."
Alright, we're starting to really get into arc 2. This one was a little bit less Suffaru than the last chapter I figured I'd give Subaru a bit of a breather. I mean there is still some Suffaru I am working with Greedbaru after all. The rest of this is essentially some advice on writing using the Greed IF, if you don't care then you can skip this: I've had to read the Greed IF like five times since I started writing this, and damn. If anyone ever wants to write a kasaneru story I'd recommend reading kasaneru once and take notes so that you don't have to keep re-reading to get the characters right. Seriously kasaneru is depressing. Also another piece of advice for writing a kasaneru story take breaks throughout the writing process. Because Jesus Christ it gets depressing. That's why it took me a little extra time for chapter 4. Although you can probably ignore that advice it's just my personal experience working with the IF story. Anyway, see you all next chapter.