Calmly, my footsteps crunch against the floor as I leave Krem, he's a really nice guy, he told me bits and pieces on the chargers, as well and now it's time for the big guy and I'm…terrified. Shakily, I steel my nerves, taking in shaky breathes. I hear the chattering sound of my teeth moving from both fear and icy chill of Haven's atmosphere. I feel my body quake like a earthquake, anxious to approach the practical huge giant before me, who could easily snap me like a twig with his strength and my thin stick like body.
Don't be a cry baby
Don't be a cry baby
Don't be a cry baby
You can do this, you can do this; you can do this. He's a bull! Yeah a big, strong, angry, scary, pointy…I'm not helping myself here. I take in a shaky breathe and nod. Determined, I walk over to the Iron Bull's standing tall in front of his tent, arms crossed as he raises a brow at me.
"Someone's on a mission," He smirks.
"Hey Bull," I greet him, feeling my lip slightly twitch in fear of his stature.
"They've got good form. Cullen's putting his Templar training to good use," Iron Bull notes as I turn only for my eyes to widen when I catch his warm brown eyes, gazing into mine well staring at me. Startled, I take a step back feeling a rush of ruby as I can't help but release a small giddy smile.
"Someone's got an admirer," Bull teases making my face turn as red as a tomato.
"Oh shush, w-we barely know each other," I argue feeling a wave of embarrassment causing Bull to release a hearty chuckle.
"Did Cullen tell you he was a Templar? He isn't wearing the Templar uniform," I question curious on how Bull picked up the information.
"He didn't have to. Might not be a Templar shield, but it's a Templar holding it. He angles the shield just a bit down. Helps direct fire or acid away, so it doesn't spray right into your face. Qunari learn the same thing when we train to fight Tevinter Mages. Your Templar's doing good work," Bull compliments as I feel a blush cross my features from the 'my' part. Your Cullen…my Cullen, oh geez I'm going weird I need to stop…
"He is, he's a good man," I smile softly thinking about the cute curly blonde male.
"Aw… stop it you're going to make me sick with all this love dovey crap," Bull smirks as I look away flustered and pouting as Bull chuckles.
"It takes time to build a group into a team. But he's got their loyalty. Now he just needs 'em to make a decent shield wall and they'll be good to go. Biggest problem for the Inquisition right now isn't on the front lines. It's at the top. You've got no leader, no inquisitor," Bull warns me as I look away at the terrifying question.
"Then maybe we'd need one. Maybe Leliana she's experienced, smart and powerful," I point out.
"Or maybe you don't put yourself down, you've got the skills to be a leader, just need more confidence that's all and before you know it you'll be great," Bull smirks my way.
"You think so?" I question surprised.
"Yeah, I don't see why not?" Bull smiles making me smile back, appreciating the encouragement.
"My people don't pick their leaders from the smartest or even the most talented. We pick the ones willing to make the hard decisions…and live with the consequences. Ah who knows? Maybe you seal the breach, the Chantry gets off its ass and all those soldiers go home and get fat," Iron Bull exclaims.
"You think?" I ask.
"It could happen. It won't but it could," Iron bull exclaims making me nod.
"Yeah, say Bull what's the Ben Hassrath?" I ask curious of the Qunari people.
"Ben Hassrath is actually a general term. You've got the secret police who investigate problems inside our territory. You've got the re educators who take people with problems and fix their minds…or make them disappear. And then you got the spies," Bull answers.
"What do they do?" I question curious.
"I only know the basics. Wasn't my area. That said…"Bull explains to me how they use potions to get answers and re-educate their people back into their role, sounds harsh…
"So…you're a spy," I change the dreary topic.
"Close. I am now but that's not how I started. They sent me to Seheron they needed someone who could fight and hunt down those problems. That whole island was a sack of cats. Incursions from Tevinter, Tal Vashoth and native rebels fighting both sides, and in the middle, me. Trying to wrangle the rebels and restore order," Bull explains to me.
"Sounds like fun for you," I smile trying to be positive.
"There's a good fight, and there's finding out who put the rat poison in the bread and killed a bunch of children. I hunted down a lot of rebels, lost a lot of friends to the Vint's or the fog warriors or the Tal Vashoth. One day I woke up and couldn't think of a dammed reason to keep doing my job. Turned myself in to the re educators," Bull confesses.
"You were brave, to go up knowing you will change yourself, it's not easy," I sigh at the frightful society the Iron Bull was raised in.
"I thought about letting some rebel kill me. But I couldn't give any of those bastards the satisfaction. The Ben Hassrath ordered me to go to Orlais, ostensibly as a Tal Vashoth and work undercover. That's how I ended up here," Iron Bull tells me.
"Sounds like a tough life under the Qun," I whisper frowning.
"What? Free six meals a day and free sex whenever I need it. I came out here for a challenge, boss. Figured I'd rough it with you savages, anyway nice talking to you," He smiles at me and I begin to ask more questions…
Satisfied, I leave Bull to his own training. I still can't believe t they don't get married and they use sex as a medicine of sorts, to help them, it sounds….hollow, sad, empty even, just using someone for pleasure. I couldn't do it, I would want to do it with someone I care deeply for, call me an old woman that was how Lydia taught me, your body must be saved, pure, it is a temple you save for your prince…
I'll admit Bull isn't as scary as I thought, although my previous tactic of imagining him as a bull didn't work. I'm still happy to have spoken to him, he's really nice. Now then let me see, I've spoken to Blackwall, Bull, Fen, Solas, Cass, Cullen, Leliana, I should go visit Sera then finally Josephine.
Hmm, now where would Sera be? From what Fen told me I'm guessing the tavern. Casually, I enter the bar, my body welcoming the warm heat of the fireplace while my ears perk up at the chorus of cheers from the men, gossiping for the barmaids and the soft lulling melody of the bard, performing for the people cheering. My eyes scan the area and I smile when I spot a familiar short blonde elf in a booth. Smiling, I approach her.
"So this is it, huh?" Sera and I sit down in a separate booth.
"Is something wrong?" I ask curious and worried if there have been any elf slurs sent her way.
"Oh no, it's fine, yeah? It's just. I thought it'd be bigger pffft that would've been hilarious if you were a man, right? Wasted. Anyway stopping wars should earn more sovereigns than this. Need things back to normal for coins to be flowing again. Another reason the Templars and mages need to be sat down," Sera explains.
"Most people pick a side. But I think I know what you mean but the mages are suffering as well," I argue.
"So are the Templars, Fen knows what I mean, she's in the middle with me and everyone else. You know what I hear about mages? Nothing until one goes all demonly. Know what I hear about Templars? Nothing until one goes mental maybe. They're too busy to look up where the real questions are," Sera reasons as I frown slightly.
But mages suffer too, thanks to the Templars constant fear. But still, I shouldn't make her angry, I don't care if I'm a people pleasure, I shouldn't make an enemy out of my allies. Besides she does have a point thanks to this war, those who are neither mage nor Templar are suffering; this isn't what I would want in a war between my people and Templars.
"We'll try to sort out this war, all those civilians are suffering thanks to this civil war," I agree bringing a small smile to Sera's lips.
"I was worried for a minute, glad to see you aren't too magey unlike baldy," Sera scowls as I smile at the nickname for Solas.
"First things first right. I help you march-march-arrow-kick- then people stop being stupid, and everything starts to make sense again. Sound good to you, all touched Lady Herald?" Sera smirks.
"I would be happy to have you with us Sera, it's nice to have someone with a viewpoint as yours in this chaotic world, are you okay with this?" I enquire to her making her smile slightly. Kind of, I suppose, maybe.
"See you Herald. Herald have to do something about that," Sera grins and I nod smiling as we both stand up, Sera going to get a pint and me to go to the chantry to talk to…Josephine.
Calmly, I enter the chantry and enter Josephine's room, I shiver from the icy cold welcoming of the hallway, the flicker of candle light tries to warm me up slightly but it fails as I feel another shiver of both panic and coldness. I grow closer and closer to the door, feeling my blood ump anxiously as I open the door, the heavy groan announcing my presence as I enter the freezing cold room shivering at the memories.
This is just like back home…with my progress reports…
Shyly, a young girl with long brown hair enters the office, with golden jewels, ruby red velvet fabric and much more matching the office attire of the study. The girl keeps her head down, her dull green eyes staring broadly at the ruby red carpet with patterns of gold sewn into it as her small golden dress with ruby red frills, delicately glides down onto the smooth floor.
"Ah Evelyn you're here good. Five minutes early perfect, as expected of my daughter, Trevelyan's must never be late for a customer after all," the sound of writing on parchment subsides as the meek young girl's dull green eyes stare into a familiar shade of green, only more lively, more stoic, more colder than her rounder and innocent pair. The male has bright blonde hair matching his subtly scuffle of thin hairs across his chin. The male's white gloved hands adjust the glasses on his features as he turns to the young child.
Your progress reports show me you're doing well in your English and history very good, although that political tongue needs to be kept shut, we don't want another issue, like last time do we my dear? The males green eyes narrow stiffening the young girl who nods obediently.
"Yes father…"
"Honestly though, I'll admit it was hilarious seeing that old man Harrison rotter rambling on about who knows, probably about his many travels and how loyal he is towards his dear wife, Sophia, but seeing him being in his place, seeing that stunned expression. I had to hold back a snicker myself when you re revealed that whole affair with Duchess Lizzie," the father smiles brightly bringing a small smile one to the girl's features.
"But still Eve you know the consequences of such actions, maybe not now but one day he could strike at you. Noblemen tend to keep grudges and they may try to harm you or your friends in the future," The father sighs at the look of fear crossing the young girls face.
"Hush my little petal, please there is no need to be so fearful, as long as I'm here I will keep you safe," The blonde smiles lightly at the girl, bringing her into a warm, loving, caring hug bringing a small shy smile to the girls lips.
Quietly, the male smiles, briefly returning to his work as the little girls green eyes narrow; her eyes widening to see faint bags under his droopy green eyes; are brimming with both life and tiredness. A pang of guilt hits the young girl who merely bites her lip, feeling ashamed for all the work she put her father through.
Papa's tired…he was meant to have a day off today but thanks to my silly reply to that snobby man, father had to pay the price...
Ow, now, don't cry my little petal. A young beautiful princess like you shouldn't waste your diamonds…" The male smiles warmly at the crying girl.
"B-but papa you were meant to spend the day with mama and thanks to my silly words last night you have to do work!" The young girl weeps bringing a small sad smile to the male's lips.
"You're so compassionate, so kind; so considerate. Promise me Eve you'll never let that go, in the business world you must be cruel, harsh and strong. You must not let others use your kindness. I envy you for your compassion, your mothers no doubt. My little petal, I love you most dearly and your compassion, but you mustn't let the business world know of this weakness, they could use it against you, is that understood?" Kindly, the male hugs the young girl who sniffles nodding, accepting the hug from her father…
Father was so kind…
Father was so warm…
Father was…
Shakily, I hold in a shudder of sorrow instead furrowing my brow, refusing to open the dam of sorrow as I quickly brush the past aside, to instead focus on the future. I need to be strong not let the past hold me back…
Calmly, I approach Josephine's desk.
Quietly, I release a tired sigh from the memory and turn shivering from the icy temperature of the stone cold room to approach the desk of a writing Josephine, focused on her work. I can't hep but smile lightly at her focused expression, her furrowed brow, her focused eyes and her aura of back off, heh just like father in his work mode as mother would put it…
"You wanted to see me?" I voice out, raising my eyebrows as my voice echoes in the dimly lit room.
"Ah Evelyn, I'd like to discuss your parents," Josephine smiles warmly at me as a small sorrowful smile crosses my features at the mention of them, don't get me wrong I love my parents dearly it's just…I don't really remember much of them considering the whole locked up in a tower thing. But its fine, I was a weapon, I was what needed to be stopped, I was at risk of harming those I cherished dearly and had to be stopped.
"Curious about the Trevelyan's? I suppose but for what purpose?" I enquire my brow furrowed in worry, I don't want them to be involved that's the reason I was sent to the tower, to protect them even now I have to protect them from me…
"As people have noted your station. It would be helpful to call on the resources of your noble kinsmen. What are your thoughts? Should we approach your family for the formal support of the inquisition?" Josephine adds as I relief a tired sigh.
Although the Trevelyan's are very wealthy and have tons of contacts, especially in the chantry. I don't think my name would open many doors," I begin as Josephine raises a brow seeing my down casted eyes and closed off arms.
"I'm sorry," Josephine begins.
"No don't be, you wouldn't understand. They may join for the politics sure, my uncle sure loves the thrill of the dance and wicked grace heh but I don't want them involved. I'm sorry; I care too much to want them put in harm's way. They had to put up with a lot from me as it is, being a mage isn't really that great reputation wise in the Trevelyan family and often leads to more closed doors than opened ones," I explain calmly as I see Josephine's mournful look of pity, making me frown. Don't give me that look; please…I've had enough of that look as it is. I release a shaky sigh feeling a wave of fatigue from it.
"I'm…sorry. I won't press you for anymore," Josephine sighs; I see the guilt in her eyes
"It's fine. Not all parents and families get along we should be grateful for what we have," I try to be positive, smiling sadly as Josephine's nods sadly in agreement.
"But others will," She warns me as I nod.
"Then I'll have to buck up and bear it out," I smile bitterly as Josephine simply nods, I see a hint of a smile of admirations sent my way. Maybe Josephine isn't as bad as the other children I played with back in my youth before the tower…
"Val Royeaux has note of your lineage. It gives the inquisition some legitimacy although not as much as we'd hoped," Josephine reports.
"Why not?" I raise a bow puzzled, recalling father often speaking of his powerful influence in Val Royeaux, often having market men buying his wares to sell, giving him a portion of the money and tax on buying his products.
"You are from Ostwick. Orlesian nobles. Orlesian nobles consider the Free Marches somewhat…quaint," Josephine informs me as I nod recalling my fathers at their parties' heh…
How we would both just stand there awkwardly as mother practically owned the ball that was organised by another, speaking to everyone in a silver tongue that all understood, it was like she was a glowing flame, or the sun, everyone flocking to her to bask in her warmth and angelic voice while father and I we…
"So I tell this guy, mate you just drank Mabari piss!" Loudly, my father's boisterous laugh echoes in the hallway causing a few nobles to scowl, looking in disgust or distance themselves from the loud jokester.
"Free March scum…"
"Tch, so loud, such manners…"
"Pig farmer heritage no doubt…"
"How could someone as elegant, beautiful and divine as Lady Astrid fall for someone as lowly as a free marcher…"
I remember seeing my father's once cheerful smile diminish to one of sorrow and embarrassment as he looks away, a shamed, his features flushed until a pair of heels approach and it seemed as though the sun had risen up from her long slumber to greet the people, it was as though a wave of amnesia hit the guests as the mistake was long forgotten, thanks to my mother's radiance, it's like she casted a spell on those people saving my father from the humiliation of the ball…
"Even though I'm a mage that doesn't give them pause?" I frown returning to the conversation at hand.
"You're not a unfamiliar sight. Mages from noble families are often given more leeway besides Ostwick's circle had a reputation for being rather sedate," Josephine points out as I nod in understanding, recalling a few times as a child of a few of my friends at parties had disappeared suddenly, and when I asked father or mother would stop me, telling me not to question it so I didn't, I held my tongue as I was taught to at times.
"It was sedate thanks to enchanter Lydia, she knew her place, she knew of the risk from the Templars but acted never scared, she taught us not to show our fear to the Templars, fear is their power and control. We chose the circle, we chose the circle to help those scared of their abilities, to help those realize fear is what the Templars want us to feel and we shouldn't grant them that gift. We chose the circle out of love and care towards wanting to protect both ourselves and those we cherish. Albeit it was a tad bit dull and confiding at times but coming out here. I see why some mages wish to have stayed in the tower," I explain.
"Did you have friends back there?" Josephine asks I see a hint of curiosity in her eyes making me sigh at the question.
"Not many, others tended to avoid me, calling me smarty-pants and such, I had one friend that was all but I wasn't lonely I had him and I got to go home now and again, if I were lucky, if they wanted me for a ball, arty. It was rare, if I wanted to go back, it was up to them, they have a lot on their plate, bringing me back when I wanted too would only cause drama at times," I explain calmly, recalling the times I had my hopes up of leaving the tower, requesting to see mother and father, only for Lydia to reports me, numerous times how I couldn't for they didn't want me to come home at that time…
It hurt but I got used to it and the numerous times I requested to pay visit, the more my requests were denied and the less I made requests, learning the hard way…
"Were the Templars good to you?" Josephine enquires continuing to question me.
"Not really, often Templars would watch us; some even forced themselves upon mages. I recall a girl being promised her freedom if she continued to sleep with one of the Templars that is until Lydia intervened; she swiftly brought the Templars in line. After Lydia learned this she stood up and set the Templars straight. Some Templars were kind, even pitying some but not me, they kept me to myself knowing me as the quiet witch, one who never spoke unless spoken too plus due to my ties of being a Trevelyan, they tried to get along with me due to my family ties," I explain remembering my time there, a small sad smile crosses my lips at the memory of back then, Lydia's curious expression, her yelling at the Templars until the moon rose, the Templars had to hold her back but she didn't after, instead taught us not to lose and show our fear that is what the Templars want, we had the face of the circle being dull but really inside it was quite rough…but if you were never seen or got in the Templar's path you were safe.
"This place is of no bastion of civilization, not like the circle. I hope you don't find the living conditions in Haven too rustic for someone of your station," Josephine tells me.
"How do you find it?" I ask curious taking in her attire and knowledge no doubt she's from a noble household, not too noble however considering if I remember the Montilyet's aren't as well known as the Trevelyan's back then.
"One adjusts, I stay busy. It helps take my mind from our surroundings. And the cold. And the wildlife and the lack of civilisation for miles around, honestly I was trying to talk to Fennic the other day, telling her about how she must act before nobles when she turned to me straight face and said…what the hell are you on? I mean, I was talking to her for an at least an hour and she literally ignored me!" Josephine sighs making me snicker at the image.
"Yeah that sounds like Fen, she doesn't really care for nobles, I think that's an aspect I like about her you know, doesn't believe or respect those above her station due to roots, you sort of have to prove to her to earn her respect, if you are kind to her she's kind back you know," I explain bringing a small smile to Josephine's lips.
"Yes, I should have known, Fen didn't seem much like the politics type," Josephine says awkwardly making me nod.
"Why anyone lived here before we found Andraste's Ashes I cannot imagine," Josephine sighs.
"At least we're safe, Haven isn't a spot most go to," I reassure thinking of how our enemies can't find us, they won't suspect for us to be in such a place like this.
"Do not say that too loudly. Chancellor Roderick is still here until next time my lady," Josephine smiles dismissing me.
"Indeed, I hope we can talk more, after all us nobles should stick together," I joke lightly bringing a small shy smile to Josephine's lips.
"Of course, I would enjoy that very much," Josephine smiles returning to her notes and I turn, leaving the ambassador to her duties…
Fennic pov:
Calmly, we stroll through the Hinderlands, Iron Bull pants slightly, a huge big grin crossing his features from our last fight as we continue onwards; Evelyn is collecting herbs now and again, leaving to tend to other minor quests for more influence in the Inquisition, even putting up banners to show our influence. This isn't bad, more influence more power but doing this without the consent of the royal family, my cause some minor difficulties in the future…
"Nice job in that last fight Solas," Iron Bull smiles complimenting the male elf by my side, who merely frowns at Iron Bull.
"You really kicked the crap out of that last guy," Iron Bull smirks as I smirk, recalling the fight and the way that Solas did fire, I must say he is quite skilled for mages, most mages tend to be weak with close combat, but Solas manages to dodge quite elegantly, like he has years of experience under his belt to predict the patterns of those incoming attacks.
"I suppose," Solas look away and I frown at his rather firm short answer, usually he would ramble on, then again he doesn't really seem to like the Qunari due to Solas' adoration towards freedom, not that I can blame him, I love the concept of freedom too.
"What you don't think so? You ripped him a new one! It was great!" Iron Bull grins, still charged up from our last fight, his expression reminds me of a giddy child.
"Unless the fight is personal, violence is a means to an end it isn't appropriate to celebrate," Solas says almost scowling at Iron Bull making me sigh, and here it comes…
"I don't know," Iron bull sighs, his once jovial expression turning to one of disappointed and thoughtfulness as he glances at me which I return with a shrug.
"Solas has a point," Evelyn sighs her brow looking guilty at the thought as we enter Redcliffe but I remain silent, I think it depends on the culture of that person, celebrating a fight can be both good and bad, heck when I killed that dragon we celebrated, every bad man has someone waiting for them, sometimes sacrifices must be made for that, even if it hurts that loved one.
"Gotta wonder about people who fight as much as we do. Who doesn't have fun with it," Iron Bull contemplates making me nod agreeing with him. "If you keep feeling sorry for yourself, the guilt will consume you, making you nothing but a pathetic cry baby," I point to a happily humming Evelyn, oblivious to my words.
"We have fought, killing men with loved ones and families and all that they might have been is gone!" Solas argues fuming.
"Yeah but they were assholes," Iron Bull smirks at his simple answer.
Frowning, I glance at the pair, seeing Iron bulls shake off Solas rude remarks.
I know Iron Bull wants to get along with the others, he was in charge of a mercenary group, typically it's best for everyone to get along to create a sense of trust and fight better, that why our team back at Kirkwall worked well, sure we had some that didn't get along, like Merrill and me, but still we both knew we had one another's back it's the same here, I feel kind of bad for Bull now, urgh…this isn't like me.
Happily, Evelyn smiles only to falter when she glances at the silent but frowning Solas and the glum looking Bull then turns to me as I sigh and nod.
"Hey Bull want to check out some weapons?" Evelyn asks.
"Hell yah!" Grinning, the pair leaves, leaving Solas and I alone as I turn to him.
"That was rude," I deadpan to him.
"Rude, I was being honest. We have killed many people, people who have had family and to see him enjoy this is…barbaric, tch typical of a Qunari," Solas scowls as I frown at him.
"For a guy rambling on about freedom of people and mages you're awfully racist," I point out.
"Racist!? Tch, not my fault the Qunari want to enslave us! They have no-"
"Solas! Listen, I understand where you are coming from, killing isn't always the answer but look. Iron Bull comes from a culture in which battling is seen as a sport, it's almost a self-defence mechanism for him to enjoy this to block out the guilt of it all, his race is about battling, he was raised, educated to enjoy fighting, if he didn't he wouldn't be what he is," I reason.
"He could be so much more though, he could be different, he could be so much more," Solas argues.
"I agree but this is the life he has chosen we shouldn't force him or insult his culture that's just being as bad as the chantry," I argue silencing Solas who furrows his brow at my thoughts.
"Why are you defending him? He's a Qunari he is just like those back at Kirkwall," Solas scowls as I release a tired sigh…
"Not all Qunari are monsters," I reply quietly, feeling a pang of sorrow as I recall a silent but kind Qunari mage and his…end. It's an end none of us wanted for him but he chose it and we respected that, he wanted to die that way, it was his final wish and it was his choice to choose that end…
Silently, Solas stares at me, his eyes looking for answers but I refuse to give any, making him release an annoyed sigh.
"Look…you don't have to be friends with him but a team must trust each other at least, we all have people we don't like but we still have to fight by their side. I had to do it now you have to, just be nicer okay? Try," I plead to him making his eyes widen at my words, making him go silent and caress his temple releasing a loud sigh.
"Very well, I…. I will consider your advice," Solas gives in, going back to Redcliffe, bringing a small smile to my features.
There now that's out of the way…better head to Redcliffe.