We're all gathered at the precinct, in one room, pulling on vests, checking weapons. We're moving out soon on a big search warrant. Captain called ESU and they're gonna meet us there, with their vans and trucks full of cannonball people, those that shoot into a room to make sure it's safe before we go in. They're the ones more likely to get shot at.

I tighten my vest a bit, for some reason it's loose. I wonder if maybe Fin grabbed mine from the back of the car by accident sometime. I don't bother to ask. It's all nerves and tension and being a warm day, with the air conditioner not working as well as it should, the room is hot with sweating bodies in such close proximity, all breathing the same re-circulated air. I glance at the new uni, who's excited and gulping at the muggy air, trying to get more oxygen into his slight frame. There's an older uniform, probably his partner, telling him little things, probably how it's going to go down and to not panic, just keep a cool head and function. Or he could just be telling this new guy to shut up, stay in the back and don't get in the way. Either way, I hope it works.

Captain comes in the room and yells, "Move out, people!" We follow orders and soon all that's left in the room is some papers that fell to the floor.

Fin and I head to our car and for some reason Captain's chosen our car to be ferried around in. I take the back seat as Fin is already ready to drive. As soon as Cap climbs in, he points and says, "Go." We follow Benson and Stabler's car.

As we pull down the street, I see the ESU vans heading towards us and they park on the other side of the street. Cap gets out and walks over to the passenger door on the first van, talking to the man inside who I know to be the lieutenant in charge of ESU. Then he hops out of the van and Cap waves to us and the Lieutenant waves to the back of his van and the front of the other one. Suddenly, there's twelve cannonball men rushing up the front stairs, preceding Benson, Stabler, Fin, Cap, and I. My gun is already drawn, as is all the others'. The uni from before is behind me, looking a bit green, but is partner is right there, making sure he doesn't screw up, or get in the way. I still haven't decided which.

We storm down the hall and up the stairs, heads poking out of apartments to see what the commotion is all about. The uniforms in back yell at them to "get back inside!" and generally they do. As we near the landing of the third floor, we slow down as Fin and I worm our way to the front; this is our case after all. Fin pounds on the door, yelling, "NYPD! Open up!" When no one does, he nods to the lieutenant who nods to his men, who bust down the door and fly through. Fin and I are at the tail end of them and as we hear the various "clears," I know our guy either skipped out before we came, or when we knocked on his door.

Then, I see a flicker of movement out of the corner of my eye and I'm off to the right, down another hallway and into a bedroom. Our guy's halfway through the window, and instead of getting all the way out, he turns and I see the gun in his hand. Mine's still up and I yell, "Drop the gun!" I don't know where the ESU guys are, or Fin, but right now it doesn't really matter. Right now, it's just me and him.

Suddenly, he climbs back inside, and there's another man behind him, also holding a gun. An automatic rifle, by the looks of it. "Drop the gun!" I repeat. "Both of you!" I hear someone come up behind me and I know it's Fin.

"Back off!" our guy yells at Fin. I know he doesn't want to and that he's still standing there. Our guy yells again. "Back the fuck off, or both of you are dead!"

I can almost see Fin struggling with himself, even with my back to him. I turn my head a bit so I can see him standing with his gun half raised. "Fin... just do it. I'll be all right. Go."

He stares at me and I pray to any god that might be above to let him choose to leave. He does and I thank that god for giving him that strength because I know it was far from easy for him to leave his partner, his friend, to two guys with guns. "Whaddaya want?" I ask the man, as reasonably as I can manage.

"Put the gun on the floor."

"I can't do--"

"Do it!" he yells.

"Okay, okay." I bend slowly and place the gun on the floor.

"Push it towards me. Now!" he adds, seeing my hesitation. I push it forward. He waves his gun a bit. "Now, lay down. On your stomach."

I inch onto my belly, hating this with every cell in my body. Every cop's worst fear: to be held hostage with no way to get out but the people outside who you hope are in a much better position to help you out. I hear a bit of movement from the hallway and move my neck to see our guy wave his gun again.

"Stay the hell away! Don't come in here or your detective here isn't going to walk out of this room!" The movement rushes away. I'm alone again. All I can hope is that Fin and Captain are working their asses off to get me out of here.

"What do you want?" I ask again.

"Shut up! I don't wanna hear a word outta your mouth, you hear me old man?"

"Yes, I hear you."

"Good." He moves over to the window and whispers something to his buddy. Why this has to be me in this predicament, I don't know. I guess the god who answered me before has a devil that cursed me. All those times I managed to come out alive, without one mark on me, leaving friends behind to die. It finally caught up to me, in this dingy little bedroom with me lying prone on the floor without a gun. My only hope was that if he did shoot me, my vest would do something to protect me. I could live with a broken rib, or a bruised rib, just not a bullet in the chest. God, no.

He turns suddenly, and I resist the urge to tense. That would give away my emotions and I can't let him see that I'm afraid. "What can you do for him?" He nods his head toward the man on the fire escape.

"I don't know," I reply honestly. "He ran with you, and now he's helping you hold a police officer hostage. Not to mention that gun. Depends on if it's registered or not."

"He's my brother."

He says it as if it should make a difference. The only difference it might make is that they get to share a cell in jail. But I don't say that. "If he walks out now, without the gun, he might have a chance. I'll tell the judge he didn't really do anything."

"Can you get him into treatment?"

This throws me for a loop. I stare at the stained carpet not two inches from my face as I try to think. "What kind of treatment does he need?"

"He's got a drug problem."

Problem. If this were the interrogation room and I in a much safer situation, I might snort. "If we talk something out with the judge, he might be able to get into a program, yeah."

"What about me?"

I was wondering when he would get to this. "Holding me here isn't getting you any brownie points. But I could get you out alive."

He goes back to his brother and more whispering ensues. This sure is the strangest serial rapist I ever met. Doesn't give a shit about the women he degregates, but trying to make sure his junkie brother doesn't get in trouble. And he doesn't really seem to care about what happens to himself, despite trying to run and the early aggressiveness. I crane my neck a bit and see another flicker of movement on the roof across the street. Sniper.

He turns around again. "You sure he can leave freely?"

"As long as he surrenders his weapon and doesn't fight at all."

He faces his brother again. "Go," I hear him say. "Do what he said, surrender, no fight. Got it?" I assume his brother's reply is to his liking because the brother scampers down the fire escape and it's just me and him left.

"They have snipers surrounding this building. If you do anything to me, you'll go down too. You don't want your brother to see you come out on a stretcher, do you?"

He simply looks at me. My neck is starting to hurt from looking up at him, even though he's still near the window.

"I can get you out alive, if you just give me back my gun. I'll make sure they don't shoot. I promise."

He's raising his gun again, and a shiver of fear runs through me. No, he can't shoot now. I'm so close to getting him out, getting me out. I hear him cock the hammer and that's when I close my eyes. I won't watch as he pulls the trigger. I won't watch him shoot me.

But I don't her the telltale bang, and there's no sting from a bullet. Instead, just a thud and I open my eyes to see the gun on the floor. "Get up," he says. "Get your gun. Take me out."

I slowly get into a better position and then hoist myself up and I hear one of my knees crack. I walk slowly towards him. "Face the wall. Put your hands up." He starts to mumble something, but I cut him off. "If I don't cuff you, I can't trust you and I can't take you outta here safely." He stops and I slide the handcuffs over his wrists. I guide him to the bed, making sure he sits. With one eye on him, I pick up my gun, and his. I slide his into my holster, mine staying firmly in my right hand. "Stand up. Let's go." I follow him out of the room and down the hallway.

When I open the front door, it's to about five guns in my face. "Hey, hey, hey, guys. Take it easy. I just made it out without a hole in me, I'd like to make it back home like that, too." I hear one appreciative chuckle before one of them takes custody of my ex-captor. "Here." I hand his gun to another of the cannonball men. "That was the gun he pulled on me. Didja get his brother?" Another man nods. "Good."

They part for me and I'm left leading them downstairs to the street. I see Fin and Cap jog over, followed shortly by Stabler and Benson. "Hey, man, you all right?" Fin claps me on the shoulder and I'm surprised. Everything we do is without physical contact, and here he his, giving me the closest thing to a hug I'll ever receive from him.

"I'm in one piece, with no more holes than I should have."

I can tell he doesn't appreciate the joking manner.

"Is his brother all right?" I ask Cap.

He nods. "You did a good job in there, John."

I shrug. "It was either a good job or a free trip to the hospital. Which would you have chosen?"

He smiles slightly before going away to answer the calls of someone.

I'm left with my colleagues in front of me. "What?"

"Nothing," they seem to murmur in unison. I shake my head and wave Fin over to the car.

It's time to go home.