Frowning, I look around Skyhold, my brow furrowing hen I spot a familiar irritating abomination calmly reading…wait.
Okay no, no, I got to, I have to confirm this.
"You know for a critic of all shit I didn't know you love the shittiest book on the planet," I snicker at the book of sword and shields.
"Trust me this wasn't my first choice, if they actually had a library here then maybe I would find a better book. I'm more surprised at the fact that you're talking to me our last chat was very…"
"I got to the point didn't I?" I smirk as he frowns.
"You certainly did," He grumbles.
"I'm just here to do a double take at the shit that you're reading. Where did you get that?" I snort recalling the cover, only recognising the image before me on the front, rather than the strange words on the cover. I only know bits and pieces of language, I can read some of it thanks to Hawk and Leliana, when she saw my poor skills, she tried to help me with the aid of Josephine, it was a pain in the neck but I accomplished it in the end, so that's good. But all those posh words like Vivienne uses I have no clue what they mean…
"Cassandra offered it to me," He smirks.
"No, she likes this…of course she does," I grin, shaking my head at the hidden romantic side of the tough Cassandra, of course.
"Trust me I feel my brain cells dying from the sheer atrocity that is Varric's work," Dorian jokes as I join in, even recalling Varric confessing to hating the series. He only really did it due to the orders of the publishers.
Curious, I peer over the abomination's shoulder, managing reading a few segments only to scoff.
"She's faking it," I add causing Doran to choke and chuckle at my words.
"You're not wrong," He agrees as together, we continue to chuckle at the sheer stupidity of swords and shields…
Exhausted, I enjoy the cheers of the tavern calmly sipping my drink sighing as I watch the others cheer and such. I frown as I feel a familiar heaviness flow through my body, no, no, no, I can't, I don't want to, if I do I'll see him again, I can't, I won't, I don't want to…I scowl as I feel my eyelids become as heavy as lead, as iron as stone as they begin to droop, my body fleeing light yet numb, damn it, these were meant to help, I scowl at the drink in my hand as I slump in my seat, plastered exhausted and emotionally drained.
"Why is it? The first place I thought I would find you it would be in a tavern," My ears hear the smug voice of Hawke as I numbly nod, too tired to deal with anymore drama.
"Fen when was the last time you slept?" Concerned laced through Hawke's voice, she asks me, only to gently grab hold of my face and narrow her eyes.
"You haven't been sleeping again! Fen you need to sleep," She reasons to me.
"I don't need it…" I scowl.
"Yes you do…" She assures.
"I'm fine on my own, I don't…I don't want to dream, I don't want to see him," I whisper lowly., my body shaking, my heart aching along with my body as I feel a familiar single tear of utmost fear threaten to fall.
"You won't you're stronger than that and you know it." Hawke states the fact to me making me scoff.
"Then why does he continue to haunt me!?" I snap bitterness edged into my tone making Hake flinch and frown.
"Fen what you and Fenris went through can't be healed over time but when your brother and I finally got back together, he…his dreams began to fade, I think it may have been due to me using the fade to make his dreams happier, well my attempt to and whenever he struggled I would help him through it. I want to help you Fen but I can't if you won't let me…" Softly, Hawke reaches out to me, only for me flinch and scowl, I slap her hand away. I don't need her pity; I don't need anyone's maker damn pity….
"Just use the coma spell on me you used to before…" I sigh tiredly, remembering the peaceful sleeps I had prior thanks to such a simple spell.
"Fen it's dangerous that's because you would have ended up in a coma if you didn't sleep during that time. It was a last resort for both I and Ander's even Merrill were wary of it…" Hawke frowns as I scoff.
"I'm fine then, I have my beer, I have the bar I'm just…" I begin scowling, raising my glass to bring to my lips.
"I'm sorry." Frowning, my eyes burst open when she raises her staff.
No! Don't I swear to-!
Next thing I know, my body falls limp, my eyesight slowly closing as I reach out to the sorrowful look of Hawke, no, don't you dare give me that pity look, I don't want your pity, I don't need your pity, I don't need anyone! Seething, I scowl as she is helping me up. No, no, not this, not this, horrified, I feel my muscles tense, my senses heightening as I fall victim to my vision darkening and finally, I black out and enter my dreams, no, no, no please I don't want to see him again, not again, not again…
Calmly, Hawke strolls through Skyhold towards the throne room of Skyhold, feeling a variety of eyes on her and in particular, the unconscious elf in her arms, bridal style.
"Fen! Hawke don't tell me…" Varric sighs.
"She was on the verge of exhaustion," Hawke sighs as Varric nods in understanding.
"What? Don't tell me Fen was drinking again, how much?" Josephine enquires surprised to see the elf knocked out.
"Nothing most likely," Varric confirms.
"Fen!" Eve rushes over to the group.
"What happened? Is she okay? Is she hurt? We should get Solas!" Freaking, Eve panics.
"She's fine, she's sleeping, for once, tell me where's her room? "Hawke enquires.
"This way," Eve guides her and they enter the room.
It's not very decorative is it? Eve blurts out surprised by it.
"Fen likes it this way…sharp sword under bed, no one will take her by surprise there, alcohol there for her to drink when sad, it hurts it hurts why did you make her sleep when it would only bring pain. She's scared, an old pain from before haunting her, stalking her, she's so scared…" Startled, the two turn to the voice of Cole.
"Cole wh-what are you doing here?" Eve take a step back, wary of the spirit.
"I was worried about Fen…she's scared…so scared, please don't I don't want to see him, skin as pale as a corpse, skin as pale as the bones of those fallen, hair as grey as time, hands, no…no…please don't, not the knife, no, no, it hurts, stop, stop, I don't want this, I don't want this," Horrified, Eve takes another step back disturbed by Cole's whispers.
"Enough," Hake snaps Cole out of it snapping him as he bows his head.
"I'm sorry," He whispers guiltily, looking like a child having been kicked making the two sigh as Hawke settles Fen in her bed.
"This is Fens style alright," Hawke mentions lightly.
"Her style?" Eve questions.
"The fewer the items the easier she can escape," Hawke smiles tightly.
"Escape?" Eve questions.
"Fen has always been on the run, she…she isn't fond in staying in a place too long gets anxious about it. Sort of like her sleeping, she gets anxious both sleeping, she has these nightmares you see and are scared of them, so she drinks to avoid sleeping…" Hawke explains to the puzzled Eve.
"I…I…"
It got so bad to a point of which we had to use the same spell we used back then. A sleeping spell called coma," Hawke sighs sadly.
"How will we wake her up?" Eve questions.
"She'll wake up on her own or someone will have to hit her or make psychical contact to snap her out of it," Hawke answers.
"I see. Thank you Hawke…"
Anytime, Fen is like a sister to me, I guess you could say she is now. Heh…" Together, the two leave, however, Eve's green hues linger on the fallen figure that is Fen. "What are you hiding Fen? What can't you tell us?" Weakly, Eve whispers, her eyes both pained and concerned as her eyes briefly narrow at the lone figure of Cole, who remains glued to her side.
"Cole what are you doing?" Eve questions.
"Fen doesn't want to be lonely when she wakes up," Cole replies innocently making Eve frown but sigh as the small boy who links his pale, cold as ice hand around Fen's, slowly removing the gauntlets around her hand, sitting down placing himself at the head of the bed, leaning against the bed...waiting patiently for Fen to awaken.
*So shoutout to the person who keeps putting excellent as a comment you are nothing but consistent!*