Garfiel held his hand to his chest, staring up at the night sky. The moon hung above.
Healing energy poured from his gate back into him. Ragged breaths left his lungs, then slightly less ragged breaths pulled in his next bit of air.
That process continued until his breathing was normal, and he wasn't in danger of dying. Short sobs left him, but he forced them away. He couldn't complain. He was the Shield of the Sanctuary. And there was still a Sanctuary to defend. There were still people who needed him, so he forced himself to stand.
When he got to his feet he assessed the others. His vision passed over the scene before him. Red liquid covered the ground. A ring of destruction surrounded him. Every tree was destroyed, and debris lay everywhere.
Nearer to the center was another ring of destruction. This one held Meili and Otto. Meili's body was torn to shreds, she wasn't breathing. Otto lay face down on the ground, blood spreading out from him.
A little nearer was a massive pool of blood where Emilia's body had been, but there was no body right now. Where had Emilia gone? Had she gotten up and healed herself? Was she alive somewhere? Garfiel couldn't focus on it, the others in Sanctuary needed his attention more than some random girl.
Standing up he observed the center of the destruction. Ram's body. He raced over to her, kneeling down, knees splashing in the still wet blood.
"Ram…" He whispered, turning her over. Her red eyes stared up at him. Empty. She was dead. He didn't want to accept that.
Resting his hands on her, his water magic sprung to life. It achieved nothing. Ram was dead, she couldn't come back.
Garfiel's lip quivered. Right before he wept a small sound reached him. Breathing, coming from Otto.
The boy rushed over to the merchant. In an instant his magic was active, and working on Otto. Garfiel flipped him to his side to make sure he could breathe. Otto hacked blood onto the ground. Garfiel continued to heal his wounds. They weren't as grievous as any of the others. It only took Garfiel around fifteen minutes to heal the man.
"Otto,'r you alright?" Garfiel asked, lifting the man to his feet.
Otto nodded, "Yeah."
His eyes didn't quite meet Garfiel's. The demi-human suspected he had a similar look in his eyes.
"We need to worry 'bout the people," Garfiel whispered, trying to find something to keep him going.
"Yeah… yeah," Otto repeated his words, unable to find anything new. Garfiel couldn't blame him.
Otto tried to walk forward, though he stumbled, so Garfiel grabbed his arm and put it around his own neck. With Garfiel as support, Otto could stand, and the two began moving toward the church.
"So what's the plan, Otto?"
"I… don't know."
"We can figure somethin' out," Garfiel held onto a bit of hope.
"Yeah," Otto offered that same empty agreement.
The two continued on, shambling, holding away the reality of what had happened. If Garfiel let himself realize what had gone down he would have broken. He couldn't let that happen, there would be no defender of Sanctuary if that happened. So he held down all his emotions. He couldn't last long like this, but he just had to keep everyone safe. He didn't know what he would do other than try to keep the residents of Sanctuary safe.
After a few minutes, something came into Garfiel's mind, "Otto."
"Hm?"
"Where did that bird, the Bishop, go?"
Otto stopped walking, "I don't know. Probably looking for Natsuki-san, or something."
"Well, we should get to the church anyway," Garfiel responded.
"Yeah…"
The two made it to the steps leading to the church, which was on its raised hill. Neither made a joke or conversation. Garfiel wanted to speak, to do something to relax, but every time he tried Ram's face as her wind magic went wild always returned to his mind. Stopping him from speaking.
They climbed the steps without issue until a dove landed in front of them, it soon twisted itself into the shape of a woman. Blonde hair appeared atop her head within moments. Otto stepped away from Garfiel. Once free of Otto's weight Garfiel raised both arms. They were sluggish, but he didn't have anything else.
As soon as Garfiel did that the woman parted her lips and said, "Where is Natsuki Subaru? Tell me and I won't harm anyone but him."
There was a touch of desperation in her voice, Garfiel couldn't tell why.
"I got no idea lady, now get the fuck outta Sanctuary."
Capella smiled. "I could torture it out of you."
"Go ahead n'try lady."
The woman reached forward, Garfiel stepped away, so did Otto, they knew they'd need to stay on the defensive. But Capella stopped moving, instead turning to stare off into the distance.
"Ah but if he doesn't know about what happens at dawn, then he could die, shit," Capella whispered, then continued in a louder voice, "Well it looks like you meatbags aren't going to get tortured by this lovely lady."
"Hm?" Came from Garfiel. Otto was silent.
"It would take too long. Good thing I kept the half-elf alive though, that gave us some nice time anyway," Capella said, snapping her fingers, "Come on out and eat their memories."
Garfiel's vision flicked to his left where something was coming. Roy. Garfiel remembered everything Subaru had said, making sure to keep his shields steady he jumped in front of Otto.
A missile in the form of a little boy shot from the trees, he held two swords above his head, then slammed them down on Garfiel's arm.
Sparks jumped out as Roy's sword met his shield. His arm quaked from the force of Roy's attack. Roy let himself fall to the ground, once his feet touched down he put his emerald green eyes on Garfiel.
In his eyes rested an insane glint, full of hunger.
"Oh… getting in the way the meal mama gave us?"
Nothing. That's what passed through Subaru's mind. His emotions crushed any thought that could arise. So all that remained in his mind was emptiness.
No tears dripped down his face. He'd long since run out of those. Most likely from dehydration. There was a point where his body simply would not, or could not, offer more water.
He'd hit that point. So now he sat in deafening silence.
Subaru didn't know what to do anymore. His single hope, the only bit he allowed himself in this entire loop was gone. Echidna had crushed it.
Of course, he couldn't trust Echidna, of course not. Why had he ever thought trusting Echidna was a good idea? What the hell had made him think that?
Echidna knew him best. Of course, she would hate him. The more people got to know him the more they hated him. Why had he thought that would be different if it was Echidna? She knew everything about him. It should apply more to her than it should to any other.
Natsuki Subaru was an idiot. He'd let his emotions overwhelm him. He'd let hope into his heart, that was the greatest mistake.
What hope could he have? What could possibly be something Natsuki Subaru could hope for?
Natsuki Subaru could not have hope. He was Natsuki Subaru, the most contemptible, hateable, horrible existence. Hope should not be allowed to him. There was no hope. At this rate he should just die, then keep Satella from bringing him back.
Yeah, that was what he would do. The next time he died he would find a way to tell that to Satella. Just let him die for real. No one would care about him. Not even those who'd lost their names, he would just weigh them down. They'd be happy to see him die.
Because that was how it worked. So he should just die. That was what needed to happen.
But all the others… they'll die too if I don't do anything. A part of him thought.
A different Subaru would have laughed at that. Not him though, he was too tired. Too stretched out. Too rung out. Too exhausted to laugh. He was done.
He just wanted to be done.
That thought continued to haunt him though until he mustered up the energy to address it.
So what if they all die? So what if it's my fault they all die?
"It would just be another sin added onto a greater pile," Subaru said. Typhon had been right. Sin had truly become a shackle. The only way to slip off that shackle was to let himself die. That was what he needed to do. To die.
Subaru pushed his tongue through his teeth. A moment later he bit down.
Otto's vision jumped around. A young boy with brown hair falling past his shoulders stared at him. The boy looked similar to another Otto had met. This boy was undoubtedly Roy Alphard, the brother of Ley Batenkaitos. The Sin Archbishop who'd tried to kill him not more than a few days ago.
"Why are you getting in the way of our meal? Mama gave us this one," Roy said, clearly pissed off by what Garfiel had done.
"I don't give a fuck 'bout your meal," The demi-human said with disgust.
Otto attempted to bring words out of his mouth. But the only thing he did was whimper a little. His mind was still reeling from what had happened with Ram. What was he supposed to do now? They'd failed so horribly in their defense.
Now standing against two Sin Archbishops, the only resistance they could offer was two tired bodies. Garfiel, full of exhaustion and half-healed injuries, barely able to even fight. And Otto with much less fighting ability, and even less healed injuries. Otto could barely even walk. Garfiel hadn't had the mana to bring him back to full health when he'd used his healing.
So Otto was stuck, almost unable to even stand up on his own, while Garfiel wasn't all that much better himself. Yet the two did still try to resist anyway. Even with their pitiful strength.
Pulling a hastily assembled bomb that still remained Otto threw it at Capella. It was easy for the woman to step out of the way, but in the meantime Garfiel attacked Roy. Garfiel made sure to keep his shields up, not letting Roy touch him at all. The tiger was ill-matched for Roy, but he had to fight anyway.
The residents of Sanctuary were right there, it made sense for Garfiel to want to fight when they were so close to Roy's jaws. If he fought Roy would be too focused on Garfiel.
Otto couldn't continue to focus on that though. He had to concentrate on Capella, who looked at him with a twisted smile.
"Oh, trying to oppose this lovely lady, you little meatbag. Why don't you know your place? It should be so obvious even to meatbags as low as yourselves that I deserve to have all your love," Capella said.
"Fuck off," Was all Otto managed to put together.
"Oh what, you don't love me yet? Well everyone falls in love with this lovely lady, all I have to do is show you an appearance you can love. It really is quite simple, even a meatbag like you should understand."
Otto stared at her with disgust. Finally, his old bomb went off, but it had rolled away from Capella and done nothing to her.
"Anyway," Capella said, "What do you love?"
The woman closed her eyes to think. Otto didn't even try to fight against her. He knew how stacked against him the fight was. Even with all his tools, he would be able to do anything.
"Ah this should work on a meatbag like you," The woman had thought of something, and her body began to twist.
Behind Capella's churning form, the church flattened.
Otto didn't know if he'd actually seen what really happened.
Although when Capella flipped around, returning back to her normal form, Otto realized he'd really seen that.
The walls and ceiling had been forced into the ground by some force of magic. Bloody piles which had once been people oozed out from the foundations, crushed into heaps of flesh.
All the residents of Sanctuary, and half the people of Arlam, were dead.
"No…" Garfiel stopped fighting Roy. But the Sin Archbishop of Gluttony didn't do anything, instead he stepped over to Capella.
"Mama, what do we do?" He asked.
"Wait," She raised a finger to him.
Otto guessed that she wanted to see what had happened to the church before making any decisions.
After a few seconds, a figure resolved from the darkness. It took Otto a second to fully pick it out, but its rough features presented themselves to him. The person was in the shape of a man, tall, well-built, and imposing.
"You," Capella whispered.
That man walked from the church, a massive force of wind magic pushing everything around him into the ground.
Bandages covered his body from head to toe.
"Roswaal, you motherfucker," Garfiel's voice radiated utter hatred, "I'm gonna fuckin' kill yer."
A determined glint entered Roswaal's eyes.
"I can't let that happen, Garfiel Tinzel. I need to find Natsuki Subaru, I've already done so much to make him reset. I must stay the course," Roswaal said, then lifted his hand. Magic twisted around him. Desperation rose in Otto at the sheer power the man displayed.
The only word he could think of to describe the oppressive nature of Roswaal was melancholy.
"Roy, go for the merchant then try and find the target," Capella gave a snap order to the boy.
Right after she said that, Roswaal closed his fist. A massive blast of wind magic pushed down on them.
Garfiel tried to push himself toward Roswaal. Capella did the same. Roy however, attempted to move toward Otto.
Roswaal's body remained stock still, his eyes flicking between Garfiel and Capella, eventually landing on Capella.
The man put his other hand out to the woman, then let the wind on Garfiel, Roy and Otto fall away.
"ROSWAAL!" Garfiel shouted out, running toward Roswaal. His sanity was broken after what had happened to the residents of Sanctuary.
"This will be a good meal ~TSU!" Roy dashed toward Otto.
"Die, Capella Emerada Lugunica," Roswaal ignored Garfiel, creating a burning light in his hand. Soon dark purple light mixed with that whitish-yellow.
In that moment Otto Suwen witnessed the absolute pinnacle of Yin and Yang magic.
Two colors of magic, one dark, one yellow, mixed together to form a purifying beam. Capella's body split into two before the attack could go off. Then when that pillar of light burst from Roswaal's hand one half of Capella vaporized in an instant. The other half soon reformed a new body.
"Looks like you can't kill this lovely lady," Capella gloated.
"Otto, where is Subaru?" Roswaal asked, lethargic.
Otto couldn't answer the man as Roy was upon him. The merchant weaved mana into his hands, "Dona!"
A large spike of earth launched out in front of him, shooting toward the boy. Roy easily jumped out of the way, then dove for Otto. The merchant searched for any other way to escape. But there was nothing available to him. Roswaal didn't seem like he cared much for what happened, almost like a dead man barely keeping himself moving.
He looked to Garfiel who was dead-set on trying to kill Roswaal.
Fuck. Otto pulled together as much mana as he could, launching another blast of earth magic at Roy. This time the boy used his swords. Running forward, straight at the spike Roy chopped it in half.
"Give us our meal!" Roy shouted, dropping his sword and stretching out his hand.
The merchant flailed trying to get space from the boy, but he couldn't avoid Roy in the slightest. Within another breath, Roy rubbed his hand along the front of Otto's shirt. In the next instant, Roy had his hand raised to his mouth.
"Otto Suwen!" Roy belted out, licking his hand.
Otto ran at Roy, he didn't have any idea what he was doing. He was just running, desperately flailing around in desperation trying to do anything he could.
The moment Roy's tongue flicked off his hand, sending a bit of spittle flying, Otto tilted his head and slowed down. A second later he came to a stop.
Otto tilted his head, who was that boy?
"Uhm? Where am I?" He… what was his own name?
"Ah, so you lost them. Natsuki Subaru will care about you as well, maybe he'll see your state and decide to loop," A man covered in bandages whispered. One of his eyes was blue, the other yellow.
"Uhm hey, are you alright?" The man who didn't remember his own name asked.
"FUCKIN' DIE ROSWAAL!" A blonde-haired boy slammed his fist into the man. Roswaal's body shook from the attack. The boy sent another punch at him.
Roswaal caught it, then shoved the blonde boy away.
"What's going on?" The man who didn't remember a thing asked, confused. In the corner of his sight that brown-haired boy was speaking with a blonde-haired woman, who seemed to be telling him something. A moment later the brown-haired boy rushed off into the trees.
"Ahh he's going to Natsuki Subaru, I'll be following him then," Roswaal—He guessed the man's name—said.
"Who's Natsuki Subaru?" He asked.
"I'm sorry for this, Otto, but he needs to loop, this timeline cannot continue," Roswaal said.
Wait what had he said? Timelines? Loop? What was he even saying?
By the time he started to think about those questions Roswaal put his hand up. Palm facing Otto—was that his name? It seemed right, in any case, the man's hand remained focused on him.
In the next instant, more words came from the bandaged man, "Al Jiwald."
"OTTO!" The blonde boy shouted rushing for him, but before he could do anything a beam of light had pierced Otto's chest.
"Hk!" Blood rushed into his throat, along with incredible agony. A burning sensation emanated from his chest.
"The final Roswaal needs to reach teacher."
Otto's life began to fade. No this couldn't be happening, why was he dying… why? He collapsed onto his back, blood spraying out from his body.
"Ah…" A small groan left his body, blood spurted from his mouth onto his chin.
What had his life meant? Was this it, to drown in his own blood a gaping hole burned into his chest, not even remembering any kind of life? Was this all his life was? Was this all that life was? Why was this life? Who had made this life?
Tears poured down the sides of his face.
He was so unlucky.
"You motherfucker," The blonde-haired boy shouted.
"I need to go find Subaru, and your death won't affect him, goodbye Garfiel Tinzel," Roswaal said.
A moment later the man shot off into the sky. Soon a black dragon flew into the sky after Roswaal.
After that the blonde-haired boy leaned down, pushing his hands to Otto's chest. Blue energy flowed into the hole in his chest.
"C'mon Otto, don't die on me, don't," The boy—Garfiel—said, his voice begging, "Please don't leave me. I can't have failed this horribly. I can't have."
Otto looked down at his chest, the wound wasn't closing. This really was all that life had to offer, wasn't it?
He tried to speak to Garfiel, but only gurgles came from his mouth. A haunted expression painted the boy's face.
Otto wanted to scream, to do something to keep living, but there was nothing he could do.
He died without even a whimper, not a real memory to his name. All he remembered was confusion, pain, and the cold embrace of death.
Garfiel did his best to hold the blood in. Otto couldn't die. He was the only one left. The only person for Garfiel to protect. He'd failed all the others. He couldn't fail here, not here.
"AHHHHHH!" Screaming while he tried to force more and more healing into Otto, he finally realized how futile it was.
Otto was dead.
Garfiel's hands lifted from Otto's chest. Blood covered the merchant's pale skin and Garfiel's weathered hands. Tears dripped down both of their faces.
Sobs welled up in Garfiel's throat. A moment later they burst forth and the boy cried.
He cried for all the people he'd promised to protect.
And cried. For all the people he'd failed to protect.
And cried. Because they were the exact same group of people.
Though eventually he stopped crying and turned in the direction Roswaal and Capella had gone. He needed to get some kind of revenge for this. The black dragon and Roswaal were battling in the sky, trading massive blasts of fire as the moon dipped low. It would be dawn soon.
It took him a while to get his body to move. He had to crush his hands into fists then force his nails into his palms. His own blood joined Otto's on his hands.
"So I really am a failure of a shield, eh? Fuck it," He said. He had no idea who he was talking to. It didn't matter anyway.
Garfiel shook his head and set off for where Roy had run to. Tears dripped down onto the ground, and he barely held himself from losing his mind to his beast form.
An iron taste filled Subaru's mouth. His teeth pushed into his tongue. Flashes from the second trial entered his mind. Despairing people finding his dead bodies, over and over again. Why had they all still acted in those visions? Why had they still pretended to care about him when he was dead? Why? It made no sense. Why would they lie to his corpse?
Why the hell did they all lie so much? Were they such liars that they couldn't stop their lies even when he was dead? Did they hate him that much? Did they know they were a part of a trial so they kept lying, just to spite him? Was that it? Was that really what those people he'd once called friends did? Were they really that shallow? That horrible?
Even Natsuki Subaru didn't deserve that… right? Or did he? Was he that hateable? Contemptible enough that he deserved to be mocked and lied to even in death. Subaru gripped his face, digging his nails into his cheeks.
"Need to get rid of you. Need to. You can't stay here, I can't be you anymore," He said, his teeth letting go of his tongue.
Subaru continued ripping massive gashes into his face, desperately trying to tear his face off.
"You need to go. No one likes you. No one cares about you! Everyone hates you! Everybody wants you to just die! So leave!" Subaru kept ripping the skin of his face off. His nails pulled down further.
"Everyone hates you, everyone! They all hate you. We all hate you! We all want to lie to you! Get out! LEAVE!" He continued to pull his nails through his skin until they grazed his jaw.
"We all hate you, so get out! LEAVE, NATSUKI SUBARU!" He moved his nails up to the top of his cheeks again but shifted them over a little so they were raised over fresh skin.
Then he pulled them down again. Creating new gashes. He sobbed, but no tears leaked down his face. His body had no water left to give. Why couldn't he stop himself from crying in the first place? Oh… that's right… because he was Natsuki Subaru. Why did he have to be Natsuki Subaru? Why did he have to be someone so worthy of hate? Why?
"NATSUKI-SAN WE FOUND YOU!" A boy screamed out. Roy Alphard appeared right in front of his kneeling form.
"Oh, it's you…" He whispered.
"Mama said to kill you. And that you should know, so we're going to kill you, Natsuki-san," Roy said.
"Don't bring me back," He whispered once more. Then let his guard down.
"Well time to die ~tsu, too bad we can't eat you!" Roy yelled, slashing at Subaru.
It was time to die. Subaru let Roy attack him, this was what needed to happen. Natsuki Subaru needed to die. But he didn't want to die. He wanted to live. To not be someone so worthy of hate!
Yet still, he needed to get rid of Natsuki Subaru.
How could he live, and get rid of Natsuki Subaru?
"Wait, let's make a deal!" He shouted at Roy, who stopped.
"Mama said to kill you, so we have to do that, we can't make a deal," Roy said.
"I'll let you eat my name, if you leave me alive," He answered.
"But Mama will punish us for not killing you," To almost illustrate the boy's words a black dragon roared in the sky. Both their eyes flicked up into that sky, where a bandaged man fought that black dragon.
He couldn't stare at them forever, so after a moment he pulled his attention away from them and put it back on Roy. Within a moment he formulated a response, "If you eat my name, she won't remember I exist, and you won't get punished for not killing someone she doesn't remember exists."
Roy tilted his head, "We are kinda hungry, and she won't remember, soooo deal."
Dropping his swords to the ground Roy threw himself at Subaru, but someone jumped out from the trees, blocking Roy's outstretched hand. But the Gluttony didn't realize what had happened and bit down on their hand saying, "Natsuki Subaru."
As soon as his tongue left his hand Roy dropped to the ground, barely holding in vomit.
"Wrong name, wrong name," Roy said over and over again.
Subaru stared up at a pink-haired girl.
"What're you doing?" He asked them.
"If you die here, then you can't help Beatrice," The clone of Ryuzu Meyer, Ryuzu Shima, said.
"But Beako hates me, she won't… and you hate me…"
"If you promise to bring Beatrice out into the sunlight, I'll promise not to hate you, young Su," Shima said, then turned back to Roy, who was struggling to stand.
That bit of hope came back. This time, he couldn't crush it.
"I promise to bring Beako out into the sunlight," Subaru said, forcing himself to stand.
"Then survive, young Su, find a way out of here. Make it to Beatrice, and get her to be happy again," Shima said, almost ordering him.
Beatrice would look at him fondly if he helped her. Even if it was only for a moment, right now, that was enough.
"So you don't hate me?" Subaru asked.
"No, young Su, I don't."
That was enough for Natsuki Subaru.
But not for Roy. The boy stood up, "You promised to give us your name, give it, let us eat!"
Shima dashed forward, wrapping her body around Roy's, "Go young Su, run!"
Subaru did as the woman commanded and ran, he pushed his body to its limit once more. A second later an explosion rang out.
A massive eruption of magic followed from the sky. Capella's screams stopped after that.
Shit Ros is going to try and get me to loop. The thought pushed Subaru on further. He grasped spirits drawing on mana from the environment, then using it to enhance his body. He wasn't good at mana enhancement so it didn't work very well, but it was better than nothing.
Behind him, Roswaal spoke, "I can't have myself forgetting about Natsuki Subaru, so you need to die, Roy Alphard."
A battle began, giving Subaru more time to run, which he gladly used. He needed to get out of here, find some way to get to Beatrice. There was one door here in Sanctuary which might help, so he held it in his mind, and ran toward it.
With all his stamina he pushed. Ryuzu clones ran alongside him, who was commanding them? Had Garfiel survived, or were they just running with him? What was going on?
It didn't matter to Subaru, he kept running.
"YOU!" Garfiel's voice screamed out and the boy's hand snapped out from the trees, grabbing Subaru.
The boy threw him to the ground, kneeling over him.
"You ran away," Garfiel said, almost yelling.
"Rem died because of you."
Subaru didn't respond.
"Ram died because of you."
Subaru didn't have anything to say. He knew what Garfiel was saying was the truth.
"Emilia is missing because of you."
"Otto died because of you!"
"EVERYONE DIED BECAUSE OF YOU!"
Garfiel's voice grew louder and louder, eventually becoming a scream. The boy's eyes turned red and he had to hold himself from entering his beast form.
"I…" Subaru tried to say something, but nothing came to his mind. He was speechless.
"I'm gonna fuckin' kill yer, Natsuki Subaru."
Subaru drew on all of his spirits, "I need to help Beako, I can't let you kill me."
"Shut the fuck up and die!" Garfiel screamed, bashing his fist into Subaru's jaw.
"Minya!" Subaru shouted, pushing magic into existence.
Garfiel jumped back avoiding the shards of mana Subaru threw at him. Hair covered his skin, along with black stripes. His eyes turned red. Tigerlike hide grew across where his skin had been.
When the transformation ended, Garfiel threw back his head and roared. A moment later he pounced on Subaru.
Subaru grasped as much mana as he could from the atmosphere, throwing it all into one spell, "Ul Shamac!"
Garfiel's body stopped. His beast form had weakened his mind and left him exposed to Yin magic. He couldn't withstand Subaru's spells anymore.
Taking this opportunity Subaru continued running to his destination. He needed to get there. Grass crunched under his feet as they slammed down again and again. Twigs snapped while he ducked between trees and weaved his way through the forest. Spirits spun at his feet continuing to infuse him with mana.
Though he wasn't able to travel unhindered. The Ryuzu clones, which had been following him, now jumped from the trees. They pounced on him, grabbing and clawing at him.
"Get off!" Subaru pushed the pink-haired women off of him, desperately floundering to get them away.
"Minya!" He shouted fusing mana from the atmosphere together into a spell. A few of the clones crystallized. A roar sounded from behind him. Garfiel had regained his mind and was likely coming right for him. Right after the first roar came a second one emanated from the boy. This time the sound was filled with what Subaru could only describe as command.
A few of the clones on him exploded.
"EL MINYA!" Subaru grasped for life, struggling to not die. He summoned crystals in a shield trying to defend himself.
Even with that a few of the explosions still hit him, scorching his face. The right side of his shirt and suit jacket had melted in the explosion.
Garfiel screamed out again, forcing more and more of the clones to explode.
"We apologize young Su," One of them, probably a sentient clone, whispered right before she exploded.
Subaru kept using his spirits in an attempt to keep himself alive with all the explosions around him.
"You promised to give us a meal!" Roy shouted out, spirits showed Subaru that the boy had broken away from Roswaal and was flying toward them.
"I will not forget! I cannot let these sins exist!" Roswaal screamed out, hurling his body through the air behind Roy. The two engaged in some form of chase through the forest as Roy moved toward Subaru and Garfiel.
After a moment all the clones had exploded. Subaru let the shield of crystals fall to the ground, disintegrating into only mana.
"I need to get to Beatrice," Subaru said, trying to hold his resolve together. For a few moments, he attempted to reforge his tattered self. Then he realized he'd frayed, fallen apart, broken, and there was nothing to be done. He had to push himself to Beatrice, whether he was a tattered excuse for a human being or not didn't matter.
He'd get her out into the sun, and then once she arrived there she would look at him with some level of fondness. It didn't matter how long that took. He would bring her outside. No matter how many loops or attempts or guesses it took him. Beatrice would play outside and get her dress all muddy. Shima had made him promise. He would honor that promise.
Natsuki Subaru would escape Sanctuary and make Beatrice happy. The boy pushed himself forward, his skin aching from the explosions. The warm breeze touched him as he pushed himself into a sprint. Garfiel's yells followed him, alongside the loud noise of Garfiel running after him.
Spirits showed Subaru all he needed to know about what was behind him. Garfiel was chasing him in his beast form. And Roswaal was trying to kill Roy, who was also chasing either Subaru or Garfiel. Most likely Subaru himself.
Need to go, need to go. Subaru's heart pounded as his body neared its limit. He used his determination to shove those limits out of the way. There was nothing his body could do to stop him now. Subaru would make it to Beatrice.
HE WOULD GET HER INTO THE SUNLIGHT!
The moon continued to fall toward the horizon, and a few birds began to chirp. Day was fast approaching. According to Roswaal, something would come to destroy the Sanctuary when the sun rose. Subaru needed to make it to that door before that happened.
Thanks to Roswaal's interference with Roy, and Roy's occasional interference with Garfiel, nobody stopped Subaru.
He was able to keep running, all the way until he reached the place he was hoping to.
The Ryuzu Meyers testing facility.
The building came into his sight, its stone walls pushed his body and mind, allowing him to sprint the final stretch unabated. Unable to use his exhausted legs to stop himself, Subaru barreled into the wall. Then leaned against it, breathing heavily.
"Ahhhh…" Subaru breathed out. His mind almost fell apart, but he needed to stay together for these last moments. Night was fading. The black night sky had become a dark blue.
And there were still a few problems that needed dealing with. Garfiel was sprinting toward him. Roy wasn't close behind. And Roswaal followed after Roy, all their faces determined.
"Six-Fold Al Jiwald!" Roswaal yelled, from around ten meters away it sounded almost like a whisper.
A massive beam of light left Roswaal's hand, the brilliant sight illuminated the entire forest, as if a new sun had grown in the man's palm.
"Nononono we want to eat!" Roy floundered as the beam of light chased him. Unfortunately for Roy, he wasn't fast enough to evade Roswaal's attack.
Garfiel didn't turn to look at them, his mind was still lost to his beast-form. Subaru pushed himself back further into the stone wall of the facility. He needed to live, to get to Beatrice. So he turned to his right, where the door was.
"BEAKO!" Subaru shouted, grasping the door and slamming himself through it. He landed on his side. Inside a room with a glowing blue crystal. There were no bookshelves in sight.
"Shit," Subaru whispered, clutching at his pyroxene necklace, "C'mon Beako."
"Shut up!" Garfiel yelled. The demi-human slammed the door down, looming over Subaru's collapsed form.
"Al Goa," A bar of fire burst through Garfiel's chest. Howls tore from Garfiel's throat as fire engulfed him, but right before Garfiel died Roswaal stopped, stepping up to the boy, and pushing him to the ground.
Garfiel's beast form melted away as Roswaal knelt down.
"Garfiel," Roswaal began, "What happened to Emilia-sama?"
A moan of pain fell from Garfiel before any intelligible words came, "I don't fuckin' know. That girl got fucked up, then when I got up she was gone."
Roswaal thought about that for a moment, "So that is why the Beast of the End has not risen."
Once the words left his mouth he waved his hand, creating a fire that melted Garfiel. No screams came from the boy. Roswaal's inferno was hot enough that the boy died before he could shout.
When that was done Roswaal turned to Subaru, exhaustion plain on the clown's face. The margrave turned to the sky outside. The sun peeked out on the horizon, bathing Roswaal in light.
"So the time is almost here," Roswaal whispered, relief plain in his voice, "There is no escape now. Nothing to keep you from resetting."
"I won't reset, I don't care about any of them," Subaru said.
Roswaal snapped around, his eyes locking onto Subaru, "So you've grown that isolated… we're really alike, aren't we? I suppose maybe I won't be so alone going forward."
For a moment Subaru thought he saw immense guilt in Roswaal's expression. The next breath that came from Roswaal sounded like a man on the edge of falling apart. He recognized that breath well, it was the same ones he'd had right before running away from everyone.
"How do you do it?" Subaru asked him, "How do you hold yourself together?"
"As I told you, Natsuki Subaru, you need to hold one desire, one goal in your mind. Keep it there, abandon everything else. No other thoughts can be allowed to stay. That is my advice to you. In any case, you'll have to loop now. I'm done having to hold myself together."
"That's wrong Roswaal."
"Hm?"
"I still want to help Beako. I'll still make it to her."
Roswaal turned back to the rising sun, the sky had taken on an almost pink color. Laughter fell from Roswaal, it sounded more like a man crying then laughing. Because that's what it was, '
Roswaal's tears dripped to the ground, making little puddles beneath him.
"I'm sorry, Natsuki Subaru. Now I'm sure you'll be forced to reset," Roswaal said, "Goodbye. But… I suppose even I have a breaking point. Sometimes Natsuki Subaru, maybe you shouldn't hold that desire so strong-no, nevermind. Hold that desire as strongly as you can. Abandon all other things. Isolate yourself from the people who will distract you. Well… you'll reset now, so I'm done."
Before Subaru could say a word Roswaal pushed his hand to his chest. Tears leaked down the clown's face. For one moment the true Roswaal L. Mathers stood before Subaru.
A broken man. A man on the edge. A man who hated himself more than anyone could hate him. A man ready to be done.
That was Roswaal L. Mathers.
In the next moment, flames consumed that man. The inferno blasted Subaru with heat, forcing sweat to bead on his forehead.
In the third moment, Roswaal L. Mathers was gone.
Subaru's mouth worked. No sound rose from him.
All he could do was watch the sun continue to rise. Eventually, he pushed himself up to his knees. Resting on them, Subaru watched the sun climb above the horizon with only exhaustion in his mind.
Everyone was dead.
Subaru was all alone in Sanctuary. In a while, he would stand up, then walk to the mansion. He would find Petra waiting for him. He would give her the handkerchief back. It was still tied to his wrist. Then he would go inside and focus on getting Beatrice out into the sun.
He wouldn't have to worry about a Royal Selection. The Witch's Cult wouldn't bother him at all. None of that would matter to him. He'd be able to help Beatrice in peace.
Subaru's frown deepened. Why did that ideal future seem so unideal? It didn't matter, it would be better than any other future he could ever get. Deep within himself, something rejected that. So Subaru pushed himself to his feet and drowned that part of himself.
He stared down at his feet as he got them steady. While his head was turned down someone started weeping. Their shadow appeared at Subaru's feet. They were right in the doorway. In that shadow there were two drills on either side of their head.
Subaru's neck flicked up, his vision landing on a crying girl. She stood before him in the sun.
"Beako…" Subaru's voice filled with hope.
The girl lifted her eyes, "Why did you deceive Betty?"
In her expression, her voice, and her bearing there was hatred and not a bit of hope.
"Beako?" Subaru's mind couldn't form any words.
"You met Betty once and then left, you never came back, why didn't you come back, I suppose?" The girl asked.
"Beako what are you talking about?" Subaru walked forward, trying to wrap the girl in some form of a hug.
"Get away from Betty!" She lifted her hand up, warding him off.
"Beako, I-"
"Betty doesn't care, in fact. I don't want your apologies, you left Betty all alone. You're not they."
Subaru scoured his mind for any solution to what was happening, "Beako what're you talking about?"
Beatrice only wept in response, "If no one is going to liberate Betty, then I have to liberate myself. She was right, you deceived me."
"Beako I didn't deceive you," Subaru's last hope was being crushed right in front of him, he floundered for anything that could get this situation to stop.
Beatrice didn't say anything more, she only cried.
"Aside from you, there's no one left in this place," Beatrice said, barely pushing past the tears, "She told me what to do, and she was right, this is what needs to happen. I won't be alone anymore."
"Beatrice don't!" Subaru dashed forward, wrapping Beatrice in a hug, "Beatrice, please don't. Don't do this, don't leave me alone."
"Then why did you leave Betty alone for months?"
"I didn't leave you alone! I visited you every day that I could! I read books with you! We talked about books we'd both read! We talked about how annoying Roswaal was. You insulted me a lot in your weird Beako way! We did all that, I visited more than once!"
"Betty doesn't remember any of that, stop trying to deceive me, I suppose." The girl whispered, she was at the end of her rope. She met Subaru's eyes.
In those butterfly-shaped pupils was the desire to be helped. It was the desire of a terrified little girl.
Subaru had done all he could to help.
It hadn't been enough.
"Please let Betty go, I suppose."
Subaru's arms fell from the girl, and he dropped to his knees. His head tilted up, gazing at Beatrice once more. The girl looked down at him, her tears dripped onto his own cheeks.
If Subaru had tears left in his body, then he would have wept alongside the girl. Now he only stared up at her. Broken.
"Please don't do this, Beako. I still need you. I can't go on without you. I need you to keep me going, please Beako. Don't leave me alone. Don't leave me without you. Don't leave me as just Natsuki Subaru! Why can't you choose me?" Subaru stretched out his hand to the weeping girl.
Beatrice trembled before reaching out her hand as well, but at the last second, she pushed that hand up into her chest.
"Beako please don't go, you'll be free, but I won't."
The girl closed her eyes, forcing more tears down.
"Beako don't go! Why are you going? Why can't what I say be enough?"
She pressed her hand further into her chest but made no noise.
"Beako why can't you choose me?" Subaru wrapped his arms around Beatrice's waist, pushing his head into her front.
"We can go together," Beatrice whispered to him as he clung to her. Subaru held onto her, trying to breathe as he drowned.
"Beako…"
"Al…"
Tears finally pushed out of Subaru. He knew he was going to die, and his body realized it as well, all the remaining water in his body finally broke from his eyes. The boy wept.
"You're just like them, aren't you Beako?" I could never help you, Beako.
"Al Minya."
Right when those words left Beatrice's mouth Subaru opened his eyes.
Natsuki Subaru can never help anyone, why did I think I could help you?
Beatrice's magic blasted out, crystals rushed over Subaru, suffocating him. He tried to breathe but the crystals shoved through his body transmuting his insides into purple glass.
He stared up at the sky, kneeling in that same position. Beatrice was gone, her magic had blasted herself away.
He remained, glass covering him. It hadn't reached his brain yet. Though his lungs had become glass.
It was only a matter of time before his life drained from him.
Natsuki Subaru looked up at the sky, betrayed by everyone.
The color drained from the blue sky.
Natsuki Subaru couldn't trust anything.
A moment later he died, but not before he caught a final glimpse of the world.
In that last moment, everything was gray.