Ram pushed herself up, calming the jittering in her legs. There was a smile on her face from what had happened, but it was only from her body's reaction to those events. Her mind and reasoning forced her to wipe away that smile as she got to her feet.
Subaru had immobilized her and Garfiel. She had no idea why. Though from the looks in his eyes, and the idiotic words he'd spouted to piss off Garfiel, he wasn't up to anything good. Ram activated her Clairvoyance, searching for him. It didn't take her long to find him. He was in the forest, but rapidly approaching its edge.
He rode atop Patrasche, and he saw the world with blurry eyes. What was blurring them?
Ram kept watching, focused, until Subaru wiped at his eyes, and the world became clear.
Tears. He was seeing the world through tears. The moment he finished wiping them away, new ones took the old one's place. Why was Subaru crying?
No, she couldn't waste her time on that now. There were too many explanations to sort through. Right now she needed to check on Otto. He'd been watching Patrasche. She'd likely find Otto tied up. Still, it wouldn't be good to leave him like that, and they'd need to track down Subaru. Something was off with him, Ram couldn't let it continue. She'd help him, she'd save him, she'd love him. There was no question about it in her mind.
A boy groaned next to her.
"Garf," Ram said, kneeling down and lifting the boy off the ground. He'd come out of his tiger form. Leaving him the same as before he'd transformed, just without the normal vest. The process of his transformation had shredded that.
"Ram… ahhhhh," he groaned as she lifted him up, "you aight?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. There's nothing that could make me less than fine, you mangy cat," Ram said.
Garfiel laughed a little, but soon got serious, "We need to make sure he isn't trying anything."
"Of course an idiot like you would only think of that now. I already checked with my Clairvoyance."
"Oh," Garfiel turned his head, "what'd you see?"
"He's riding a ground dragon out of Sanctuary, crying," Ram answered.
"Oh fuck, fuck! FUCK!" Garfiel shouted, "He's goin' t'get Witch Cult reinforcements n'shit."
"I don't think he is," Ram said.
Garfiel stared at her, "Ram he said he was Pride!"
"I don't believe him," Ram responded, "but let's wait until we check the church. He grabbed his ground dragon and rode away. Otto was watching that ground dragon, we need to see what happened to him. He's probably tied up or something."
"Or he's dead," Garfiel said.
"He's not."
"We'll see then."
With those words the two began their trek through the forest, moving toward the church.
It didn't take long for them to find a break in the trees and reach the steps leading up to the church. Moving up them Ram didn't know how to feel. Should she be worried for Otto? Should she be mad at him that he'd let Subaru get past him? Should she be curious why he'd let Subaru go, and if there was a good reason behind it? Ram didn't know. But she couldn't let that stop her.
She walked up the steps alongside Garfiel, using a bit of her body weight to support him. He was still recovering from the effects of Subaru's Ul Shamac. Ram wondered at Subaru's reasons for that as well. The answer evaded her. Why had he done it? Did he want time alone to speak with Otto?
Ram's shoes clicked on the stones as she and Garfiel continued to walk to the top. It wasn't long before they reached it. Questions rushed through Ram's mind and suspicion was plain on Garfiel's face.
After they reached the top they stepped around the church. To the side where the ground dragons were being kept. Or had been kept. One was gone. But Ram already knew that. She continued to direct her eyes around, searching for anything—
Otto lay on the ground. His eyes open and bulging out. His neck turned to purple crystal. His chest didn't rise or fall. There was no sight in his eyes.
"See, he's fuckin' dead," Garfiel said.
Ram didn't respond. She sprinted over to the merchant. He couldn't be dead. He couldn't. Otto could not be dead. Ram reached down, placing her fingers above his nose. No air touched her fingertips.
No, no no, he can't be dead. Otto can't be dead. Ram put her ear to his chest.
There was no heartbeat.
Ram pulled her head up, kneeling above Otto's body. Her eyes stared forward. No words left her mouth. Otto was dead. Ram felt the wound on his neck. Her mind flashed as she remembered where she had seen it. She ran her hands along the odd crystal material. It was smooth to the touch, like glass, with a purple color.
Once, during Puck's mana release period a month ago, Subaru had made a snow sculpture of her. He'd used his magic to turn it to colored crystals, giving it a glossy sheen, and making it lifelike and vibrant.
This was the same type of crystal.
Ram froze. Her breathing stopped. For a few moments her mind tried to work, but failed. She tried to speak, but nothing came. She was paralyzed.
Finally a thought crossed her mind.
Barusu killed Otto.
Garfiel grabbed Ram's shoulder, "I told ya, that dude's a fuckin' cultist. We need to stop him before he can bring the Witch's Cult down on us."
Ram didn't respond.
Subaru had looked at her with such warmth. How could he have killed someone he was friends with? Subaru had liked Otto and looked at him like a friend. How could Subaru have done this? Something had happened to him. Was it the tomb? No matter what had happened to him, she would help him.
But Otto was dead. All the care for the merchant Subaru had ever shown could have been a lie. What if it was a lie? What if his fondness for her was all a lie? Did it matter? And if it was all a lie, what would Ram do about it?
"I…" Ram whispered, the word slipping out.
"Ram we need to do somethin'bout this," Garfiel said.
Ram ignored the questions at the back of her mind and activated her Clairvoyance once again. Subaru was out of her reach. She couldn't see through his eyes. Yet the sight of Subaru crying had remained in her mind.
He'd felt guilty over what happened to Otto. There was good inside him. Something to save beneath whatever had infested his mind and corrupted him. Plans formed in Ram's mind. She would destroy whatever was holding Subaru back, along with whatever had caused him to do this.
It was likely that Otto would want her to kill Subaru. To hunt him down and murder him. But Ram would prioritize her own feelings over those of the dead man she'd known for only a few days. It was selfish of her to attempt this. Ram didn't care. She'd seen a good man in Natsuki Subaru.
She would rip that man to the surface, and destroy every single bad part of him. Ram tightened her fist, a bit of wind magic spun around her. Immense pain shot into her from her use of magic, she didn't care, it would be a reminder.
"Fula," waving her hand, Ram sliced a hole into the ground; it was a shallow one, but a hole nonetheless.
"Ram what're you doin'?" Garfiel asked.
"Otto was a smart man, a good man. He fought bravely against the Sin Archbishop of Gluttony and gave me enough time to kill him," Ram said. She was sorry that she hadn't known him long enough to give a better eulogy. But this was all she had. She wouldn't torture herself with guilt over it. She hadn't known Subaru would go to these lengths. So there was no reason to feel any guilt. Now she would force herself forward to make sure nothing like this ever happened again.
Ram picked up the man's body and rested him in the shallow grave. With a delicate touch, she closed his eyes and offered a small prayer to the spirits and the dragon. "Bury him, Garfiel."
"Aight," Garfiel said, stomping his foot and closing the hole with his Divine Protection. Giving Otto his burial. It wasn't a proper burial, but it was the best he would get.
"How're we gonna deal with Subaru?" Garfiel asked.
"We have to brace for any possibility here in Sanctuary itself," Ram said, "We have no way to chase him. He's on one of the fastest varieties of ground dragon in the world. He's got a head start on us. And he's out of my Clairvoyance range. We have to weather whatever storm comes until we can liberate Sanctuary. Then we can get out of here and chase him down."
"Liberate Sanctuary? No, we can't do that, we'd lose the forest that makes everyone get lost when they try to come," Garfiel said.
"It's useless. He has a pyroxene crystal. If he's a Witch Cultist he can give that to any of them and they'll be able to get here. And he knows where Sanctuary is. We need to liberate this place, fast," Ram said.
"Well it's not fuckin' possible anyway, no one can pass the trials, no one can face the past. It's just impossible," Garfiel said, dismissing her plan.
"What's the other option Garfiel?" Ram asked, "We wait it out and hope a massive attack doesn't come down on us? Roswaal won't be cooperative without Subaru. He's essential to his plans. So it'll just be me, you, Rem, and Emilia against whoever comes against us. And I would bet there's a few Sin Archbishops who want to hunt down a silver-haired half-elf."
"We can get rid of her," Garfiel said.
"How? She can't get out of the barrier, and even if you do the unthinkable and kill her, there's no way the Cult will know. So they'll come anyway."
Garfiel's mouth stopped moving at that, and his eyes closed, "Fuck. I can be a shield! I can hold off the Cult!"
"No, you can't, you couldn't even hold off Subaru. Even I could beat him if I really tried. He's beaten me in one duel only because I played it almost entirely defensive, and he had his own spirit back then. If he could trick you so easily, you won't handle the Bishops."
"Have y'ever fought a Bishop?"
"I've already brought it up, I've killed Gluttony," Ram's words quieted Garfiel, "and if he fought you Garfiel, you'd lose. I had to use the full power of my oni abilities to even harm him. Powers I don't have access to anymore. And if I tried to use those same abilities, my bones and organs would explode."
Garfiel gripped his forehead scar, "Fine, we'll liberate Sanctuary. But what do we do when we get out of here?"
"If we can get Roswaal to cooperate a little we'll have protection until we get to the Royal Capital. From there we'll have the support of Crusch Karsten. She's made a full alliance with the Emilia camp," Ram said. Her mind reached past that, searching for ways to look for Subaru beyond that time. But those were meaningless plans right now. So she didn't think about them any further.
"Alright, but how do we clear the trials?" Garfiel asked.
"That's not something I can help with," Ram said, "that's on you and Emilia-sama."
Garfiel pulled his hands away from his forehead, and stood up straight, "Well then me and her better start figurin' this shit out, let's get goin'."
The wind was still around him, thanks to Patrasche's Divine Protection of Wind Evasion. Subaru hated the feeling. The wind should be pounding him. Getting in his eyes. Destroying him. He should be blown away, hit with all the wind in the world. The world should target him.
No, he couldn't think like that. He tried to put aside his selfish desire. His desire to die. The world wouldn't go out of its way to kill him. It hated him too much for that. It wanted to see him suffer. But it lied, it didn't show how much it hated him. So like all the people he'd met, it was gray. Monochromatic. Everything was like that now, everything except Patrasche.
Subaru's heart twisted as he thought of how he'd earned Patrasche's loyalty, he pushed down the whispers in his heart. Were they his conscience? Was that what that voice was? Maybe he should have listened to it… but it came from Natsuki Subaru.
It was Natsuki Subaru's conscience. Natsuki Subaru was someone so worthy of hatred. Nothing from him could be trusted anymore. So Subaru quieted every part of himself, leaving only his conscious mind. He was going to get to the mansion. He was already out of Sanctuary, now he had to finish the journey. He'd be riding on and off for a little over eight hours before he got there.
But he would get there. He would make it to Petra. She would receive his teaching. She would hate him, openly and honestly. Then she would kill him. And Subaru could die knowing he'd left behind the best world he could. A world where someone was finally honest in their hatred of Natsuki Subaru.
As the sun passed its midpoint, Subaru knew the journey wasn't much longer. He would reach the mansion by nightfall. He would embrace Petra, and for a little while, she would care about him. It would hurt to teach her to hate him.
Even then, Subaru couldn't stop. He had to keep going.
A moment later he spoke, "I'm sorry, Patrasche. But we need to get there, fast." After that, he cracked the reins.
Her head turned and her eye landed on him. She seemed to be understanding his desire. And she was, for a moment later, she threw herself into a sprint. Each stride gobbled up more and more distance. None of the wind touched his hair or even him at all. The untouched Subaru continued on. He rode long into the day, the sun falling deeper and deeper, closing in on the horizon.
The pink light of dusk that would normally come was gone. Subaru's eyes didn't let the color enter, he couldn't trust the world's colors. He couldn't trust any of them. The singular gray of dusk melted away as the sun dipped below the horizon. It wasn't long after that until the familiar sight of the Mathers mansion entered his eyes.
"There it is, Patrasche, home," Subaru whispered, riding further.
A few minutes later, he arrived. The colorless world surrounded him, but he ignored it, seeking the doors of the mansion. He and Patrasche rode past the hedge walls. Which Petra and Frederica had kept trimmed in Subaru, Rem, and Ram's absence.
"So you kept this place nice. Thanks, Petra," Subaru said to himself as he stopped Patrasche next to the veranda. He stepped off, saying, "I'll be back later, Patrasche, just wait here for now."
Her eyes confirmed her ascent. Before he left though, Subaru wrapped his arms around Patrasche once more. In the moment he caught a little look in her eyes.
He could have sworn it said, Stop hiding your emotions.
No, it couldn't mean that. And even if it did Subaru couldn't do that, as there was almost nothing left to hide. His emotions were so worn down that no longer hiding them wouldn't do much.
With those pale imitations of real emotions, Subaru turned to the mansion. He crossed the distance on weak legs, tired legs. Exhaustion hung deep within him.
He breathed out, almost a sigh. He had to stop his legs from melting below him. If the tiredness overwhelmed him, he didn't know if he'd get up.
Satella, let me be done… He whispered in his mind, but he still had work to do. If Petra wasn't taught to hate him then he couldn't die. Until that happened, until he died by her hand, Subaru wasn't able to let himself end.
Sucking in deep breaths he forced away the crushing emptiness in his chest. The voice of his heart was silent again. For some reason, the whispering had been more comfortable than the silence. The crushing emptiness inside himself forced away any thought. It made him want to lay down and die. It made it feel like it was hard to breathe, even though he was breathing fine.
Shoving it away, he continued. He needed to give Petra her handkerchief back. Feeling it on his arm the resolve to keep going returned, and he stepped along the path leading up to the mansion. The stones clacked beneath his noble shoes. The gray moon hung above, giving the black lack of light a dull texture. The two mixed to create a surreal atmosphere.
Climbing up the few steps, Subaru rested his hand on the door. The cold sensation of the wood on his skin brought back Emilia's eyes, and Rem's, as they stared down at him with hatred. He sank down the door, unable to keep himself standing. After a moment he laid against it, his breathing ragged. The forest surrounding Arlam rested in his eyes. The lack of color made him feel like he was looking at a painting instead of reality.
Otto's face as Subaru strangled him returned to his mind's eye.
Subaru pushed his tongue through his teeth.
Small footsteps sounded outside the door.
"Uhm, hello is anyone out there?" Petra's voice filled his ears. His tongue fell back into its resting place. Petra… she was right inside. Subaru shoved himself to his feet.
Grabbing the handle he tried to open the door, but it was locked.
"Who's there?" Fear had come into Petra's voice.
"Petra," he said, "it's… me, Subaru, please let me in, please… just let me come in."
"Subaru?" The lock clicked and Subaru pushed the door open. Lights were on inside, Subaru remembered the rich warm night colors of the mansion. Those colors were gone now. They'd all melted into gray. Petra though…
Her hair was such a nice orange. She had a beautiful red ribbon tied in her peach hair. Every contour of her, every piece. Everything. There was so much color. So much beautiful, wonderful, amazing color. He had to squint to not be blinded by the new bright colors.
"Petra," he whispered, those tears at the back of his eyes finally stormed through.
Petra's mouth fell open, after a second she asked, "Subaru what's wrong, what is it?"
Subaru fell to his knees again and wrapped Petra into a hug, he cried into her shoulder. A shoulder that was so full of incredible color. His weeping rang out through the mansion. Petra made a confused sound, then ran her hand through his hair.
"I'm back, Petra," he said. At the same time, through the use of his hands—which were still wrapped around her back—he pulled the handkerchief from his wrist.
"Subaru, are you hurt?" Petra said. Her eyes were misted over at his state. He had no idea what she was seeing, but he imagined it wasn't good.
He rejected that.
"No," he shook his head, "no I'm not hurt. I'm doing amazing, the best I can." He uncoiled himself from around her, and handed her the handkerchief, "And you can have this back now."
"Otto is dead, Barusu killed him," Ram said.
Garfiel listened to the girl he loved. But he didn't think about what she was saying. He knew what it was. That damned bastard Archbishop Natsuki Subaru. He'd come in here, then twisted Garfiel about and forced him into that dark dimension with his magic. He'd so easily destroyed the Shield of the Sanctuary. Garfiel was weak. A terrible Shield. But he would have to deal with the consequences, and overcome the trials, or Emilia would.
He would have to liberate Sanctuary's people if they were to survive. And he hadn't even been able to handle someone as weak as Natsuki Subaru.
So my amazing self is a failure. Garfiel knew it was true. And he couldn't protest Ram's methods anymore.
"Subaru…" Emilia whispered, "but Otto was his friend, right?"
"It looks that way," Ram said.
Emilia's pale face turned even paler, "No…you guys missed something…something else happened. You're all wrong. Subaru's a liar but not a killer."
"He's not just a liar. He's a fuckin' Witch Cultist," Garfiel said.
Rem's eyes snapped to him, they seemed threatening. As if saying how dare he accuse Subaru of that.
"Sister, what happened?" Rem turned to her trusted older sister.
"He called himself the Sin Archbishop of Pride. At first I thought he was lying to piss Garfiel off, but then what he did to Otto…" Ram whispered, trailing off.
"Is Subaru a Witch Cultist?" Rem asked, doubt and sadness filling her eyes.
Ram breathed in then said, "It's likely."
Rem's hands curled into fists. The beginnings of a horn protruded from Rem's head.
"Liar," Rem said, "Natsuki Subaru is a liar. Rem trusted him, she trusted him so much. And he was a FUCKING WITCH CULTIST THE WHOLE TIME!"
Emilia nodded, "Subaru…why did…Subaru you liar. Puck you idiot. Subaru." hatred slipped into her voice.
"I cannot disagree with your sentiments, and yet…" Ram didn't finish the last part of her sentence, "Well we can't worry about that. Right now we need to liberate Sanctuary then get the people out of here. It's too dangerous right now. A likely cultist and possible Archbishop has Sanctuary's location, and a way to get here."
"You're expecting me to do it, right?" Emilia asked.
"I'm expecting you and Garfiel to work together to get through the trials of Sanctuary. While you do that, me and Rem will try to get Roswaal to cooperate with us in liberating the Sanctuary," Ram said.
Emilia nodded, "Right. I'll try to live up to your expectations, Ram-san."
Ram took the assent and turned to Garfiel, "Now you and Emilia-sama need to get to work. Let's go, Rem, we have our own job to do."
Ram gestured for her sister to come with, and Rem hastily accepted, getting up and leaving with her sister.
Now it was Garfiel alone with Emilia.
"Aight lady, how we gonna figure this out?" Garfiel asked. He couldn't complain, he had failed to save the location of Sanctuary already, now he had to save its people.
"Deciding who's taking the trials should be first, I think…" Emilia said, "or we could both do them."
"Let's go with both," Garfiel said.
A small voice in his head whispered, It doesn't matter, there's no way to face your past. No one can do it anyway. But Garfiel ignored that voice, he had to. It was simply not something he could accept right now.
"Nevermind, you should do them. The only reason I wanted to take the trials was Subaru… and he's a…" Emilia whispered. There was a haunted expression on her face.
Garfiel rubbed the scar on his forehead. He knew that feeling.
"We should talk about the trial first, to figure out how you can do it," Emilia said, her purple eyes staring to the ground. The girl rubbed the silver hair from her face. Garfiel touched his scar again, for a different reason this time. Not because it was hard to think about the trial, but so he didn't look at the girl before him with immense suspicion. A part of him felt it deep down, this was a half-elf with silver hair. A silver-haired half-elf, the spitting image of the Witch of Envy. Every feature of Emilia's came straight out of the multitude of books full of tales about Satella which he'd read.
It was hard for him to trust any of the words she said. So after a few moments he had to force himself to end the silence which had begun to stretch out, "Yeah, what happened in your trial?"
"Someone else's past," Emilia said, "it's not fair, Echidna lied about everything. She hates me. And she just wanted me to fail, so she gave me someone else's past. And now Subaru… he probably… he had some other reason…"
Garfiel didn't know what to make of that, other than it was probably difficult. It was impossible to face your own past anyway, why would facing someone else's past be any easier. And with Subaru having turned out to be a cultist. But Garfiel's mind caught on something. Maybe she should take the trial.
"Can't you just accept thr' past?" Garfiel asked.
Emilia's eyes drilled further into the ground. Maybe that wasn't the best question to ask. Still, they needed to explore every avenue if they were to liberate Sanctuary. Garfiel was on board with liberation now, as there was just no other option. So he would apply all his reasoning to this endeavor.
"I tried," Emilia wrapped her arms around herself, "I tried, but… but I couldn't. It didn't work."
Tears welled up in her eyes, Garfiel didn't know what to do. Should he trust those tears? Should he reject them as the fake Witch's tears that a part of him believed them to be? Should he try and help the girl? In the end, he was paralyzed, unable to do it.
The two were silent for a while, aside from the occasional sob from Emilia. Eventually he said, "I'll try it first."
"Do you want to tell me what was in yours?" She asked.
"Nothin' that was what was in mine, just quiet people. I know nothin's gonna change, but I need to do it anyway, for Sanctuary," He said.
She nodded, "They need you, so do your best."
With a solemn heart, but a resolved one, Garfiel accepted those words.
Hours later, the two stood outside the trial room. Night descended upon them, the moon's glow illuminated the gray stone structure.
Garfiel held down the part of himself which wanted to destroy this place. He couldn't do that anymore. Sanctuary needed liberation, even if the past couldn't be accepted, he would need to do it. He didn't care for the contradiction, the people of Sanctuary needed him.
He looked over at Emilia, there was a bit of strength in her purple eyes, she'd recovered somewhat from earlier. She met his eyes and asked, "Are you ready?"
"Gotta be."
"Good luck," Emilia said, honesty dripping from her voice. Emilia was genuine, the opposite of under-handed, that's what he'd seen over the course of this day. Even with the part of himself telling him that she was a lying Witch, he couldn't accept that. Emilia was honest. It was the truth. So Garfiel accepted her words with a nod.
Then he stepped forward. As soon as he entered the hallway the scent of dust invaded his nose. It overpowered him, he hated the musky scent of enclosed spaces, this one was particularly bad. His strong nose only made it worse. He rubbed a bit of sweat away from his brow, a cold glow coming to the stones.
Blue light rose around him as he closed in on the trial room. By the time he'd gotten inside the light illuminated the entire room. As soon as his foot touched down in the center of the room his own voice whispered into his ear.
"First you must face your past."
Garfiel's consciousness fell away. His cheek struck the ground, and his eyes closed.
When he opened them he was in the forest of Sanctuary. A few meters away from him were four people. One his sister. One his mother. One his grandmother. One himself.
Next to him stood a thin girl, her white hair glimmered in the sunlight, as did her equally pale skin. An empty smile lay on her face, no emotion to it. But in her eyes, he did catch something, a glint of curiosity. Twisted, unfathomable curiosity.
This was Echidna, the Witch of Greed.
"So you've returned, finally. It's been quite a while, Garfiel Tinzel."
"Yeah, it has. Now I ain't gonna be wastin' my time on you. Thr're people out there who need me," Garfiel said, turning to the scene of the four people.
No sound came from any of them. As the trial continued, despairing expressions passed around the group, aside from his younger face. The baby Garfiel was eternally smiling, not trying to do anything. Garfiel's annoyance grew. It was the same. The same as last time.
"Why're you showin' me this shit?" He yelled at Echidna, "It hasn't changed at all."
"Of course it hasn't changed, why would it? After all, you haven't changed."
"Shut up, it's impossible to change the past!"
She tilted her head, a bit of real emotion coming into her smile, "Then why did you come here Garfiel Tinzel. This contradiction is fascinating. You need to accept the past, but you don't believe it's possible to accept. That's it, isn't it?"
Garfiel didn't answer, he only snarled.
"So interesting," Echidna said, "that you will not elect to change in the slightest. And you also won't elect to not change and be firm in who you are. Quite satisfying to watch you wallow in contradiction."
"Shut the fuck up!" Garfiel said.
"Why, no one besides us is talking," Echidna said.
Garfiel didn't respond, he only watched as his mother parted ways with him, and abandoned him. Seeking her own happiness, only to die in a landslide. Why did he have to be that burden for his mother? Why couldn't his mother have never had him? Her life would have been so much easier then. She would be happy, without him, the little drain on her happiness and desire for life.
But he needed to watch. To face this past.
His mother's lips weaved out what he assumed was a goodbye. Then, she kissed him on the forehead, in the very same spot where he had his scar.
"No, why is she doin' that?" Garfiel asked, tears welling up in his eyes, "It makes no sense. There's no reason she should be doin' that."
The world started to fade to white, the trial was ending.
"All that needs to be seen has been seen, what is your decision, Garfiel Tinzel?" Echidna asked.
"It makes no damn sense. None at all, she was just overcome by the moment or somethin'. Other than that it makes no sense. None. None! NONE!" Garfiel screamed, but deep down within him he wondered if he was wrong. And if his mother just-NO!-it made no sense. None at all. None.
"So that is what you've come to," Echidna raised her hand, "I declare this trial a failure."
She cast her hand down and the trial ended.
Roswaal looked down at his bandaged hands. The injuries hidden beneath pained him. But attempting to clear the trials was what the book had demanded. So it was what he'd done. He needed to reach Echidna, and it had never steered him wrong in the past. The only time the gospel had ever been wrong was when he disobeyed it.
The most recent time being when he saved the life of Carol by sacrificing Julia Mathers. But deep down, he didn't regret that. He could make the future work with Carol alive. But right now, he couldn't deny his gospel for any longer. He would have to make the future go how it went, spurning its words would only lead to ruin. And right now, he could not have that ruin. It was something he could not allow.
So changing his gaze from his hands to the moon he prepared himself. For the horrible action he would likely have to undertake. Roswaal hated himself for knowing he would commit whatever actions he needed to. Regardless of how horrible. He would follow the words of the Gospel no matter what. Because he himself was not strong enough to face the future, at least not without the Gospel and Natsuki Subaru to help him with his plans.
To think even with his four hundred years he had not grown even a little stronger. He was still the same weak boy who'd thought he could fight Hector. How wrong he'd been when he'd believed himself strong.
That belief had ended with him crushed into the dirt, slowly dying over the next few years. Roswaal A. Mathers had failed. He'd been weak, but thought himself strong. All Roswaal's since were the same weak person.
Roswaal waved his hand over his face, applying his makeup. For a few minutes to remind himself how weak he was. After those few minutes were up he waved his hand across his face again, removing the makeup with a thread of mana. He was so weak he needed a reminder of it. Could he even be considered the Red, the Yellow, and the Green?
He didn't know. Why had they given someone as horrible as him those titles? It made no sense. Though, in the end, it didn't matter. Roswaal would still need to wait here and do what the gospel told him to do.
So he waited, in silence. Only with his own breaths and the agony of his wounds. That was it, for hours. Maybe Subaru was devising a strategy, but it wasn't until the sun began to set that the door to his room burst open. His eyes shot over, and standing there were Rem and Ram.
There wasn't a hint of Subaru. Where was he?
"Where is Natsuki Subaru?" Roswaal asked, abandoning the speech pattern. If Subaru wasn't here then something had happened. Did he run from the Sanctuary, was he sending Rem and Ram in his place? What was going on? If he did send them in his place, why? Was there something else that needed doing? What was it?
Roswaal worked through all those solutions, holding them in his mind as he waited for Rem and Ram's words.
"Natsuki Subaru ran from Sanctuary," Rem said, vitriol toward the boy in her voice.
"I sense that's not all he did," Roswaal said.
Ram jumped in, "He declared himself Sin Archbishop of Pride and killed Otto when he ran."
"Killed… ran…" Roswaal whispered. I'm sorry, Natsuki Subaru, for driving you this far.
He turned back to looking down at his hands. He should chase down Subaru, that was the main thing in his mind, he knew he needed to do that. But how would he force Subaru to reset.
Roswaal's eyes flicked to Rem and Ram. Subaru cared about them, if they were dead he might reset. Roswaal hated himself for even considering it, but he needed to. After a moment though he suppressed that idea of killing the maids.
Subaru had killed Otto. If he'd become isolated enough to do that then there's no telling how little he cared about Rem and Ram. Would he even reset if they died? Roswaal couldn't be sure. And he didn't want to kill them, he loathed the idea of killing them. He'd raised them, cared for them, deep down, he loved them. He could not kill them when he wasn't sure if their deaths would bring him closer to his plan or not.
Roswaal would need to go after Subaru then assess his mindset to figure out how to get him to reset. Also Roswaal would need to figure out if Subaru even needed to reset. If Subaru's mindset was perfect then Roswaal could use him in his Gospel's stead.
"Do you have a plan for finding, Subaruuuuuu?" Roswaal asked, putting his speech pattern back now that he had a grasp on this timeline and chain of events.
"Yes, but it involves liberating Sanctuary first. So we can be sure he doesn't bring Witch Cultists against us," Ram said.
The attack. Roswaal tightened his fists. Could he just let the attack come? Could he let Sanctuary be destroyed? Only to bank on a small chance he could force Natsuki Subaru to reset to save people that he now hated?
No, he couldn't. Roswaal would have to force his weak self to handle Sanctuary. He clenched his fists. How would he do it? He was so weak. What was he supposed to do?
"Roswaal-sama," Rem said, "will you help me and sister liberate Sanctuary, and hunt down Natsuki Subaru?"
Roswaal summoned up his memories of teacher. He played all of them in his head. So many memories he'd kept fresh in his mind. Their first meeting and kiss. All the time in Sanctuary he'd spent learning from her. There was so much. He would see the look in his teacher's eyes again. He would speak to her again.
"Yes," Roswaal nodded, "I will heeeeelp liberate Sanctuary. What's the plaaaaan?"
Garfiel opened his eyes to the bleak stone of Sanctuary. He shoved himself to his feet, then walked outside. Once he got there he sucked in the fresh outside air. Emilia was waiting for him.
"Did you pass?" She asked.
He shook his head. It's impossible to pass. But I need to. Garfiel thought to himself.
"Oh it's my turn then…unless you can take it again?" Emilia said, her voice on the edge of breaking.
"It won't work," Garfiel said.
Emilia tried to smile, her eyes misted over with tears instead. After a few moments she ventured into the stone mausoleum. Echidna's tomb glowed a brilliant blue for a few moments, then it was bleak gray. Emilia's unsure footsteps came soon after.
When she arrived into the light of the moon there was an empty look in her eyes. As if she was staring at some far off thing that wasn't there.
Emilia's arms wrapped around herself as she kept walking toward Garfiel. Her head remained down, face to the ground, her lips quivered. The rest of her body followed soon after. As the strength escaped her legs buckled. She grabbed onto him.
"You don' have t'take it anymore," Garfiel said. Pity filled him as he stared at this girl as broken as a child abandoned in the rain. Even if he would fail his trial for certain, could he let her do this? Could he let someone in Sanctuary look like this? Cry like this? Weep as the tomb shoved their past in their face? No. He couldn't let that occur under his watch.
He would do it himself. He would surpass the trial. Even though it was impossible to surpass itl.
"I'm sorry, I can't face that past. I'm sorry," Emilia said, repeating herself again and again.
"'S alright, I'll do it", with those words, he stepped back up to the trial and faced it again.
This time Echidna greeted him with that same curiosity. Though she seemed more eager to watch him. Then he was met with that same silence. Until he screamed at the unfairness of it all. And once more Echidna gave him a lecture on change.
Then he walked out, his face twisted in anger. He didn't listen to whatever Emilia was whispering to herself about. It didn't matter. So he took a breath, then walked back into the trial.
Witch's curiosity.
Silence from sister, mother, and grandmother.
Anger from brother.
Lecture from Witch.
Witch's boredom.
Silence.
Anger.
Lecture.
Boredom.
Silence.
Anger.
No lecture.
Silenceangerboredom. Silenceangerboredom. Silenceangerboredom. Silenceangerboredom. Silenceangerboredom. Silenceangerboredom. Silenceangerboredom. Silenceangerboredom. Silenceangerboredom. Silenceangerboredom. Silenceangerboredom. Silenceangerboredom.
After that. Nothing changed.
His mother always kissed him out of some idiotic pity. She always left behind the burdens that were him and his sister, and she always died because of it.
A while later, he lay on the cold stone of the trial room floor.
"Why… why… why do you keep havin' to show me this bullshit. Takin' the trial's not gonna change anythin' you can't surpass your past, it's impossible, it's meanin'less." But Garfiel needed to do it for the people of Sanctuary. So he walked back outside, intending to turn around and take the trial again. When he got outside though, he found he no longer had that strength to go back in.
Tears welled up in his eyes, and he collapsed to the ground.
"Garfiel!" Emilia rushed over, grabbing onto his kneeling form, she placed her hands on his shoulders, "Are you alright?"
"I… why… why does the trial want you to face your past? Its impossible, impossible, no one can do it, who the fuck can face the past? Its impossible, stupid… it's not a thing that can be done," Garfiel yelled and demanded.
Emilia stared at him with haunted eyes, then she closed them. When she opened her eyes there was a resolve to them, a determination and a steel. She parted her lips to speak.
"Meili," Elsa said. The Mabeast User turned to her big sister. Her back pressed to a tree trunk. Elsa stood above her.
"What is it, Elsa?" She asked.
"Mama wants us," Elsa said.
"Oh, okay," Meili pushed a smile onto her face at the prospect. It wasn't a real smile, but she needed to look happy when she was facing Mama. Otherwise… Meili shuddered thinking about what could happen if she didn't look perfect. Mama already showed Meili her love even when Meili did everything perfectly. If Meili didn't appear perfect then she couldn't imagine the amount of Mama's love that she would receive.
Tears came to her eyes at the thought, at a look from Elsa she wiped them away. Then suppressed anymore desire to cry. Standing up from the tree trunk, Meili dusted herself off. Then the two of them walked toward where Mama had based herself.
Mama's base was in the center of a hoard of mabeasts. Nearly fifty gabou and a hundred courtesan bears all stood, surrounding it. In the center of the massive group was an ornate tent belonging to Mama.
They had a small campsite here, only two tents. One for Mama and… that scary boy… and another for Meili and Elsa. They were a few miles away from Kremaldy Forest.
The mabeasts didn't move as she and Elsa walked through them, they had to weave through the group of bodies. Meili couldn't compel any of these mabeasts to move. They were firmly under that boy's control. Any attempt she made to overcome him using her Divine Protection would be pitiful against his Authority.
It took them a few minutes but eventually, they reached Mama's tent. Moving the flap out of the way Elsa stepped inside then held it open. Meili walked into the open tent. A large chamber greeted them. It was a big tent. Blood stained the carpets and walls. The stench was rotten. Meili ignored it, forcing her smile wider.
The thin cultist lady and the big eight-armed cult guy moved aside for her and Elsa.
"Mama," Elsa said, "you summoned us, what is it you need?"
Mama sat in a fancy chair. Roy was sitting on her lap. There was a haunted look in his eyes. It was worse than normal, far worse. It seemed that Mama didn't want to be here, but her Gospel had ordered it, so Mama was stuck. Unable to get her normal entertainment.
Meili knew very well what a bored Mama meant. It seemed Mama had gone for the closest person to her this time.
Roy. Meili felt gratitude for the boy for being the target of Mama's love, followed by immediate guilt. Roy didn't beg Mama if she could reconsider and let him eat Meili and Elsa, which was his usual. Now he was dead silent.
After a few minutes of running her hand through Roy's hair, Mama finally addressed them.
"Yes Elsa you're here, good. My Gospel tells me that Natsuki Subaru has arrived at the Mathers mansion," Mama said, a smile on her face, "Do you know what that means?"
"No Mama, I am not aware," Elsa said, veiled hatred in her eyes.
"Ooh," Mama smiled. She pushed Roy onto his feet. Then stood up and walked over to Elsa. Mama rested her fingers on Elsa's collarbone
"It means," she started, then stepped away from Elsa and addressed everyone in the tent, "that all of you need to get ready. We're heading to Sanctuary, right now. It's time for this lovely lady to really have some fun."
Petra let her hands rest on the handkerchief in Subaru's palm, but she didn't take it.
"Subaru, what happened?" She asked.
Do I tell her what I did to Otto? Will she start lying like all the others? Will I lose those colors? Did she even care about Otto in the first place? Subaru asked himself all those questions, and realized he didn't know the answer to any. Instead of trying to answer them he continued to focus on Petra's vibrant color.
"Everyone lied," he said, "they were all liars."
"Subaru, what do you mean?" She said.
He shouldn't be doing this. He should be making Petra hate him and trying to get her to be honest. That was the only way to do it. But after being around Petra, his emotions had gained strength once again. And this time he wasn't ready to hold down Natsuki Subaru. Sobs escaped his throat.
"They all hate me! They hate me! And they won't say anything about it! They just tell me they care about me. Why? Why?" Subaru begged the little girl for a reason.
That same concern filled Petra's expression, "But Subaru…"
Subaru stared up at her silent form. She stood above him, taller than him. How was she taller than him? Why was he so small, so pathetic, so weak?
Petra opened her mouth, and asked him a single question, "What if they do care about you?"
Subaru froze for a second. No, I'm Natsuki Subaru. They can't, they can't, they can't. It's impossible that anyone would care about me.
But Petra cares… nonononononononostop. Stop. They don't care about me, they don't. Subaru continued to hold his mind in that state.
"But I'm Natsuki Subaru, they hate me. They have to. They all hate me," Subaru said.
"What about Ram?" Petra asked.
"Ram is the worst liar of them all!" Subaru screamed, standing up, "She keeps trying to torture me! She does it so often it's horrible, horrible, it's the worst, the absolute worst. I hate it! Why does she have to lie? Why can't she just tell me she hates me? WHY? WHY PETRA?"
Subaru grasped the girl's shoulders, as if he was holding on for dear life.
Looking at his hands, an expression of determination came to Petra's face. Even though he towered over her, Petra's next words made their heights meaningless.
"Ram isn't a liar," she said. No hesitation anywhere in her words.
"What... are you saying? Of course she's a liar! She doesn't say what she means!" Subaru screamed, "Everything she says is wrong. ALL OF IT!"
"You're wrong, Subaru," Petra whispered, then raised her voice, "Ram says what she means, but not in the way you think."
Those words. They were so familiar. He'd said something similar to Ryuzu Shima, except he'd been talking about Beatrice. But Beatrice was a liar too, he'd been wrong.
With that belief, he responded, "No Ram's a liar. She is, she's an absolute utter LIAR! WHENEVER SHE LOOKS AT ME WITH WARMTH SHE'S JUST LYING!" Subaru held to his ideals.
"Subaru I may be young, but when Ram looked at you with warmth, she was never lying. Even I can tell that," Petra said. She said it so simply, like even a child could figure it out. No. NO! Ram hated him. Petra was wrong! She was wrong!
"You're wrong, Ram hates me," Subaru's legs fell out beneath him. His will melted, his ability to hold it together falling away. The broken Natsuki Subaru came apart. All his compression of his emotions fell away.
"Yes," a voice came from behind him, from the door of the mansion. The voice was as smooth as silk, yet as menacing as the Great Rabbit. At a different time, that single word might have set a chill down his spine. Though after Echidna's contract, that was impossible. The next words came a few seconds later. But this time he felt something for the words. The voice said, "Ram hates you. They all hate you."
Gratitude, that's what he felt. Someone finally understood. Finally.
Subaru turned around to this person who understood. Standing in the doorway was a small woman, a single simple cloth covered her. Monochrome gray hair crowned her head, it swayed in an unseen wind. She wore a simple smile, which held an incomprehensible desire. But there was a simplicity to it… what did she want? In this moment he could almost guess what the woman wanted. Her expression felt so familiar. Where had he seen something like it before?
It didn't matter. This woman was here. Her presence set the air on edge. Time seemed to slow. It was like everything was turning to watch this woman, even the very world itself. He brushed his faint connection to the spirits of the atmosphere. They were all focused on her.
On this being. So eldritch, so massive. Yet so small at the same time.
Pandora.