'Shrek vs. the Transformers' Chapter 3: "Run that by me again?":
(Author's Notes on bottom)
"Ah…now that was a satisfying meal!" Megatron states as he reclines against the side of a building inside DuLoc. "Waspinator's burger was not well-done! Waspinator scrap fleshy-bots!" Waspinator transforms into robot mode and starts walking towards the Fat Boy when a pottery vase smashes into his head from behind; knocking it clean off of his shoulders. "Moron, we're not here to cause trouble." Megatron begins as he stands to his feet and stretches his large dragon wings, "We're here because I need an army to destroy the Maximals…or have you forgotten already?" He snarls at Waspinator's head lying about 5 feet from his body, "Waspinator does not understand; Waspinator has headache!"
Back in the swamp…
"It's no use Optimus…it's busted." Rhinox states as he holds the scanner in one hand and a repair tool in the other. "I guess it's just as well…" Optimus begins when all of a sudden the device starts making noises. "Well, at least you got the sound to work again!" Cheetor comments as he stands in front of Rhinox and watches the device. "Energon bases non-obtainable." The device mutters in a mechanical and tinny voice. "Slag!" Rhinox shouts. "What's the matter horn-head? You got it working didn't ya?" Rattrap asks as he walks over next to Cheetor. "I'm not so sure…" Rhinox begins as he presses a few buttons and the device suddenly makes clicking and whirring noises and shakes lightly. All of a sudden, the device starts talking again, "Energon base not found…Energon base not found…" the phrase repeats faster and faster in a higher and higher pitched voice until it suddenly stops.
"What happened?" Donkey asks as he runs over to the small group of Maximals. "I'm not sure…" Rhinox begins as he stares at the device. All of a sudden, it begins speaking again in the original mechanical voice, "How are you gentlemen?" it asks. Everyone exchanges looks of shock and wonder. "All your base are belong to us!" the device states, "You are on your way to destruction." "What you say?" Rattrap buts in quickly. "You have no chance to survive, make your time." The device commands and then starts laughing insanely. Rhinox quickly tosses it down and it busts into tiny pieces against a rock, "Yup, it's busted."
Back in DuLoc, Megatron and Waspinator walk back to the main tower where Prince Charming is waiting for them. Megatron leads by a great distance as Waspinator runs after him, holding his head on with both hands. In the background they hear a bell ring, alerting them that it's 7:00.
Just as they are about to enter the tower, the doors swing open and Prince Charming rushes out. "Greetings again, sir Megatron! It's so very good to see you again!" Charming's voice is resounding and prominent. Megatron looks at him dumbfoundly, "Why are you so cheery?" Charming suddenly looks away in amazement, "Oh, I forgot to tell you…" he turns back to face Megatron, "We're having a karaoke contest!"
"A WHAT!" Megatron shouts in bewilderment. "A karaoke contest…it's where people sing their favorite songs in front of an audience!" Charming explains happily. "Oh no…I'm not doing that!" Megatron retorts angrily. "Well, I don't think you'll have a choice…" Charming begins as he smiles slyly at Megatron, "…If you want my help that is."
Megatron stares at him for a long moment, silent. "Well?" Charming asks him. "I'm deciding if I want to squash you or burn you to a crisp…" Megatron snarls. Charming's expression suddenly fades to fear and he steps back, "Uh Megatron…if you don't want to that's perfectly alright…I mean…uh…" he stutters as he runs into the wall of the tower.
Just then Megatron smiles a little grin of sneakiness, "Alright Charming…we have a deal." Charming stares at him in wonder and astonishment, "What!" "I could use some amusement." Megatron quickly adds. "When is it?" he asks. "Tuesday afternoon…we're calling it the Moody Blues Song Festival!" Charming announces. "Good…that gives me 3 days to…" Megatron clears his throat, "perfect my singing voice…" he turns around, "Isn't that right Waspinator?"
Waspinator finally reattaches his head and nods 'yes' in response. But suddenly Charming throws his arms up in horror, "My word…you're…not beasts!" Megatron looks at him in surprise, "Oh…that's right. We never showed you our robot modes…" he begins. "Robot modes?" Charming asks in confusion. "Yessssss…" Megatron begins as he stands fully erect. "Megatron…TERRORIZE!" he shouts and transforms into his robot mode. Charming stares up at him in awe, "I…I had no idea…" he stutters.
"You see my fleshing friend…we are not from here originally." Megatron begins, "We are part of a race called Transformers. For eons upon eons our ancestors, the Decepticons, battled the heroic Autobots in a war that would span both time and space, and eventually the war came here, to Earth. Eventually, after even more time, the Autobots and Decepticons became Maximals and Predacons, and the war continued, only this time it was a secret war. Those archaic Maximals ruled us Predacons and made us slaves! We Predacons vowed that we would one day retake Cybertron, but I grew tired of the Tripredacus council talking and talking with no action! I grew tired of them smooching the skidplates of those confounded Energon guzzlers! But then I found and stole a relic from the Maximals, an item called the Golden Disk. Your kind, the Humans, send a probe called Voyager into space carrying this relic and inscribed upon it was a message left by the original Megatron; a wise and powerful Decepticon commander. It allowed me to gather a crew, gain potential for power, and find Energon, but those were mere bonuses compared to the true prize of fulfilling the original Megatron's ultimate goal! However, Optimus Primal and his crew managed to pursue us to Earth, and thus the Beast Wars started! Those confounded Maximals, they nearly ruined all my plans! They defeated me at nearly every turn, but the war soon ended, and luckily, as they were leaving Earth with me strapped to the outside of their escape ship, the ship entered a time portal and came back to Earth, and thus I am here instead of being locked away on Cybertron! Blast, who knows, maybe I could have even taken over Cybertron, and captured all the sparks and made an army of drones to take over the planet and I would reign supreme!"
"Uh…would you care to run that by me again?" Charming asks with a confused look. Megatron covers his face with his hand in shame, "Oh nevermind!"
"Oh, and by the way, have you seen my wallet?" Charming asks him. Waspinator raises a finger, "Waspinator seen…" But no sooner than he starts does Megatron's hand come down and swats off his head again. "Why no I haven't…is it missing?" Megatron interrupts. "Yes…if you find it, please give it to me. I have everything in there…my money, my I.D., pictures of my wife and horse…" "I still can't tell which is which…" Megatron mutters to himself quietly. "What was that!" Charming asks, not fully hearing him. "Oh nothing, just engaging in a little intelligent conversation with myself, heh." Megatron laughs a little.
Back in the swamp…
"Well Optimus, it looks like we've got a problem." Rhinox begins as he addresses Optimus. "Go on…" Optimus comments. Rhinox sighs, "If what you tell me is true, then Megatron and another Predacon are in the kingdom of DuLoc; and we have to get them out of there…" "And I'm sure the people of DuLoc won't appreciate you guys blowing the place apart!" Shrek adds in. Optimus looks away in shame, "Yes…I agree, but what choice do we have. Megatron is there, and there's no way he'll come out without a fight."
"Hold the phone!" Shrek shouts as he walks over to Puss and leans down to whisper in his ear. After a few moments of whispering Puss shakes his head in agreement and Shrek stands up triumphantly, "I think I might know a way!"
"How's that?" Rattrap quickly asks. "You'll see when we get there…" Shrek begins as he turns to Fiona and Donkey who are standing beside each other. "Are you two up for a little quest?" he asks with a sly grin. "ALRIGHT! Shrek and Donkey on another whirlwind adventure!" Donkey shouts happily and starts dancing and singing, 'Ain't no stoppin' us now!'. Shrek hides his face in his hands.
"Perhaps you'd like to tell me just where we're going?" Optimus states as he towers over Shrek and peers down at him. "I want it to be a…a surprise!" Shrek announces in great haste. Optimus stares at him for a moment in silence, and then speaks, "Alright, Mr. Shrek. That's fine with me." He smiles a little.
"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go!" Blackarachnia announces as she and Silverbolt walk together on a flat part of the swamp towards the edge of the forest. "Hold on just a moment…I need to pack some things." Fiona states as she quickly rushes into the house. "Uh…me too." Shrek adds as he follows Fiona inside. Everyone looks at each other in sheer confusion. "Did I miss something?" Rattrap asks rhetorically.
Inside the house, Shrek stops Fiona at the table near the fireplace, "What was that all about?" he asks her. "It's nothing Shrek; I'm fine." Fiona states. "No...I know you better than this…" Shrek states with serious doubt. Fiona looks at Shrek, and after a brief moment of silence Fiona finally breaks, "Alright Shrek, if you must know, I'm just not so sure that we should be doing this." "What do you mean?" Shrek asks her politely. "We hardly know these Maximals…and if what Optimus says is true then many innocent people will die when they get to DuLoc." Fiona explains. Shrek grabs an eyeball from a jar on the table and pops it into his mouth, "That's not true Fiona…Puss and I have come up with a way to fix that little problem!" Shrek states as he chews. "Care to explain this idea to me?" Fiona asks. "Sure…" Shrek begins.
Outside, everyone sits on the ground near the exit in a circle, silent. Suddenly Donkey perks his head and ears and in a slightly muffled voice says, "So, wanna talk about it?" Everyone gives him a dirty look, and his ears perk down, along with his head. But then it perks up again, "Come on! How about a game of Parcheesi, or Chess?" he looks around as everyone frowns. "Aw come on! How about Checkers? Risk? Operation? Warcraft!" Donkey shouts, but no one answers. He sighs, and lies back down.
Finally Silverbolt moves and breaks the silence. "I just don't see what's taking them so long!" he states impatiently. "They just need to pack up a few things, señor," Puss begins, "They need some clothes and food and…" "Whoa! Why do they need all that stuff?" Cheetor interrupts. "Because unlike us, they eat food and wear clothing…" Optimus states in response. Rattrap looks down at himself suddenly, "Ah man…I feel naked now."
"Alright everyone!" Shrek announces as the door bursts open on the house, and he and Fiona walk out carrying a couple suitcases, "We're ready to go!" "FINALLY!" everyone shouts at the same exact moment. Shrek and Fiona both grimace, and toss the luggage into the onion carriage, "Well…let's go! We have about a day's journey ahead of us!" Shrek announces, and the Maximals all transform into their vehicle modes, and the quest begins…
Elsewhere, Prince Charming is at a stable behind the main tower of the castle. As he puts on armor and prepares his horse for travel, the ugly stepsister rushes out of the castle. "And just where do you think you're going?" she asks in her usual gruff voice. "I have to see someone quickly…I need their opinion on something." Charming announces. "It wouldn't have anything to do with these newcomers, would it?" she infers. Charming sighs, "Yes…but the point is that I still need to go! It'll take me about a day to get to there; and if I want to be back in time for the festival, I need to go now!" Charming states, and mounts his horse. "Be careful, alright?" she asks. Charming winks, "Don't worry…I'll be fine." He puts on his helmet, and with just a snap of the reigns, takes off towards the gates of DuLoc. She watches him leave as the gates are lowered and take off towards a path in the woods, and then goes back inside quietly.
High above DuLoc on top the main tower Megatron sits perched next to a gargoyle. "And you think you've got it rough…try lugging that moron with you everywhere you go." Megatron tells the gargoyle and points to Waspinator as he tries to reattach his head again. "Ah, go tell someone who cares!" the gargoyle shouts and takes off suddenly. Megatron just stares at stupefied, "Hmm…I thought it was fake." He sits on the corner of the tower silently as the night sky fills the air and he breathes deeply, "Ah, for once it's nice to just be able to sit back and relax. Yessssss….this is my little time alone away from those slagging Maximals and the humans…" He reclines a little against the stone pillar at the corner of the tower, "I think I can see Cybertron from here…" but suddenly his expression becomes a little sad, "Slag, I really miss my rubber ducky!"
Author's notes:
Things are starting to fall into place as both Shrek's crew and Prince Charming rush off to somewhere…secret. And Megatron begins to plan for the future…both the upcoming war and the karaoke contest.
What surprises lie in store? Just keep watching…